#reflection – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

40 Years – St. John of God

I am constantly amazed that it took me over forty years to really discover God, to embrace my faith, and to realize the power of prayer. Over forty years. (Makes me think of Moses.) That’s essentially half of my lifetime.

I often think about what I was doing for that first half of my life, how I was living, how I treated people, what my thoughts were, what I believed, and what I didn’t believe, and I wonder why it took God so long to open my eyes. Then today, I read about St. John of God. Today is his memorial.

As a child, John was kidnapped (or ran away from home, depending on which text you read). He was at one time homeless, became a shepherd, then served in the army. In his early life, St. John of God turned away from the Lord, but he returned to God and received God’s mercy in his forties. The closing line of a reflection that I read about St. John of God is as follows; “He saw that in his early life, he had turned away from the Lord, and, moved to receive his mercy, John began his new commitment to love others in openness to God’s love.” St. John of God is the patron saint of Booksellers, Firefighters, Heart Patients, Hospitals, Nurses, Printers, and the Sick.

“He saw that in his early life, he had turned away from the Lord, and, moved to receive his mercy, John began his new commitment to love others in openness to God’s love.”
Reflection about St. John of God

Again, I am amazed at how God speaks to me in ways that He probably has all along, but I have been too distracted to hear Him. I have been thinking quite a bit about how long it has taken me to dig more deeply into my faith and wondering why it has taken so long for that journey to begin. And then I read about St. John of God and the fact that he was 40 when he returned to God.

Live in faith and hope, though it be in darkness, for in this darkness God protects the soul. Cast your care upon God for you are His and He will not forget you. Do not think that He is leaving you alone, for that would be to wrong Him.
John of the Cross

What I am realizing through all of this is that: 1. it is never too late to begin your journey of faith, 2. it doesn’t matter what your past has been like; God is waiting for you to return to Him, 3. you have to be open to God in order to hear Him, 4. prayer is very powerful, and you don’t realize how powerful until you actually start praying, 5. everything happens in God’s time, not ours.

In sorrow and suffering, go straight to God with confidence, and you will be strengthened, enlightened and instructed.
John of the Cross

No matter where you are on your journey of faith, maybe you haven’t even begun; just remember, it is never too late. God is waiting for you to reach out to Him, to talk to Him, and to listen to Him…whenever you are ready.

So today, reach out and be open to having God in your life. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Taken for Granted

Anyone who knows me well knows that a daily workout is a serious part of my life. In fact, my husband can tell the days that I do not workout. I am much grouchier on those days. This is true. I know that and I accept that and I try desperately to work out every day. It is just good for my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. And it is just good for the general well-being of others who have to deal with me.

Unfortunately, shoulder surgery has ground my exercise routine to a screeching halt. There is little I can do, other than walk. Depending on the speed and incline, that can even be a challenge. I have started PT, which is primarily assisted PT, but have been told it will be quite some time before I am cleared for other exercises (ie. weight training). Insert big sigh here.

I have lost quite a bit of muscle since surgery

And while my exercise has suffered these last few weeks, my prayer life has flourished. I have had ample time to talk with God, and on some occasions, I may have yelled at Him. My day starts with the Bible app, including the verse of the day and a guided prayer. It continues with reading portions of the bible then a devotional reading (I am currently doing a 21-day devotional on Psalm 91). At one point in my life, I did attend daily morning mass. My current job does not permit that, but does allow me to participate in morning prayer. However, as I am recovering, I am working remotely. I am not permitted to drive while arm is in the sling. Then throughout the day, it may include a rosary, the divine mercy chaplet, and other prayers. But those aren’t always part of my day.

I was reading a reflection that talks about how we take so much in our lives for granted, that we forget to thank God for the little things. Like the ability to work out, a run in the crisp air right before dawn, a walk through nature, watching the sunrise, spending time with our spouse, our families, our friends. But we also take our faith for granted. The things that we think will always be readily available to us.

Hiking/backpacking is one of my favorite activities

We need to thank God for those things because we may not always be able to work out, run or walk. Someday, we may lose our eyesight. Our spouse, our families, and our friends may not always be around. And our faith is just something that I think we tend to forget about or overlook. I often treat my faith as an afterthought. We fail to attend mass because we’re tired or don’t care for the priest, or don’t want to be bothered. Or maybe we don’t go because we are mad at the Catholic Church (this has happened a lot lately and this is when we need to pray the most). We don’t pray because we don’t have time or don’t think God really hears us. When we do this, when we make excuses; we take our faith for granted. We don’t feed it; we don’t give it an opportunity to grow. And that is really when we need prayer the most.

Looking forward to the backpacking adventures that await us in 2023

It spoke to me because I do take all of those things for granted. I expect to come home everyday and work out. I expect to be able to run on the treadmill whenever I feel so inspired, or take the dogs for walk at a whim. I expect to see the sunrise each morning. I expect that my husband will be there to go on adventures with me. I expect that my family will always be around and that my friends will be available when I most need them. And I expect God to be there always, even when I haven’t talked to him in a very long time. And even though I take my faith for granted, the really beautiful thing is that God will always be there. Especially when we think He isn’t.

So today take time to thank God, be grateful for everything in your life and don’t take anything for granted. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Find the Right Cleaner

I have this coffee mug that I use at work. I use it every day, multiple times. It was a gift. Well, actually, I received a flower arrangement in it when I was recovering from having a unilateral mastectomy. It is a big smiley face cup, and I mean it’s quite large. I love it because it holds a large quantity of coffee. I love coffee! In fact, I am not very pleasant to be around until I have had a couple of cups.

Now I have to admit, I am not great at cleaning that cup out on a regular basis. A lot of times I even forget to rinse it out before I leave for the day. When I come back to the office the next morning, coffee crust and a crud ring have developed in my cup. I then proceed to the sink to try and clean it, never getting the coffee ring and crud completely removed. Yes, I suppose that is kind of gross because I then reuse that same mug with some coffee remains from the day before.

My clean mug with new coffee crud already forming

You see, the sink in which I attempt to wash my cup is a bathroom sink that only provides some hand soap. I found that hand soap is ineffective in combatting coffee crud. I have gone so far as to put hand soap and hot water in my mug and let it sit overnight. Unfortunately, there were no earth-shattering results the next day. Much to my dismay, the ring, or rings because by this time more than one had formed, remained.

I decided to try my luck with an “all-purpose” cleaner. Before I left work one evening, I sprayed my mug with some cleaner and, again, let it sit overnight. I was sure this heavy-duty dirt and grime fighting cleaner would do the job. It did not. On top of that, it took quite a while to get the residue from the cleaner out of my cup, while still leaving the coffee residue fully intact.

Well, my mug had gotten to a place of total and utter disgust, to the point that I didn’t want to use it. That’s a problem because let’s face it, I am not easy to be around un-caffeinated. This week, I broke down and finally purchased some dish soap to keep in my office. I washed my cup with it this morning.

The shelf in my work bathroom, complete with dish soap.

Guess what? The coffee ring, gone! The coffee crud, gone! The coffee residue, gone! My mug looked pristine. It was like a brand new mug! It is amazing what the right cleaner can do!

You know, confession is a lot like that. I have never been a big fan of confession, but I have begun to embrace it as a vital part of my faith. Now I don’t want to say that I look forward to going because I don’t. At least now I don’t dread it anymore. It is actually quite a gift and it is liberating to know that you are forgiven and still deeply loved by God despite your shortcomings and transgressions. Confession is the right cleaner for restoring your relationship with God and often times with others. It’s a clean slate, a soul sanitizer, a fresh start, a new beginning… a clean coffee mug. It is amazing what the right cleaner can do.

Today, find the cleaner that is right for you. It may be some quiet time to reflect on your life, your decisions, and your interactions. It may be some time spent in the chapel with the Lord. It may be a “vent” session with a trusted friend, or it may be confession with a priest. Whatever it is, find the right cleaner. I think it just might change your perception a little bit and might even make your coffee taste better. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Whenever You’re Ready

I am constantly amazed that it took me over forty years to really discover God, to embrace my faith, and to realize the power of prayer. Over forty years. That’s essentially half of a lifetime, assuming that I will be fortunate enough to live that long.

I often think about what I was doing for that first half of my life, how I was living, how I treated people, what my thoughts were, what I believed, what I didn’t believe, and I wonder why it took God so long to open my eyes. Then today I read about St. John of God. Today is his memorial.

In his early life St. John of God turned away from the Lord, but in his forties he received God’s mercy. The closing line of a reflection that I read about St. John of God is as follows; “He saw that in his early life he had turned away from the Lord, and, moved to receive his mercy, John began his new commitment to love others in openness to God’s love.” St. John of God is the patron saint of Booksellers, Firefighters, Heart Patients, Hospitals, Nurses, Printers, and the Sick.

https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-of-the-day/saint-john-of-god

Impressive, isn’t it? I mean here is a guy who really had no religious convictions his entire life. St. John of God, or Juan, as he was known, grew up working as a shepherd. (There is a little bit of irony there). He lead a “wild and mispent youth” and became a soldier and a mercenary. And then he had a vision. God spoke to him.

I am amazed at how God speaks to me in ways that He probably has all along but I have been too distracted to hear Him. I have been thinking quite a bit about how long it has taken me to dig more deeply into my faith and wondering why it had taken so long for that journey to begin. I mean, I was in my mid-forties when I really began my journey back to God. And then I read about St. John of God and the fact that he was in his forties when he returned to God. And he is not the only one to make this later in life revelation. There is also St. Augustine (who just happens to be one of my favorite saints), St. Mary of Egypt, St. Angela of Foligno, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, and many others.

“There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future.”

– St. Augustine of Hippo

What I am realizing through all of this is that: 1. it is never too late to begin your journey of faith, 2. it doesn’t matter what your past has been like, God is waiting for you to return to Him, 3. you have to be open to God in order to hear Him, 4. prayer is very powerful and you don’t realize how powerful until you actually start praying, 5. everything happens in God’s time, not ours.

No matter where you are on your journey of faith; maybe you haven’t even begun; just remember, it is never too late. God is waiting for you to reach out to Him, to talk to Him, and to listen to Him…whenever you are ready. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

The Obvious and The Extraordinary

Thoughts about confession, mass, Satan and God

Have you ever felt like the whole world was conspiring against you to keep you away from God? Maybe I am over dramatizing here, but that is exactly how I have felt these past couple of days. I have felt like God has been so far out of reach, and everything I try doesn’t bring Him any closer.

https://www.franciscansisterstor.org/about/spirituality-and-charisms/father-of-mercy-chapel

I awoke early this morning and was ready to leave the house well before my normal 6:30am departure. I jumped in the car and headed to the Father of Mercy Chapel for morning mass. This is where I normally attend Monday morning mass. However, when I arrived this morning, the doors were locked. Needless to say, I was taken aback.

I had spent that morning drive pondering how I would pray morning prayer. I had left my prayer books at work over the weekend. They were lying on my desk. I had been making a mental plan of how to approach morning prayer for the past 20 minutes. Never did I image that the doors to chapel would be locked. I knocked. No answer. I stood dumbfounded wondering if God knew I was standing outside, wondering why I could not get in.

The prayer booklets I left on my desk at work.

With an air of desperation, I turned and walked down the stairs and back to my car. While doing so, I checked the emailed mass schedule that I had received for the month of October. Mass wasn’t being held today until 8:15am. I drove to work.

This was the second, third or fourth time in the past 24 hours in which I had felt alienated from God (not alienated by God).

I thought this picture capture alienation perfectly. Taken at the Stone Lodge in Beatty Park.

Yesterday evening, I had this incredible desire to go to confession. You should know, this is not something for which I ever have a yearning – ever. Confession is a challenge for me – extremely difficult, yet yesterday evening I had this “pull” or felt this need to go. And I really wanted to go immediately, but that wasn’t possible.

I contacted a few of my priest friends hoping to be able to go this morning, fully expecting this to be possible. Only it wasn’t. Nobody was hearing confessions on this dismal, gray and drizzling Monday morning. It was kind of like, three strikes and you’re out. I had contacted 3 priests. I was truly dumfounded. I mean, I actually wanted to go to confession, and I couldn’t. God felt so far out of reach last night and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I worried that my longing to receive the sacrament of confession would wane as time passed. I went to bed, contemplating this and what it really meant. Still, I planned to attend mass, but for the first time in a very long time, not receive the Eucharist. All because of this great need to confess my sins to a priest and receive absolution.

As I awoke this morning from one of the deepest sleeps in which I have been in a very long time, I felt a renewed sense of the need to attend morning mass. To discover only an hour later, the doors locked and no one answering my knock, deflated me. I left the hilltop, defeated. As I was descending the hill from the monastery, I began reflecting on how I had been intending to not receive communion this morning. Then I began wondering why getting to God was so difficult these past few days, I mean really difficult.

Satan is real and evil permeates our society. These things you can clearly see if you just look at our world today. All you have to do is turn on the news or read the paper. There is too much evil.

I began to think that this was the devil trying to undermine my relationship with Christ. I mean, I couldn’t find a priest to hear my confession this morning – not one, not two, but three were unavailable. I had left my prayer books at work, lying on my desk. And then the doors to the chapel were locked. LOCKED! I was locked out, away from God.

But as I pulled into my parking space at work, I had a different realization. I realized that perhaps, all of these things were a blessing, and all of these things were orchestrated by divine intervention. Sounds weird, right? But not being able to find a priest to hear my confession today has given me a greater opportunity to examine my conscience, to reflect on my sins and to better prepare for absolution. And yes, I still intend to go, it just might not be as soon as I would like. And the doors being locked and mass being at a different time, I think that was to help me avoid the temptation to receive the body of Christ while not in a state of grace. Yes, I would have been tempted to do that. I probably would have gone to communion had I gone to mass this morning, even if I was thinking that I wouldn’t. It is difficult to explain, and I am sure there are many who understand where I am coming from. But I truly believe it was God’s gentle hand protecting me from falling even further from grace.

Just moments before I arrived at the chapel, I had been listen to the song Fallen, by Sarah McLaughlin. It was almost prophetic for how I have been feeling lately. But I know there is redemption and there is grace and that God does work in mysterious ways. By all accounts, my Monday morning did not go as I had planned, it was a bit mysterious the way in which it unfolded. It seemed obvious that someone or something was trying to undermine my peace. But, in the end, I truly believe it was in my best interest. I just had to look beyond the obvious to see the extraordinary love of God.

So today, look beyond the obvious and find the extraordinary. Everything does, indeed, happen for a reason. And Today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

You Don’t Surprise God by Your Weaknesses.

Holy Week was a lot different this year. With the shelter in place order in effect, all non-essential businesses closed, and no live services being offered; things have been really different. To be honest, the first time I fully participated in Holy Week was in 2019. It was in Connecticut. My husband and I went to visit a friend during the Easter break. He had never been there, and I had not seen my friend Rose in a while.

While I had been embracing my faith and diving deeper into it, I had never participated in the Easter Triduum. That all changed last year. Rose took us to the Mass of the Lord’s Supper on Holy Thursday and the celebration of the Lord’s Passion and veneration of the cross on Good Friday. It was an amazing experience and I had been looking forward to celebrating the Easter Triduum this year.

But in mid-March, life as we know it, changed. Everything closed down, everything was cancelled. When they stopped religious services, my heart sank. Fortunately, our Diocese began providing several outlets for daily mass. Most of the local parishes are celebrating virtual mass and Fr. Michael Gossett, our own high school chaplain, celebrates mass daily on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. Our high school campus ministry efforts (in conjunction with our high school chaplain) have gone really gone the distance in providing avenues for both students and staff to stay connected with one another and share our faith. Aside from daily mass, there are Ms. McManus Mondays which is a time of prayer, reflection, discussion, and music with Molly McManus, the Campus Minister as well as Fr. Gossett Fridays which is a time of discussion, prayer and reflection with Fr. Michael. While those sessions are primarily for the students, faculty and staff typically join in as well. They have also led virtual Stations of the Cross during Lent which involved students and staff and had a virtual Holy Hour complete with music and reflection.

Wednesday Adoration in the chapel at CCHS

Even with all of these outlets, sometimes it is difficult to make time for God, to practice your faith, to pray; because, well, things are different. There are days that I don’t even get dressed until after lunch. When you are working from home, you can work in your pajamas. And while I have attended virtual daily mass with Fr. Gossett every day of the “shut down” (usually in pajamas); I have gotten out of the habit of praying morning prayer and of reading the daily reflections. It just wasn’t as convenient anymore, so I gradually stopped doing it. I know that might not make sense, if anything you would think that one has more time for prayer during this pandemic. But I am a creature of habit and I pray morning prayer and read the reflections before mass, while I am sitting in the chapel or church. It was difficult to take that time or make that space for prayer when attending mass remotely.

I have been reading quite a bit during our shelter in place.

Each day I told myself, I will start again tomorrow. And each day I would fail. I was embarrassed by weakness and my lack of commitment to pray in the morning before mass. Then on Wednesday evening, April 8^th, I tuned into the virtual Holy Hour. It was during that Holy Hour, which was led by Ms. Molly McManus, I had a revelation. As she began the Holy Hour she said, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” I don’t think she has any idea just how much I needed to hear that.

I had been feeling guilty about my lack of commitment, my lack of resolve, my ability to carve out space in the morning for prayer, about my overall weakness. I had been wondering just what God thought about all of that, was He disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. And then Molly (Ms. McManus) said that phrase, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” And I realized that God already knows all of my weaknesses, that He is not surprised, or disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. Jesus died for me and you and as Fr. Michael reminds us often, Jesus would do it all again just for me (or just for you) if it was necessary. Nothing surprises Him; and nothing changes His love for us. That is pretty amazing!

Moonlight behind the new fence my husband has constructed during the pandemic.

So today, don’t worry about surprising God, because you can’t. Be thankful for all of the good that has come out of the “different” in which we currently live. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Be Still and Know that I am God

On Thursday March 5th, I got up early, packed my husband’s lunch and headed into work. I didn’t attend the 7am morning mass at Holy Rosary because I was going to attend the 7:15am mass at the high school. I got into my office around 6:30am, checked my email, ran a couple of metric reports, checked my tasks for the day, and made some preparations for a 10 o’clock meeting. At 5 minutes til 7, I grabbed my prayer and reflection books and headed to the chapel. I was slightly surprised when I entered, because the lights were not on, but the window was opened. I didn’t think much of it as I settled into the pew and began reading the daily reflections.

The chapel at the high school and the window that was opened on that Thursday morning.

The darkness and the stillness of the chapel was peaceful. It was lit only by dimmed spotlights lights on the tabernacle and candlelight. It was so quiet, the only sound being the window shades gently rustling together in the cool morning breeze. I don’t ever recall the window being opened when it was so chilly outside particularly then when there was no one in the chapel, but the window was opened that morning. The sounds of the shades tapping together was mesmerizing. As I sat listening to it, I realized that it was now after 7:15am and there was nobody else in the chapel. There were no students. There was no staff. There was no priest. There was no morning mass. There was just God.

Now I am not sure what made me think that there would be mass at the high school on a Thursday morning, because typically there is not. Mass is celebrated on Monday and Wednesday mornings throughout the school year. And just this semester they added a Tuesday morning mass, thanks to a priest who volunteered to be the celebrant each week. But for some reason, on this particular week, I thought there was a Thursday mass. So firmly I believed this that I had told a family attending mass on Tuesday that I would see them on Thursday, because I was attending a different mass the following morning. They smiled and said “see you then”, without batting an eye. Now I am wondering if they thought that I was perhaps crazy. And I haven’t actually seen them since that Tuesday morning mass.

Normally when I miss morning mass, my entire day is thrown off, but not on this day. There was a calmness and tranquility about that morning that I can’t explain. It was almost like God just wanted me to spend some time alone with Him in that chapel. And I think it was something that I needed, that time alone with God, without anybody else, with the quiet atmosphere and the glow of the flickering candles, with the open window and mesmeric flapping of the blinds. Although I was alone in that chapel, I wasn’t alone, God was right there with me and I could just be. I always seemed to have a difficult time living out Psalm 46:10 “be still and know that I am God.” Or just resting in the Lord. That morning, I finally realized exactly what that meant.

My day didn’t fall apart because I didn’t begin it in the way I had intended. Of course, the first thoughts that ran through my head – as I had a conversation with myself – was “Wait, there’s no mass? I just missed morning mass. How could I make such a mistake?” But then I realized, that time in the chapel by myself was remarkable. If anything, I think it may have been exactly what I needed; stillness, quietness, darkness, peacefulness, some unexpected time to myself with God, in the chapel at my high school.

I have spent more time in that chapel in the last 9 months than I ever did in my entire high school career. In fact, I am pretty sure I never set foot in that chapel when I was a student. I was far too cool for that. Yeah, right.

It’s is amazing how your perspectives change as you grow older, how your faith can evolve if you open yourself up to God, how your relationship with God changes if you allow it. Your priorities shift, things that were once significant are not any longer and new things take over as being important. Usually those new things aren’t things at all but rather people and relationships and experiences. I guess that is metanoia, or ongoing conversion. It is pretty amazing.

What else is pretty amazing is that God really does know exactly what you need when you need it. If you stop for a moment, breathe and “be still”, you may actually feel those priorities shift if you just give Him a little time and a little space to work in your life. Missing mass Thursday morning was no accident. When I realized that mass was not going to be celebrated I thought I had made a mistake. But I didn’t. I was supposed to be in that chapel alone with God in that very moment. I needed it and God knew I needed it.

So today take those little mistakes, mess-ups, accidents, or missteps and see what God is trying to tell you or show you. Maybe He is saying slow down, relax, don’t worry, or maybe He is just asking you to spend some uninterrupted time with Him. What a great thing to do during your Lenten Journey! And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Faith and Honesty

I love the story of Mary and Martha. That was the gospel reading for today, Luke 10:38-42. And while I wish I was more like Mary, able to sit at the feet of Jesus, at peace, listening to his teaching, taking in his words, I am definitely more like Martha. I can identify with Martha because I often feel the way she does, burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

In fact, I am typing this as I sit in the Atlanta airport on a layover to New Orleans. And as I ponder over the gospel, I am also thinking about no fewer than 10-12 other things, including a chapel renovation project, my dogs, a possible endowment, weekend plans, a number of grants that I am working on, my family – how and what they are doing in my absence, The Joker Movie that I saw this past weekend with my husband, and a handful of other things. I am burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

It was then that I remembered that feast of St. Martha was in July, July 29th to be exact. At that time, I was in Siesta Key. Florida on a family vacation. I wrote a reflection that I shared on Facebook back then, and I would like to share that now as well.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Martha. The more I dig deeper into my faith and the more time I spend learning about the saints, the more I realize that they were people just like us. Even 2,000 years ago, they struggled with a lot of the same things that we still struggle with today.

The more I learn about Martha, the more I like her. Maybe because I am realizing that I am a lot like Martha on a number of different levels. I am anxious; I get irritated when people don’t do what I expect them to do, say what I think they should say or react in a way I have anticipated. Sometimes, I get caught up in the details rather than simply enjoying the moment. I get disappointed too, much like Martha does in today’s gospel. (the gospel was from John 11:19-27)

Martha was disappointed that Jesus didn’t arrive sooner. But Martha is honest with Jesus, blunt even. She doesn’t hold anything back in telling Him how she feels, that she is disappointed and that she doesn’t fully understand. I am not always so honest with God or myself. I want to hide what I am really thinking or feeling because I am embarrassed or ashamed or feel guilt for having such thoughts. But it is in those moments that God wants us to be “real” with Him. He already knows our heart, what is hurting us, what concerns us, but He wants us to bring that to Him directly. He wants us to share it, to give our struggles, our concerns, our challenges, even our ugliness to Him so He can carry that burden for us and heal what might be broken. Having faith in Christ does not mean that we can’t ever question God. It doesn’t mean that we that we aren’t going to wonder why some things occur the way they do or even seek to understand God’s purpose when life seems most bleak.

I love the premise of this morning’s reflection. Because Martha was honest with Jesus, she didn’t hesitate to express her confusion, to give Him her struggles or to share her feelings. But that didn’t mean her faith was weak. If anything it was stronger. Although Martha didn’t understand, she still believed that Jesus was the one, “the Christ, the Son of God, the one who was coming into the world.” I love that!

Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t question God. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be disappointed. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t understand the reason, meaning and purpose for everything that happens in your life. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be angry with God. How many time have you felt these very things about a friend? That is all a part of real friendship. Having faith means that you have faith that everything will work out according to God’s plan. Faith is walking with God through the difficult times and knowing that there is something better waiting for you. Having faith means working on that relationship God, no matter what, cultivating that relationship and continuing to grow it. Our relationship with God should be a friendship, much like Martha had with Jesus.

Maybe we should try to be a little more like Martha and be honest with God about all that is troubling us. Even when we don’t understand a situation, we need to be honest, have faith, address our own concerns with God and know that God is working for our benefit. While you may not understand the situation, remember that God loves you and wants the best for you. He is the friend who is always with you on this journey, so be honest with Him in everything. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

The Monday-est Monday Of All

It’s Monday. I know Monday’s are typically a day of dread for most working people. The weekend is over and its back to the grind. Not only is today Monday, but it was also pouring down rain this morning when I got work. Today has been the Monday-est Monday I have experienced in a long time.

You see, I was out of the office at the end of last week for a business trip to Columbus, Ohio. So I only had three days in the office this past week. I am in the office today, but I am preparing for another trip, this time to New Orleans, Louisiana. Because I have been out of the office, I have a lot to do before I depart again tomorrow. So I came in early, in the rain, before 6:30am, with nobody else in the school, hoping to get some things done before the day really kicked into gear. The hallways were near complete darkness; I couldn’t find the light switches and tripped coming up the stairs. So far, I’m off to great start!

I needed to catch up on emails, update some files, and do some research. I also wanted to get some materials prepared for my trip and was missing some things that I needed to take with me. I was a little frustrated and little consumed with work issues. So consumed in fact that, unfortunately, I missed morning mass.

I missed mass. I know not everyone will understand this, but that is huge deal for me. Especially on a Monday. I go every day. I find it is a great way to start the day, and the best way to begin the week. With Mass, it just feels like I am beginning on the right foot. But today I missed mass.

When I realized what time it was, I raced down the hall to the chapel, but the priest was already proclaiming the gospel and my cell phone was vibrating. I said a quick prayer and apologized, then I went back to my office to respond to the text message I had just received and make another phone call. But as I dashed down the hallway I was angry or maybe it was disappointment. I missed mass and I felt like it was affecting how my week was beginning. So much for starting this week off on the right foot.

Now, it’s not like I have never missed mass. I have. I did last week. I didn’t make it to mass on Friday because I was out of town and had appointments that didn’t permit me to attend daily mass. I guess the difference was that I knew I was going to miss mass last week. I was prepared for it. But today, I hadn’t planned on missing mass, it just happened. And it was wholly and completely my fault. I let myself get caught up in something that I could have had better control over. I let my frustration get the best of me, and what did I gain from it? Nothing. No satisfaction, no peace of mind, and no accomplishment. Just disappointment.

So I walked back to my office and sat down at my desk. I said another prayer, read a couple of reflections, and took a moment to just breathe. In that brief moment, I realized that I while I had apologized for missing morning mass, I did not need to. God wasn’t angry with me, God wasn’t disappointed, God wasn’t frustrated. God didn’t expect an apology. If anything, God wanted peace for me, not this anger, frustration and disappointment that had been consuming me all morning.

Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, and I suspect this often happened on Mondays. Mondays can be difficult; the weekend is over, we have a whole work week ahead of us filled with demands and expectations, things that we have to accomplish. And the next weekend seems so far away. How are we going to make it through?

Instead of looking at Monday with dread, focusing on all that we think we have to accomplish, and being hard on ourselves when we think we will never get all of it done, maybe we should look at Monday (and every day for that that matter) as an opportunity to start all over again. As another day to be our best, to do our best, to help others, to listen, to care, to be kind, to show love and compassion – not only to others but also to ourselves.

So today, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself (and others) with love and compassion. Look at Monday as an opportunity to begin again, to start fresh. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.