Tag: #Godsplan

Faith and Honesty

I love the story of Mary and Martha. That was the gospel reading for today, Luke 10:38-42. And while I wish I was more like Mary, able to sit at the feet of Jesus, at peace, listening to his teaching, taking in his words, I am definitely more like Martha. I can identify with Martha because I often feel the way she does, burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

In fact, I am typing this as I sit in the Atlanta airport on a layover to New Orleans. And as I ponder over the gospel, I am also thinking about no fewer than 10-12 other things, including a chapel renovation project, my dogs, a possible endowment, weekend plans, a number of grants that I am working on, my family – how and what they are doing in my absence, The Joker Movie that I saw this past weekend with my husband, and a handful of other things. I am burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

Burdened, Anxious, and Worried

It was then that I remembered that feast of St. Martha was in July, July 29th to be exact. At that time, I was in Siesta Key. Florida on a family vacation. I wrote a reflection that I shared on Facebook back then, and I would like to share that now as well.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Martha. The more I dig deeper into my faith and the more time I spend learning about the saints, the more I realize that they were people just like us. Even 2,000 years ago, they struggled with a lot of the same things that we still struggle with today.

The more I learn about Martha, the more I like her. Maybe because I am realizing that I am a lot like Martha on a number of different levels. I am anxious; I get irritated when people don’t do what I expect them to do, say what I think they should say or react in a way I have anticipated. Sometimes, I get caught up in the details rather than simply enjoying the moment. I get disappointed too, much like Martha does in today’s gospel. (the gospel was from John 11:19-27)

Martha was disappointed that Jesus didn’t arrive sooner. But Martha is honest with Jesus, blunt even. She doesn’t hold anything back in telling Him how she feels, that she is disappointed and that she doesn’t fully understand. I am not always so honest with God or myself. I want to hide what I am really thinking or feeling because I am embarrassed or ashamed or feel guilt for having such thoughts. But it is in those moments that God wants us to be “real” with Him. He already knows our heart, what is hurting us, what concerns us, but He wants us to bring that to Him directly. He wants us to share it, to give our struggles, our concerns, our challenges, even our ugliness to Him so He can carry that burden for us and heal what might be broken. Having faith in Christ does not mean that we can’t ever question God. It doesn’t mean that we that we aren’t going to wonder why some things occur the way they do or even seek to understand God’s purpose when life seems most bleak.

I love the premise of this morning’s reflection. Because Martha was honest with Jesus, she didn’t hesitate to express her confusion, to give Him her struggles or to share her feelings. But that didn’t mean her faith was weak. If anything it was stronger. Although Martha didn’t understand, she still believed that Jesus was the one, “the Christ, the Son of God, the one who was coming into the world.” I love that!

Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t question God. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be disappointed. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t understand the reason, meaning and purpose for everything that happens in your life. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be angry with God. How many time have you felt these very things about a friend? That is all a part of real friendship. Having faith means that you have faith that everything will work out according to God’s plan. Faith is walking with God through the difficult times and knowing that there is something better waiting for you. Having faith means working on that relationship God, no matter what, cultivating that relationship and continuing to grow it. Our relationship with God should be a friendship, much like Martha had with Jesus.

Maybe we should try to be a little more like Martha and be honest with God about all that is troubling us. Even when we don’t understand a situation, we need to be honest, have faith, address our own concerns with God and know that God is working for our benefit. While you may not understand the situation, remember that God loves you and wants the best for you. He is the friend who is always with you on this journey, so be honest with Him in everything. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Eucharist

I don’t know about you, but there is something about going to mass and receiving the Holy Eucharist that is restoring for me.  But I have to admit that when I go up in the communion line and I get to the priest and he gives me part of the host that has been elevated during consecration, not the round alter bread host that is typically distributed, but a piece that is broken off, I get this sense of joy.  I know I am not only one who feels this way. So I am just going to put it out there. I’m just going say it: it’s a big deal for me when this occurs.  I kind of feel like a little kid at Christmas opening that one present that you just could not wait to get. I am almost giddy when it occurs. 

There are days that I really need that.  And when it happens, I feel like God really has heard me.  And it seems like He knows those days when I need that reassurance and He always comes through for me. 

Thursday – the Memorial of the Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary –  was one of those days.  I attended mass at the Franciscan Sisters TOR of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother’s Monastery.  Their Father of Mercy chapel is beautiful and the masses are always inspiring.  But this mass was a bit difficult for me.  You see, there are days that I desperately miss being there and working for the sisters.  Thursday was one of those days.  And it hit me all at once when I walked through the doors.

I arrived early for mass. So early, in fact, that I was able to participate in morning prayer, something I used to do on a regular basis.  And then I realized that Fr. Jonathan was saying mass.  I always love his homilies; it always seems like he is speaking directly to me.  So Thursday morning was a nostalgic moment for me, and it brought about some deep sadness because I know those days are behind me and I can’t go back.  My heart broke a little bit that morning, and I know God knew I was struggling. 

I know we never really know what God has planned for us.  When I had started working for the sisters back in 2015, I thought sure it had to be some kind of joke.  I mean I wasn’t the most faithful Catholic. In fact, I was so far away from my faith I don’t even know if you could call me a Catholic.  I mean I went to mass; I went through the motions.  But that was about it.  I didn’t really have a good relationship, any relationship for that matter, with God.  So when God led me to the sisters, I kind of thought it was a joke. I really thought it wouldn’t last six month.  But it turns out it was part of His greater plan to lead me back to Him. 

I was quite happy there, so much so that my husband and son noticed a change in me.  It was joy.  After years of working in advancement, I found peace and joy in my work.  I also found my faith and cultivated my relationship with God.  So imagine my disappointment when I had to leave them.  It was difficult, extremely difficult, because they had become family to me.  And then I had to go.  It certainly disrupted my joy and peace.  I wasn’t sure where God was leading me and I certainly didn’t understand why it was happening. 

And while I know all of this is part of God’s greater plan and designed for His ultimate glory, it still stings a little to be there for mass and know that I am not staying.  I am just a visitor now, not really part of the family anymore.  That’s why Thursday was difficult. 

So I asked God to see me through the mass and give me the strength and the courage to do His will.  And I knew that He had heard me when I went up to communion and Fr. Jonathon held up the Body of Christ.  I have attended mass in that very chapel, literally, hundreds of times.  I have never once received part of the elevated host. Never.  So what are the odds that I would on this day? 

I know it was God telling me that He heard me, that He is with me.  It was Him telling me that I am right where I am supposed to be, I am where He needs me and wants me rights now. It was God reminding me, has He has for the past few months, to be patient, to trust Him, and have faith.    

God has a plan for each of us; we may not always see it or understand it as it is unfolding.  We just need to be patient, to trust and to have faith.  So today I will be patient, I will trust God and I will have faith that everything will work out as He intends.  Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.