Tag: #disappointmnet

Faith and Honesty

I love the story of Mary and Martha. That was the gospel reading for today, Luke 10:38-42. And while I wish I was more like Mary, able to sit at the feet of Jesus, at peace, listening to his teaching, taking in his words, I am definitely more like Martha. I can identify with Martha because I often feel the way she does, burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

In fact, I am typing this as I sit in the Atlanta airport on a layover to New Orleans. And as I ponder over the gospel, I am also thinking about no fewer than 10-12 other things, including a chapel renovation project, my dogs, a possible endowment, weekend plans, a number of grants that I am working on, my family – how and what they are doing in my absence, The Joker Movie that I saw this past weekend with my husband, and a handful of other things. I am burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

Burdened, Anxious, and Worried

It was then that I remembered that feast of St. Martha was in July, July 29th to be exact. At that time, I was in Siesta Key. Florida on a family vacation. I wrote a reflection that I shared on Facebook back then, and I would like to share that now as well.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Martha. The more I dig deeper into my faith and the more time I spend learning about the saints, the more I realize that they were people just like us. Even 2,000 years ago, they struggled with a lot of the same things that we still struggle with today.

The more I learn about Martha, the more I like her. Maybe because I am realizing that I am a lot like Martha on a number of different levels. I am anxious; I get irritated when people don’t do what I expect them to do, say what I think they should say or react in a way I have anticipated. Sometimes, I get caught up in the details rather than simply enjoying the moment. I get disappointed too, much like Martha does in today’s gospel. (the gospel was from John 11:19-27)

Martha was disappointed that Jesus didn’t arrive sooner. But Martha is honest with Jesus, blunt even. She doesn’t hold anything back in telling Him how she feels, that she is disappointed and that she doesn’t fully understand. I am not always so honest with God or myself. I want to hide what I am really thinking or feeling because I am embarrassed or ashamed or feel guilt for having such thoughts. But it is in those moments that God wants us to be “real” with Him. He already knows our heart, what is hurting us, what concerns us, but He wants us to bring that to Him directly. He wants us to share it, to give our struggles, our concerns, our challenges, even our ugliness to Him so He can carry that burden for us and heal what might be broken. Having faith in Christ does not mean that we can’t ever question God. It doesn’t mean that we that we aren’t going to wonder why some things occur the way they do or even seek to understand God’s purpose when life seems most bleak.

I love the premise of this morning’s reflection. Because Martha was honest with Jesus, she didn’t hesitate to express her confusion, to give Him her struggles or to share her feelings. But that didn’t mean her faith was weak. If anything it was stronger. Although Martha didn’t understand, she still believed that Jesus was the one, “the Christ, the Son of God, the one who was coming into the world.” I love that!

Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t question God. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be disappointed. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t understand the reason, meaning and purpose for everything that happens in your life. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be angry with God. How many time have you felt these very things about a friend? That is all a part of real friendship. Having faith means that you have faith that everything will work out according to God’s plan. Faith is walking with God through the difficult times and knowing that there is something better waiting for you. Having faith means working on that relationship God, no matter what, cultivating that relationship and continuing to grow it. Our relationship with God should be a friendship, much like Martha had with Jesus.

Maybe we should try to be a little more like Martha and be honest with God about all that is troubling us. Even when we don’t understand a situation, we need to be honest, have faith, address our own concerns with God and know that God is working for our benefit. While you may not understand the situation, remember that God loves you and wants the best for you. He is the friend who is always with you on this journey, so be honest with Him in everything. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

The Monday-est Monday Of All

It’s Monday. I know Monday’s are typically a day of dread for most working people. The weekend is over and its back to the grind. Not only is today Monday, but it was also pouring down rain this morning when I got work. Today has been the Monday-est Monday I have experienced in a long time.

You see, I was out of the office at the end of last week for a business trip to Columbus, Ohio. So I only had three days in the office this past week. I am in the office today, but I am preparing for another trip, this time to New Orleans, Louisiana. Because I have been out of the office, I have a lot to do before I depart again tomorrow. So I came in early, in the rain, before 6:30am, with nobody else in the school, hoping to get some things done before the day really kicked into gear. The hallways were near complete darkness; I couldn’t find the light switches and tripped coming up the stairs. So far, I’m off to great start!

I needed to catch up on emails, update some files, and do some research. I also wanted to get some materials prepared for my trip and was missing some things that I needed to take with me. I was a little frustrated and little consumed with work issues. So consumed in fact that, unfortunately, I missed morning mass.

I missed mass. I know not everyone will understand this, but that is huge deal for me. Especially on a Monday. I go every day. I find it is a great way to start the day, and the best way to begin the week. With Mass, it just feels like I am beginning on the right foot. But today I missed mass.

When I realized what time it was, I raced down the hall to the chapel, but the priest was already proclaiming the gospel and my cell phone was vibrating. I said a quick prayer and apologized, then I went back to my office to respond to the text message I had just received and make another phone call. But as I dashed down the hallway I was angry or maybe it was disappointment. I missed mass and I felt like it was affecting how my week was beginning. So much for starting this week off on the right foot.

Now, it’s not like I have never missed mass. I have. I did last week. I didn’t make it to mass on Friday because I was out of town and had appointments that didn’t permit me to attend daily mass. I guess the difference was that I knew I was going to miss mass last week. I was prepared for it. But today, I hadn’t planned on missing mass, it just happened. And it was wholly and completely my fault. I let myself get caught up in something that I could have had better control over. I let my frustration get the best of me, and what did I gain from it? Nothing. No satisfaction, no peace of mind, and no accomplishment. Just disappointment.

So I walked back to my office and sat down at my desk. I said another prayer, read a couple of reflections, and took a moment to just breathe. In that brief moment, I realized that I while I had apologized for missing morning mass, I did not need to. God wasn’t angry with me, God wasn’t disappointed, God wasn’t frustrated. God didn’t expect an apology. If anything, God wanted peace for me, not this anger, frustration and disappointment that had been consuming me all morning.

Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, and I suspect this often happened on Mondays. Mondays can be difficult; the weekend is over, we have a whole work week ahead of us filled with demands and expectations, things that we have to accomplish. And the next weekend seems so far away. How are we going to make it through?

Instead of looking at Monday with dread, focusing on all that we think we have to accomplish, and being hard on ourselves when we think we will never get all of it done, maybe we should look at Monday (and every day for that that matter) as an opportunity to start all over again. As another day to be our best, to do our best, to help others, to listen, to care, to be kind, to show love and compassion – not only to others but also to ourselves.

So today, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself (and others) with love and compassion. Look at Monday as an opportunity to begin again, to start fresh. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.