#reflections – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Taken for Granted

Anyone who knows me well knows that a daily workout is a serious part of my life. In fact, my husband can tell the days that I do not workout. I am much grouchier on those days. This is true. I know that and I accept that and I try desperately to work out every day. It is just good for my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. And it is just good for the general well-being of others who have to deal with me.

Unfortunately, shoulder surgery has ground my exercise routine to a screeching halt. There is little I can do, other than walk. Depending on the speed and incline, that can even be a challenge. I have started PT, which is primarily assisted PT, but have been told it will be quite some time before I am cleared for other exercises (ie. weight training). Insert big sigh here.

I have lost quite a bit of muscle since surgery

And while my exercise has suffered these last few weeks, my prayer life has flourished. I have had ample time to talk with God, and on some occasions, I may have yelled at Him. My day starts with the Bible app, including the verse of the day and a guided prayer. It continues with reading portions of the bible then a devotional reading (I am currently doing a 21-day devotional on Psalm 91). At one point in my life, I did attend daily morning mass. My current job does not permit that, but does allow me to participate in morning prayer. However, as I am recovering, I am working remotely. I am not permitted to drive while arm is in the sling. Then throughout the day, it may include a rosary, the divine mercy chaplet, and other prayers. But those aren’t always part of my day.

I was reading a reflection that talks about how we take so much in our lives for granted, that we forget to thank God for the little things. Like the ability to work out, a run in the crisp air right before dawn, a walk through nature, watching the sunrise, spending time with our spouse, our families, our friends. But we also take our faith for granted. The things that we think will always be readily available to us.

Hiking/backpacking is one of my favorite activities

We need to thank God for those things because we may not always be able to work out, run or walk. Someday, we may lose our eyesight. Our spouse, our families, and our friends may not always be around. And our faith is just something that I think we tend to forget about or overlook. I often treat my faith as an afterthought. We fail to attend mass because we’re tired or don’t care for the priest, or don’t want to be bothered. Or maybe we don’t go because we are mad at the Catholic Church (this has happened a lot lately and this is when we need to pray the most). We don’t pray because we don’t have time or don’t think God really hears us. When we do this, when we make excuses; we take our faith for granted. We don’t feed it; we don’t give it an opportunity to grow. And that is really when we need prayer the most.

Looking forward to the backpacking adventures that await us in 2023

It spoke to me because I do take all of those things for granted. I expect to come home everyday and work out. I expect to be able to run on the treadmill whenever I feel so inspired, or take the dogs for walk at a whim. I expect to see the sunrise each morning. I expect that my husband will be there to go on adventures with me. I expect that my family will always be around and that my friends will be available when I most need them. And I expect God to be there always, even when I haven’t talked to him in a very long time. And even though I take my faith for granted, the really beautiful thing is that God will always be there. Especially when we think He isn’t.

So today take time to thank God, be grateful for everything in your life and don’t take anything for granted. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

God’s Timing is Perfect

Do you ever wonder if you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing with your life? Do you ever wonder if things could be different, and if so how they could be different? Every decision that you have ever made has gotten you to this exact point in your life. Is this really where you are supposed to be? Did you miss a turn, take the wrong path? Are you lost?

Over the past couple of months, I have found myself asking those very questions. Is this really where God wants me? Is this really God’s plan or purpose for my life at this very moment? I was asking myself these very questions because a lot of things were going on in my life. Some new opportunities were presenting themselves, I was forging new professional relationships and expanding my work in advancement, but I had been “unsettled”. I thought God might be calling me to take a different path.

I spent several weeks praying about the events that were unfolding in front of me, trying to discern exactly what God had in mind. I would pray morning prayer, read the reflections for the day, and attend morning mass. Then I would pray some more. But the more I prayed about it, the more unsettled I became.

Each time I thought I had figured it out, something would happen that would have me questioning where God really wanted me to go and what God really wanted me to do. It could be the homily for the day or a conversation with one of our alumni. Some days it was the reflection, or a phone call, or a chance meeting. Other days it would be challenges that would arise, or emails that I would receive. All I can say is that I felt pulled in several different directions and I still had no idea where God wanted me or why He would even put me in the situation that I was in at that time.

It got to the point that I talked with a friend who was a religious sister. In fact, I had been praying again about “discernment of God’s will for my life” one morning before mass. I was still struggling with what all of this meant. When I opened my eyes from prayer, I saw Sister walking through the chapel. It was then that I decided that I would talk with her.

I had asked her “How do you discern between God’s will and your own desire?”, because by this time I was thoroughly confused. I wasn’t sure if I was acting out God’s will or simply doing what I thought I wanted at the time. I was once told by a priest that “That which is God’s desire will bring you peace.” I shared that with her and we talked quite a bit, because at the time I wasn’t peaceful about anything! Her words and advice were comforting, but I still had no idea what I was supposed to do.

I then asked my friend who is a priest the very same question. He gave me the following advice: use all the reason and intelligence God has given you, sit with it and see what decision leads you to feel peace, go in the direction where you’ll be choosing to love. His closing comment was that God uses our desires too. So, sometimes they’re the same thing. That was profound and really made an impact.

I continued to pray about this, trying to discern what God was calling me to, and how could I best serve Him. At the time, He was giving me all of these little clues. But I will admit it, sometimes I’m stubborn and hardheaded and really just don’t get it. Sometimes, I just need to be hit over the head or smacked in the face. This was one of those times.

After nearly two months of trying to figure this out, I realized I was trying to figure it out on my own. Although I had been praying, I hadn’t surrendered myself to prayer and given the discernment over to God. On Monday morning September 21st during mass, I simply prayed and said to God, “you need to be very clear as to what you want from me.” A few things happened after that which made me realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Let’s just say God was pretty clear.

The first, which happened that very evening after asking for clarity, one of our alums suggested that I reach out to his daughter as we had a lot in common. As he and I talked, it was clear that we did have a lot in common. But the bond that connected us the most was that we both had breast cancer.

I don’t make a habit of reaching out to strangers, even when someone makes the suggestion, unless it is directly related to a work referral. But this, this made sense. I was going to do this. So I sent a message via Facebook and introduced myself, said that I knew her Dad and how I became aware of her situation and shared that I had experienced breast cancer too. Before long, we were sharing messages and exchanged phone numbers. As it turns out, she had prayed that very morning to be a vessel for Christ and use her experience with breast cancer to connect with and help other women. It was kind of a WOW! moment for both of us. Funny how God answers prayers and uses us for a greater purpose. (Just over a week later we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. I would not have had that opportunity if it had not been for the decisions that I had made and the experiences that I had had. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. God’s timing is perfect.)

The following day, the second and third things happened. I received an email asking when I would be in Columbus to meet with our regional alumni. Because of COVID, I have not done much traveling and most of the planned events had to be cancelled, including the regional alumni event in Columbus. Once I received that email, I immediately began to plan the trip. That afternoon, I got a phone call that gave me closure and assured me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Even with all of the uncertainty, the unsettledness, the questioning, the struggling, I know that I am where God wants me. I don’t think I could have said that a few weeks ago, but God’s timing is perfect.

Maybe you’re questioning right now, maybe you’re unsure about somethings in your life. So today be attentive to the little signs that God is giving you, pray, and remember that His timing is perfect. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Dry Seasons

Unfortunately, I have been experiencing a period of spiritual dryness (I guess for lack of a better term). It has been difficult for me to get up in the mornings to walk the dogs, pray my morning rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet. I have been distracted during morning prayer, preoccupied when reading the reflections, unmotivated to attend daily mass (although I have not missed it), and unable to focus on the readings or the homilies. I find myself angry after the Sunday mass, and irritated by everything that transpires during the celebration. Needless to say, I am getting very little out of the Sunday service and don’t feel any closer to God when I attend. I guess I am just generally distracted and really don’t feel God’s presence in my life right now.

This morning, I awoke before my alarm and realized that was a sure sign that I should get out of bed, take the girls for a morning walk and pray. So I did that, as groggy and confused as I was at 4:45am. Because I woke so early, I was ready for mass/work earlier than normal, but didn’t even realize it until I pulled into the parking lot Holy Rosary Church. I was the only car in the lot. It was amazing, walking into the church, being the only one there. It was completely silent. I was completely alone with God. As I walked to my normal pew (yes, I am a creature of habit) and genuflected toward the tabernacle, it seemed like the chancel lamp (I never knew what is was called until I read a reflection that talked about it last week) flamed larger and brighter for a moment. I was like God was letting me know that He was there with me in that very moment.

I sat and prayed morning prayer, then read the reflections for the day in The Word Among Us and on Laudate app. I didn’t realize that today was the feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux. So I read about her in the Saint of Day and was struck by the first quote that was shared that is attributed to her. “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” Embracing both trial and joy. All I can say, is that was a “WOW” moment for me, particularly in the midst of my “spiritual dryness” and not having felt God’s presence lately. So I sat a reflected on that for a few moments, then decided to read the first excerpt in The Word Among Us, titled “I Thirst – Discovering a Deeper Connection in Prayer”.

Trust me when I say, the intersection of “spiritual dryness” and “I Thirst” is not lost to me. That title spoke to me immediately, because I haven’t really been feeling connected to God through prayer…not at all lately. I have been distracted and unfocused. And as I continued reading, it indicated that prayer is not always easy, that sometimes we will feel “dry or distracted or anxious.” Ok, God, you’ve got my attention. This is exactly how I have been feeling. It was like God was acknowledging my feelings and letting me know that He knows precisely what I have been experiencing!

So I kept on reading and just a few sentences farther, it refers to that “surge of the heart” from St. Therese. Okay, I’m a little more than overwhelmed by this. I sat and quietly reflected on all of this until mass began.

Now I know it’s the Feast of St. Therese, so I expected Fr. Ryan to talk about St. Therese in his homily. It would be remiss if he didn’t. What I didn’t expect was for him to use that exact same quote once again, “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” Embracing both trial and joy. So this is the third time in less than an hour that this quote has come up.

And when I got into school this morning, there were roses (roses are representative of St. Therese), dozens of them, sitting in vase in the vestibule of the building. Everyone was asked to take one to their office, classroom, etc. I did. God, You are coming in loud and clear.

So I guess that is the end of my spiritual dryness – maybe. Or maybe it is just a reminder that I need to embrace both trial and joy. Or maybe it’s just the reassurance that yes, I am struggling right now and God knows and understands and that’s okay. Maybe He is just letting me know He is here even in my dry seasons, even in my distraction and frustration, even when I can’t really feel His presence. Even right now, in this very moment.

God is with us in both trial and joy, in spiritual dryness and spiritual richness. Today, be aware of how God is showing His presence to you. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.