#decisions – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Cafeterias, A la carte, and Catholicism

I remember, as a child, going to Mehlman’s Cafeteria with my grandparents. Any time we went out to eat with them, we went to a cafeteria. I remember there being a Young’s Cafeteria too. And they all seemed to be located south or east of where we lived. But my grandparents loved eating at cafeterias.

As I got older and more sophisticated (insert sarcasm here), dining at a cafeteria reminded me of being in school. I spent the beginning of my high school career eating the chef salad in the cafe (as we affectionately called it) , but never any of the entrees offered. And never ever would I eat the hot ham and cheese sandwich, simply because I had biology right before lunch my sophomore year. I could never eat the hot ham and cheese sandwich after dissecting the fetal pigs we worked on in class. In fact, it was that same year that I moved away from the chef salad (because of the ham), and just drank coffee at lunch and played euchre. And all because I had choices. I was free to choose, no salad, just coffee – black.

But my grandparents, they loved a good cafeteria. This was also something that my Dad came to appreciate. So when Lenora’s opened locally as a cafeteria in the old movie theater back in the 1990’s, it was a big deal, at least to my Dad it was. Still, at this point, over 25 years ago, I did not see the big deal about cafeterias. But as I am getting older, I can appreciate their appeal.

Cafeterias provide options, selection, choices, from a variety of entrees, soups, side dishes, and desserts. I mean at a really good cafeteria; the options are seemingly endless. Who doesn’t like choices? Who doesn’t like really deciding for themselves? You get to pick whatever you want! You want two or even three desserts, you can get them. On a high protein low carb diet, load up on the various meat offerings. Trying out vegetarianism, you can go that route too! Its like the al a carte menu in fine dining establishments, but you don’t get the sticker shock because you’re not going to pay $10 for a dish of peas.

I have chosen Catholicism as my religion. But being Catholic is not an al a carte menu. There are no cafeteria options. I will admit, early in my faith, I thought that it was. I thought I could pick and choose what I wanted to believe about Catholicism, how I wanted to practice Catholicism, and still be Catholic…still be a good Catholic. This included attending mass on my terms, not recognizing confession as necessary, thinking that premarital sex was no big deal, and even at one point thinking that it is a woman’s right to choose. But it doesn’t work that way. Catholicism is an all or nothing proposition. You don’t get to pick and choose what you like, what sounds good, what is easy, what works for you and be “your” kind of Catholic. You have to go all in with God.

So yes, I have a hard time with people who claim to be Catholic and be pro-choice. No, you cannot be both. Not possible. Quoting the Catechism of the Catholic Church, in paragraph 2270, it begins – “Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. From the first moment of his existence, a human being must be recognized as having the rights of a person – among which is the inviolable right of every innocent being to life.” This is not something you can pick and choose. If you are Catholic, you cannot be pro-choice. Period.

And yes, I know this is a controversial topic, but if you are Catholic it is not up for debate. It is stated in black and white in the Catechism. There are no exceptions, no buts or what ifs. If you are Catholic, and if you claim to be a devout Catholic, as so many of our elected officials tout, you cannot be pro-choice. Period.

Does my stance or belief make me any better than someone who claims to be Catholic but also is pro-choice? Absolutely not. We are all sinners, we are all broken, we all struggle. Trust me when I say I have fallen or gotten lost more times than I can count. But there have been people there to help me back up or point me in the right direction, particularly when I was sorely misguided. But that is what we are supposed to do, help each other, guide each other, pray for each other. We are supposed to be helping one another get to heaven. Maybe, just maybe, this reflection will help somebody get back up, get on the right path, get to heaven. Maybe.

So today, don’t treat your relationship with God like a visit to the cafeteria, picking and choosing how you will serve and honor Him. Go all in. It’s demanding, it’s difficult, it’s vulnerable, it’s challenging, and sometimes it goes against what society tells us is acceptable. That’s where the trust comes in and that’s where is gets even harder and even more beautiful. So believe me when I say it’s worth it. And today please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Decisions, Decisions…

I have been thinking a lot about decisions this week and reflecting on a number of decisions that I have recently made. You see, I planned to begin this week with morning mass at the Monastery. However, when my alarm went off on Monday morning, I turned it off and went back to sleep. That was my first decision of the day, and maybe not a good decision.

When I woke up, at 6:30am, I figured I would simply miss mass and go straight into work. That is when I remembered the 8am mass at Blessed Sacrament. So I decided to go there. Normally, Mondays are Fr. Michael’s day off. But there he was saying mass that morning. This ended up being a good decision.

Adoration at Blessed Sacrament, photo by Molly McManus

After work on Monday, I decided to mow the lawn. I decided to push mow it (because it’s a great work out). I push mowed the entire lawn (roughly 6.5 miles total). I was supposed to lift weights on Monday but decided that I probably should not after the lawn mowing work out. So I decided to shower and make dinner. After dinner, Todd and I decided to sit outside and read on the patio with the dogs and enjoy the cooler evening. As I sat outside, I began to feel the effects of mowing. While everything about Monday seemed to be me making good decisions, I began to wonder about my decision to take on the lawn alone (my son had offered to help) and not use the riding mower (I normally opt to leave it in the shed). Perhaps push mowing was not a good decision.

I continued to think about decisions throughout the week. Again, I had decided to attend the morning mass at the Monastery on Wednesday, because I had not been there all week. But as I debated the time of mass and the work I needed to accomplish before 11am that day, I decided that the 7am mass at Holy Rosary would be preferable.

As I was sitting in the silence praying morning prayer, Sr. Agnes Therese appeared. I had not seen her in several months. She is a good friend of mine with whom I had worked closely with at one time. Additionally, Fr. Tom’s homily, one about having faith in difficult moments, was one that I desperately needed to hear. So of course, I viewed this as another good decision, one that had a touch of divine intervention.

From my days of working and traveling with Sr. Agnes Therese.

We make multiple decisions every day, throughout the entire day and often don’t put a whole lot of thought into those decisions. Many of them are trivial decisions, like deciding to mow the grass or which mass to attend. We make those decisions based on need or preference and little else. I can certainly say that I didn’t think out every possible scenario for morning mass options when I decided to go mass any morning this week. I certainly didn’t think about the possibility that I might run into a friend or that one of my favorite priests might be saying morning mass or that a homily would be so important. But that very decision to attend mass could have, and typically does have, a huge impact on my day.

What if I was unable to attend mass? What if I decided to not go to mass at all? What if I chose to use the riding mower? There are literally thousands of decisions that we make daily. What am I going to wear today? Should I ride my motorcycle to work? What should I eat for breakfast? When will I work out today? Should I call my friend? Should I visit my Mom? Should I ask my neighbor to go for a walk? Literally thousands – everyday – decisions that we don’t even realize we are making.

I know I have personally made a lot of bad decisions, made decisions that I have been unsure of, made decisions that I have questioned, made decisions that I didn’t even know I was making. But I have also made decisions after substantial prayer, and conversation with God. Serious decisions that require prayer, thought and introspection. I vacillate between quick knee-jerk decisions and prayerful decision-making.

And as I sat in mass each morning this week, I thought about those decisions. I thought about those decisions because Mondays gospel talked about how Jesus withdrew when he heard about the death of John the Baptist. (That was Jesus’ decision to “withdraw” and it was the crowd’s decision to follow him.)

So I went back and read Matthew Chapter 14. Herod made the decision to have John the Baptist beheaded, although Herod really didn’t want to have John beheaded. He had wanted to kill John because John told him he should not be sleeping with his brother’s wife, Herodias. However, Herod feared reprisals because John was regarded as a prophet. So he had John arrested and imprisoned.

Eventually, Herod made a decision to give the daughter of Herodias whatever she desired; she desired the head of John the Baptist. That “promise” he made, resulted in that decision to take John’s life because Herod certainly couldn’t renege. He made that statement at a birthday party in his honor, in front of distinguished guests and in front of Herodias and her daughter. Herod ultimately made the choice to behead John because he was worried about what everybody else would think if he didn’t up hold the “promise”.

Just a little prayer I thought I would share.

Wow! How many times have we made decisions in the very same manner, worried about what others would think? I know I have, I am sure you have. So I reflected on that today and in that contemplation made an unconscious prayer to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to “Lead me, Guide me, to make those decisions that will draw me closer to Christ.” Just for the record, this type of prayer is atypical for me, but it reconfirms just how far my faith and prayer life have actually come. So today I encourage you to approach your decision-making from that same standpoint and ask, “Will this decision draw me closer to Christ?” And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you

God’s Timing is Perfect

Do you ever wonder if you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing with your life? Do you ever wonder if things could be different, and if so how they could be different? Every decision that you have ever made has gotten you to this exact point in your life. Is this really where you are supposed to be? Did you miss a turn, take the wrong path? Are you lost?

Over the past couple of months, I have found myself asking those very questions. Is this really where God wants me? Is this really God’s plan or purpose for my life at this very moment? I was asking myself these very questions because a lot of things were going on in my life. Some new opportunities were presenting themselves, I was forging new professional relationships and expanding my work in advancement, but I had been “unsettled”. I thought God might be calling me to take a different path.

I spent several weeks praying about the events that were unfolding in front of me, trying to discern exactly what God had in mind. I would pray morning prayer, read the reflections for the day, and attend morning mass. Then I would pray some more. But the more I prayed about it, the more unsettled I became.

Each time I thought I had figured it out, something would happen that would have me questioning where God really wanted me to go and what God really wanted me to do. It could be the homily for the day or a conversation with one of our alumni. Some days it was the reflection, or a phone call, or a chance meeting. Other days it would be challenges that would arise, or emails that I would receive. All I can say is that I felt pulled in several different directions and I still had no idea where God wanted me or why He would even put me in the situation that I was in at that time.

It got to the point that I talked with a friend who was a religious sister. In fact, I had been praying again about “discernment of God’s will for my life” one morning before mass. I was still struggling with what all of this meant. When I opened my eyes from prayer, I saw Sister walking through the chapel. It was then that I decided that I would talk with her.

I had asked her “How do you discern between God’s will and your own desire?”, because by this time I was thoroughly confused. I wasn’t sure if I was acting out God’s will or simply doing what I thought I wanted at the time. I was once told by a priest that “That which is God’s desire will bring you peace.” I shared that with her and we talked quite a bit, because at the time I wasn’t peaceful about anything! Her words and advice were comforting, but I still had no idea what I was supposed to do.

I then asked my friend who is a priest the very same question. He gave me the following advice: use all the reason and intelligence God has given you, sit with it and see what decision leads you to feel peace, go in the direction where you’ll be choosing to love. His closing comment was that God uses our desires too. So, sometimes they’re the same thing. That was profound and really made an impact.

I continued to pray about this, trying to discern what God was calling me to, and how could I best serve Him. At the time, He was giving me all of these little clues. But I will admit it, sometimes I’m stubborn and hardheaded and really just don’t get it. Sometimes, I just need to be hit over the head or smacked in the face. This was one of those times.

After nearly two months of trying to figure this out, I realized I was trying to figure it out on my own. Although I had been praying, I hadn’t surrendered myself to prayer and given the discernment over to God. On Monday morning September 21st during mass, I simply prayed and said to God, “you need to be very clear as to what you want from me.” A few things happened after that which made me realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Let’s just say God was pretty clear.

The first, which happened that very evening after asking for clarity, one of our alums suggested that I reach out to his daughter as we had a lot in common. As he and I talked, it was clear that we did have a lot in common. But the bond that connected us the most was that we both had breast cancer.

I don’t make a habit of reaching out to strangers, even when someone makes the suggestion, unless it is directly related to a work referral. But this, this made sense. I was going to do this. So I sent a message via Facebook and introduced myself, said that I knew her Dad and how I became aware of her situation and shared that I had experienced breast cancer too. Before long, we were sharing messages and exchanged phone numbers. As it turns out, she had prayed that very morning to be a vessel for Christ and use her experience with breast cancer to connect with and help other women. It was kind of a WOW! moment for both of us. Funny how God answers prayers and uses us for a greater purpose. (Just over a week later we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. I would not have had that opportunity if it had not been for the decisions that I had made and the experiences that I had had. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. God’s timing is perfect.)

The following day, the second and third things happened. I received an email asking when I would be in Columbus to meet with our regional alumni. Because of COVID, I have not done much traveling and most of the planned events had to be cancelled, including the regional alumni event in Columbus. Once I received that email, I immediately began to plan the trip. That afternoon, I got a phone call that gave me closure and assured me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Even with all of the uncertainty, the unsettledness, the questioning, the struggling, I know that I am where God wants me. I don’t think I could have said that a few weeks ago, but God’s timing is perfect.

Maybe you’re questioning right now, maybe you’re unsure about somethings in your life. So today be attentive to the little signs that God is giving you, pray, and remember that His timing is perfect. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.