#praying – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

God has a Plan.

I have been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks on the statement that “God is in control” or “God has a plan”. I am not denying that those are true statements. I truly believe that God is in control even when it appears that He may not be. And I am most certain that God has a plan.

God has a specific plan for each and every one of us. It is up to us to decide if we want to accept God’s plan for our lives or choose another path. That’s the beauty of free will. But the beauty of free will also has an ugly side.

Just look at the world today. There is a whole lot that is ugly and that was not by God’s design but by the choices that we have made – free will. I cringe every time I hear the statement, “If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?” Free will. We have the ability to make choices and choices have consequences. So maybe we aren’t making the best choices.

We have the capacity to make choices for ourselves independent of God. God loves us so much that He gave us free will, the capacity to think, feel, reason, and decide for ourselves. That’s pretty amazing. Could He just make us love Him, live in peace and harmony, end war, famine, disease, and avert tragedy and calamity? Sure. He could. God is omniscient. But that would look a lot like a dictatorship. It would be forced by God and that would eliminate free will. God doesn’t force.

God quote by C.S. Lewis – For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.

It is easy to question God’s goodness when we are sick, when we are tired, when we are stressed, when we have trouble in our familial relationships, when there are natural disasters, when there are terminal illnesses, when a loved one dies, when we lose a job, when we lose a friend, etc. It is difficult to see how God is working when you are “inside” the picture and not viewing it from afar. But zoom out. God is in control. God has a plan.

A lot of times we (I) pray and expect to see immediate results from God. It doesn’t always (in fact it seldom does) work that way. Just because we don’t always see how God is moving in a particular moment, doesn’t mean that God is not moving. And what are we doing to change our situation, to influence that for which we are praying? That is not to say we are trying to influence God. God doesn’t need to be influenced.

Praying is an active event, not a passive activity. Simply because God is in control and because God has a plan, that doesn’t mean that we should sit idle and wait for God to act. I think sometimes, that is exactly what we do.

Yes, God is in control. That doesn’t mean that we completely stop and just wait for God to do something. Our actions, our thoughts, our values, our choices play a role in the outcome to some degree. To pray for good health, but to continue eating fast food and refusing to exercise is counterintuitive. To pray for a better job, but not submitting your resume or researching employment options, pretty much ensures that you will stay stagnant. Wanting an improved working environment, but contributing to gossip and drama in the workplace, again completely obtuse. Yes, God can work a miracle, but he wants you to be an active part of that miracle. What work are you putting in to get the outcome you desire? How are you impacting that for which you are praying?

Yes, God can do anything. And yes, God is the master of all miracles. But God wants you to participate. God wants you to get involved. God wants you to exercise free will to make the situation, the circumstance, the event, the world, a better place. What are we doing? How are we appreciating the free will which God has bestowed on us?

God answers prayers in weird ways. And sometimes it may not seem like the answer we wanted. I read somewhere that “God always answers prayers and sometimes the answer is no”. I also know that “God works for the good of those who love Him” – Romans 8:28. So are we angry when things don’t go as planned or do we adjust to find the good in the situation?

I think it all comes down to a matter of perspective. You see, this past week I was ill. I hate being sick, especially in the summer. Plus, I had a full schedule at work with a number of time-sensitive things that needed to be accomplished. God had other plans. I got sick. And not just a summer cold, but a full-blown knock-you-on-your-ass fever, body aches, sore throat, extreme fatigue kind of malady from which I am still recovering. I was in bed for 4 days straight.

Now I am not saying God got me sick. I got sick because of some of the choices that I made. But God used my sickness to make me well in another sense. You see, I had been exhausted and a bit stressed before this ailment struck. I needed to decompress, relax, and refocus. Being sick allowed me to decompress. Being sick forced me to relax. Being sick gave me time to refocus. Being sick required that I ask for help. Being sick made me prioritize things. Being sick made me realize that the things I was stressed about were quite insignificant. Being sick made me realize just how much I appreciate those in my life who took care of me (my husband) and checked in on me (family and co-workers).

Dinner. Although I could not finish all of it.

I could have been mad, angry, and frustrated that I was ill. In fact, in the very first days, I was. I was worried about all of the things I couldn’t get accomplished and all of the work that fell to my husband and son while I recovered. But the anger abated, and peace came, a peace for which I had been praying for quite some time. Was I expecting to get peace in this manner? Hell no.

I fully expected this peace to come on a backpacking trip (which is my normal happy, peaceful place). I fully expected that our upcoming trip would help me recenter, refocus, and relax. But that trip is not for another week or more. So, God used my illness to bring me peace now. God used my illness to show me how to rest, to teach me to depend on others, and to help bolster my gratitude for others. God healed me through my sickness. Just as He has done so many times before.

Yes, God is in control. Yes, God has a plan. Zoom out (particularly when you are frustrated) and you may get a better perspective. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

God’s Timing is Perfect

Do you ever wonder if you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing with your life? Do you ever wonder if things could be different, and if so how they could be different? Every decision that you have ever made has gotten you to this exact point in your life. Is this really where you are supposed to be? Did you miss a turn, take the wrong path? Are you lost?

Over the past couple of months, I have found myself asking those very questions. Is this really where God wants me? Is this really God’s plan or purpose for my life at this very moment? I was asking myself these very questions because a lot of things were going on in my life. Some new opportunities were presenting themselves, I was forging new professional relationships and expanding my work in advancement, but I had been “unsettled”. I thought God might be calling me to take a different path.

I spent several weeks praying about the events that were unfolding in front of me, trying to discern exactly what God had in mind. I would pray morning prayer, read the reflections for the day, and attend morning mass. Then I would pray some more. But the more I prayed about it, the more unsettled I became.

Each time I thought I had figured it out, something would happen that would have me questioning where God really wanted me to go and what God really wanted me to do. It could be the homily for the day or a conversation with one of our alumni. Some days it was the reflection, or a phone call, or a chance meeting. Other days it would be challenges that would arise, or emails that I would receive. All I can say is that I felt pulled in several different directions and I still had no idea where God wanted me or why He would even put me in the situation that I was in at that time.

It got to the point that I talked with a friend who was a religious sister. In fact, I had been praying again about “discernment of God’s will for my life” one morning before mass. I was still struggling with what all of this meant. When I opened my eyes from prayer, I saw Sister walking through the chapel. It was then that I decided that I would talk with her.

I had asked her “How do you discern between God’s will and your own desire?”, because by this time I was thoroughly confused. I wasn’t sure if I was acting out God’s will or simply doing what I thought I wanted at the time. I was once told by a priest that “That which is God’s desire will bring you peace.” I shared that with her and we talked quite a bit, because at the time I wasn’t peaceful about anything! Her words and advice were comforting, but I still had no idea what I was supposed to do.

I then asked my friend who is a priest the very same question. He gave me the following advice: use all the reason and intelligence God has given you, sit with it and see what decision leads you to feel peace, go in the direction where you’ll be choosing to love. His closing comment was that God uses our desires too. So, sometimes they’re the same thing. That was profound and really made an impact.

I continued to pray about this, trying to discern what God was calling me to, and how could I best serve Him. At the time, He was giving me all of these little clues. But I will admit it, sometimes I’m stubborn and hardheaded and really just don’t get it. Sometimes, I just need to be hit over the head or smacked in the face. This was one of those times.

After nearly two months of trying to figure this out, I realized I was trying to figure it out on my own. Although I had been praying, I hadn’t surrendered myself to prayer and given the discernment over to God. On Monday morning September 21st during mass, I simply prayed and said to God, “you need to be very clear as to what you want from me.” A few things happened after that which made me realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Let’s just say God was pretty clear.

The first, which happened that very evening after asking for clarity, one of our alums suggested that I reach out to his daughter as we had a lot in common. As he and I talked, it was clear that we did have a lot in common. But the bond that connected us the most was that we both had breast cancer.

I don’t make a habit of reaching out to strangers, even when someone makes the suggestion, unless it is directly related to a work referral. But this, this made sense. I was going to do this. So I sent a message via Facebook and introduced myself, said that I knew her Dad and how I became aware of her situation and shared that I had experienced breast cancer too. Before long, we were sharing messages and exchanged phone numbers. As it turns out, she had prayed that very morning to be a vessel for Christ and use her experience with breast cancer to connect with and help other women. It was kind of a WOW! moment for both of us. Funny how God answers prayers and uses us for a greater purpose. (Just over a week later we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. I would not have had that opportunity if it had not been for the decisions that I had made and the experiences that I had had. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. God’s timing is perfect.)

The following day, the second and third things happened. I received an email asking when I would be in Columbus to meet with our regional alumni. Because of COVID, I have not done much traveling and most of the planned events had to be cancelled, including the regional alumni event in Columbus. Once I received that email, I immediately began to plan the trip. That afternoon, I got a phone call that gave me closure and assured me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Even with all of the uncertainty, the unsettledness, the questioning, the struggling, I know that I am where God wants me. I don’t think I could have said that a few weeks ago, but God’s timing is perfect.

Maybe you’re questioning right now, maybe you’re unsure about somethings in your life. So today be attentive to the little signs that God is giving you, pray, and remember that His timing is perfect. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Jet Trails, Saturday Afternoon Walks, and Beauty

I took the dogs for a walk on Saturday afternoon, just like I have been doing everyday since we have initiated “shelter in place” in Ohio in the midst of COVID-19. With four dogs, I have to split the walks into two shifts. Eve and Charlie get the first walk, then I return home and make the exchange. Ruby and Bailey get the second walk. During those walks, I pray a rosary and a Divine Mercy Chaplet.

If you were out in eastern Ohio on Saturday afternoon, you know just how beautiful the day was. I spent most of those walks appreciating the beauty that was awakening all around me. The trees are beginning to bud and the daffodils have bloomed in full force. The forsythia is beginning to flower (I have a love/hate relationship with that plant) and the hyacinths have opened. And the sky, the sky was the color of sapphires. There were no jet trails streaking across the vast blue, no pollution making crisscrossed marks through the heavens. The skies were clear and azure with some puffy white clouds dotting God’s vast canvas.

jet trails crossing the sky before COVID-19

It was in that moment that realized just how busy our lives have become, how filled with self-importance. So much so that we fail to notice the beauty that is all around, or maybe we notice it but just take it for granted.

I walk a lot, and most of the time it is with my dogs. And although I am normally praying while I am walking, I often get distracted by other things. Thoughts will creep into my mind about work, or family, or relationships; about the political climate and the division within our society, or about a thousand other random thoughts that enter my mind. I become preoccupied and consumed by those thoughts, lose track of what I am doing and fail to notice the beauty that is all around me.

With the onset of COVID-19, the shelter in place and the stay at home order, everyone has been forced to slow down – whether they want to or not. Schools are closed until May. All non-essential businesses have been closed. There are no masses or Sunday services. The banks are operating as drive-thru banking only. Restaurants are closed for dine-in options, but you can still get to-go orders. There are fewer cars on the roadways, and rush hour is no more. The lack of jet trails shows us just how things have changed in the US. Air traffic has become virtually non-existent. And to think a few weeks ago, most of us could not live without traveling somewhere by plane.

I am an advancement professional, so travel is a big part of what I do. But all travel has been put on hold. We are to practice social distancing, not to congregate in groups outside of our family structure (that is family living within the same household), and only go out of the house for essentials. Somehow, we have all learned how to adjust to these changes. We are meeting virtually, making more phone calls, sending more emails. Yes, it is challenging. For some it is very challenging as they may be facing unemployment during this time. Or they may be an “essential” employee who is required to report to work daily even with the threat of the coronavirus. The uncertainty of all of it is stressful.

But we have seen some really beautiful things as a result of the situation in our country. And I am not just talking about the beauty of spring unfolding before us and finally having the time to appreciate it. I’m talking about community and family. Neighbors checking on each other. People donating to strangers to help them through these unsure times. Virtual gatherings to help keep people connected. Healthcare workers volunteering to go serve in areas that have been hardest hit. Families taking daily walks and bike rides together. Teachers calling to check up on their students. More dinners together around the table. Real conversations. Prayer.

As I walked the dogs again today, I reflected once more on the lack of jet trails and wondered if it was really necessary. All of the travel, all of the time commitments and time constraints, all of the things that we fill our lives with that seem to be so important. Somehow, we are getting by without jetting across the country for a meeting. We have learned how to do our jobs remotely. We can see the value of a meaningful phone call and genuine conversation and know the importance of a simple text message. We have slowed down and learned to appreciate each other. And hopefully we have learned to appreciate all of those “essential” people that we take for granted on a daily basis, the local small business owners, the retail workers, store clerks and gas station attendants, the truck drivers and farmers, the doctors, nurses and healthcare professionals; all of those essential employees that still have to go into work so we have what we need to live.

It may sound strange, but in this crisis, I have found a joy and peace that seems strange. The slower pace, the quieter atmosphere, the return to home and family, the way people are looking out for each other and helping each other out; it has been reassuring to me about the goodness and kindness that exists in all humanity. Unfortunately, it has taken a pandemic for so many of us to stop, slow down and see each other.

It does make me wonder what will happen when all of this is resolved. Will we go back to the breakneck pace that we were living? Will we fill our lives once again with meaningless nonsense and lose sight of all that is truly important? Will we stop praying and throw God out of our lives once again? Or will we remember the kindness and gratitude we showed to each other? Will we continue to check on each other and build meaningful relationships with one another? Will we continue to pray for and with one another and connect regardless of distance?

It is my hope that we all learn something from this pandemic and be better than we were before it began. So today, let’s continue to slow down, reach out, help one another, say thank you, connect with each other, and praise God. And as always, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Peace

As I typed this, I was on a plane to Savannah; well actually Atlanta. I had a layover there. But honestly, who doesn’t have a layover in Atlanta. It is the busiest airport in the US. I gazed out the window, high above the clouds that looked almost like the ocean. I love the ocean. It brings me such peace.

“It is said that all people who are happy have God within them.”
The Alchemist, Paul Coelho

Although peace is what I have right now, – I am at peace with the turbulence of my flight, I am at peace with the work that I am heading to Savannah to do, I am at peace with tying up loose ends for my work with the Steubenville Catholic School’s, I am at peace with making preparations for my family, – the thought of my approaching surgery lingers in the back of mind like a shadow. It is overshadowing my peace, but it has not disturbed it just yet. Obviously, I missed mass Wednesday morning because of my early flight, but that didn’t disturb my peace either. God knew I would still begin my day spending time with Him. And I did, just not the way in which I normally would.

Since this diagnosis. I have taken prayer requests. I figured the least I can do is offer this “inconvenience” for the benefit of others. So as the plane was de-iced yesterday morning I prayed a rosary for a dear friend and her intentions.

Fast-forward 24 hours and I’m catching my Lyft to the airport. My driver was Edward, a delightful Army veteran. He and his wife have been married for 47 years, have 4 children (one child died a day after birth) and have lived all over the world. He served in Desert Storm and he told me, “I am one of those people who believe in God.” I liked him right away. We had some wonderful conversations about family, faith and life. When he dropped me off, I shook his hand, thanked him for his service and said May God bless you.

I don’t normally close conversations with strangers in that manner, but I did without even thinking. Maybe because I know God has blessed me. Maybe because I know that people are praying me for near and far. People whom I know well and people whom I don’t even know at all. I appreciate those prayers, those well wishes and good thoughts, those positive vibes and good juju, more than you know. And I can feel them because I am at peace as I approach Mondays surgery date.

The Carmelites sister in Savannah, GA are praying for me. In fact, they are offering their Monday mass for me. My TOR sisters are praying for me and prayed with me earlier this week. I will have an anointing of the sick just days before surgery. My family, my friends, my co-workers, my husbands co-workers, my Crusader family, my Facebook community, my acquaintances, my neighbors and even strangers are praying for me. I know I have nothing to worry about.

As I was flying back into Atlanta on my return home today, I was reading The Alchemist. A line from that book struck me; “It is said that all people who are happy have God within them.” I would have called you crazy if you told me that a few years ago. But I truly believe that now. Spending time with the Franciscan sisters confirmed that for me. But now, I am experiencing that for myself.

Thank you for your prayers. I ask that you please pray for me in a special way on Monday as I will undergo another biopsy and surgery. As always, I will continue to pray for you