Suffering and Blessings

Today marks the celebration of my one-month sabbatical. I have been separated from employment for four weeks. We will leave it at that. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Your employment relationship is just like any other relationship. And some relationships just don’t work out. I am fortunate to find out early in this relationship that it wasn’t meant to be.

Surprisingly, this separation has been quite peaceful. I have spent the days hiking, backpacking, fishing, kayaking, cooking, baking, tending my garden, walking my dogs, praying, attending morning mass a few times a week, and having great adventures with my husband. Surprisingly, my blood pressure is down, and my sleep has drastically improved. I could have looked at this change as a curse, a cause of suffering because, let’s be honest, I am unemployed. Unemployment is not something that people celebrate. It is not something that you proudly announce.

However, in morning mass last Monday morning, Fr. Dan, a visiting priest, gave a great homily about suffering and blessings. I could not help but reflect on my current situation. I could look at this unemployment from a negative perspective and call it suffering. But if I am being honest, I had been praying for some kind of change in my circumstance before this happened.

Readings from Monday’s mass

While I thought I was happy and fulfilled at work, I really wasn’t. I mean, I really appreciated my staff, and we had a great working relationship, but beyond that, things were challenging. I was working 40 hours in the office, as well as averaging an additional 5-8 hours per week working from home answering phone calls and responding to emails, text messages, and group chats. And that did not include the extra stuff, events, late meetings, conference calls, etc. The work/life balance was not there. And this is what I was praying about; I had been praying for a change. I just did not know what that change would be.

Sometimes suffering and blessing can be the same thing.
Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

God certainly does answer prayers in his own way. His way of answering my prayer was by changing my circumstance. When you put things into God’s hands, you are often times surprised by how He responds. I went from a 50+ hour work week to complete free time, or complete freedom as I like to look at it. I did not know that’s how my prayer would be answered.

Yes, I have some concerns about where I am going next, but I am not in any rush to get there. I really have decided to turn everything over to God and let Him truly direct my path. Fortunately, I am able to do this because my husband is entirely supportive of taking this journey in this manner and walking this road with me. Funny how God provides exactly what you need when you need it.

The guy who’s got my back – always.

This employment separation is truly a blessing, not suffering. It has truly been an answer to my prayers. The most ironic thing, (as I alluded to earlier) is that I have been happier, healthier, and sleeping so much better since we went our separate ways.

So today, share your concerns with God. Turn everything over to Him. I can guarantee you will be surprised by how He responds. And if you trust Him, He will lead you somewhere beautiful. So today, please pray for me, particularly to have patience and trust God’s plan for my life, and I will continue to pray for you.

Selfishness vs. Self Care

For the past few days I have been reflecting on the activities of the summer. We are quickly approaching the beginning of a new school year and we are on the cusp of autumn (my favorite season). I have been contemplating quite a bit about how I was going to approach this piece. How I have spent the summer of 2022 has been met with wonder, amazement, respect, curiosity, and maybe some resentment and bitterness. Some might call my summer selfish. I would call my summer self-care.

Thomspon Ledges – a day hike

This summer I spent a lot of time in the woods. It began with a section hike of the Appalachian Trail in early June with my best friend from childhood. This was an adventure a lot of people did not understand. Who would willingly carry 40 pounds of supplies on their back, sleep in a coffin-like tent (I used a solo bivy tent on the AT), eat dehydrated meals, wear the same clothes every day, not be able to shower for days on end, and have to filter stream water just to have something to drink? I would. And as it turns out, I enjoyed it more than I would have ever imagined.

The first vista we encountered on the AT – some where in Maryland.

I have always liked hiking. But my hikes were limited to day hikes. Most of the hikes were between 4-6 miles. Some were longer. But after each hike, I came home and took a shower. I’m the kind of girl who showers daily. And when I say daily, I mean two and three times a day. So the not showering part was my greatest concern approaching the AT adventure. But surprisingly, it was not a challenge at all. Once I realized I didn’t care as much about the daily shower as I thought I would, I jumped in fully to the backpacking thing.

This summer alone I have backpacked part of the AT. When I returned from that trip, my husband and I began our backpacking adventures, most of which include our dogs. We started off with an overnight at Zaleski State Forest about a week after I returned from the AT. That was our first adventure with two of our dogs (the littles). It was challenging because we did not realize that the area had experienced microbursts just days earlier. There were a number of downed trees and debris covered large portions of the trail. At one point, I had to lift Charlie over a tree because it was far too large for him to jump over and there was no clearance for climbing under. And yes, I speak to him like he is human, talking him through the lift and telling him that I would pick him up on three…then I proceeded to count it out…1, 2, 3. Don’t laugh, we have an understanding and my relationship with him is better than most of my relationships with humans.

From there we moved on to a challenging route at Quebec Run Wild Area. We left the dogs home for this 11.5 mile loop because we were not sure just how “challenging” this trail would be. The struggle was real, with some steep inclines, but the area was beautiful, silent, and still. We saw only one other hiker and spent a very quiet evening camped by a creek about 9 miles in. We did hear elk in the distance late at night. It was quite a profound experience. And Quebec Run quickly became one of my favorite places.

After that, we decided to explore the Allegheny National Forest and did the Morrison Trail Loop. This 13-mile loop had a campground about halfway into the hike that was situated on a beautiful lake. The only way to the campground was on foot or by boat. We brought the littles on this hike and arrived at the campground around 4 o’clock in the afternoon. We set up camp right on the water’s edge. There were two other campers (boaters) dispersed throughout the area and lots of signs warning us about black bears. The view from our tents was beautiful and reconfirmed my love of backpacking and deepened my appreciation of nature.

The view from our campsite at the Allegheny National Forest

Two days after that trip, we headed back to the Quebec Run Wild Area with the dogs in tow this time. We hiked a shorter and less challenging loop, which included a stream crossing and a pretty steep incline to get back out. Again, we camped by the creek, the rushing water was soothing and provided ample hydration for all of us. Late in the evening as we sat by the campfire, we heard a pack of coyotes howl and bark. Another perfect night in the woods.

Ten days later, we ventured out again with the dogs and headed to a point-to-point trail at Moraine State Park. This was not our first choice for this expedition, but the weather forecast had caused us to change our plans. This ended up being a 10-mile hike out and back. We camped at a shelter and had an amazing campfire. I even foraged for some mushrooms on this trip. We listened to birds call to one another at dusk and slumbered so soundly that we slept in the following morning and didn’t break down camp until after 8am.

The forest of Moraine State Park

We returned home and departed 3 days later for our intended destination in Bigfoot country, Wayne National Forest. Once again, we departed, sans dogs, because this intended trail was noted as “difficult” and encompassed almost 15 miles. We hiked 9 miles the first day, finally arriving at a camp that was along a nearly dry creek bed. There was no water to be found, the trek was long and challenging with a lot of steep inclines, but the scenery was beautiful, with a natural bridge, caves, and rock outcroppings. We were exhausted as we set up camp and prepared dinner. We enjoyed a wonderful campfire before turning in for the night only to be awakened around 2am by an inhuman cry/wail/moan/howl which reminded us that we were in Bigfoot country.

We came home from this last adventure two days ago and we are planning our next trip. Thus far, we have covered more than 200 miles with all of our day and overnight expeditions.

I share all of this because most people don’t understand what we do. Even more, they don’t understand why we do it. There is something profoundly spiritual about being in the natural world, deeply submerged in nature, that brings you ever closer to God. I have a greater appreciation for this incredible planet that He has given us, this incredible world that we completely take for granted. Being in the wilderness restores my soul, brings me peace, comforts my restlessness, soothes my mind, removes my cares, gives me a reset, and connects me with God in a way that I cannot explain. But if you know, you know.

There have been many people who do not understand my love of disconnecting and unplugging from society, from people, from the world. But that’s okay, not everyone needs to understand. There are some people who think that I may be selfish for packing up and leaving everything behind for a day or two or even a week or more, but there is a big difference between selfishness and self-care. This is my self-care. This is my time with God, appreciating His creation, enjoying the silence that only nature can provide, and listening to the wind, the water, and the animals, listening to nature. Listening to God.

So today, take some time for self-care. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Because when you are taking care of yourself, you are making space for God. You are creating fertile ground so that God can work in your life. And maybe take a walk in the woods, listen to the trees, inhale the forest air, wade through a creek, and listen for God. I know He has something He wants to tell you. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

God has a Plan.

I have been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks on the statement that “God is in control” or “God has a plan”.  I am not denying that those are true statements.  I truly believe that God is in control even when it appears that He may not be.  And I am most certain that God has a plan. 

God has a specific plan for each and every one of us.  It is up to us to decide if we want to accept God’s plan for our lives or choose another path.  That’s the beauty of free will.  But the beauty of free will also has an ugly side.

Just look at the world today.  There is a whole lot that is ugly and that was not by God’s design but by the choices that we have made – free will.  I cringe every time I hear the statement, “If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?” Free will.  We have the ability to make choices and choices have consequences. So maybe we aren’t making the best choices.

The morning before the takedown.

We have the capacity to make choices for ourselves independent of God.  God loves us so much that He gave us free will, the capacity to think, feel, reason, and decide for ourselves.  That’s pretty amazing.  Could He just make us love Him, live in peace and harmony, end war, famine, disease, and avert tragedy and calamity?  Sure. He could.  God is omniscient.  But that would look a lot like a dictatorship.  It would be forced by God and that would eliminate free will.  God doesn’t force.

God quote by C.S. Lewis – For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.

It is easy to question God’s goodness when we are sick, when we are tired, when we are stressed, when we have trouble in our familial relationships, when there are natural disasters, when there are terminal illnesses, when a loved one dies, when we lose a job, when we lose a friend, etc.  It is difficult to see how God is working when you are “inside” the picture and not viewing it from afar.  But zoom out.  God is in control.  God has a plan.

A lot of times we (I) pray and expect to see immediate results from God. It doesn’t always (in fact it seldom does) work that way. Just because we don’t always see how God is moving in a particular moment, doesn’t mean that God is not moving.  And what are we doing to change our situation, to influence that for which we are praying?  That is not to say we are trying to influence God.  God doesn’t need to be influenced. 

a little light reading

Praying is an active event, not a passive activity.  Simply because God is in control and because God has a plan, that doesn’t mean that we should sit idle and wait for God to act.  I think sometimes, that is exactly what we do. 

Yes, God is in control.  That doesn’t mean that we completely stop and just wait for God to do something.  Our actions, our thoughts, our values, our choices play a role in the outcome to some degree.  To pray for good health, but to continue eating fast food and refusing to exercise is counterintuitive. To pray for a better job, but not submitting your resume or researching employment options, pretty much ensures that you will stay stagnant.   Wanting an improved working environment, but contributing to gossip and drama in the workplace, again completely obtuse.   Yes, God can work a miracle, but he wants you to be an active part of that miracle.  What work are you putting in to get the outcome you desire?  How are you impacting that for which you are praying?

Yes, God can do anything.  And yes, God is the master of all miracles.  But God wants you to participate.  God wants you to get involved.  God wants you to exercise free will to make the situation, the circumstance, the event, the world, a better place. What are we doing?  How are we appreciating the free will which God has bestowed on us?

God answers prayers in weird ways.  And sometimes it may not seem like the answer we wanted.  I read somewhere that “God always answers prayers and sometimes the answer is no”. I also know that “God works for the good of those who love Him” – Romans 8:28. So are we angry when things don’t go as planned or do we adjust to find the good in the situation?

I think it all comes down to a matter of perspective.  You see, this past week I was ill. I hate being sick, especially in the summer.  Plus, I had a full schedule at work with a number of time-sensitive things that needed to be accomplished. God had other plans. I got sick.  And not just a summer cold, but a full-blown knock-you-on-your-ass fever, body aches, sore throat, extreme fatigue kind of malady from which I am still recovering.  I was in bed for 4 days straight.

Now I am not saying God got me sick.  I got sick because of some of the choices that I made.  But God used my sickness to make me well in another sense.  You see, I had been exhausted and a bit stressed before this ailment struck.  I needed to decompress, relax, and refocus.  Being sick allowed me to decompress. Being sick forced me to relax.  Being sick gave me time to refocus. Being sick required that I ask for help.  Being sick made me prioritize things.  Being sick made me realize that the things I was stressed about were quite insignificant.  Being sick made me realize just how much I appreciate those in my life who took care of me (my husband) and checked in on me (family and co-workers).    

I could have been mad, angry, and frustrated that I was ill.  In fact, in the very first days, I was.  I was worried about all of the things I couldn’t get accomplished and all of the work that fell to my husband and son while I recovered.  But the anger abated, and peace came, a peace for which I had been praying for quite some time.  Was I expecting to get peace in this manner?  Hell no. 

I fully expected this peace to come on a backpacking trip (which is my normal happy, peaceful place).  I fully expected that our upcoming trip would help me recenter, refocus, and relax.  But that trip is not for another week or more.  So, God used my illness to bring me peace now.  God used my illness to show me how to rest, to teach me to depend on others, and to help bolster my gratitude for others.  God healed me through my sickness. Just as He has done so many times before. 

Yes, God is in control.  Yes, God has a plan.  Zoom out (particularly when you are frustrated) and you may get a better perspective. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.