#freewill – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Beauty and Sadness

I really try not to be preachy or outwardly judgmental. Inwardly, I tend to make judgments to myself but I desperately try to refrain from doing even that. It just leads to bitterness and resentment. Unfortunately, I do it more often than I would care to admit. But I don’t preach (except maybe to my son). I tend to stay away from telling people what they should do, how they should behave, or how they should react. I may share my opinion, but I always close those conversations with something like, “you have to make the decision that is right for you.” People are free to make their own decisions, choices, and judgments. That is the beauty of free will.

However, this past week has been so incredibly and unbelievably sad. I am Catholic, and there is a magnificence and richness to the Catholic Faith. From the order of the mass, to chants and incents, to the praying of the rosary and Eucharistic adoration, there is an indescribable beauty of the faith that I cannot put into words.

By faith (not only by faith) I am Pro-life. The March for Life was recently held, and I am disappointed that it did not get greater press coverage. This is the first year where I really did not hear much about the march from any media outlets. The importance of this event is overlooked these days because it does not fit into the mainstream agenda and does not support the culture of death in which we live.

I am also quite disappointed in the leadership of the Catholic Church both locally and nationally. The Catholic Church has been under fire for quite some time and it is continuing its downward spiral because of its leadership, or lack thereof. From the defrocking of Fr. Frank Pavone to the acceptance of James Martin, whom I will never give the honor of the title of Father, as he clearly does not understand the catechesis of the Catholic Church. Our lack of strong orthodox Catholic leadership has made me so incredibly sad to live in a world that is so broken, so dark, so faithless, so lacking in love and compassion, so far from God. This is a world in which these leaders should be a beacon of light and hope, but some have become a source of darkness.

I expect more from the leaders of our Catholic Church, from the men and women who have made vows to commit their lives to the service of the body of Christ. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do. While I realize these people are human; they are also men and women who have committed their lives to Christ, forsaking all others. Therefore, I believe (like many others) that they should be promoting and defending the faith, not promoting their own version of it and feeding propaganda. But the people who claim to represent the Catholic Church are not the Catholic Church. While we expect these individuals to uphold Catholic teaching, some of them are nothing more than false prophets and wolves in sheep’s clothing, leading the easily led farther away from Christ’s teaching, twisting the words of the bible to suit their agenda, and perverting its teachings.

Some of my closest friends are priests and religious sisters. Their faithfulness has deepened my relationship with God and strengthened my Catholic faith.

While the times may have changed, God has not. The Bible has not; Jesus’s teaching has not. Read John chapter 8. Jesus forgives the woman who commits adultery. But he doesn’t forgive her and tell her it’s okay to go and commit the same sin again. He tells her to “Go your way, and from now on do not sin again”. That teaching has not changed. The Catechism of the Catholic Church has not changed.

Catholicism is an all-or-nothing proposition. You don’t get to pick and choose what parts of it you want to believe and what teachings you will follow. If you’re Catholic, you need to be all in and align your life with the teachings of the Catholic Church – the church, not the people who claim to represent the Church. That is what I must constantly remind myself and others. It is not the Church that is the problem, it is those who claim to represent the Church. The Catechesis of the Catholic Church is pretty clear in detailing Catholic beliefs if you actually take time to read it.

This morning during my morning prayer, I read the passage “see that no one among you has a faithless heart.” – Hebrews 3:12. It really struck me because that line sums up exactly where we are in the Catholic Church, in America, in the world for that matter, right now. We (as a whole) are a faithless society. We have a faithless heart when we don’t treat each other with equality and justice. We have a faithless heart when we twist things to suit our own agenda. We have a faithless heart when we sign legalized murder into legislation. We have a faithless heart when fail to protect the innocent. We have a faithless heart when we cheer for and applaud a culture of death. We have a faithless heart when we interpret the gospel to suit our own needs.

Today I am sad, sad to the point that my heart hurts. Sad to the point that I am re-evaluating friendships because I can no longer deal with the negativity and hate that fills the hearts of so many people. Today I am sad because we have failed to protect the vulnerable, the defenseless, and the innocent; we have failed to protect life. We have failed as a society and as a human race. I am sad because we place more value on the agendas of the elite than on the dignity of the person, on feelings rather than facts. We accept lies and manipulation but won’t accept the Truth given to us by God.

Although I am sad, I am hopeful because God is in control (even when it seems like He might not be). And I will continue to pray and be faithful to God because God makes all things new. (Revelations 21:5). So today, hold on to hope and remember that God is in control, even when, or especially when, we really don’t see it. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

God has a Plan.

I have been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks on the statement that “God is in control” or “God has a plan”. I am not denying that those are true statements. I truly believe that God is in control even when it appears that He may not be. And I am most certain that God has a plan.

God has a specific plan for each and every one of us. It is up to us to decide if we want to accept God’s plan for our lives or choose another path. That’s the beauty of free will. But the beauty of free will also has an ugly side.

Just look at the world today. There is a whole lot that is ugly and that was not by God’s design but by the choices that we have made – free will. I cringe every time I hear the statement, “If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?” Free will. We have the ability to make choices and choices have consequences. So maybe we aren’t making the best choices.

We have the capacity to make choices for ourselves independent of God. God loves us so much that He gave us free will, the capacity to think, feel, reason, and decide for ourselves. That’s pretty amazing. Could He just make us love Him, live in peace and harmony, end war, famine, disease, and avert tragedy and calamity? Sure. He could. God is omniscient. But that would look a lot like a dictatorship. It would be forced by God and that would eliminate free will. God doesn’t force.

God quote by C.S. Lewis – For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.

It is easy to question God’s goodness when we are sick, when we are tired, when we are stressed, when we have trouble in our familial relationships, when there are natural disasters, when there are terminal illnesses, when a loved one dies, when we lose a job, when we lose a friend, etc. It is difficult to see how God is working when you are “inside” the picture and not viewing it from afar. But zoom out. God is in control. God has a plan.

A lot of times we (I) pray and expect to see immediate results from God. It doesn’t always (in fact it seldom does) work that way. Just because we don’t always see how God is moving in a particular moment, doesn’t mean that God is not moving. And what are we doing to change our situation, to influence that for which we are praying? That is not to say we are trying to influence God. God doesn’t need to be influenced.

Praying is an active event, not a passive activity. Simply because God is in control and because God has a plan, that doesn’t mean that we should sit idle and wait for God to act. I think sometimes, that is exactly what we do.

Yes, God is in control. That doesn’t mean that we completely stop and just wait for God to do something. Our actions, our thoughts, our values, our choices play a role in the outcome to some degree. To pray for good health, but to continue eating fast food and refusing to exercise is counterintuitive. To pray for a better job, but not submitting your resume or researching employment options, pretty much ensures that you will stay stagnant. Wanting an improved working environment, but contributing to gossip and drama in the workplace, again completely obtuse. Yes, God can work a miracle, but he wants you to be an active part of that miracle. What work are you putting in to get the outcome you desire? How are you impacting that for which you are praying?

Yes, God can do anything. And yes, God is the master of all miracles. But God wants you to participate. God wants you to get involved. God wants you to exercise free will to make the situation, the circumstance, the event, the world, a better place. What are we doing? How are we appreciating the free will which God has bestowed on us?

God answers prayers in weird ways. And sometimes it may not seem like the answer we wanted. I read somewhere that “God always answers prayers and sometimes the answer is no”. I also know that “God works for the good of those who love Him” – Romans 8:28. So are we angry when things don’t go as planned or do we adjust to find the good in the situation?

I think it all comes down to a matter of perspective. You see, this past week I was ill. I hate being sick, especially in the summer. Plus, I had a full schedule at work with a number of time-sensitive things that needed to be accomplished. God had other plans. I got sick. And not just a summer cold, but a full-blown knock-you-on-your-ass fever, body aches, sore throat, extreme fatigue kind of malady from which I am still recovering. I was in bed for 4 days straight.

Now I am not saying God got me sick. I got sick because of some of the choices that I made. But God used my sickness to make me well in another sense. You see, I had been exhausted and a bit stressed before this ailment struck. I needed to decompress, relax, and refocus. Being sick allowed me to decompress. Being sick forced me to relax. Being sick gave me time to refocus. Being sick required that I ask for help. Being sick made me prioritize things. Being sick made me realize that the things I was stressed about were quite insignificant. Being sick made me realize just how much I appreciate those in my life who took care of me (my husband) and checked in on me (family and co-workers).

Dinner. Although I could not finish all of it.

I could have been mad, angry, and frustrated that I was ill. In fact, in the very first days, I was. I was worried about all of the things I couldn’t get accomplished and all of the work that fell to my husband and son while I recovered. But the anger abated, and peace came, a peace for which I had been praying for quite some time. Was I expecting to get peace in this manner? Hell no.

I fully expected this peace to come on a backpacking trip (which is my normal happy, peaceful place). I fully expected that our upcoming trip would help me recenter, refocus, and relax. But that trip is not for another week or more. So, God used my illness to bring me peace now. God used my illness to show me how to rest, to teach me to depend on others, and to help bolster my gratitude for others. God healed me through my sickness. Just as He has done so many times before.

Yes, God is in control. Yes, God has a plan. Zoom out (particularly when you are frustrated) and you may get a better perspective. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Holiness and St. Francis De Sales

I was reading through some of my, I guess I will call them journals, for lack of a better term this morning. I found some notes that I had written on a homily from a mass that I attended on Thursday, January 24, 2019, at the Co-Cathedral in Houston, Texas.

January 24th is the Memorial of St. Francis de Sales. During that mass, the priest gave a great homily about St. Francis de Sales and his exhortations on holiness and how ordinary people are called to extraordinary holiness, indicating that this holiness could be achieved in one’s everyday life.

St. Francis De Sales

Holiness can look different to different people depending on their current situation in life, their occupation, and their vocation. But all Christians are called to holiness, and this holiness can be achieved through daily living according to St. Francis de Sales, through singing and dancing, through work and play. However, the path to holiness is not easy as growing in holiness requires our continual and free cooperation with the grace of God.

January 2019, I was in Texas with the Reverend Mother. She has helped me on my path to holiness.

It is easy to become exasperated as we, as imperfect humans, travel this path to holiness. We are flawed, we are sinners, and we need to begin anew each day. But as St. Francis wrote to one of his followers who was experiencing this very same frustration, “Be patient with the whole world, but, above all with yourself. I want to tell you not to lose your serenity because of your imperfections, and always to have the zest to raise yourself up. It gives me joy to see each day you begin again. There is no better way to finish life well than to return to the starting point always and not ever to think that we have done enough.”

St. Francis de Sales’ whole premise of holiness is beautiful. Each of us, as Christians, is called to holiness. What does holiness look like for your life? It is going to be different and unique for each of us. How are you being called to holiness? It is sometimes difficult for me to “hear” what God is calling me to. What can you do to grow in holiness? This is a great question, and I am not good at answering these types of inquiries. For me, it can be a greater focus on prayer, practicing patience in situations in which I would not normally be patient or being more present to those around me. But even if you fail, or fall short, or don’t feel like you are living up to an ideal of holiness, we can refer back to St. Francis De Sales and “begin again”.

So today, strive toward holiness, in your daily activities. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and know that each day you can begin again. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Everyday Miracles

It has been cold a rainy the past few days, but I must admit, I truly love this time of year. The crispness of the air, the damp chill, the smell of the dry leaves, falling from the trees and the way they crunch beneath your feet, apple cider, sweaters and boots and fleece vests and hoodies, crackling fires, and amazing October sunsets; I love all things autumn. In fact, I love all seasons, the changes of the seasons and the beauty of each transition. But Fall is my favorite!

As I drove into work this morning, just before dawn broke I could not help but ponder the wonder and majesty of God. I know there are people who do not believe in God, or are unsure if God does truly exist. I understand that it is difficult to comprehend the concept of a merciful God when we see all that is going on in the world. I was one of those people at one time, so I fully understand that thought process. But that is where free will comes into play.

I attended the all school mass this morning; we have a weekly mass with all of the students each Thursday (and on first Friday’s each month). Fr. Michael our chaplain was away on a diocesan priest event, so Fr. Michael from the Marian’s of the Immaculate Conception said mass.

Today is the feast of St. Ignatius of Antioch. Fr. Michael shared quite a bit about St. Ignatius of Antioch and how he was martyred (killed by wild animals). During his homily, father shared the following “I am writing to all the churches to let it be known that I will gladly die for God if only you do not stand in my way. I plead with you: show me no untimely kindness. Let me be food for the wild beasts, for they are my way to God. I am God’s wheat and bread. Pray to Christ for me that the animals will be the means of making me a sacrificial victim for God. No earthly pleasures, no kingdoms of this world can benefit me in any way. I prefer death in Christ Jesus to power over the farthest limits of the earth.”

He indicated that Ignatius was deeply in love with God and that each of us should strive for the same. He also stated, and this is what struck me hardest, God doesn’t send anyone to hell, we choose it by our actions. Wow, is that ever powerful. And that is free will!

God doesn’t send anyone to hell, we choose it by our actions.
Fr. Michael, MIC

We choose hell by our actions, God doesn’t condemn us to hell. That truly is free will. Free will allows us to choose. God wants us to choose Him, by how many times do we choose something other than him? How many times do we choose money, fame, prestige, power, titles, positions, pleasure, our own wants and desires, sleep, alcohol, food, etc. over God. How many times do we choose selfishness, arrogance, conceit, prejudice, gluttony, pride, anger, and self-centeredness? Or do we choose not to believe at all? Do we choose to deny the presence and the existence of God, or only believe in God when it convenient?

What will you choose today?

As I came back to my office after mass, I looked out my window. The sunlight was just beginning to break through the grey clouds. It was streaming through, dancing on the leaves of the trees, leaves tipped with bright yellow as the trees begin their transition. And I wondered how people could not believe in a loving God, a God of grace and mercy and forgiveness. All of this beauty that surrounds us speaks of God’s majesty and power and love. Then I realized that people probably aren’t seeing this magnificence.

We get so caught up in the minutia of day to day living; we forget to take in all of the splendor that is around us. We forget to choose God. And its not just the beautiful landscapes, the oceans, mountains, valleys, lakes and rivers or the fields and meadows, the long spans of desert and winding country roads. It’s the daily interactions that we have with one another. It’s taking a walk with friend, it’s calling your parents just to “check-in”, it’s sending a random text to a person you haven’t talked to in a while, it’s buying coffee for the car behind you in the drive-thru, it’s making a little extra dinner to share with the elderly woman who lives alone down the street, it’s visiting your sick friend in the hospital, holding her hand and telling her it’s going to be alright, it’s showing compassion to those who are less fortunate than you and extending a hand in friendship to a stranger.

It is all those little things that we do on a daily basis – usually without even thinking about them – brewing coffee for your coworkers, making breakfast for your family, packing lunches for your kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, car-pooling, preparing dinner, reading your children a bedtime story and tucking them in at night, having a glass of wine (or beer) with your spouse after a long day. The magnificence and beauty, the choosing God, is in all of these little things, but we are so caught up in the stress of day to day that we fail to see their impact, their brilliance. We fail to see them for what they really are, everyday miracles.

Today take a little time to look for everyday miracles and be an everyday miracle for someone else. Today choose God. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.