I have been reading the Gospel according to Mark this past week. If you read Mark with no background information about Jesus, or even if you do know that background, you might actually think that Jesus is out of his mind. I mean, let’s be honest, Jesus can come across as a little crazy, right? I am sure the people who witnessed the actions of Jesus and the events of the day might have thought that Jesus was crazy.
He is a man who is performing amazing miracles. He is healing the lame, he is driving out demons, he is challenging Pharisees, he is rebelling against the traditional view of the Sabbath, he is talking in parables, he is bringing the dead back to life, he is feeding the masses. And he is being challenged by others about all of these things, yet he never backs down. Jesus was faithful to God the Father in everything that he did. Everything. I imagine that he would appear to be crazy to the people of that day.
I know today, with everything that is going on in the world and even or maybe especially, within the Catholic Church, there are many people who think that devout Catholics are (brave and) crazy. For those of you who think that’s true, let me just tell you we’re not crazy. (Maybe we’re brave for standing up for our faith.) What we really are is faithful. There is a big difference.
You cannot judge the whole by the actions of a few. Although in today’s society, many people do just that. (And I am in no way condoning or justifying anything that has happened, been covered up, etc. by the Catholic Church, I am just as disgusted by it as anyone). But evil exists and it can take many forms. And while we, as Christians, don’t always understand why these things happen or where these things are going; we have faith and believe that God will bring something good out of everything, even when it looks like chaos. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”- Romans 2:28. Even when we don’t understand. But we remain faithful. We continue to pray. And we know that God has a greater plan and that God is in control.
Today say a prayer for one another and have faith, God will bring something amazing out of the chaos. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
I have been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks on the statement that “God is in control” or “God has a plan”. I am not denying that those are true statements. I truly believe that God is in control even when it appears that He may not be. And I am most certain that God has a plan.
God has a specific plan for each and every one of us. It is up to us to decide if we want to accept God’s plan for our lives or choose another path. That’s the beauty of free will. But the beauty of free will also has an ugly side.
Just look at the world today. There is a whole lot that is ugly and that was not by God’s design but by the choices that we have made – free will. I cringe every time I hear the statement, “If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?” Free will. We have the ability to make choices and choices have consequences. So maybe we aren’t making the best choices.
The morning before the takedown.
We have the capacity to make choices for ourselves independent of God. God loves us so much that He gave us free will, the capacity to think, feel, reason, and decide for ourselves. That’s pretty amazing. Could He just make us love Him, live in peace and harmony, end war, famine, disease, and avert tragedy and calamity? Sure. He could. God is omniscient. But that would look a lot like a dictatorship. It would be forced by God and that would eliminate free will. God doesn’t force.
God quote by C.S. Lewis – For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.
It is easy to question God’s goodness when we are sick, when we are tired, when we are stressed, when we have trouble in our familial relationships, when there are natural disasters, when there are terminal illnesses, when a loved one dies, when we lose a job, when we lose a friend, etc. It is difficult to see how God is working when you are “inside” the picture and not viewing it from afar. But zoom out. God is in control. God has a plan.
A lot of times we (I) pray and expect to see immediate results from God. It doesn’t always (in fact it seldom does) work that way. Just because we don’t always see how God is moving in a particular moment, doesn’t mean that God is not moving. And what are we doing to change our situation, to influence that for which we are praying? That is not to say we are trying to influence God. God doesn’t need to be influenced.
a little light reading
Praying is an active event, not a passive activity. Simply because God is in control and because God has a plan, that doesn’t mean that we should sit idle and wait for God to act. I think sometimes, that is exactly what we do.
Yes, God is in control. That doesn’t mean that we completely stop and just wait for God to do something. Our actions, our thoughts, our values, our choices play a role in the outcome to some degree. To pray for good health, but to continue eating fast food and refusing to exercise is counterintuitive. To pray for a better job, but not submitting your resume or researching employment options, pretty much ensures that you will stay stagnant. Wanting an improved working environment, but contributing to gossip and drama in the workplace, again completely obtuse. Yes, God can work a miracle, but he wants you to be an active part of that miracle. What work are you putting in to get the outcome you desire? How are you impacting that for which you are praying?
Yes, God can do anything. And yes, God is the master of all miracles. But God wants you to participate. God wants you to get involved. God wants you to exercise free will to make the situation, the circumstance, the event, the world, a better place. What are we doing? How are we appreciating the free will which God has bestowed on us?
God answers prayers in weird ways. And sometimes it may not seem like the answer we wanted. I read somewhere that “God always answers prayers and sometimes the answer is no”. I also know that “God works for the good of those who love Him” – Romans 8:28. So are we angry when things don’t go as planned or do we adjust to find the good in the situation?
I think it all comes down to a matter of perspective. You see, this past week I was ill. I hate being sick, especially in the summer. Plus, I had a full schedule at work with a number of time-sensitive things that needed to be accomplished. God had other plans. I got sick. And not just a summer cold, but a full-blown knock-you-on-your-ass fever, body aches, sore throat, extreme fatigue kind of malady from which I am still recovering. I was in bed for 4 days straight.
Now I am not saying God got me sick. I got sick because of some of the choices that I made. But God used my sickness to make me well in another sense. You see, I had been exhausted and a bit stressed before this ailment struck. I needed to decompress, relax, and refocus. Being sick allowed me to decompress. Being sick forced me to relax. Being sick gave me time to refocus. Being sick required that I ask for help. Being sick made me prioritize things. Being sick made me realize that the things I was stressed about were quite insignificant. Being sick made me realize just how much I appreciate those in my life who took care of me (my husband) and checked in on me (family and co-workers).
Dinner. Although I could not finish all of it.The new resident chefTux made sure I stayed in bed. Sometimes she slept on the job.
I could have been mad, angry, and frustrated that I was ill. In fact, in the very first days, I was. I was worried about all of the things I couldn’t get accomplished and all of the work that fell to my husband and son while I recovered. But the anger abated, and peace came, a peace for which I had been praying for quite some time. Was I expecting to get peace in this manner? Hell no.
I fully expected this peace to come on a backpacking trip (which is my normal happy, peaceful place). I fully expected that our upcoming trip would help me recenter, refocus, and relax. But that trip is not for another week or more. So, God used my illness to bring me peace now. God used my illness to show me how to rest, to teach me to depend on others, and to help bolster my gratitude for others. God healed me through my sickness. Just as He has done so many times before.
Backpacking is cheaper than therapy.
Yes, God is in control. Yes, God has a plan. Zoom out (particularly when you are frustrated) and you may get a better perspective. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
I have taken the shelter in place/stay at home order pretty seriously since it was instituted in mid-March. I have to; I am now considered to be in one of those high-risk groups since I was diagnosed with and treated for breast cancer.
I will admit, I was not too excited when the schools closed, then the restaurants were ordered to serve take-out only, then the hair salons were shut down along with all other businesses that are considered non-essential. T.J Maxx is one of my favorite places to which to escape and engage in a little retail therapy. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, too precautious, a little bit over the top. In my opinion, it was overkill. But as things progressed and the coronavirus continued to spread rapidly, I began to understand, heed the warnings, and take the recommended precautions.
I have been working from home since Monday March 16th. That was my last official day in the office. That was day I transferred my office at the high school to the dining room table in my home. It was also the same evening that we adopted a fourth dog – Bailey, a Staffordshire terrier puppy (we think) who was about 3 months old when we brought her home. My husband and I figured, since we both would be working from home for the next month, this would be the perfect time to add a new puppy to our pack.
Our Newest Addition – Bailey
That first week of the shelter in place order, I kind of took it seriously. I stayed home more, but still went to the store often, went into the office to pick up mail, etc. and even stopped to see my mom and show her my new puppy. Then there was a confirmed case in our county and things got real. I made it a point to stay home and avoid unnecessary contact with people. I began planning weekly meals so I could limit my grocery shopping to only once a week (or longer when possible). I began ordering more products on-line, including items for our pets and general necessities like laundry detergent and paper towels. The stay at home order took on a whole new meaning.
My coworker is distracting sometimes.
Staying healthy has become a bit of an obsession for me. I am preparing nutrient rich, vegetable heavy dinners, working out daily, and walking the dogs approximately 5 miles every day. While I hope I do not appear rude during those walks, I have been very conscious of social distancing and will not get close to my neighbors when we do have conversations. And I try to limit any face to face social discourse. I nearly had a panic attack when a neighbor walked into our yard to comment on the fence project my husband and son took on during the pandemic. He was just a little too close for me.
Greek chicken and roasted spring vegetables
I have rescheduled all doctor’s appointments and avoid the grocery store when I anticipate that it will be busy. I have taken advantage of the special shopping hours available for the elderly and those who are a higher risk. I never thought that would be the case, but it is. And if at any time I begin to feel even remotely ill, I tackle it head on. That usually means, hot tea, a good stiff shot, extra vitamin C, and more rest.
Overall, as a family, I think we have adjusted well to life during the pandemic. As I mentioned before, I am appreciating this slower pace, more time with family, the opportunities to connect with friends, the meaningful conversations, the chance to declutter a bit in all aspects of our lives.
More time for prayer
But today, today was the first day that I ventured out of the house and into the school in nearly four weeks. While I have been successfully working from home, there were a few things that I just could not accomplish remotely. I went in after virtual morning mass and arrived just before 9am. When I arrived, I found our Assistant Principal at work in her office. It was a bit surreal to be in the building on a weekday, during the school year, without any teachers or staff present. Actually, it was downright weird. We exchanged some pleasantries, from an acceptable social distance, then I set off to handle the tasks that I come in to complete.
It took about 2 hours to get my work done. About 1 hour into it, I took a break and walked down to the chapel. The door was open, the chancel candle was lit, the Missal was opened on the altar, and the lectionary was on the pulpit. Everything was in order as if we would be celebrating mass together that very day. But we were not. I went in and sat down. I had begun praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet with our chaplain and campus minister on Instagram, but when I got to the chapel, I lost the connection. So, I just sat in the chapel quietly with God for a while, said a silent prayer, then returned to my office to complete the tasks at hand.
Before I finished at the school, I spoke with our accounting clerk who came in to handle some financial matters. Our offices are adjacent, and she is kind enough to drop off materials weekly at my house that I need to do my job. Once I finished at the school, I left for the post office then I would return to my office at the dining room table to make some phone calls and send some emails.
When I left the post office, I had this incredible urge to stop at Holy Family Church, my home parish. I had not been in the church since the weekend before the stay at home order was executed. It felt good to be back. I was completely alone in the church, well just me and God. (While there are no public services, the Catholic Churches are still open to provide places of prayer and reflection for the faithful.)
Now, I must admit, I did have an ulterior motive for stopping. Our parish often has “The Word Among Us” publications available for the parishioners. I has hoping to pick up a copy as I like to follow along with the readings and Gospel during daily mass. I also enjoy the daily reflections and stories. The last publication ran through Easter Sunday. I walked in and checked the table where Monsignor normally places the booklets, but there were none there. I was not sure if there would be any booklets because of the strangeness of these times. I proceeded into the church, sat down, and read the daily reflections in the Laudate app on my phone and prayed for a while.
I got up to leave, grateful for that time in church. I did not realize just how much I missed it until I walked through the doors. As I was walking out, there on the very table that I had checked when I came in was one copy of the new “The Word Among Us”! Yes, it was a miracle. Yes, it was something that I needed, and God knew it. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it took my breath away. As I picked it up, I thanked God for my little journey out into the real world today. I thanked Him for the work that I had to do, the tasks that I needed to complete at the school. I thanked Him for the few interactions that I had with coworkers and that time of quiet in the chapel. I thanked Him for my parish, my priests (all of them), and for that booklet that just appeared. I thanked Him for all of the blessings in my life, especially the ones that I never really noticed until I was forced to slow down, stay indoors, and shelter in place.
So today, be grateful for all the blessings, all of the little miracles, and remember to thank God. He really is there. And while you can never surprise Him, He just might surprise you when you least expect it. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
Inevitably when I am meeting with or visiting people, the first thing they ask me is; “How are you feeling?” I truly appreciate their care and concern and completely understand why they are asking. I mean I do have cancer, right? So technically, I’m sick. I probably shouldn’t be feeling all that well. But surprisingly, I feel fantastic. I’m working out, eating well and generally just enjoying life. I don’t feel sick, I don’t feel tired, I’m not in pain; I really do feel great! In fact, when I tell people that I feel great, I add the disclaimer that if they didn’t tell me I had cancer I would have never known. I mean, I don’t feel like I have cancer, if that makes sense.
But the stark reality that I do have cancer hit home this week. I had my pre-op appointments yesterday. And while I have shared that I have breast cancer pretty freely, I haven’t really shared what my treatment plan looks like. It looks like this – I have to have a unilateral mastectomy. When I think about it, it’s a lot to process. So for the most part I just don’t think about it. I focus on the good, I focus on the blessings, I focus on the miracles; I focus on all of things that I have gained during this journey with cancer. I try not to think about or concentrate on what I am losing. Basically, I’m losing one of the girls.
When we first made the decision to move forward with the mastectomy, it was a little overwhelming. I felt nauseous for days. But like everything, as time passes you learn to deal with it; you learn accept it. But as the impending surgery approaches, I am feeling those things all over again. There are dozens of thoughts rushing through my mind. And some concern about what happens afterwards. The pre-op appointments made it real. For so long it was one of those things that was going to happen eventually. Well, eventually is upon me.
But I will press on, trying to push the fear that sometimes creeps up out of my mind, not thinking about the negative aspects of cancer. I will focus on all the blessings that this diagnosis has brought about in my life.
I have gotten spend more time with my brother and his wife who have hosted me on each trip to Columbus for appointments, etc. They have made me feel comfortable and welcome. I was worried about intruding into the lives, but they always make me feel like the want me there.
I have spent a lot more time in Columbus which has been really cool. At one point in my life I did called Columbus, Ohio home. So to be back, although a lot has changed, has been wonderful.
The Columbus Crew who have made my visits to Columbus so fun
I reconnected with my best friend from high school. We picked up where we had left off ten years ago. Not that we intended to lose touch, but life got in the way. But it has been like no time had passed at all and she has been there for me when I needed her most.
I have reconnected with many other old friends with whom I had lost touch over time. They have reached out. We’ve met for coffee, grabbed lunch, exchanged texts or just talked on the phone. They will never know how much their presence and support has meant to me.
I have been shown love, kindness and support from people whom I don’t even know. And the prayers, well let’s just say I know that people are praying for me because I really am at peace with all of this. I can only attribute that peace to God’s grace and the prayers that have been offered on my behalf.
It’s funny how tragedy and adversity can bring people together and draw out the best in one another. That is a blessing – in fact that is multiple blessings all wrapped up in one. I am grateful for all of the good that transpired in the midst of this diagnosis and will focus on that as I approach surgery.
We have all lost something, probably many things, over the course of our lives. Today, focus not on what you could lose, but look at all you have gained. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
2019 was a tumultuous year for our family, to say the least. From beginning the year with inconvenient illnesses and injuries (colds, flu, bronchitis, and broken bones), to a change of college and career plans for my son (his school of choice filed for financial exigency), to losing my job, my husband taking on more consulting work, and me taking on a new position and at the same time starting a new consulting business in the middle of the year, to finding out at the end of 2019 that I have breast cancer; it has been a wild, crazy and sometimes chaotic ride. But within the chaos, God frequently made His presence known.
When I was working for the Franciscan Sisters, TOR I had once asked the reverend mother if she believed in coincidence or if everything happened for a reason. She told me that she believed that everything happened for a reason. I have to admit, at that time, I was skeptical that this could be true. I mean, really, EVERYTHING happens for a reason? I didn’t fully believe it. I thought there was a lot of room for coincidence.
6:30am moon at the Steubenville Catholic Schools
Chance really had to play a role in the way the way life played out and the way that things occurred, right? I thought it did, I believed that the way things were happening were coincidental, and that there was no rhyme or reason to the way life unfolded. To me, life was a meaningless game of chance – for the most part.
Then I began to realize that everything was happening for a reason, that this was God’s perfect design. There were blessings hidden within all of the chaos, if I just took time to look for them. At the time each of these events occurred, they seemed like a tragedy or a curse. But in retrospect, they were blessings in disguise.
The college my son wanted to attend filing for financial exigency resulted in him finding a school that was actually a better fit for his learning style and was substantially more affordable. The changes in my employment situation opened other doors, provided new avenues for expansion for both me and my husband’s businesses. Those changes also introduced me to new people, new friends, and reconnected me with old friends, who would be influential in my journey during 2019. The unexplained illnesses I was experiencing in the beginning of the year eventually led to an early cancer diagnosis. EARLY DIAGNOSIS. Each of those things that seemed so bleak when they were transpiring held profound beauty that I just couldn’t see at that time.
An evening with old friends – Mr. and Mrs. Claus.
Jon Bon Jovi once said that, “Miracles happen every day, change your perception of what a miracle is and you’ll see them all around you.” This is so very true. All of those things that tried my patience, shook my faith, and toyed with my sanity were blessings. They were miracles. I just didn’t know it at the time. Sometime you don’t even realize what is happening is a miracle until well after the miracle has occurred.
Ruby and Charlie Boy
And then there was Charlie Boy. And yes, Charlie Boy is a blessing. Or miracle, however you want to look at it. I needed him and he arrived at just the right time. Just like the change in my son’s plans for school and a career. Just like the loss of my job, the establishment of my own consulting business and the growth in my husband’s consulting company. Just like finding a new job. And just like being diagnosed with breast cancer.
Charlie Boy – my therapy dog, my miracle – with all of toys by the fire
All of it, even the cancer is a blessing. It has happened for a reason. It is not a curse, or a scourge, or even a misfortune. Yes, it is a challenge, but great things are born of challenge. I know great things will be born of this, because God wastes nothing.
So today, look at your struggles, your challenges, your trials with fresh eyes and find the miracles buried beneath the chaos. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
It has been cold a rainy the past few days, but I must admit, I truly love this time of year. The crispness of the air, the damp chill, the smell of the dry leaves, falling from the trees and the way they crunch beneath your feet, apple cider, sweaters and boots and fleece vests and hoodies, crackling fires, and amazing October sunsets; I love all things autumn. In fact, I love all seasons, the changes of the seasons and the beauty of each transition. But Fall is my favorite!
As I drove into work this morning, just before dawn broke I could not help but ponder the wonder and majesty of God. I know there are people who do not believe in God, or are unsure if God does truly exist. I understand that it is difficult to comprehend the concept of a merciful God when we see all that is going on in the world. I was one of those people at one time, so I fully understand that thought process. But that is where free will comes into play.
I attended the all school mass this morning; we have a weekly mass with all of the students each Thursday (and on first Friday’s each month). Fr. Michael our chaplain was away on a diocesan priest event, so Fr. Michael from the Marian’s of the Immaculate Conception said mass.
Today is the feast of St. Ignatius of Antioch. Fr. Michael shared quite a bit about St. Ignatius of Antioch and how he was martyred (killed by wild animals). During his homily, father shared the following “I am writing to all the churches to let it be known that I will gladly die for God if only you do not stand in my way. I plead with you: show me no untimely kindness. Let me be food for the wild beasts, for they are my way to God. I am God’s wheat and bread. Pray to Christ for me that the animals will be the means of making me a sacrificial victim for God. No earthly pleasures, no kingdoms of this world can benefit me in any way. I prefer death in Christ Jesus to power over the farthest limits of the earth.”
He indicated that Ignatius was deeply in love with God and that each of us should strive for the same. He also stated, and this is what struck me hardest, God doesn’t send anyone to hell, we choose it by our actions. Wow, is that ever powerful. And that is free will!
God doesn’t send anyone to hell, we choose it by our actions.
Fr. Michael, MIC
We choose hell by our actions, God doesn’t condemn us to hell. That truly is free will. Free will allows us to choose. God wants us to choose Him, by how many times do we choose something other than him? How many times do we choose money, fame, prestige, power, titles, positions, pleasure, our own wants and desires, sleep, alcohol, food, etc. over God. How many times do we choose selfishness, arrogance, conceit, prejudice, gluttony, pride, anger, and self-centeredness? Or do we choose not to believe at all? Do we choose to deny the presence and the existence of God, or only believe in God when it convenient?
What will you choose today?
As I came back to my office after mass, I looked out my window. The sunlight was just beginning to break through the grey clouds. It was streaming through, dancing on the leaves of the trees, leaves tipped with bright yellow as the trees begin their transition. And I wondered how people could not believe in a loving God, a God of grace and mercy and forgiveness. All of this beauty that surrounds us speaks of God’s majesty and power and love. Then I realized that people probably aren’t seeing this magnificence.
We get so caught up in the minutia of day to day living; we forget to take in all of the splendor that is around us. We forget to choose God. And its not just the beautiful landscapes, the oceans, mountains, valleys, lakes and rivers or the fields and meadows, the long spans of desert and winding country roads. It’s the daily interactions that we have with one another. It’s taking a walk with friend, it’s calling your parents just to “check-in”, it’s sending a random text to a person you haven’t talked to in a while, it’s buying coffee for the car behind you in the drive-thru, it’s making a little extra dinner to share with the elderly woman who lives alone down the street, it’s visiting your sick friend in the hospital, holding her hand and telling her it’s going to be alright, it’s showing compassion to those who are less fortunate than you and extending a hand in friendship to a stranger.
It is all those little things that we do on a daily basis – usually without even thinking about them – brewing coffee for your coworkers, making breakfast for your family, packing lunches for your kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, car-pooling, preparing dinner, reading your children a bedtime story and tucking them in at night, having a glass of wine (or beer) with your spouse after a long day. The magnificence and beauty, the choosing God, is in all of these little things, but we are so caught up in the stress of day to day that we fail to see their impact, their brilliance. We fail to see them for what they really are, everyday miracles.
Today take a little time to look for everyday miracles and be an everyday miracle for someone else. Today choose God. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith 