As we approach Easter Sunday, I have been looking at the different readings and gospels that are coming up. The second Sunday of Easter always features the gospel reading from John 20: 19-31.
A few years ago, we went into lockdown due to the COVID pandemic. It happened during the Lenten Season, around the 15th of March 2020. No one would have predicted that we would still feel the aftershock three years later. While we experienced various stages of lockdown, quarantine, remote learning, and telework options, during that time, I also gained a new perspective in looking at the Gospel of John 20:19-31.
The opening passage states, “On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” The apostles are in what seems to be a fearful and impossible situation. In that very instance, what did Jesus do for them? He gave them His presence. “He came and stood among them.” And He gave them His peace. Not once, but two times He said, “Peace be with you.”
Jesus wanted to be sure that the disciples knew that it was, in fact, He who was with them. He showed them the unmistakable evidence of not only His crucifixion but also His resurrection. “He showed them His hands and His side.”
During this appearance, Jesus renewed His disciples, giving them courage and a strong sense of purpose. He brought them peace, stating once again, “Peace be with you.” And he gave them their calling; “As the Father has sent me, even so, I am sending you.” Then He breathed on them, saying, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” Jesus then gave them power and authority, stating, “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, they are withheld.”
As Christians, we must be strong in our witness for Christ, in sharing His teachings and preaching His Gospel. We must be able to advocate for authentic biblical, Christian faith in the midst of all that is occurring in our broken world; we need the same gifts that Jesus gave to his disciples. We need Christ’s presence and His peace. We need the unmistakable evidence of His death and resurrection for our very salvation. We need a renewed sense of purpose, calling, the Holy Spirit, and His authority.
When the disciples see Jesus Christ risen from the dead, their hope is restored, and they have the courage and strength to face all of the challenges that lie ahead, defending their belief and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and spreading his message of peace, hope, and love to others.
Not only in the season of Easter but every single day, Jesus offers all those very same gifts to us. All we have to do is accept what He wants to give us freely. Will you accept all of the gifts and blessings that God has for you?
So today, remember that Jesus is with you always. Be open to accepting the peace He wants to give you. Allow Him to strengthen you, especially if you are going through a time of struggle or uncertainty. Turn to Him; He will renew you. He will give you courage and sense of purpose. Remember that you are a child of God and are loved beyond measure; there is a purpose for your life, for your pain, for your suffering. God uses everything…everything. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.
It was Easter Monday, April 9, 2012. You know those fresh spring mornings when the sun streams through the windows, you awaken to the melodious songs of wrens, chickadees and finches, and the aroma of lilies and forsythia hang heavy in the air like the smell of a sweet and heady perfume? Well, this was not one of those spring mornings. It was gray and overcast, unseasonably cold for early April with a good stiff breeze that sent a chill through your bones. Rain was predicted for most of the day; that very thought exhausted me more than anything. It was a lazy, lethargic kind of day specifically designed for sweatpants and hoodies, good books, Law & Order marathons and long naps on the couch under big, thick comforters. And it was exactly eleven days before my birthday. That is when it hit me that I would be turning forty.
Coffee is always part of a lazy, lethargic day
The BIG 4-0. Forty had always hung out there in the far, far distance like something you could just barely see on the horizon if you squinted really, really hard. It was an age that seemed so old when I was eighteen
Desert horizon, squinting to see what is in the distance
Eighteen was the age where I was going to kick the world’s ass. I was so cocky, so full of optimism and promise and had such big plans. By the time I had turned 22, the world had already kicked my ass several times over.
Upon reaching the ripe old age of twenty-five, forty still seemed old but not nearly as ancient as formerly perceived. I knew people who were forty, well I worked with people who were forty or in their forties and they still seemed kind of cool. And once I hit thirty, well by that time, forty is not old at all. Forty was young, very young. In fact, in my thirties, I had friends in their forties. We would sit around the bonfire drinking beer and laughing about stories of our glory days in high school and college. We would reminisce about all the stupid stuff we did when we were young and boast about how we didn’t get caught doing all those things that we shouldn’t have been doing. Each story was better than the last.
Certain songs make me nostalgic for those days. In fact, I can’t listen to Bon Jovi without reliving those summer walks to Dairy Queen for Blizzards or the late-night strolls during the first snow fall or numerous jam sessions with my friends, Laura and Karen. And the Indigo Girls bring back those crazy college days in Jayne’s VW Beetle going anywhere or heading to Penn in Cass’s Mercedes for a Theta Xi Frat party or smoking cigarettes on the Fournier Porch with AD, Michelle, Julie and Feeser thinking we were so damn cool.
College and High School Friends
I remember my parent’s friends were in their forties, but that was twenty to thirty years ago. I knew it was inevitable; forty would eventually catch up with me. Someday (if I was lucky enough) I, too, would celebrate my fortieth birthday. But now forty had crept up and pounced on me all of a sudden. I certainly wasn’t ready for it to spring upon me and sink its claws into me. Where the hell did the last twenty years go?
I still love winter walks
It seems like I was just in college celebrating a momentous twenty-first birthday. We did the Chestnut Hill Pub Crawl. My partner in crime throughout my entire college career, AD, had orchestrated the entire evening. Purple Hooters were the celebratory drink of choice. We started the night off at JB Winnebare’s at the Chestnut Hill Hotel, preceded to McNally’s, then hit a couple of other random places before heading to the Depot. We wrapped the night up at our favorite haunt, Butler’s Pub.
My alcohol and snack selections have gotten a bit more refined as I have gotten older
I had been frequenting Butler’s Pub that entire school year, so the Butler’s Brothers were more than a little surprised to learn that I had just turned twenty-one that very day. We were at Butler’s every Wednesday Night to see the band Serious Fish perform, then, we would come back on Thursday for $0.10 wings and $7.00 Buckets of Rocks. We often stopped in on a Monday or Tuesday because we could, and it was just understood that we would swing by on the weekend in the midst of our countless adventures. It was our Cheers and everybody knew our names.
Closing Time, Semisonic
We wrapped up at Butler’s Pub at closing time – 2am April 21, 1993. AD and I sat outside the bar and talked to Tom – the skateboarder and Tim Butler (no relation to the Butler Brothers who owned the pub) until nearly 3am. At that time, somebody came to pick us up, because we were in no condition to drive. We sang Galileo and Joking by the Indigo Girls at the top of our lungs the entire ride back to campus. It was one of the best nights ever and one I will never forget!
Galilieo, Indigo Girls
The Indigo Girls provided the background music for my entire college career. We listened to Rites of Passage like it was our job. Their music played in the morning when we got up – blurry-eyed over steaming cups of coffee, while showering – getting ready to face the day, before classes – making sure all assignments were completed, while studying – because who doesn’t study with music in college, while getting ready to go out – the Indigo Girls were always the beginning of a great night out, in the car – on the way to where ever we were going, and at the bar – for obvious reasons. And when we weren’t listening to the Indigo Girls, we were singing the Indigo Girls, loud and proud like we had experienced those very songs. You could hear their music playing in Fontebonne Hall at any given moment of the day or night and the squeaky, off-key voices of young college women singing right along like we were at a concert.
Most of the time, I really don’t feel like I’m any older or any more responsible than I was back then; except now, I am approaching 50!?!?!
I still sing along to the Indigo Girls at the top of my lungs whenever I hear them, though I know I am older and more responsible these days. I have a husband, and a son, three indoor cats, and four dogs. I have a house and a mortgage, three trucks, an SUV, a boat, a business, and life insurance. I take family vacations, visit my siblings in other cities and states, have grown nieces and nephews, have lost my father, but am fortunate to still have my mother and in-laws.
I get up every weekday at 5am and pack lunches for my husband and son, I make a family dinner nearly every night, I clean the house, go grocery shopping but rarely do laundry. And I tend to worry a lot. I worry about welfare and unemployment and taxes and inflation and politics. I worry about mortgages and home improvements and finances and retirement. I worry about my family, my mom, my in-laws and my friends. I worry about the conflicts in our country and the division and what the world will be like for my son when he ventures out on his own in a couple of years.
I love to cook!
And I worry, in general, about my son, his education, his health, his future, is he happy, will he be successful – everything a mother worries about concerning her children. I exercise and workout, hike and walk the dogs not only to stay in shape as I get older but also to keep my sanity in this craziness that is adult life. I have a full-time job at a local Catholic High School, and I operate my own consulting business.
My son at work
Maybe it is because I am around young people for a huge portion of my day, who are the very reflection of what I was decades ago; young and free and on the cusp of discovering something new and wonderful that life has to offer, that I really feel like I never really left that part of my life behind. That is not a bad thing. Being around these young men and women keeps me keenly aware of youth and extremely careful to not lose that vibrancy and optimism and ability to have fun in and with the everyday minutiae of life. Because of them, I have begun to look at fifty a little differently. I am simply an eighteen-year-old with thirty-two years of experience.
Living every day and taking the beauty of God’s country
So today, don’t take life for granted, be here now, live in the moment, be open, carpe diem, and pray that your life will have all the blessings, joys, and even struggles that make life worth living. And today please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
It has been quite a while since I penned any thoughts or any reflections. I just haven’t had anything meaningful (in my opinion) to share. I was hoping that the Lenten season would inspire me, but it did not.
It is difficult to feel far from God when you are surrounded by His beautiful creation
In fact, during the entire season of Lent, in which I was supposed to be drawing closer to God, I could not have felt any farther away from Him. And it was not for lack of trying. During the entire forty days, I prayed morning prayer (although often I completely blanked out), read multiple daily reflections (although nothing was speaking to me), I attended daily mass (although I was typically distracted and agitated), prayed a daily rosary (often days more than one) and the chaplet of Divine Mercy. I also continued to pray the St. Andrew Novena just because I like it. I have tried just being silent and listening. But I got nothing. Even the priest’s whose homilies usually touch me in a profound way had left me entirely empty. Nothing was bringing me peace and I didn’t feel close to God at all. If anything I felt like God was completely absent from my life. And I was angry. Perpetually angry. And I think it was because of that absence. Or perhaps it was something else. I really don’t know; I just know that I felt “out of sorts”.
I essentially complained about the state of my relationship with God to a friend of mine who happens to be a religious sister. I guess I thought or knew that she might have some insight into one’s individual prayer life and how to navigate a relationship with God. She told me that there are times when we will experience aridity in prayer, when we will feel like God is far away. She also indicated that this is normal.
She then recommended a book to me to help me through this “distance” I am experiencing with God right now called Discernment of the Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher. She indicated that it was an easy read, and it was specifically written for lay people. Needless to say, I was excited to have some help in this area so I ordered the book…or so I thought.
I waited anxiously for my book to arrive – two days had never seemed so long. Then the long-awaited day arrived. It was then that I realized I ordered the wrong book. I ordered the Reader’s Guide which is an accompaniment to the actual book – the book that I did not order.
I accepted my little “ordering” mistake as a message from God, the first message that I had had or at least had recognized in months. I figured this was God telling me that he wanted me to dive in a little deeper into this book (the book that I did not yet possess) and spend a little more time getting into the “heart” of the Christian spiritual life. So I went back online and ordered the correct book, only to find out that its delivery would take a little longer that I had hoped it would. Apparently, God was going to teach me patience as well through this little event.
The book has finally arrived, and I intend to begin reading it today. However, as I was looking through it to get an idea of exactly what I am in for, I realized that it is essentially a book of rules – the rules for spiritual life. Incidentally, I am also reading another book of rules called the 12 Rules for Life – An Antidote to Chaos, by Jordan B. Peterson. I have been reading this book for the past couple of weeks, and in a twist of irony I have actually felt a little closer to God while reading it. It has given me a lot to reflect on or maybe just relate to. (There are a number of Biblical references, philosophy and psychology wrapped up in that book).
The point of all of this is, yes, right now I still feel very far from God. But I think a lot of that is my own fault. I have spent the last few months wrapped up in the chaos of our world, of poor leadership, of exaggerated COVID numbers and bold face media lies, of inherent evil in our society, of the desire for power and an unspeakable greed that has become part of the fabric of our government and of big corporations, in the influence of social media, and the opinions of shallow, yet powerful celebrities, of people turning away from God, of “following the science” which, in fact is not science at all, in two weeks to flatten the curve, and in virtue signaling, which is not virtuous at all. I became lost in the chaos of our world and I lost sight of God. When you lose sight of God, you cannot hear what He is trying to tell you, you cannot do God’s will, and you certainly will feel far from God. But I feel like I am on the right path in resurrecting (no pun intended) my relationship with God, particularly during this Octave of Easter.
So today, maybe take a moment and see where you stand in your relationship with God. Have you reduced room for Him like I did because I was so concerned about external issues? Or maybe you have not had a relationship with God at all. In either case, now is a good time to begin that journey with God. So today, please pray for me as I delve into my new book and open that door to an improved relationship with God, and I will continue to pray for you.
I have taken the shelter in place/stay at home order pretty seriously since it was instituted in mid-March. I have to; I am now considered to be in one of those high-risk groups since I was diagnosed with and treated for breast cancer.
I will admit, I was not too excited when the schools closed, then the restaurants were ordered to serve take-out only, then the hair salons were shut down along with all other businesses that are considered non-essential. T.J Maxx is one of my favorite places to which to escape and engage in a little retail therapy. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, too precautious, a little bit over the top. In my opinion, it was overkill. But as things progressed and the coronavirus continued to spread rapidly, I began to understand, heed the warnings, and take the recommended precautions.
I have been working from home since Monday March 16th. That was my last official day in the office. That was day I transferred my office at the high school to the dining room table in my home. It was also the same evening that we adopted a fourth dog – Bailey, a Staffordshire terrier puppy (we think) who was about 3 months old when we brought her home. My husband and I figured, since we both would be working from home for the next month, this would be the perfect time to add a new puppy to our pack.
Our Newest Addition – Bailey
That first week of the shelter in place order, I kind of took it seriously. I stayed home more, but still went to the store often, went into the office to pick up mail, etc. and even stopped to see my mom and show her my new puppy. Then there was a confirmed case in our county and things got real. I made it a point to stay home and avoid unnecessary contact with people. I began planning weekly meals so I could limit my grocery shopping to only once a week (or longer when possible). I began ordering more products on-line, including items for our pets and general necessities like laundry detergent and paper towels. The stay at home order took on a whole new meaning.
My coworker is distracting sometimes.
Staying healthy has become a bit of an obsession for me. I am preparing nutrient rich, vegetable heavy dinners, working out daily, and walking the dogs approximately 5 miles every day. While I hope I do not appear rude during those walks, I have been very conscious of social distancing and will not get close to my neighbors when we do have conversations. And I try to limit any face to face social discourse. I nearly had a panic attack when a neighbor walked into our yard to comment on the fence project my husband and son took on during the pandemic. He was just a little too close for me.
Greek chicken and roasted spring vegetables
I have rescheduled all doctor’s appointments and avoid the grocery store when I anticipate that it will be busy. I have taken advantage of the special shopping hours available for the elderly and those who are a higher risk. I never thought that would be the case, but it is. And if at any time I begin to feel even remotely ill, I tackle it head on. That usually means, hot tea, a good stiff shot, extra vitamin C, and more rest.
Overall, as a family, I think we have adjusted well to life during the pandemic. As I mentioned before, I am appreciating this slower pace, more time with family, the opportunities to connect with friends, the meaningful conversations, the chance to declutter a bit in all aspects of our lives.
More time for prayer
But today, today was the first day that I ventured out of the house and into the school in nearly four weeks. While I have been successfully working from home, there were a few things that I just could not accomplish remotely. I went in after virtual morning mass and arrived just before 9am. When I arrived, I found our Assistant Principal at work in her office. It was a bit surreal to be in the building on a weekday, during the school year, without any teachers or staff present. Actually, it was downright weird. We exchanged some pleasantries, from an acceptable social distance, then I set off to handle the tasks that I come in to complete.
It took about 2 hours to get my work done. About 1 hour into it, I took a break and walked down to the chapel. The door was open, the chancel candle was lit, the Missal was opened on the altar, and the lectionary was on the pulpit. Everything was in order as if we would be celebrating mass together that very day. But we were not. I went in and sat down. I had begun praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet with our chaplain and campus minister on Instagram, but when I got to the chapel, I lost the connection. So, I just sat in the chapel quietly with God for a while, said a silent prayer, then returned to my office to complete the tasks at hand.
Before I finished at the school, I spoke with our accounting clerk who came in to handle some financial matters. Our offices are adjacent, and she is kind enough to drop off materials weekly at my house that I need to do my job. Once I finished at the school, I left for the post office then I would return to my office at the dining room table to make some phone calls and send some emails.
When I left the post office, I had this incredible urge to stop at Holy Family Church, my home parish. I had not been in the church since the weekend before the stay at home order was executed. It felt good to be back. I was completely alone in the church, well just me and God. (While there are no public services, the Catholic Churches are still open to provide places of prayer and reflection for the faithful.)
Now, I must admit, I did have an ulterior motive for stopping. Our parish often has “The Word Among Us” publications available for the parishioners. I has hoping to pick up a copy as I like to follow along with the readings and Gospel during daily mass. I also enjoy the daily reflections and stories. The last publication ran through Easter Sunday. I walked in and checked the table where Monsignor normally places the booklets, but there were none there. I was not sure if there would be any booklets because of the strangeness of these times. I proceeded into the church, sat down, and read the daily reflections in the Laudate app on my phone and prayed for a while.
I got up to leave, grateful for that time in church. I did not realize just how much I missed it until I walked through the doors. As I was walking out, there on the very table that I had checked when I came in was one copy of the new “The Word Among Us”! Yes, it was a miracle. Yes, it was something that I needed, and God knew it. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it took my breath away. As I picked it up, I thanked God for my little journey out into the real world today. I thanked Him for the work that I had to do, the tasks that I needed to complete at the school. I thanked Him for the few interactions that I had with coworkers and that time of quiet in the chapel. I thanked Him for my parish, my priests (all of them), and for that booklet that just appeared. I thanked Him for all of the blessings in my life, especially the ones that I never really noticed until I was forced to slow down, stay indoors, and shelter in place.
So today, be grateful for all the blessings, all of the little miracles, and remember to thank God. He really is there. And while you can never surprise Him, He just might surprise you when you least expect it. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
Holy Week was a lot different this year. With the shelter in place order in effect, all non-essential businesses closed, and no live services being offered; things have been really different. To be honest, the first time I fully participated in Holy Week was in 2019. It was in Connecticut. My husband and I went to visit a friend during the Easter break. He had never been there, and I had not seen my friend Rose in a while.
While I had been embracing my faith and diving deeper into it, I had never participated in the Easter Triduum. That all changed last year. Rose took us to the Mass of the Lord’s Supper on Holy Thursday and the celebration of the Lord’s Passion and veneration of the cross on Good Friday. It was an amazing experience and I had been looking forward to celebrating the Easter Triduum this year.
But in mid-March, life as we know it, changed. Everything closed down, everything was cancelled. When they stopped religious services, my heart sank. Fortunately, our Diocese began providing several outlets for daily mass. Most of the local parishes are celebrating virtual mass and Fr. Michael Gossett, our own high school chaplain, celebrates mass daily on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. Our high school campus ministry efforts (in conjunction with our high school chaplain) have gone really gone the distance in providing avenues for both students and staff to stay connected with one another and share our faith. Aside from daily mass, there are Ms. McManus Mondays which is a time of prayer, reflection, discussion, and music with Molly McManus, the Campus Minister as well as Fr. Gossett Fridays which is a time of discussion, prayer and reflection with Fr. Michael. While those sessions are primarily for the students, faculty and staff typically join in as well. They have also led virtual Stations of the Cross during Lent which involved students and staff and had a virtual Holy Hour complete with music and reflection.
Wednesday Adoration in the chapel at CCHS
Even with all of these outlets, sometimes it is difficult to make time for God, to practice your faith, to pray; because, well, things are different. There are days that I don’t even get dressed until after lunch. When you are working from home, you can work in your pajamas. And while I have attended virtual daily mass with Fr. Gossett every day of the “shut down” (usually in pajamas); I have gotten out of the habit of praying morning prayer and of reading the daily reflections. It just wasn’t as convenient anymore, so I gradually stopped doing it. I know that might not make sense, if anything you would think that one has more time for prayer during this pandemic. But I am a creature of habit and I pray morning prayer and read the reflections before mass, while I am sitting in the chapel or church. It was difficult to take that time or make that space for prayer when attending mass remotely.
I have been reading quite a bit during our shelter in place.
Each day I told myself, I will start again tomorrow. And each day I would fail. I was embarrassed by weakness and my lack of commitment to pray in the morning before mass. Then on Wednesday evening, April 8th, I tuned into the virtual Holy Hour. It was during that Holy Hour, which was led by Ms. Molly McManus, I had a revelation. As she began the Holy Hour she said, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” I don’t think she has any idea just how much I needed to hear that.
I had been feeling guilty about my lack of commitment, my lack of resolve, my ability to carve out space in the morning for prayer, about my overall weakness. I had been wondering just what God thought about all of that, was He disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. And then Molly (Ms. McManus) said that phrase, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” And I realized that God already knows all of my weaknesses, that He is not surprised, or disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. Jesus died for me and you and as Fr. Michael reminds us often, Jesus would do it all again just for me (or just for you) if it was necessary. Nothing surprises Him; and nothing changes His love for us. That is pretty amazing!
Moonlight behind the new fence my husband has constructed during the pandemic.
So today, don’t worry about surprising God, because you can’t. Be thankful for all of the good that has come out of the “different” in which we currently live. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith 