Tag: #rules

It has been quite a while since I penned any thoughts or any reflections. I just haven’t had anything meaningful (in my opinion) to share. I was hoping that the Lenten season would inspire me, but it did not.

In fact, during the entire season of Lent, in which I was supposed to be drawing closer to God, I could not have felt any farther away from Him. And it was not for lack of trying. During the entire forty days, I prayed morning prayer (although often I completely blanked out), read multiple daily reflections (although nothing was speaking to me), I attended daily mass (although I was typically distracted and agitated), prayed a daily rosary (often days more than one) and the chaplet of Divine Mercy. I also continued to pray the St. Andrew Novena just because I like it. I have tried just being silent and listening. But I got nothing. Even the priest’s whose homilies usually touch me in a profound way had left me entirely empty. Nothing was bringing me peace and I didn’t feel close to God at all. If anything I felt like God was completely absent from my life. And I was angry. Perpetually angry. And I think it was because of that absence. Or perhaps it was something else. I really don’t know; I just know that I felt “out of sorts”.

I essentially complained about the state of my relationship with God to a friend of mine who happens to be a religious sister. I guess I thought or knew that she might have some insight into one’s individual prayer life and how to navigate a relationship with God. She told me that there are times when we will experience aridity in prayer, when we will feel like God is far away. She also indicated that this is normal.

She then recommended a book to me to help me through this “distance” I am experiencing with God right now called Discernment of the Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher. She indicated that it was an easy read, and it was specifically written for lay people. Needless to say, I was excited to have some help in this area so I ordered the book…or so I thought.

I waited anxiously for my book to arrive – two days had never seemed so long. Then the long-awaited day arrived. It was then that I realized I ordered the wrong book. I ordered the Reader’s Guide which is an accompaniment to the actual book – the book that I did not order.

I accepted my little “ordering” mistake as a message from God, the first message that I had had or at least had recognized in months. I figured this was God telling me that he wanted me to dive in a little deeper into this book (the book that I did not yet possess) and spend a little more time getting into the “heart” of the Christian spiritual life. So I went back online and ordered the correct book, only to find out that its delivery would take a little longer that I had hoped it would. Apparently, God was going to teach me patience as well through this little event.

The book has finally arrived, and I intend to begin reading it today. However, as I was looking through it to get an idea of exactly what I am in for, I realized that it is essentially a book of rules – the rules for spiritual life. Incidentally, I am also reading another book of rules called the 12 Rules for Life – An Antidote to Chaos, by Jordan B. Peterson. I have been reading this book for the past couple of weeks, and in a twist of irony I have actually felt a little closer to God while reading it. It has given me a lot to reflect on or maybe just relate to. (There are a number of Biblical references, philosophy and psychology wrapped up in that book).

The point of all of this is, yes, right now I still feel very far from God. But I think a lot of that is my own fault. I have spent the last few months wrapped up in the chaos of our world, of poor leadership, of exaggerated COVID numbers and bold face media lies, of inherent evil in our society, of the desire for power and an unspeakable greed that has become part of the fabric of our government and of big corporations, in the influence of social media, and the opinions of shallow, yet powerful celebrities, of people turning away from God, of “following the science” which, in fact is not science at all, in two weeks to flatten the curve, and in virtue signaling, which is not virtuous at all. I became lost in the chaos of our world and I lost sight of God. When you lose sight of God, you cannot hear what He is trying to tell you, you cannot do God’s will, and you certainly will feel far from God. But I feel like I am on the right path in resurrecting (no pun intended) my relationship with God, particularly during this Octave of Easter.

So today, maybe take a moment and see where you stand in your relationship with God. Have you reduced room for Him like I did because I was so concerned about external issues? Or maybe you have not had a relationship with God at all. In either case, now is a good time to begin that journey with God. So today, please pray for me as I delve into my new book and open that door to an improved relationship with God, and I will continue to pray for you.