#workfromhome – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Believe – Binge Watching Ink Master

The COVID19 pandemic and the shelter in place order has stretched on for weeks now. I believe we are in the middle of our ninth week. During this time, I have worked from home, which has actually been quite productive. In my free time, I walk the dogs, work out, read, do yardwork, plan our family dinners, clean, and pray. I rarely watch TV. All of my friends are binge watching different series on Netflix and I have no idea what they are talking about.

Taking COVID precautions at a follow-up doctor’s visit

Don’t get me wrong, I like television. I love to watch Chopped on the Food Network and Ink Master on Paramount or reruns of sitcoms like Seinfeld. However, most of the tv shows I like are not available on-demand, like American Dreams (Remember that show?), Party of Five, or Parenthood. No matter, though, because I have all of those series on DVD. I also have The Brady Bunch and Facts of Life…don’t judge me.

But a couple of weeks ago, as my husband and I were talking about our next tattoos, I suggested that we watch the Ink Master series and all of its spin-offs from the beginning. On that particular day, the weather was crappy, we were kind of tired, and just didn’t feel like doing too much. And thus began our journey into binge watching. We typically watch approximately 3 episodes in the evening and we are already up to season five.

Binge watching with a cup of Earl Grey tea

On Sunday May 16, we settled in to watch season 5 episode 12, which featured Deangelo Williams, whose mother and aunts all died of breast cancer. The show was a tribute to breast cancer survivors. Obviously, this episode touched me personally. All the women receiving tattoos were breast cancer survivors who had had mastectomies. They were getting the area of the mastectomy tattooed (this is something that I would like to have done when my surgeries are complete). Also, during the episode, the tattoo artists had to design a tribute tattoo for Deangelo in honor/memory of his mother. The winning designer got to tattoo him. (Cleen Rock One had the winning design and gave Deangelo the tattoo). The thing that struck me the hardest was the evening that we were watching it was the same day Deangelo William’s mother passed away from breast cancer – May 16^th. Now what are the odds that I would watch that episode on that day? I am actually getting goosebumps as I type this.

I never thought I would have a tattoo, let alone eight of them. Yes, eight. The most recent (and the shortest tattoo session I might add) is the word, “Believe”. It is on my left forearm. I never thought I would have a tattoo in that location, but I do. I always worried about being able to cover them up, because what would people think? I am learning not to really care what other people think. If they are going to judge me because I have tattoos (and ride a motorcycle), then I probably don’t want to be friends with them anyway. Every tattoo I have means something, tells some part of my story. Deangelo Williams said the same thing about his tattoos – they tell the story of his life. I like that.

Believe is something that I have wanted to get for a long time. Believe is the word that Harry Houdini used whenever things got challenging or difficult or seemed impossible. In fact, BELIEVE was the secret message that he devised with his wife to test spiritualist seances should he or she die. It is a word that means a lot to me. I had that word printed on the back of t-shirts that I had made for my softball players back in 2011, when our season was extremely challenging. But it has taken on an even greater importance after dealing with breast cancer. My husband and I refer to “believe” often when things are troublesome in our own lives. He surprised me and got the very same tattoo on his right forearm. When we hold hands, the tattoos face each other. (Yes, he is a keeper, I already know.)

While 2020 has been a strange and challenging year, 2019 was the year that really tested my faith and made me question my belief in God. It was a tumultuous year, and when I thought it really couldn’t get any worse, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was then that “believe” meant something more. My faith and my belief in God using everything for the greater good, that is the “believe” that got me through.

I’m not going to lie, during the whole year of 2019, I argued with God, bargained with Him, got angry with Him, questioned Him, and even cursed Him, but I never stopped believing in Him and His infinite goodness. I don’t understand why that particular year was such a shit-show, but it was. But it was wrapped in grace and mercy, and so much good came from it. The “Believe” tattoo is a reminder of all that I have overcome because I did “believe”, and will continue to remind me to believe in God, in myself, in the goodness and kindness of others, in love, in faith, in purpose, in friendship, in that truth -that all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28).

So today, believe, regardless of the circumstance, and have faith that you are right where you are meant to be. And please pray for me as I will continue to pray for you.

Miracles, Gratitude and Life During the Pandemic

I have taken the shelter in place/stay at home order pretty seriously since it was instituted in mid-March. I have to; I am now considered to be in one of those high-risk groups since I was diagnosed with and treated for breast cancer.

I will admit, I was not too excited when the schools closed, then the restaurants were ordered to serve take-out only, then the hair salons were shut down along with all other businesses that are considered non-essential. T.J Maxx is one of my favorite places to which to escape and engage in a little retail therapy. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, too precautious, a little bit over the top. In my opinion, it was overkill. But as things progressed and the coronavirus continued to spread rapidly, I began to understand, heed the warnings, and take the recommended precautions.

I have been working from home since Monday March 16^th. That was my last official day in the office. That was day I transferred my office at the high school to the dining room table in my home. It was also the same evening that we adopted a fourth dog – Bailey, a Staffordshire terrier puppy (we think) who was about 3 months old when we brought her home. My husband and I figured, since we both would be working from home for the next month, this would be the perfect time to add a new puppy to our pack.

That first week of the shelter in place order, I kind of took it seriously. I stayed home more, but still went to the store often, went into the office to pick up mail, etc. and even stopped to see my mom and show her my new puppy. Then there was a confirmed case in our county and things got real. I made it a point to stay home and avoid unnecessary contact with people. I began planning weekly meals so I could limit my grocery shopping to only once a week (or longer when possible). I began ordering more products on-line, including items for our pets and general necessities like laundry detergent and paper towels. The stay at home order took on a whole new meaning.

Staying healthy has become a bit of an obsession for me. I am preparing nutrient rich, vegetable heavy dinners, working out daily, and walking the dogs approximately 5 miles every day. While I hope I do not appear rude during those walks, I have been very conscious of social distancing and will not get close to my neighbors when we do have conversations. And I try to limit any face to face social discourse. I nearly had a panic attack when a neighbor walked into our yard to comment on the fence project my husband and son took on during the pandemic. He was just a little too close for me.

Greek chicken and roasted spring vegetables

I have rescheduled all doctor’s appointments and avoid the grocery store when I anticipate that it will be busy. I have taken advantage of the special shopping hours available for the elderly and those who are a higher risk. I never thought that would be the case, but it is. And if at any time I begin to feel even remotely ill, I tackle it head on. That usually means, hot tea, a good stiff shot, extra vitamin C, and more rest.

Overall, as a family, I think we have adjusted well to life during the pandemic. As I mentioned before, I am appreciating this slower pace, more time with family, the opportunities to connect with friends, the meaningful conversations, the chance to declutter a bit in all aspects of our lives.

But today, today was the first day that I ventured out of the house and into the school in nearly four weeks. While I have been successfully working from home, there were a few things that I just could not accomplish remotely. I went in after virtual morning mass and arrived just before 9am. When I arrived, I found our Assistant Principal at work in her office. It was a bit surreal to be in the building on a weekday, during the school year, without any teachers or staff present. Actually, it was downright weird. We exchanged some pleasantries, from an acceptable social distance, then I set off to handle the tasks that I come in to complete.

It took about 2 hours to get my work done. About 1 hour into it, I took a break and walked down to the chapel. The door was open, the chancel candle was lit, the Missal was opened on the altar, and the lectionary was on the pulpit. Everything was in order as if we would be celebrating mass together that very day. But we were not. I went in and sat down. I had begun praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet with our chaplain and campus minister on Instagram, but when I got to the chapel, I lost the connection. So, I just sat in the chapel quietly with God for a while, said a silent prayer, then returned to my office to complete the tasks at hand.

Before I finished at the school, I spoke with our accounting clerk who came in to handle some financial matters. Our offices are adjacent, and she is kind enough to drop off materials weekly at my house that I need to do my job. Once I finished at the school, I left for the post office then I would return to my office at the dining room table to make some phone calls and send some emails.

When I left the post office, I had this incredible urge to stop at Holy Family Church, my home parish. I had not been in the church since the weekend before the stay at home order was executed. It felt good to be back. I was completely alone in the church, well just me and God. (While there are no public services, the Catholic Churches are still open to provide places of prayer and reflection for the faithful.)

Now, I must admit, I did have an ulterior motive for stopping. Our parish often has “The Word Among Us” publications available for the parishioners. I has hoping to pick up a copy as I like to follow along with the readings and Gospel during daily mass. I also enjoy the daily reflections and stories. The last publication ran through Easter Sunday. I walked in and checked the table where Monsignor normally places the booklets, but there were none there. I was not sure if there would be any booklets because of the strangeness of these times. I proceeded into the church, sat down, and read the daily reflections in the Laudate app on my phone and prayed for a while.

I got up to leave, grateful for that time in church. I did not realize just how much I missed it until I walked through the doors. As I was walking out, there on the very table that I had checked when I came in was one copy of the new “The Word Among Us”! Yes, it was a miracle. Yes, it was something that I needed, and God knew it. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it took my breath away. As I picked it up, I thanked God for my little journey out into the real world today. I thanked Him for the work that I had to do, the tasks that I needed to complete at the school. I thanked Him for the few interactions that I had with coworkers and that time of quiet in the chapel. I thanked Him for my parish, my priests (all of them), and for that booklet that just appeared. I thanked Him for all of the blessings in my life, especially the ones that I never really noticed until I was forced to slow down, stay indoors, and shelter in place.

So today, be grateful for all the blessings, all of the little miracles, and remember to thank God. He really is there. And while you can never surprise Him, He just might surprise you when you least expect it. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

You Don’t Surprise God by Your Weaknesses.

Holy Week was a lot different this year. With the shelter in place order in effect, all non-essential businesses closed, and no live services being offered; things have been really different. To be honest, the first time I fully participated in Holy Week was in 2019. It was in Connecticut. My husband and I went to visit a friend during the Easter break. He had never been there, and I had not seen my friend Rose in a while.

While I had been embracing my faith and diving deeper into it, I had never participated in the Easter Triduum. That all changed last year. Rose took us to the Mass of the Lord’s Supper on Holy Thursday and the celebration of the Lord’s Passion and veneration of the cross on Good Friday. It was an amazing experience and I had been looking forward to celebrating the Easter Triduum this year.

But in mid-March, life as we know it, changed. Everything closed down, everything was cancelled. When they stopped religious services, my heart sank. Fortunately, our Diocese began providing several outlets for daily mass. Most of the local parishes are celebrating virtual mass and Fr. Michael Gossett, our own high school chaplain, celebrates mass daily on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. Our high school campus ministry efforts (in conjunction with our high school chaplain) have gone really gone the distance in providing avenues for both students and staff to stay connected with one another and share our faith. Aside from daily mass, there are Ms. McManus Mondays which is a time of prayer, reflection, discussion, and music with Molly McManus, the Campus Minister as well as Fr. Gossett Fridays which is a time of discussion, prayer and reflection with Fr. Michael. While those sessions are primarily for the students, faculty and staff typically join in as well. They have also led virtual Stations of the Cross during Lent which involved students and staff and had a virtual Holy Hour complete with music and reflection.

Wednesday Adoration in the chapel at CCHS

Even with all of these outlets, sometimes it is difficult to make time for God, to practice your faith, to pray; because, well, things are different. There are days that I don’t even get dressed until after lunch. When you are working from home, you can work in your pajamas. And while I have attended virtual daily mass with Fr. Gossett every day of the “shut down” (usually in pajamas); I have gotten out of the habit of praying morning prayer and of reading the daily reflections. It just wasn’t as convenient anymore, so I gradually stopped doing it. I know that might not make sense, if anything you would think that one has more time for prayer during this pandemic. But I am a creature of habit and I pray morning prayer and read the reflections before mass, while I am sitting in the chapel or church. It was difficult to take that time or make that space for prayer when attending mass remotely.

I have been reading quite a bit during our shelter in place.

Each day I told myself, I will start again tomorrow. And each day I would fail. I was embarrassed by weakness and my lack of commitment to pray in the morning before mass. Then on Wednesday evening, April 8^th, I tuned into the virtual Holy Hour. It was during that Holy Hour, which was led by Ms. Molly McManus, I had a revelation. As she began the Holy Hour she said, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” I don’t think she has any idea just how much I needed to hear that.

I had been feeling guilty about my lack of commitment, my lack of resolve, my ability to carve out space in the morning for prayer, about my overall weakness. I had been wondering just what God thought about all of that, was He disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. And then Molly (Ms. McManus) said that phrase, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” And I realized that God already knows all of my weaknesses, that He is not surprised, or disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. Jesus died for me and you and as Fr. Michael reminds us often, Jesus would do it all again just for me (or just for you) if it was necessary. Nothing surprises Him; and nothing changes His love for us. That is pretty amazing!

Moonlight behind the new fence my husband has constructed during the pandemic.

So today, don’t worry about surprising God, because you can’t. Be thankful for all of the good that has come out of the “different” in which we currently live. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.