#goodness – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Be a Blessing

“I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.” – Genesis 12:2

You are blessed, abundantly, but do you feel blessed? Do you accept the blessings that God wants to bestow on you? Do you let those blessings flow through you to others?

In reading this morning, I was reminded that I am not simply blessed by God to be blessed; I am blessed by God for the sake of others, so that through God’s blessings, I may bless others. What that basically means is to pay it forward.

God blesses us each and every day, in immeasurable and uncountable ways. However, we don’t always accept those blessings. Oftentimes this is because we don’t recognize ourselves as worthy of all the goodness that God wants to share with us. We feel like we don’t deserve it. We feel like we are not good enough for God’s unconditional love. But it doesn’t matter if we believe we deserve it or not, God’s love and generosity know no limits. He wants to pour out his love upon us and bless us abundantly. He is simply that generous, that loving, of a Father.

One of the many blessings of New Year’s Day was making cannoli with my son

I know I regularly feel like I don’t deserve God’s blessings. I’m a sinner – big time, and I struggle a lot. I am certainly not worthy of the goodness God has given me. But there are also times that I fail to recognize the blessings in my life because sometimes those blessings look a lot like challenges and trials.

Cuddling with my dogs (3 of the 4 pictured here) is a daily blessing for me.

There have been blessings in my life that I didn’t understand, that I didn’t recognize as blessings until well after the moment had passed. These were times of pain and struggle, times of uncertainty and fear, and times of anger and sadness. From dealing with the deaths of friends and loved ones to battling cancer to testing relationships, I have experienced a number of events in the past few years alone that have been difficult. But each of those moments was wrapped up in God’s grace that helped me get through those times and come out stronger. Each of those experiences, each of those blessings, helped me learn and grow, and hopefully taught me how and allowed me to bless others in some way.

God’s grace has turned our challenges into blessings and strengthened our marriage

So today, accept all the blessings that God wants to give you, share them, and be a blessing to someone else. God has so much in store for you if you would just be open to accepting what He wants to give you, whether or not you feel you are worthy or deserving of his love.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—” – Ephesians 2:8. This is the greatest blessing of all, eternal salvation, and God gives it freely to each of us through faith. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

What’s In It For Me?

What’s in it for me? Do you ever find yourself asking that very question, particularly when you are asked to do something? I never thought of myself as particularly selfish, but I find myself pondering this very question more and more often whenever I am asked, no whenever I have to do something, anything.

This really started with going to Sunday mass. You see, I typically go to daily morning mass, Monday through Friday and enjoy it immensely. I always take something away from the readings, the gospel, or the homily. Sometimes it is the psalms and the responses. Sometimes it’s a song (at the churches that have music during their weekday mass). Sometimes it is just the fellowship of the people who are also there each morning celebrating the mystery of the Holy Eucharist with me that make it meaningful.

Photo by David Eucaristu00eda on Pexels.com

Just last Friday when I attended morning mass, there were only three of us celebrating and that included the priest. I’ll be honest, at first, I thought, this is a little strange, so few people at morning mass. But it turned out to be extremely blessed and intimate. “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am with them.” — Matthew 18:20. It was a profound experience.

While I have these wonderful weekly experiences, of being fed spiritually and even socially, during weekday mass, I don’t enjoy that same experience during the Sunday service. In fact, if I am being honest, I dread going. It is not the same experience or even the same atmosphere. It feels pretentious and fake to me. I cannot follow the homilies; they are so convoluted. The service itself is so drawn out, even ostentatious with the changes to the Gloria and the Holy, Holy. I find myself completely distracted during mass and become irritated and tense.

At first, I thought it was simply the parish where I was attending mass. And this is a parish that I absolutely love. But, you know, sometimes change is good. So, we tried a different parish. And while I connected more with the homily, I still found myself distracted and anxious. There is a lot that I just don’t understand, and I have been Catholic my entire life. Everything feels forced and attending makes me feel fake, because I’m not feeling it. Because I don’t want to be there. And that makes me feel guilty.

This is not a good feeling for me. Why do I love the experience, the interaction through the week but loathe it on the weekend? I love going to mass during the week because each day I feel my faith being nourished and restored. But when Sunday rolls around I find myself dreading the arrival of mass time, feeling anxious and frustrated and even angry. I’m not getting anything out of the Sunday service. So, I have found myself asking, “What’s in it for me?”, because I’m not feeling nourished and restored when I leave mass on the weekends.

Then I remembered a conversation that I had with a priest friend of mine, who very gently called me out about not going to Sunday mass, because I had been skipping out for quite a while. He pointed out that “Sunday masses are the ones that it is a sin to miss – even a mortal sin.” And this wasn’t mass shaming, it was telling me what I needed to hear. I was sinning, I knew I was sinning, but needed someone to hold me accountable. That’s when I got my act together, went to confession and got back to Sunday mass.

Then I got sick and had to miss mass because of my illness. And that’s when the backslide began. So, as I am trying to get myself back to church, I find myself asking again “what’s in it for me?”. And once again I am reminded of something profound Fr. Michael had said which was reiterated recently in a homily by Fr. Drake, and that is at we are there for Jesus, not for us. We are there to celebrate God’s great love for us, to worship, praise and honor Him. So, “what’s in it for me?”…God, God’s love, and a chance for me to thank God for the many blessings in my life. Looks like there is a whole lot in it for me.

Tux the Cat stayed with me while I convalesced

So today, remind yourself that its not always about what’s in it for you, but maybe about what you give back to others. And maybe when you give back to others, you’ll really find out what’s in it for you; love, gratitude, empathy, goodness, compassion, and God Himself. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Believe – Binge Watching Ink Master

The COVID19 pandemic and the shelter in place order has stretched on for weeks now. I believe we are in the middle of our ninth week. During this time, I have worked from home, which has actually been quite productive. In my free time, I walk the dogs, work out, read, do yardwork, plan our family dinners, clean, and pray. I rarely watch TV. All of my friends are binge watching different series on Netflix and I have no idea what they are talking about.

Taking COVID precautions at a follow-up doctor’s visit

Don’t get me wrong, I like television. I love to watch Chopped on the Food Network and Ink Master on Paramount or reruns of sitcoms like Seinfeld. However, most of the tv shows I like are not available on-demand, like American Dreams (Remember that show?), Party of Five, or Parenthood. No matter, though, because I have all of those series on DVD. I also have The Brady Bunch and Facts of Life…don’t judge me.

But a couple of weeks ago, as my husband and I were talking about our next tattoos, I suggested that we watch the Ink Master series and all of its spin-offs from the beginning. On that particular day, the weather was crappy, we were kind of tired, and just didn’t feel like doing too much. And thus began our journey into binge watching. We typically watch approximately 3 episodes in the evening and we are already up to season five.

Binge watching with a cup of Earl Grey tea

On Sunday May 16, we settled in to watch season 5 episode 12, which featured Deangelo Williams, whose mother and aunts all died of breast cancer. The show was a tribute to breast cancer survivors. Obviously, this episode touched me personally. All the women receiving tattoos were breast cancer survivors who had had mastectomies. They were getting the area of the mastectomy tattooed (this is something that I would like to have done when my surgeries are complete). Also, during the episode, the tattoo artists had to design a tribute tattoo for Deangelo in honor/memory of his mother. The winning designer got to tattoo him. (Cleen Rock One had the winning design and gave Deangelo the tattoo). The thing that struck me the hardest was the evening that we were watching it was the same day Deangelo William’s mother passed away from breast cancer – May 16^th. Now what are the odds that I would watch that episode on that day? I am actually getting goosebumps as I type this.

I never thought I would have a tattoo, let alone eight of them. Yes, eight. The most recent (and the shortest tattoo session I might add) is the word, “Believe”. It is on my left forearm. I never thought I would have a tattoo in that location, but I do. I always worried about being able to cover them up, because what would people think? I am learning not to really care what other people think. If they are going to judge me because I have tattoos (and ride a motorcycle), then I probably don’t want to be friends with them anyway. Every tattoo I have means something, tells some part of my story. Deangelo Williams said the same thing about his tattoos – they tell the story of his life. I like that.

Believe is something that I have wanted to get for a long time. Believe is the word that Harry Houdini used whenever things got challenging or difficult or seemed impossible. In fact, BELIEVE was the secret message that he devised with his wife to test spiritualist seances should he or she die. It is a word that means a lot to me. I had that word printed on the back of t-shirts that I had made for my softball players back in 2011, when our season was extremely challenging. But it has taken on an even greater importance after dealing with breast cancer. My husband and I refer to “believe” often when things are troublesome in our own lives. He surprised me and got the very same tattoo on his right forearm. When we hold hands, the tattoos face each other. (Yes, he is a keeper, I already know.)

While 2020 has been a strange and challenging year, 2019 was the year that really tested my faith and made me question my belief in God. It was a tumultuous year, and when I thought it really couldn’t get any worse, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was then that “believe” meant something more. My faith and my belief in God using everything for the greater good, that is the “believe” that got me through.

I’m not going to lie, during the whole year of 2019, I argued with God, bargained with Him, got angry with Him, questioned Him, and even cursed Him, but I never stopped believing in Him and His infinite goodness. I don’t understand why that particular year was such a shit-show, but it was. But it was wrapped in grace and mercy, and so much good came from it. The “Believe” tattoo is a reminder of all that I have overcome because I did “believe”, and will continue to remind me to believe in God, in myself, in the goodness and kindness of others, in love, in faith, in purpose, in friendship, in that truth -that all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28).

So today, believe, regardless of the circumstance, and have faith that you are right where you are meant to be. And please pray for me as I will continue to pray for you.

Jet Trails, Saturday Afternoon Walks, and Beauty

I took the dogs for a walk on Saturday afternoon, just like I have been doing everyday since we have initiated “shelter in place” in Ohio in the midst of COVID-19. With four dogs, I have to split the walks into two shifts. Eve and Charlie get the first walk, then I return home and make the exchange. Ruby and Bailey get the second walk. During those walks, I pray a rosary and a Divine Mercy Chaplet.

If you were out in eastern Ohio on Saturday afternoon, you know just how beautiful the day was. I spent most of those walks appreciating the beauty that was awakening all around me. The trees are beginning to bud and the daffodils have bloomed in full force. The forsythia is beginning to flower (I have a love/hate relationship with that plant) and the hyacinths have opened. And the sky, the sky was the color of sapphires. There were no jet trails streaking across the vast blue, no pollution making crisscrossed marks through the heavens. The skies were clear and azure with some puffy white clouds dotting God’s vast canvas.

jet trails crossing the sky before COVID-19

It was in that moment that realized just how busy our lives have become, how filled with self-importance. So much so that we fail to notice the beauty that is all around, or maybe we notice it but just take it for granted.

I walk a lot, and most of the time it is with my dogs. And although I am normally praying while I am walking, I often get distracted by other things. Thoughts will creep into my mind about work, or family, or relationships; about the political climate and the division within our society, or about a thousand other random thoughts that enter my mind. I become preoccupied and consumed by those thoughts, lose track of what I am doing and fail to notice the beauty that is all around me.

With the onset of COVID-19, the shelter in place and the stay at home order, everyone has been forced to slow down – whether they want to or not. Schools are closed until May. All non-essential businesses have been closed. There are no masses or Sunday services. The banks are operating as drive-thru banking only. Restaurants are closed for dine-in options, but you can still get to-go orders. There are fewer cars on the roadways, and rush hour is no more. The lack of jet trails shows us just how things have changed in the US. Air traffic has become virtually non-existent. And to think a few weeks ago, most of us could not live without traveling somewhere by plane.

I am an advancement professional, so travel is a big part of what I do. But all travel has been put on hold. We are to practice social distancing, not to congregate in groups outside of our family structure (that is family living within the same household), and only go out of the house for essentials. Somehow, we have all learned how to adjust to these changes. We are meeting virtually, making more phone calls, sending more emails. Yes, it is challenging. For some it is very challenging as they may be facing unemployment during this time. Or they may be an “essential” employee who is required to report to work daily even with the threat of the coronavirus. The uncertainty of all of it is stressful.

But we have seen some really beautiful things as a result of the situation in our country. And I am not just talking about the beauty of spring unfolding before us and finally having the time to appreciate it. I’m talking about community and family. Neighbors checking on each other. People donating to strangers to help them through these unsure times. Virtual gatherings to help keep people connected. Healthcare workers volunteering to go serve in areas that have been hardest hit. Families taking daily walks and bike rides together. Teachers calling to check up on their students. More dinners together around the table. Real conversations. Prayer.

As I walked the dogs again today, I reflected once more on the lack of jet trails and wondered if it was really necessary. All of the travel, all of the time commitments and time constraints, all of the things that we fill our lives with that seem to be so important. Somehow, we are getting by without jetting across the country for a meeting. We have learned how to do our jobs remotely. We can see the value of a meaningful phone call and genuine conversation and know the importance of a simple text message. We have slowed down and learned to appreciate each other. And hopefully we have learned to appreciate all of those “essential” people that we take for granted on a daily basis, the local small business owners, the retail workers, store clerks and gas station attendants, the truck drivers and farmers, the doctors, nurses and healthcare professionals; all of those essential employees that still have to go into work so we have what we need to live.

It may sound strange, but in this crisis, I have found a joy and peace that seems strange. The slower pace, the quieter atmosphere, the return to home and family, the way people are looking out for each other and helping each other out; it has been reassuring to me about the goodness and kindness that exists in all humanity. Unfortunately, it has taken a pandemic for so many of us to stop, slow down and see each other.

It does make me wonder what will happen when all of this is resolved. Will we go back to the breakneck pace that we were living? Will we fill our lives once again with meaningless nonsense and lose sight of all that is truly important? Will we stop praying and throw God out of our lives once again? Or will we remember the kindness and gratitude we showed to each other? Will we continue to check on each other and build meaningful relationships with one another? Will we continue to pray for and with one another and connect regardless of distance?

It is my hope that we all learn something from this pandemic and be better than we were before it began. So today, let’s continue to slow down, reach out, help one another, say thank you, connect with each other, and praise God. And as always, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.