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Miracles, Gratitude and Life During the Pandemic

I have taken the shelter in place/stay at home order pretty seriously since it was instituted in mid-March. I have to; I am now considered to be in one of those high-risk groups since I was diagnosed with and treated for breast cancer.

I will admit, I was not too excited when the schools closed, then the restaurants were ordered to serve take-out only, then the hair salons were shut down along with all other businesses that are considered non-essential. T.J Maxx is one of my favorite places to which to escape and engage in a little retail therapy. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, too precautious, a little bit over the top. In my opinion, it was overkill. But as things progressed and the coronavirus continued to spread rapidly, I began to understand, heed the warnings, and take the recommended precautions.

I have been working from home since Monday March 16^th. That was my last official day in the office. That was day I transferred my office at the high school to the dining room table in my home. It was also the same evening that we adopted a fourth dog – Bailey, a Staffordshire terrier puppy (we think) who was about 3 months old when we brought her home. My husband and I figured, since we both would be working from home for the next month, this would be the perfect time to add a new puppy to our pack.

That first week of the shelter in place order, I kind of took it seriously. I stayed home more, but still went to the store often, went into the office to pick up mail, etc. and even stopped to see my mom and show her my new puppy. Then there was a confirmed case in our county and things got real. I made it a point to stay home and avoid unnecessary contact with people. I began planning weekly meals so I could limit my grocery shopping to only once a week (or longer when possible). I began ordering more products on-line, including items for our pets and general necessities like laundry detergent and paper towels. The stay at home order took on a whole new meaning.

Staying healthy has become a bit of an obsession for me. I am preparing nutrient rich, vegetable heavy dinners, working out daily, and walking the dogs approximately 5 miles every day. While I hope I do not appear rude during those walks, I have been very conscious of social distancing and will not get close to my neighbors when we do have conversations. And I try to limit any face to face social discourse. I nearly had a panic attack when a neighbor walked into our yard to comment on the fence project my husband and son took on during the pandemic. He was just a little too close for me.

Greek chicken and roasted spring vegetables

I have rescheduled all doctor’s appointments and avoid the grocery store when I anticipate that it will be busy. I have taken advantage of the special shopping hours available for the elderly and those who are a higher risk. I never thought that would be the case, but it is. And if at any time I begin to feel even remotely ill, I tackle it head on. That usually means, hot tea, a good stiff shot, extra vitamin C, and more rest.

Overall, as a family, I think we have adjusted well to life during the pandemic. As I mentioned before, I am appreciating this slower pace, more time with family, the opportunities to connect with friends, the meaningful conversations, the chance to declutter a bit in all aspects of our lives.

But today, today was the first day that I ventured out of the house and into the school in nearly four weeks. While I have been successfully working from home, there were a few things that I just could not accomplish remotely. I went in after virtual morning mass and arrived just before 9am. When I arrived, I found our Assistant Principal at work in her office. It was a bit surreal to be in the building on a weekday, during the school year, without any teachers or staff present. Actually, it was downright weird. We exchanged some pleasantries, from an acceptable social distance, then I set off to handle the tasks that I come in to complete.

It took about 2 hours to get my work done. About 1 hour into it, I took a break and walked down to the chapel. The door was open, the chancel candle was lit, the Missal was opened on the altar, and the lectionary was on the pulpit. Everything was in order as if we would be celebrating mass together that very day. But we were not. I went in and sat down. I had begun praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet with our chaplain and campus minister on Instagram, but when I got to the chapel, I lost the connection. So, I just sat in the chapel quietly with God for a while, said a silent prayer, then returned to my office to complete the tasks at hand.

Before I finished at the school, I spoke with our accounting clerk who came in to handle some financial matters. Our offices are adjacent, and she is kind enough to drop off materials weekly at my house that I need to do my job. Once I finished at the school, I left for the post office then I would return to my office at the dining room table to make some phone calls and send some emails.

When I left the post office, I had this incredible urge to stop at Holy Family Church, my home parish. I had not been in the church since the weekend before the stay at home order was executed. It felt good to be back. I was completely alone in the church, well just me and God. (While there are no public services, the Catholic Churches are still open to provide places of prayer and reflection for the faithful.)

Now, I must admit, I did have an ulterior motive for stopping. Our parish often has “The Word Among Us” publications available for the parishioners. I has hoping to pick up a copy as I like to follow along with the readings and Gospel during daily mass. I also enjoy the daily reflections and stories. The last publication ran through Easter Sunday. I walked in and checked the table where Monsignor normally places the booklets, but there were none there. I was not sure if there would be any booklets because of the strangeness of these times. I proceeded into the church, sat down, and read the daily reflections in the Laudate app on my phone and prayed for a while.

I got up to leave, grateful for that time in church. I did not realize just how much I missed it until I walked through the doors. As I was walking out, there on the very table that I had checked when I came in was one copy of the new “The Word Among Us”! Yes, it was a miracle. Yes, it was something that I needed, and God knew it. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it took my breath away. As I picked it up, I thanked God for my little journey out into the real world today. I thanked Him for the work that I had to do, the tasks that I needed to complete at the school. I thanked Him for the few interactions that I had with coworkers and that time of quiet in the chapel. I thanked Him for my parish, my priests (all of them), and for that booklet that just appeared. I thanked Him for all of the blessings in my life, especially the ones that I never really noticed until I was forced to slow down, stay indoors, and shelter in place.

So today, be grateful for all the blessings, all of the little miracles, and remember to thank God. He really is there. And while you can never surprise Him, He just might surprise you when you least expect it. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

You Don’t Surprise God by Your Weaknesses.

Holy Week was a lot different this year. With the shelter in place order in effect, all non-essential businesses closed, and no live services being offered; things have been really different. To be honest, the first time I fully participated in Holy Week was in 2019. It was in Connecticut. My husband and I went to visit a friend during the Easter break. He had never been there, and I had not seen my friend Rose in a while.

While I had been embracing my faith and diving deeper into it, I had never participated in the Easter Triduum. That all changed last year. Rose took us to the Mass of the Lord’s Supper on Holy Thursday and the celebration of the Lord’s Passion and veneration of the cross on Good Friday. It was an amazing experience and I had been looking forward to celebrating the Easter Triduum this year.

But in mid-March, life as we know it, changed. Everything closed down, everything was cancelled. When they stopped religious services, my heart sank. Fortunately, our Diocese began providing several outlets for daily mass. Most of the local parishes are celebrating virtual mass and Fr. Michael Gossett, our own high school chaplain, celebrates mass daily on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. Our high school campus ministry efforts (in conjunction with our high school chaplain) have gone really gone the distance in providing avenues for both students and staff to stay connected with one another and share our faith. Aside from daily mass, there are Ms. McManus Mondays which is a time of prayer, reflection, discussion, and music with Molly McManus, the Campus Minister as well as Fr. Gossett Fridays which is a time of discussion, prayer and reflection with Fr. Michael. While those sessions are primarily for the students, faculty and staff typically join in as well. They have also led virtual Stations of the Cross during Lent which involved students and staff and had a virtual Holy Hour complete with music and reflection.

Wednesday Adoration in the chapel at CCHS

Even with all of these outlets, sometimes it is difficult to make time for God, to practice your faith, to pray; because, well, things are different. There are days that I don’t even get dressed until after lunch. When you are working from home, you can work in your pajamas. And while I have attended virtual daily mass with Fr. Gossett every day of the “shut down” (usually in pajamas); I have gotten out of the habit of praying morning prayer and of reading the daily reflections. It just wasn’t as convenient anymore, so I gradually stopped doing it. I know that might not make sense, if anything you would think that one has more time for prayer during this pandemic. But I am a creature of habit and I pray morning prayer and read the reflections before mass, while I am sitting in the chapel or church. It was difficult to take that time or make that space for prayer when attending mass remotely.

I have been reading quite a bit during our shelter in place.

Each day I told myself, I will start again tomorrow. And each day I would fail. I was embarrassed by weakness and my lack of commitment to pray in the morning before mass. Then on Wednesday evening, April 8^th, I tuned into the virtual Holy Hour. It was during that Holy Hour, which was led by Ms. Molly McManus, I had a revelation. As she began the Holy Hour she said, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” I don’t think she has any idea just how much I needed to hear that.

I had been feeling guilty about my lack of commitment, my lack of resolve, my ability to carve out space in the morning for prayer, about my overall weakness. I had been wondering just what God thought about all of that, was He disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. And then Molly (Ms. McManus) said that phrase, “You don’t surprise God by your weaknesses.” And I realized that God already knows all of my weaknesses, that He is not surprised, or disappointed, or angry, or upset, or frustrated. Jesus died for me and you and as Fr. Michael reminds us often, Jesus would do it all again just for me (or just for you) if it was necessary. Nothing surprises Him; and nothing changes His love for us. That is pretty amazing!

Moonlight behind the new fence my husband has constructed during the pandemic.

So today, don’t worry about surprising God, because you can’t. Be thankful for all of the good that has come out of the “different” in which we currently live. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Thank God First

I attended mass on Wednesday morning at the chapel with in the school building. It was the first morning service of the year. A 7:15am mass is held on Monday’s and Wednesday’s in chapel; the celebrant is the school’s chaplain. It was wonderful to see the small chapel packed with attendees that morning; teachers, students and parents. Fr. Michael, the school’s chaplain, is also an alum of the high school, so listening to his homilies (which I always love) inside the school from which I also graduated (although more than a decade before he did), is really edifying.

A line from today’s gospel read, “At daybreak, Jesus went out to a deserted place”. Father focused on this statement, talking about how Jesus, being the Son of God and the second person in the Trinity, even had to make time for God and would go off alone to pray. He reminded us of how important it is for us to make time for God.

So after mass, I sat quietly in the chapel (something I rarely do), and made time for God. I read the reflection for the day as I didn’t have time to read it before mass like I normally would. The reflection focused on the first reading from Colossians, with emphasis on the following line, “We always give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you.” (Colossians 1:3). It then talks about all of the struggles and issues of the Colossians, but indicates how Paul doesn’t immediately point out those problems, short comings or misunderstanding. Paul begins his letter with praise and thanksgiving for all of those things that Christ’s followers are getting right. He praises them for their faith, their love, their hope and trust in the Lord. Paul focuses on being thankful and recognizing all of the blessings that God has bestowed on the Colossians. He doesn’t begin by pointing out all the things they are doing wrong or all of the ways they need to improve.

This really is beautiful, because I think a lot of times we focus on the negative, on all the things that are going wrong. We all tend to overlook the blessings in our lives and take those “everyday” good things in life for granted. But concentrating on gratitude changes all that, it changes our focus and our outlook. If we begin with gratitude, we start with hope. And as Andy Dufresne tells Red in Shawshank Redemption, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

I know I tend to get caught up in everything that is going wrong, and I miss the blessing. I forget about hope. I forget about all of the good things, particularly when facing a challenge. There are a lot of things that I take for granted. Like being able to attend morning mass twice a week with students, parents, faculty, staff and alumni at my alma mater. Although it has just begun and has only happened once, it is one thing I absolutely love about my job.

Let us remember to look for the blessings in the midst of the struggle and to thank God for all of the good things in our lives. In fact, let us take the advice of Blessed Solanus Casey and remember to “Thank God ahead of time.” So today, make time for God, find a quiet place to spend time with Him, and remember to thank Him ahead of time for all the blessing that he will bestow upon you, and recognize all of the blessings that you have already received. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

High School

I work for the local Catholic schools and my office is located in the high school building, my Alma Mater. One afternoon, after several hours on the computer, I decided to take a walk around the school. It was surreal to be in my high school, wandering the halls.

I walked to the art room where I spent most of free time when I was in high school. I was an artist back in the day. I loved to draw and paint. I spent every free moment in that room, usually painting. The art teacher, Mr. Cockman, let me spend all the time I wanted in there. (In fact, when I entered college, I entered as an Art Studio major. I ended up with a degree in Economics, but that is a story for another time.) I strolled down the hall past the rooms where I took Economics with Coach Ferrare and History with Coach Bahen. I peeked in the biology lab where Mrs. Mihalyo had us dissect fetal pigs. I had biology lab right before lunch, so the days that ham and cheese sandwiches were on the menu were the days I didn’t eat. And it took a long time before I could eat the chef salad again (which was a favorite) because of the julienne ham on top. The home economics room where Mrs. Gasser taught us how to sew and cook is now a science lab. And the tower where I had religion class with Fr. McGuire is now used for ministry (which is really cool). Fr. Orsini’s classroom has been converted into offices for the junior high administration. And my office is adjacent to the Principal’s office. While a lot of things have changed, it still feels like the high school that I attended back in the late 1980’s.

I absolutely hated high school. While it wasn’t horrible, it was not a fantastically fun time for me. I was neither part of the cool crowd, nor was I considered an outcast. I really just kind of did my own thing (something I still do to this day). I really didn’t care what anyone thought and was kind of a non-conformist. That really has been the way I have lived my entire life. And as I look back, it really wasn’t so bad. I made some really good friends, and because the school is so small, everybody knew and still knows everybody else. It is its own little community. And the graduates identify as Crusaders even decades after they have graduated. We reminisce about CCHS traditions and experiences and hold those memories in high regard.

They say you can’t go home, but, yes, you actually can. It may not be the same as you remember it, but you can go back. And you can remember what you choose to remember the way you want to remember it. It reminds me of a quote from the television show, This Is Us, that says – “there is no such thing as a long time ago, there’s only the memories that mean something and the memories that don’t.” Hopefully you can smile when you think back because those memories mean something.

They say that God heals the heart before the miracle occurs. There is profound truth in that, which I now realize as I think about my journey over these past few years. I don’t think I need to explain that if you have read any of my other reflections posted on Facebook. I can definitely say that has occurred in this circumstance. What is God healing in your heart and what miracle will come of it? Please pray for me as I continue to pray for you.