Tag: #trials

Transcendentalism, Existentialism, and Amor Fati

My husband shared a Latin phrase with me just yesterday, “Amor Fati”, which means love your fate. I had recognized the phrase immediately and thought it was connected in some way with Friedrich Nietzsche.

You see, late in my high school career and early into my college pursuits, I enjoyed philosophy and read quite a bit. Transcendentalism was my favorite philosophical theory when I was 17. I read Henry David Thoreau’s, Walden “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately …and when I came to die, discover that I had not lived…I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” (Dead Poets Society, is one of my all-time favorite movies.) I read Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I was definitely a non-conformist in high school, so Emerson’s tenets resonated with me. I studied Immanuel Kant and eventually wrote a paper on his philosophies for a class in high school. Fr. Orsini, one of my high school religion teachers, was also studying Kant for a college course at the same time. We would have great discussions about his theories. He even read my paper before I turned it in, he was so interested (or seemed to be) in my perspective.

Still one of my favorite movies…

I also enjoyed Existentialism, dabbling in the works Friedrich Nietzsche and occasionally Jean-Paul Sartre and Soren Kierkegaard. So I guess, maybe that’s why the phrases familiarity was buried deep within my subconscious.

When Todd shared with me the phrase, its meaning, and that he was considering it as the basis for his next tattoo, I totally bogarted the idea. The significance behind it resounded with where I am right now and how I have been approaching all of the chaos that has been my life, our life. I totally understood why he wanted it. It was a great idea, it meant something; but now I wanted it too. That is okay, we have a few tattoos that are either exactly the same, or very similar, in meaning and design. That is one of the benefits of being married to your best friend.

Possible tattoo designs?

Amor Fati is a term used to describe an attitude of acceptance; accepting everything in your life – including the pain, suffering and loss, – as good or at least necessary and with a purpose. I believe that very thing, but with a more faithful aspect. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that God uses the struggles, trials, and anguish to reach out to us, to speak to us and to draw us closer to Him. God doesn’t waste anything.
It was that “philosophy” that has gotten me through the trails, particularly of the past couple of years. There had to be a reason, a purpose for the pain, or else why would it be happening. Why would it be necessary? I decided to accept each moment, each challenge, each obstacle with open arms and embrace it. I thought maybe if I loved it enough (or at least to the best of my ability) it wouldn’t be so difficult. Maybe if I could find the joy within it and the grace to accept it, I could better deal with it. Maybe these things, that I never wanted to have happen, would bring about something greater that I could not see from my current perspective.

Different perspective

I know that life has been challenging for all of us, particularly in the midst of COVID19 and the uncertainty that it brings with it, not to mention the protests and riots, the political climate, and the division we see across our great nation. Those are the challenges that we all face, in addition to our own individual personal challenges. But all of it, ALL OF IT, has some greater purpose. We just don’t know what that is right now.

Marcus Aurelius once stated that “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown in it.” What a fantastic way to look at life. Again, God doesn’t waste anything. Oxygen fuels fire, right? Maybe challenges fuel possibility.

So today, embrace the challenges, fuel your endless possibilities, and love your fate. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Chance, Coincidence, and Perfect Design

2019 was a tumultuous year for our family, to say the least. From beginning the year with inconvenient illnesses and injuries (colds, flu, bronchitis, and broken bones), to a change of college and career plans for my son (his school of choice filed for financial exigency), to losing my job, my husband taking on more consulting work, and me taking on a new position and at the same time starting a new consulting business in the middle of the year, to finding out at the end of 2019 that I have breast cancer; it has been a wild, crazy and sometimes chaotic ride. But within the chaos, God frequently made His presence known.

When I was working for the Franciscan Sisters, TOR I had once asked the reverend mother if she believed in coincidence or if everything happened for a reason. She told me that she believed that everything happened for a reason. I have to admit, at that time, I was skeptical that this could be true. I mean, really, EVERYTHING happens for a reason? I didn’t fully believe it. I thought there was a lot of room for coincidence.

6:30am moon at the Steubenville Catholic Schools

Chance really had to play a role in the way the way life played out and the way that things occurred, right? I thought it did, I believed that the way things were happening were coincidental, and that there was no rhyme or reason to the way life unfolded. To me, life was a meaningless game of chance – for the most part.

Then I began to realize that everything was happening for a reason, that this was God’s perfect design. There were blessings hidden within all of the chaos, if I just took time to look for them. At the time each of these events occurred, they seemed like a tragedy or a curse. But in retrospect, they were blessings in disguise.

The college my son wanted to attend filing for financial exigency resulted in him finding a school that was actually a better fit for his learning style and was substantially more affordable. The changes in my employment situation opened other doors, provided new avenues for expansion for both me and my husband’s businesses. Those changes also introduced me to new people, new friends, and reconnected me with old friends, who would be influential in my journey during 2019. The unexplained illnesses I was experiencing in the beginning of the year eventually led to an early cancer diagnosis. EARLY DIAGNOSIS. Each of those things that seemed so bleak when they were transpiring held profound beauty that I just couldn’t see at that time.

An evening with old friends – Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

Jon Bon Jovi once said that, “Miracles happen every day, change your perception of what a miracle is and you’ll see them all around you.” This is so very true. All of those things that tried my patience, shook my faith, and toyed with my sanity were blessings. They were miracles. I just didn’t know it at the time. Sometime you don’t even realize what is happening is a miracle until well after the miracle has occurred.

Ruby and Charlie Boy

And then there was Charlie Boy. And yes, Charlie Boy is a blessing. Or miracle, however you want to look at it. I needed him and he arrived at just the right time. Just like the change in my son’s plans for school and a career. Just like the loss of my job, the establishment of my own consulting business and the growth in my husband’s consulting company. Just like finding a new job. And just like being diagnosed with breast cancer.

Charlie Boy – my therapy dog, my miracle – with all of toys by the fire

All of it, even the cancer is a blessing. It has happened for a reason. It is not a curse, or a scourge, or even a misfortune. Yes, it is a challenge, but great things are born of challenge. I know great things will be born of this, because God wastes nothing.

So today, look at your struggles, your challenges, your trials with fresh eyes and find the miracles buried beneath the chaos. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.