Tag: #perspective

Transcendentalism, Existentialism, and Amor Fati

My husband shared a Latin phrase with me just yesterday, “Amor Fati”, which means love your fate. I had recognized the phrase immediately and thought it was connected in some way with Friedrich Nietzsche.

You see, late in my high school career and early into my college pursuits, I enjoyed philosophy and read quite a bit. Transcendentalism was my favorite philosophical theory when I was 17. I read Henry David Thoreau’s, Walden “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately …and when I came to die, discover that I had not lived…I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” (Dead Poets Society, is one of my all-time favorite movies.) I read Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I was definitely a non-conformist in high school, so Emerson’s tenets resonated with me. I studied Immanuel Kant and eventually wrote a paper on his philosophies for a class in high school. Fr. Orsini, one of my high school religion teachers, was also studying Kant for a college course at the same time. We would have great discussions about his theories. He even read my paper before I turned it in, he was so interested (or seemed to be) in my perspective.

Still one of my favorite movies…

I also enjoyed Existentialism, dabbling in the works Friedrich Nietzsche and occasionally Jean-Paul Sartre and Soren Kierkegaard. So I guess, maybe that’s why the phrases familiarity was buried deep within my subconscious.

When Todd shared with me the phrase, its meaning, and that he was considering it as the basis for his next tattoo, I totally bogarted the idea. The significance behind it resounded with where I am right now and how I have been approaching all of the chaos that has been my life, our life. I totally understood why he wanted it. It was a great idea, it meant something; but now I wanted it too. That is okay, we have a few tattoos that are either exactly the same, or very similar, in meaning and design. That is one of the benefits of being married to your best friend.

Possible tattoo designs?

Amor Fati is a term used to describe an attitude of acceptance; accepting everything in your life – including the pain, suffering and loss, – as good or at least necessary and with a purpose. I believe that very thing, but with a more faithful aspect. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that God uses the struggles, trials, and anguish to reach out to us, to speak to us and to draw us closer to Him. God doesn’t waste anything.
It was that “philosophy” that has gotten me through the trails, particularly of the past couple of years. There had to be a reason, a purpose for the pain, or else why would it be happening. Why would it be necessary? I decided to accept each moment, each challenge, each obstacle with open arms and embrace it. I thought maybe if I loved it enough (or at least to the best of my ability) it wouldn’t be so difficult. Maybe if I could find the joy within it and the grace to accept it, I could better deal with it. Maybe these things, that I never wanted to have happen, would bring about something greater that I could not see from my current perspective.

Different perspective

I know that life has been challenging for all of us, particularly in the midst of COVID19 and the uncertainty that it brings with it, not to mention the protests and riots, the political climate, and the division we see across our great nation. Those are the challenges that we all face, in addition to our own individual personal challenges. But all of it, ALL OF IT, has some greater purpose. We just don’t know what that is right now.

Marcus Aurelius once stated that “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown in it.” What a fantastic way to look at life. Again, God doesn’t waste anything. Oxygen fuels fire, right? Maybe challenges fuel possibility.

So today, embrace the challenges, fuel your endless possibilities, and love your fate. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Be Still and Know that I am God

On Thursday March 5th, I got up early, packed my husband’s lunch and headed into work. I didn’t attend the 7am morning mass at Holy Rosary because I was going to attend the 7:15am mass at the high school. I got into my office around 6:30am, checked my email, ran a couple of metric reports, checked my tasks for the day, and made some preparations for a 10 o’clock meeting. At 5 minutes til 7, I grabbed my prayer and reflection books and headed to the chapel. I was slightly surprised when I entered, because the lights were not on, but the window was opened. I didn’t think much of it as I settled into the pew and began reading the daily reflections.

The chapel at the high school and the window that was opened on that Thursday morning.

The darkness and the stillness of the chapel was peaceful. It was lit only by dimmed spotlights lights on the tabernacle and candlelight. It was so quiet, the only sound being the window shades gently rustling together in the cool morning breeze. I don’t ever recall the window being opened when it was so chilly outside particularly then when there was no one in the chapel, but the window was opened that morning. The sounds of the shades tapping together was mesmerizing. As I sat listening to it, I realized that it was now after 7:15am and there was nobody else in the chapel. There were no students. There was no staff. There was no priest. There was no morning mass. There was just God.

Now I am not sure what made me think that there would be mass at the high school on a Thursday morning, because typically there is not. Mass is celebrated on Monday and Wednesday mornings throughout the school year. And just this semester they added a Tuesday morning mass, thanks to a priest who volunteered to be the celebrant each week. But for some reason, on this particular week, I thought there was a Thursday mass. So firmly I believed this that I had told a family attending mass on Tuesday that I would see them on Thursday, because I was attending a different mass the following morning. They smiled and said “see you then”, without batting an eye. Now I am wondering if they thought that I was perhaps crazy. And I haven’t actually seen them since that Tuesday morning mass.

Normally when I miss morning mass, my entire day is thrown off, but not on this day. There was a calmness and tranquility about that morning that I can’t explain. It was almost like God just wanted me to spend some time alone with Him in that chapel. And I think it was something that I needed, that time alone with God, without anybody else, with the quiet atmosphere and the glow of the flickering candles, with the open window and mesmeric flapping of the blinds. Although I was alone in that chapel, I wasn’t alone, God was right there with me and I could just be. I always seemed to have a difficult time living out Psalm 46:10 “be still and know that I am God.” Or just resting in the Lord. That morning, I finally realized exactly what that meant.

My day didn’t fall apart because I didn’t begin it in the way I had intended. Of course, the first thoughts that ran through my head – as I had a conversation with myself – was “Wait, there’s no mass? I just missed morning mass. How could I make such a mistake?” But then I realized, that time in the chapel by myself was remarkable. If anything, I think it may have been exactly what I needed; stillness, quietness, darkness, peacefulness, some unexpected time to myself with God, in the chapel at my high school.

I have spent more time in that chapel in the last 9 months than I ever did in my entire high school career. In fact, I am pretty sure I never set foot in that chapel when I was a student. I was far too cool for that. Yeah, right.

It’s is amazing how your perspectives change as you grow older, how your faith can evolve if you open yourself up to God, how your relationship with God changes if you allow it. Your priorities shift, things that were once significant are not any longer and new things take over as being important. Usually those new things aren’t things at all but rather people and relationships and experiences. I guess that is metanoia, or ongoing conversion. It is pretty amazing.

What else is pretty amazing is that God really does know exactly what you need when you need it. If you stop for a moment, breathe and “be still”, you may actually feel those priorities shift if you just give Him a little time and a little space to work in your life. Missing mass Thursday morning was no accident. When I realized that mass was not going to be celebrated I thought I had made a mistake. But I didn’t. I was supposed to be in that chapel alone with God in that very moment. I needed it and God knew I needed it.

So today take those little mistakes, mess-ups, accidents, or missteps and see what God is trying to tell you or show you. Maybe He is saying slow down, relax, don’t worry, or maybe He is just asking you to spend some uninterrupted time with Him. What a great thing to do during your Lenten Journey! And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.