#darkness – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Darkness

A few weeks ago, I had to drive to Columbus for my regular follow-up appointment and mammogram. The mammogram was among the first ones scheduled that morning and I needed to arrive by 7:30am. It is roughly a 2.5 to 3-hour drive, depending on the traffic.

I left the house well before sunrise, to allow myself plenty of time to get there without undue stress. I am always concerned about encountering deer and wildlife on my drives to Columbus because I prefer to travel the more rural routes and avoid the highways.

While I have had my share of encounters with deer, coyotes, wild turkeys, squirrels, chipmunks, various birds, and turkey vultures, I would choose to deal with them any day over the absentminded, incompetent drivers who travel State Route 70. Although I have never hit a deer, I did have one run into the side of my vehicle, and I have had a turkey vulture fly directly into my grill. (That was fun!) I have seen coyotes up close, in some near misses, and constantly swerve to miss squirrels who have made poor judgment calls on their ability to cross the road.

Even with all of these near misses, it is still the other drivers that concern me the most. It seems like everyone has lost common sense and their ability to drive, or even the ability to practice common courtesy when on Route 70. I am certain that 70 is a corridor on the highway to hell.

That morning, it was dark. There is a saying, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Whoever coined that phrase was not kidding. It was pitch black that morning just before the break of dawn. I could see very little in front of me even with the high beams on. When I had to turn them off because of approaching vehicles, I could see even less. The darkness obscured everything.

Everybody experiences dark periods throughout their lives. It is inevitable. We are human and we deal with human emotions, struggles of the world, sadness, despair, and darkness. We can be plagued by illness, death, loss, and sadness. As I drove, I thought about these very things.

In these times of obscurity, when the light is dim, it may seem like God is distant, far from us, removed from our lives. However, the moments of our lives that seem bleakest are actually when God is closest to us. But sometimes we are so lost in the blackness that we can’t see Him. We become so enveloped in the despair that we can’t feel Him. We are so deafened by the noisy chaos that we can’t hear Him. The darkness indeed obscures everything.

When I begin to feel overpowered by despair, I remember Job. He was tested. He lost his possessions, his property, and his family. He was afflicted with pain and suffering in his body. His wife and friends rebuked and chastised him. Although Job grows bitter and desperate, “My days have passed, my plans are shattered.” – Job 17:11a, he still seeks God. “Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.” – Job 17:11b-12. We can learn a lot from Job, from pondering the darkness and the light. The whole book demonstrates the struggle between light and dark, despair and hope, fear and trust.

“My days have passed, my plans are shattered. Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.”
Job 17:11-12

As I continued to make that morning drive, dawn began to break and things that were once hidden came to view. I drove through the darkness into the light. This was not the first time I have done that, literally or figuratively. But it was beautiful, nonetheless. It is amazing what the light can do.

If you are going through a dark time, remember, no matter how dark it might seem, “A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:5. I will continue to pray for you. And today, please say an extra prayer for me.

Beauty in the Brokenness

I love the way the autumn sunlight pours through the windows in the morning, the unadulterated rectangles of light drawing out across the floor. My dogs and cat love it, too. I will frequently find them sprawled out in the warmth of the rays, bellies exposed, eyes closed, drifting into a morning or afternoon nap. It is quite perfect. That ray of sunlight is quite perfect, unbroken, and whole, spreading its radiance and warmth in one place. The unblemished windowpane is pristine; the light is unfiltered and whole.

Have you ever seen a broken windowpane where the glass is cracked in a spiderweb of fissures? One where the window looks like a puzzle of shards, and we are unsure of how it is still held together. We hurry to replace the broken glass because it obstructs our view and interferes with the light. It’s not so pretty, or is it?

Photo by Thilina Alagiyawanna on Pexels.com

That broken glass lets the sunlight in but in a different manner. It refracts the light in another way that makes it bounce all over the place, allowing brightness to pierce areas of darkness that the daylight would have never reached if not for the cracks in the glass. The glass’s imperfections and brokenness are used to share illumination, dancing prisms moving in a dazzling performance to other areas that otherwise would not have enjoyed light from the perfect window. The fractures in the glass spread light in a beautiful and supernatural way, permeating dark areas with its radiant light and warm glow.

It’s funny, we often don’t see the beauty of broken things, of things that are to be discarded, thrown away, and trashed. The irony is that each and every one of us is broken in some way, and we are always looking for ways to repair, replace, or hide our brokenness. But those broken areas are where some of the most incredible beauty lies. But in trying to fix it or keep it concealed from the rest of the world, we don’t share that beauty with others. Our own brokenness just might be a light for someone else, but we become so embarrassed, so concerned about appearances and what others might think, we hide it. We lose our light.

While we all want to heal our own brokenness (and we should), our brokenness may actually help heal someone else. Our imperfections may help somebody else realize they’re not as broken as they thought, that there are others out there like them, and that it is okay. Use your imperfections and brokenness to help others shine, and you might just find out that you’re helping yourself heal. Sharing often leads to support, which often leads directly to healing. God doesn’t waste anything.

In A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway wrote, “The world breaks everyone and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.” I, for one, believe this to be true. But I also believe that power and healing comes from sharing your brokenness for the benefit of others; therein lies your strength.

So today, find the beauty in the brokenness, embrace your imperfections, and share your struggles with someone else. You have no idea how that might benefit both of you. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

It’s the Journey, Not the Destination…Or Is It?

Have you ever heard the maxim, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey? Or as T.S. Eliot indicated “The journey, Not the destination matters…” Well, I am not sure that is entirely accurate.

Our entire life is a journey, every single day. Each day, each hour, each minute, and each breath of our entire lives is part of our journey. And every person’s path is as unique and original as each individual. Nobody will have the same exact trek as you. Nobody. Just like nobody will have the exact same experiences or relationships as you will have throughout your life.

The journey is inevitably filled with ups and downs, peaks and valleys, highs and lows. There are seasons of drought and seasons of growth. There are challenges and successes, births and deaths, gains and losses. Your journey will take you to some beautiful places, it will also take you to some places that you might not want to go. But throughout this wonderful expedition called life, you will meet some amazing people who support you on this excursion. They will help you through those rough patches and maybe even light the way for you when there is darkness. They are the blessings that I referred to in my last entry. And they will celebrate with you, help you find joy, and provide aid when you need help.

My best friend from high school and I had an epic adventure on the AT last year. She is one of the blessings in my life.

The journey is significant. It is important to appreciate each day that you are given, to see the value of every opportunity that comes to you, to live in each and every moment, to seize the day, and to not wish your life away. It is our individual journeys that form us. It is the culmination of those experiences that make us exactly who we are. It is the influence of those relationships that help build us or break us.

So yes, the journey is critical. It is most definitely a truly beautiful thing. However, as Christians, the destination is really what matters in the end. Where, exactly, are we going? Are we living a life and following a path that will get us to our intended destination?

You see, we should all be striving for heaven, to spend eternity with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. That should be our goal, our end destination. Our earthly journey is just how we get there. Are we living lives that glorify God? Are we being a light, a blessing, to others? Are we exemplifying the love of Christ? Paul says in Ephesians 5:1-2 “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”

And if we take a look at Paul, he had quite an incredible journey, from a guy who persecuted Christians, to a man to preached the good news, shared the gospel, and died for Jesus Christ. If Paul can experience that kind of change, then there is definitely hope for me.

So today, enjoy the journey, with all of its beauty and pitfalls. And be a light and a blessing to those around you. But remember it is the final destination that really matters, so make sure you are on the right path. And today please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Be Still and Know that I am God

On Thursday March 5th, I got up early, packed my husband’s lunch and headed into work. I didn’t attend the 7am morning mass at Holy Rosary because I was going to attend the 7:15am mass at the high school. I got into my office around 6:30am, checked my email, ran a couple of metric reports, checked my tasks for the day, and made some preparations for a 10 o’clock meeting. At 5 minutes til 7, I grabbed my prayer and reflection books and headed to the chapel. I was slightly surprised when I entered, because the lights were not on, but the window was opened. I didn’t think much of it as I settled into the pew and began reading the daily reflections.

The chapel at the high school and the window that was opened on that Thursday morning.

The darkness and the stillness of the chapel was peaceful. It was lit only by dimmed spotlights lights on the tabernacle and candlelight. It was so quiet, the only sound being the window shades gently rustling together in the cool morning breeze. I don’t ever recall the window being opened when it was so chilly outside particularly then when there was no one in the chapel, but the window was opened that morning. The sounds of the shades tapping together was mesmerizing. As I sat listening to it, I realized that it was now after 7:15am and there was nobody else in the chapel. There were no students. There was no staff. There was no priest. There was no morning mass. There was just God.

Now I am not sure what made me think that there would be mass at the high school on a Thursday morning, because typically there is not. Mass is celebrated on Monday and Wednesday mornings throughout the school year. And just this semester they added a Tuesday morning mass, thanks to a priest who volunteered to be the celebrant each week. But for some reason, on this particular week, I thought there was a Thursday mass. So firmly I believed this that I had told a family attending mass on Tuesday that I would see them on Thursday, because I was attending a different mass the following morning. They smiled and said “see you then”, without batting an eye. Now I am wondering if they thought that I was perhaps crazy. And I haven’t actually seen them since that Tuesday morning mass.

Normally when I miss morning mass, my entire day is thrown off, but not on this day. There was a calmness and tranquility about that morning that I can’t explain. It was almost like God just wanted me to spend some time alone with Him in that chapel. And I think it was something that I needed, that time alone with God, without anybody else, with the quiet atmosphere and the glow of the flickering candles, with the open window and mesmeric flapping of the blinds. Although I was alone in that chapel, I wasn’t alone, God was right there with me and I could just be. I always seemed to have a difficult time living out Psalm 46:10 “be still and know that I am God.” Or just resting in the Lord. That morning, I finally realized exactly what that meant.

My day didn’t fall apart because I didn’t begin it in the way I had intended. Of course, the first thoughts that ran through my head – as I had a conversation with myself – was “Wait, there’s no mass? I just missed morning mass. How could I make such a mistake?” But then I realized, that time in the chapel by myself was remarkable. If anything, I think it may have been exactly what I needed; stillness, quietness, darkness, peacefulness, some unexpected time to myself with God, in the chapel at my high school.

I have spent more time in that chapel in the last 9 months than I ever did in my entire high school career. In fact, I am pretty sure I never set foot in that chapel when I was a student. I was far too cool for that. Yeah, right.

It’s is amazing how your perspectives change as you grow older, how your faith can evolve if you open yourself up to God, how your relationship with God changes if you allow it. Your priorities shift, things that were once significant are not any longer and new things take over as being important. Usually those new things aren’t things at all but rather people and relationships and experiences. I guess that is metanoia, or ongoing conversion. It is pretty amazing.

What else is pretty amazing is that God really does know exactly what you need when you need it. If you stop for a moment, breathe and “be still”, you may actually feel those priorities shift if you just give Him a little time and a little space to work in your life. Missing mass Thursday morning was no accident. When I realized that mass was not going to be celebrated I thought I had made a mistake. But I didn’t. I was supposed to be in that chapel alone with God in that very moment. I needed it and God knew I needed it.

So today take those little mistakes, mess-ups, accidents, or missteps and see what God is trying to tell you or show you. Maybe He is saying slow down, relax, don’t worry, or maybe He is just asking you to spend some uninterrupted time with Him. What a great thing to do during your Lenten Journey! And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.