#jesus – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Showing Up

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the term “show up” as an intransitive verb meaning to arrive, or appear, or to become involved with others and make an active contribution, but also to provide help and support for someone. So let me ask you, do you show up?

If you are a responsible adult, you probably do. You probably show up for work on time (or at least close to it) every day, because you know there are consequences if you don’t; consequences such as reduced pay or even the loss of your job. If you’re happily married, I bet you show up for your spouse, too. Marriage is a commitment, for better or worse. However, if you are not happily married, you might not show up. If you have children, I am sure you show up for them whenever they need you. That is just what parents do. Parents show up.

I bet you show up for other things too. Like that work meeting, the one that the “head honcho” will be attending, so you can pitch your idea that just might get you that promotion. Or that conference, that you simply must attend, because it might open up doors to other opportunities, and let you rub elbows with some people of “influence” with whom you can make connections. Or maybe it’s that party that everyone is going to, that you simply just can’t miss. Or maybe the football game tailgate, the latest concert, or the play that everyone is talking about. Do you show up for those things?

We all show up for a lot of things that we think are important. We show up for a lot of things where we think we must be seen, because if we are not there, what would people think? Unfortunately, we show up for most things because we think we have to, not necessarily because we should, and many times not even because we want to show up.

So let me ask you again, do you show up? And if you answered yes, why do you show up? The “why” is definitely something to think about. I am typically one to show up because I have to, especially with regard to work or expectation. I’m not going to lie. I do a lot of things out of a sense of obligation. Rarely do I show up because I want to, unless it involves being outdoors, on a trail, in the middle of nowhere. If I am being honest, I can be pretty selfish. And when that happens, I don’t show up.

In the Bible in the Year podcast today, Fr. Mike Schmitz thanked the listeners for showing up, for showing up for 60 days. Wow, 60 days. I know I don’t always show up for God. I miss that mark a lot, a whole lot. But God always, ALWAYS, shows up for us.

As Fr. Mike said, “When we fall away, God remains steadfast.” He also said that we are called to “stand in the gap”, and to me, standing in the gap looks a lot like showing up.

I realized today that by listening to his podcast every day, I am showing up in a very small way. I also realized that if I can show up in this small way, maybe I can show up in bigger ways.

I have been thinking about how I can show up. How I can stand in the gap for somebody else, for somebody that I am not expecting something from in return? Funny thing is, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. It could be as simple as a text, a message, a phone call, a meal, a note, a visit, and the list goes on. There are a million small ways that you can show up for family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and even strangers.

So, think today about how you will show up. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Keeping Score

My husband and I went fishing last week. One final day on the lake before summer would come to a close, and he would return to school. (He is a teacher). We love to be outdoors, fishing, hiking, backpacking, camping, gardening, or walking the dogs. If it provides us with an opportunity to get out of the house, we take it.

Our day began uneventfully. We had an easy boat launch, and the lake was nearly empty as it was the middle of the week. This made for perfect fishing conditions, in my opinion. Things started slowly. I was throwing my go-to lure that always catches fish. I have so much faith in that lure that I have 5 of the same lure. Yes, that’s right, 5. I started with 3 of these lures. I had lost 2 of them. One to a nasty deep-water snag that I could not free, and one to some big ole fish that bent my pole and snapped my line. It was likely a catfish or a carp. When I was down to my last lure, I ordered more. Four more, to be exact. That lure is the lure with which I always start my day of fishing.

This summer has been very, very hot and extremely humid. I am not a fan of heat or humidity. We could jump right from spring to fall, and I would be completely delighted by that. Because of the excessive heat, I wasn’t expecting much from this day on the lake, other than to be out and enjoying God’s magnificent creation. Then it happened, a gentle tug on my line, and I pulled in a decent bluegill.

I am usually fishing for large-mouth bass, but I am happy to reel in any fish, although carp sometimes give me anxiety. There is just something about them that makes me uneasy. But they are kind of fun to fight.

The bluegill was a fighter and a nice little chunk. I gently removed the hook, my husband took a picture, and I released him back to the water. I am sure he would have some stories to tell his fishy friends.

We continued to fish the shoreline. Thirty minutes later, I snagged another one. This bluegill was similar in size to the last one, but I thought sure I had a crappie on the line. No matter, catching fish makes me happy. Once again, I removed the hook, my husband took another picture, and he rejoined his friends in the water.

At this point, I have caught two fish in less than an hour. My husband has caught zero. That didn’t seem to bother him in the least. He was just happy to be out (with me) on the lake. He says I am very competitive. I suppose I am, because I did remind him that I have been out fishing him all summer.

Proof that my husband has caught fish this summer.

Guess what? 30 minutes later, I landed #3. This little fish wasn’t much bigger than my lure, but he put up a heck of a fight. And now I’m up 3-0.

We decided to move to a different location, an area where we had never fished before. It certainly looked like the perfect spot. There was shade, and structure, and the wind was blowing into that area. Excellent conditions for fish. We fished there for about 40 minutes with no luck.

Proof that I have caught more fish. Not that I am keeping score.

My husband commands the boat. He usually fishes the area first, and then I follow up behind him. It was getting late in the morning, and the heat was beginning to exhaust us. Then it happened. I tossed my lure right next to a downed log. I was sure I got it too close and snagged it. But that snag was a fish, and it was a big fish (in comparison to what I had already caught). He hit my lure as soon as it dropped, and the race was on. I knew this was a good fish, and I didn’t want to lose it. I took my time, kept the rod tip bent, and worked my retrieve to keep him away from the prop. And I landed him. A beautiful largemouth bass, probably around 3lbs, my biggest fish of the day, and the nicest bass I caught all year. I was elated, giddy, ecstatic, and just could not contain my excitement.

And guess what, my husband was excited for me too! It didn’t matter that he had caught nothing that day (except for a stick and a leaf). He was happy for me. It didn’t matter that I had caught 4 fish that day, while he barely had a nibble. He was just enjoying the day, and he was celebrating my joy with me. The score didn’t matter. In fact, he wasn’t keeping score.

You know who else doesn’t keep score? God doesn’t keep score; we do. As humans, we have this need to keep score of everything, not just how many fish we catch. We keep score of who paid for lunch last, who called whom last, who drove to the movies, who invited whom to dinner, who apologized, who sent the last text, you get the picture. We constantly keep score, and then harbor resentment when things don’t go the way we think they should.

But God doesn’t keep score (and that is good news for us). When you stop keeping score, you can thoroughly enjoy the moment and celebrate with others. My husband did that. Who caught what didn’t matter. What mattered was that we were together, appreciating the natural world, had no other commitments or responsibilities that day, and we were fortunate enough to catch some fish.

God celebrates with us in all of our joys and comforts us in all of our sorrows. He never keeps score.

So today, stop keeping score. Enjoy the moment, rest in God’s goodness, and know that you are enough. You don’t have to measure yourself against others by keeping score. God loves you just the way you are. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Never Walk Alone

I have five dogs, which means I walk a lot. I frequently surpass my 10,000 steps a day goal. With five dogs, you have to break up the dog walks into smaller groups. All of my dogs weigh 50 lbs or more, so walking them all together is not an option. This generally means that I get 3 walks a day. The first two are generally longer walks, between 2 and 3 miles in length. This walk is for our younger dogs, whom I refer to as the littles. The last walk is for our senior dogs, and it is generally a mile to a mile and a half, as they can no longer tolerate the longer treks. Needless to say, I never walk alone.

Usually, when I walk the dogs, I pray. During the first walk, I generally pray the Rosary; the second walk is the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and the third walk is just unscripted prayer or general conversation with God. A lot of times, I will say a Hail Mary for a neighbor that I see or stop to talk with on my walks.

Photo by Photo By: Kaboompics.com on Pexels.com

But this morning it was different. I didn’t pray on my walk this morning. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to; it was because I couldn’t focus. I was tired, really tired. I turned off my alarm and fell back to sleep this morning. That is something that I rarely do. I usually wake up as soon as it goes off. That doesn’t mean I’m coherent; I am just out of bed.

I was groggy this morning. I was awakened at 5:30 am by a phone call from my husband (he is away for a few days). I was so groggy, I didn’t even realize I had answered the phone. And I vaguely remember our brief conversation. I know he called to hear my voice, as gravelly and unintelligible as it was, and to tell me that he loved me.

The guy who called to tell me he loves me.

An hour later, after a cup of coffee and some time for prayer and reflection, I was ready to tackle the day. I had intended to do a normal walk with the dogs – plural, but they were all asleep in a pile, except for Ruckus, the newest addition to our pack. At 6 months old, he has the energy of 3 dogs. So Ruck and I set out for a 6:30 am walk through the neighborhood. And I didn’t pray.

This morning, we simply walked in silence. I listened to the sound of my footsteps and the cadence they created. I could hear the jingling of Ruck’s collar with his name tag, dog license, and rabies vaccination tag, his gentle panting, and the tapping of his toenails on the concrete. I could make out the songs of various birds – wrens, cardinals, red-winged blackbirds, and the laughter of the crows. In the distance, a woodpecker drummed on a dead tree. I paid attention to the breeze whispering through the trees and the distant hum of cars on the highway. I wrapped myself in the quiet sounds of the day unfolding around me.

And what I realized is that, in and of itself, was a prayer. It was quiet time with God to clear my mind, to refocus, and prepare myself for everything that the day had in store. Prayer is more than rote learning and recitation; prayer is time, prayer is relationship, prayer is slowing down. It is not some box to check off, or some memorized words recited over and over again. Prayer is any time you spend with God, so prayer will and does look like a lot of different things.

And while I typically walk with my dogs and hike with my husband, son, or friends, even when I do these activities by myself, I am never alone. God is always with me. So, I never ever walk alone. So today, go for a walk, take a hike, get outside and be silent with the Lord, feel His presence, and know that you never walk alone. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Playing the Field

In my early twenties, I was convinced that I did not want to get married or have children. I wanted to be independent, self-sufficient, and free of any entanglements. I had too many interests, too many friends, and too many things that I wanted to do to be tied down. I was living life to its fullest without having to answer to anyone. Essentially, I wanted to “play the field.”

In reality, I probably suffered a little from what is now known as FOMO – fear of missing out. If I did not commit (to a person, to an invitation, to a position, to an event), I could do whatever I wanted without having to bend, give, or compromise. There were no concessions, no negotiations, no arbitrations. And if I didn’t like something, I could just move on to the next big thing.

Any opportunity to backpack is now my “next big thing”.

I had convinced myself that I liked being alone, that this type of freedom was exactly what I wanted. No commitments – to parties, to people, to activities, to anything. My only real obligations at that time of my life were to work and the gym.

I actually had a pretty serious relationship at that time…with my health club. We met every day after work and would spend at least an hour together. We would even get together on the weekends now and then for a couple of hours of running and weights. I was so committed to working out that I planned almost everything else around that singular activity. I could not meet my friends until I finished at the gym. If somebody wanted to go to happy hour after work, I normally declined because I had to go work out. Requests for dinner could only be arranged after I completed my fitness regimen. The health club was my church, my religion, my on-going relationship.

My relationship with working out is still pretty serious.

Now, that didn’t mean that I did not want relationships (platonic, friendly, or romantic) with people; I did. But when that relationship got too demanding, I would bolt. It was too much work, and I liked being able to do what I wanted to do, how I wanted to, and when I wanted to do it.

I think we do this in our relationship with God, too. We keep Him at arms distance because we don’t want to get too close. Some of us don’t even want the accountability that living a Christian life brings with it. So, we play the field. We keep our options open so we can make the decisions that we want to make and do what we want to do at the risk of our very salvation.

The most important relationships are the ones I have with my family.

And God accepts us for who we are and where we are because He loves us unconditionally. He wants a relationship with us, but He will not force it or impose Himself on us. He does not mind if we “play the field.” He lets us decide and He patiently waits until we get there. That is the freedom He gives us. That is the love He has for us. And that is a pretty amazing kind of love.

Looking back, maybe it wasn’t really playing the field at all. Maybe I was just being selfish. Maybe that is all playing the field really is, selfishness. I know that I was selfish in my twenties, but I have worked through a lot of that to make space for what is important, like my prayer life and my relationship with God. And I know that I am still selfish; it is just in different ways now and it is something that I continually work on.

While I know I may never be perfect (far from it), I will keep trying to make personal improvements. The Greek translation of perfect is whole or complete, not flawless. As in Matthew 5:4, we are called to “strive to be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” A relationship with God leads to that whole or completeness, it leads to that perfection that Matthew references.

So today, make space for God, share some of your time with Him. You might be surprised by the peace that it brings you as you take one step closer to perfection. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Fear

What is fear? The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines it as follows. As a noun: 1a: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger, b(1): an instance of this emotion, (2): a state marked by this emotion, 2: anxious concern : SOLICITUDE, 3: profound reverence and awe especially toward God. And then also as a transitive verb: 1: to be afraid of : expect with alarm, fear the worst, 2: to have a reverential awe of, fear God, 3 archaic : FRIGHTEN, 4 archaic : to feel fear in (oneself). And finally, as an intransitive verb: to be afraid or apprehensive.

Fear can take the shape of many things. Some people fear dogs, others fear confined places. Some people have a fear of heights, some have a fear of water, others fear flying. There is fear of snakes, fear of spiders, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of germs, and the list goes on and on. There are so many fears that they are categorized as phobias.

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), there are three different categories of phobias: Social phobias: these are also known as social anxiety disorder. This is a fear of social situations that makes one nervous. Agoraphobia: involves an irrational and extreme fear of being in places where it may be difficult to escape. It can involve a fear of crowded places or even of leaving your home. Specific phobias: fear of a specific object such as snakes, spiders, or needles, etc.

I googled fears and discovered there are so many fears that have been identified as phobias, it would be impossible to list them all. I had no idea there was a fear of buttons…buttons of all things. This is called koumpounophobia. There are also fears of colors, specifically black, white and purple, each with their own specific name. (I know black and white aren’t technically colors, but the absence of or culmination of color). There is also the fear of long words, called Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobis.

We all have fears. Some are rational. Some are irrational. And sometimes, we take steps to conquer our fears. Fear can help you move forward or hold you back depending on how you approach it.

At one point, I thought I had a fear of heights. But, in reality, its not really a fear of heights, but rather, a fear of falling. Basophobia is the fear of falling and is relatively common among both humans and mammals. I had the opportunity this past week to work on conquering that fear as my husband and I ascended Dragons Tooth on the AT.

We did some research on the trail and learned that All Trails rated it as Hard/Challenging. We also learned that it was a steep incline with an elevation gain of approximately 1,200 feet. We learned that we should bring ample water (I always have water for my hikes), and that there were steep scrambles to get to the top. But the view was worth it.

We had hiked McAfee Knob the day before. At approximately 8 miles, with an 1,800 foot elevation gain, listed at moderately challenging, I thought it was good preparation for Dragon’s Tooth. I was mistaken.

The entire approach trail for Dragon’s Tooth was a gradual, but steep incline. Then we hit a clearing at Lost Spectacles Gap, where we connected to the AT. I don’t think we were 100 yards in on the AT before the rocks appeared. The higher we got, the more difficult the trail. The last ¾ miles seemed to be a near vertical incline which required scrambling and a little rock climbing. At some point they installed some metal rungs to aid with the ascent.

No fewer than a dozen times was I certain that I would plummet to my death. My husband, on the other hand, relished this adventure. As a former rock climber, he was reliving his heyday. I was simply hanging on for dear life, reminding myself that I could do this, and the view would be phenomenal.

Fortunately, my husband was patient with my Katz-like pace (if you don’t know what that means, read or watch a Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson). We made it to the top in approximately 2 hours, which was quite an accomplishment in my opinion. And the view was worth it!

We were the only ones at the top and spent about an hour exploring and eating our lunch (keep in mind it was only 9am at the time). As we descended, we past several groups of hikers, including a middle aged couple who looked like they just stepped out of a fitness magazine, a group of older women complete with trekking poles and enthusiasm, who were quickly losing their “shine” as they approached the rocky inclines, another 30-something couple who had no water with them, and a young family who thought that hiking this trail with an infant and two toddlers sounded like a good idea.

At the trail head, you’re fearless, ready for the adventure, prepared to kick the trails ass. I am sure each hiker approached the trail with the same enthusiasm, and naivety as I did, truly thinking “how bad could it be”. And while it wasn’t horrible, it was definitely challenging and a bit intimidating for me at some points (particularly the sheer rock face I had to climb up and down). In the end, however, I conquered those fears (without a meltdown, I might add). And it was worth it.

While fear is typically viewed as a negative concept, it isn’t always negative. Fear is a valuable tool if you use it to your advantage and don’t allow it to control you. Fear of God, however, is the most valuable (go back and read that definition of fear at the beginning). Because that fear is not about being afraid, it’s about respect and trust.

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may avoid the snares of death. – Proverbs 14:27

I think part of conquering my fears on the Dragon’s Tooth trail were because of my fear of God. I was truly in awe of God and His creation (that’s fear of the Lord, too). I knew if I trusted where I was, who I was with, and took my time, I would be okay. I would not be abandoned on the sheer rock face. But be assured, there were multiple moments where I was praying. Like it says in Proverbs 14:27, The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may avoid the snares of death.

So today, conquer your fears and cultivate your fear of the Lord. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Darkness

A few weeks ago, I had to drive to Columbus for my regular follow-up appointment and mammogram. The mammogram was among the first ones scheduled that morning and I needed to arrive by 7:30am. It is roughly a 2.5 to 3-hour drive, depending on the traffic.

I left the house well before sunrise, to allow myself plenty of time to get there without undue stress. I am always concerned about encountering deer and wildlife on my drives to Columbus because I prefer to travel the more rural routes and avoid the highways.

While I have had my share of encounters with deer, coyotes, wild turkeys, squirrels, chipmunks, various birds, and turkey vultures, I would choose to deal with them any day over the absentminded, incompetent drivers who travel State Route 70. Although I have never hit a deer, I did have one run into the side of my vehicle, and I have had a turkey vulture fly directly into my grill. (That was fun!) I have seen coyotes up close, in some near misses, and constantly swerve to miss squirrels who have made poor judgment calls on their ability to cross the road.

Even with all of these near misses, it is still the other drivers that concern me the most. It seems like everyone has lost common sense and their ability to drive, or even the ability to practice common courtesy when on Route 70. I am certain that 70 is a corridor on the highway to hell.

That morning, it was dark. There is a saying, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Whoever coined that phrase was not kidding. It was pitch black that morning just before the break of dawn. I could see very little in front of me even with the high beams on. When I had to turn them off because of approaching vehicles, I could see even less. The darkness obscured everything.

Everybody experiences dark periods throughout their lives. It is inevitable. We are human and we deal with human emotions, struggles of the world, sadness, despair, and darkness. We can be plagued by illness, death, loss, and sadness. As I drove, I thought about these very things.

In these times of obscurity, when the light is dim, it may seem like God is distant, far from us, removed from our lives. However, the moments of our lives that seem bleakest are actually when God is closest to us. But sometimes we are so lost in the blackness that we can’t see Him. We become so enveloped in the despair that we can’t feel Him. We are so deafened by the noisy chaos that we can’t hear Him. The darkness indeed obscures everything.

When I begin to feel overpowered by despair, I remember Job. He was tested. He lost his possessions, his property, and his family. He was afflicted with pain and suffering in his body. His wife and friends rebuked and chastised him. Although Job grows bitter and desperate, “My days have passed, my plans are shattered.” – Job 17:11a, he still seeks God. “Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.” – Job 17:11b-12. We can learn a lot from Job, from pondering the darkness and the light. The whole book demonstrates the struggle between light and dark, despair and hope, fear and trust.

“My days have passed, my plans are shattered. Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.”
Job 17:11-12

As I continued to make that morning drive, dawn began to break and things that were once hidden came to view. I drove through the darkness into the light. This was not the first time I have done that, literally or figuratively. But it was beautiful, nonetheless. It is amazing what the light can do.

If you are going through a dark time, remember, no matter how dark it might seem, “A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:5. I will continue to pray for you. And today, please say an extra prayer for me.

The Parable of the Sower

I have been reading the gospels that discuss the parable of the sower in Matthew, Mark and Luke. There is a lot packed into this parable. It says a lot about each of us as we can choose our own type of ground. Will we be rocky or shallow ground, will we be choked by weeds, or will we be rich and fertile soil? We decide how open we are going to be to God, and we choose if we are going to follow Jesus. This parable addresses everyone regardless of where they are in their faith journey and their relationship with God.

But rather than thinking about this parable from the perspective of the ground and the seed, I have begun to look at it from the perspective of the sower. The sower is not selective. He freely sowed his seeds, planting them in all places; on rocky paths, in shallow soil, amongst, the weeds, and on fertile ground. He didn’t pick and choose where he would place the seed. He was indiscriminate and he was generous. Think about that for a minute. Indiscriminate and generous, kind of like Jesus.

How indiscriminate are we in sharing kindness? How generous are we in showing love to one another? Or do we only show kindness to those who are kind to us? Are we compassionate to the strangers that we meet, particularly those who are in need? Or do we silently judge them and sneer at their current situation? Are we patient in situations that call for patience (traffic, the checkout line, dealing with family)? Or do we rush through everything in life, filled with self-importance and never having enough time? Do we love with the love of Christ, loving others regardless of who they are? Or do we only love those who are easy to love? We are called to be like Jesus, but are we?

My herb garden – one of my favorite things about summer

There are numerous opportunities throughout the day to share the love of God with others. These are opportunities for us, as common everyday people, to evangelize, to be Christ to others. But we all too often miss those opportunities. We are so busy looking inward that we miss what is around us. We miss the opportunity to show kindness to be compassion, to be examples of Christ’s love in a broken world.

We are both the soil and the sower. Maybe today, we can be better sowers and spread the seeds of love and kindness everywhere, indiscriminate about where and with whom we share these gifts. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

It’s the Journey, Not the Destination…Or Is It?

Have you ever heard the maxim, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey? Or as T.S. Eliot indicated “The journey, Not the destination matters…” Well, I am not sure that is entirely accurate.

Our entire life is a journey, every single day. Each day, each hour, each minute, and each breath of our entire lives is part of our journey. And every person’s path is as unique and original as each individual. Nobody will have the same exact trek as you. Nobody. Just like nobody will have the exact same experiences or relationships as you will have throughout your life.

The journey is inevitably filled with ups and downs, peaks and valleys, highs and lows. There are seasons of drought and seasons of growth. There are challenges and successes, births and deaths, gains and losses. Your journey will take you to some beautiful places, it will also take you to some places that you might not want to go. But throughout this wonderful expedition called life, you will meet some amazing people who support you on this excursion. They will help you through those rough patches and maybe even light the way for you when there is darkness. They are the blessings that I referred to in my last entry. And they will celebrate with you, help you find joy, and provide aid when you need help.

My best friend from high school and I had an epic adventure on the AT last year. She is one of the blessings in my life.

The journey is significant. It is important to appreciate each day that you are given, to see the value of every opportunity that comes to you, to live in each and every moment, to seize the day, and to not wish your life away. It is our individual journeys that form us. It is the culmination of those experiences that make us exactly who we are. It is the influence of those relationships that help build us or break us.

So yes, the journey is critical. It is most definitely a truly beautiful thing. However, as Christians, the destination is really what matters in the end. Where, exactly, are we going? Are we living a life and following a path that will get us to our intended destination?

You see, we should all be striving for heaven, to spend eternity with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. That should be our goal, our end destination. Our earthly journey is just how we get there. Are we living lives that glorify God? Are we being a light, a blessing, to others? Are we exemplifying the love of Christ? Paul says in Ephesians 5:1-2 “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”

And if we take a look at Paul, he had quite an incredible journey, from a guy who persecuted Christians, to a man to preached the good news, shared the gospel, and died for Jesus Christ. If Paul can experience that kind of change, then there is definitely hope for me.

So today, enjoy the journey, with all of its beauty and pitfalls. And be a light and a blessing to those around you. But remember it is the final destination that really matters, so make sure you are on the right path. And today please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Did the Apostles Even Like Each Other?

Over the past few days, I have been pondering relationships. We have all kinds of relationships and interactions with people. There are our relationships with family members, friendships with classmates from our school days, interactions with co-workers, affiliations with people from our church, clubs, or organizations with which we are involved.

I really began pondering this after a work happy hour this past week. I think it’s because a lot of those interactions are superficial, I mean, how well do you really know your co-workers or how well do you really want to know your co-workers. Just because we spend most of our working time together in the same building doesn’t mean that we have an authentic relationship with somebody. In fact, it doesn’t even mean that we necessarily like or get along with that person.

I spend a lot of my time with my dogs because I don’t always “get” people

We have a pretty diverse group of faculty and staff in the school system where I work. I like that we get together as a staff on occasion and go to happy hour or gather at someone’s home for adult beverages and snacks in an effort to unwind and bond on a different level. But it really has got me thinking about our individual relationships and reflecting on Jesus and his apostles. The question that has been coming to my mind as I ponder our own group dynamic is “Did the apostles even like each other?”

I mean just because we all work together and share a number of the same issues doesn’t necessarily mean that we are all friends or even like each other on a more personal level. In a lot of instances, we are just co-workers, right? Is that how it was with the Apostles? I mean I am sure that there were conflicts and struggles and even personality differences among the apostles that caused riffs. There are those very same issues in any business setting. Were some people closer than others? Were some shunned because of their personalities? Were there close friendships? Was there gossip and bickering? Was there jealousy? Was there envy? I mean the apostles were men who had to deal with emotions and feelings and pride.

In Matthew 20:20-28, the mother of James and John ask Jesus for preferential treatment of her sons. Verse 24 states that “When the ten heard it, they were angry with the two brothers.” And Matthew was a tax collector. He took money from the Jewish people on behalf of the Roman empire. I am sure when Jesus brought him into the group there was grumbling about it. Why would Jesus want this dishonest man to be part of his entourage?

Let’s not forget the apostle Judas Iscariot, he betrayed Jesus. And in John 12, Judas condemned Mary’s (sister of Lazarus) use of perfume to anoint Jesus’ feet indicating that it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. How do you think the other apostles felt about that?

Christ chose Peter to be the foundation of his church, but John was the disciple that “Jesus loved”. And Jesus took Peter, James, and John to witness the transfiguration. Was there jealousy and animosity among the disciples because of this? I am sure there had to be, they were human beings and human beings are fraught with insecurities and fears of inadequacy and not being wanted. I think most people feel like this at times. They wonder why some people might be included because of who they are or better yet, who we think they are.

So, I think the apostles dealt with the very same relational things that we deal with today. However, the apostles were called to love one another, despite their differences, despite their dislike, and to preach the gospel. And guess what, we are called to do the very same thing. To love one another, not just the people that we like or agree with or get along with. We are called to love one another, to pray for one another.

In fact, in Luke 6:27-28 we are told “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who abuse (mistreat) you.” In verses 32-36 it goes on to say; “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

I guess I find some comfort in realizing that the apostles dealt with the same types of things we all deal with relationally. That they were not a perfect group of people who all loved and accepted one another, who didn’t bicker or argue. I bet there was even a little bit of contempt mixed in there at times. Kind of like life for most people. It is also reassuring that Christ chose them in their brokenness, in their sinfulness, in their contempt, in their selfishness, in their egoism, in their conceit. Because Christ chose them, we know that Christ chooses each of us.

We are not always going to “get along” or even “like” one another, but we are called to love one another. We are called to be kind and charitable and merciful. Let us remember that while the apostles were not perfect, God called them. And God calls each one of us. So today, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.” And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Have Faith

Today is the Memorial of Saints Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. This is the first year it is celebrated as such. At one time, it was simply the feast of St. Martha. The more I dig deeper into my faith and the more time I spend learning about the saints, the more I realize that they were people just like us. Even 2,000 years ago, they struggled with a lot of the same things that we still struggle with today.

Lament – Audrey Assad

The more I learn about Martha, the more I like her. Maybe because I am realizing that I am a lot like Martha on a number of different levels. I am anxious; I get irritated when people don’t do what I expect them to do, say what I think they should say or react in a way I have anticipated. Sometimes, I get caught up in the details rather than simply enjoying the moment. I get disappointed too, much like Martha does in today’s gospel from John 11:19-27.

Martha was disappointed that Jesus didn’t arrive sooner. But Martha is honest with Jesus, blunt even. She doesn’t hold anything back in telling Him how she feels that she is disappointed and that she doesn’t fully understand. I am not always so honest with God or myself. I want to hide what I am really thinking or feeling because I am embarrassed or ashamed or feel guilt for having such thoughts. But it is in those moments that God wants us to be “real” with Him. He already knows our heart, what is hurting us, what concerns us, but He wants us to bring that to Him directly. He wants us to share it, to give our struggles, our concerns, our challenges, even our ugliness to Him so He can carry that burden for us and heal what might be broken.

Having faith in Christ does not mean that we can’t ever question God. It doesn’t mean that we that we aren’t going to wonder why some things occur the way they do or even seek to understand God’s purpose when life seems most bleak.

I love the premise of this morning’s gospel. Because Martha was honest with Jesus, she didn’t hesitate to express her confusion, to give Him her struggles or to share her feelings. But that didn’t mean her faith was weak. If anything it was stronger. Although Martha didn’t understand, she still believed that Jesus was the one, “the Christ, the Son of God, the one who was coming into the world.” I love that!

Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t question God. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be disappointed. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t understand the reason, meaning and purpose for everything that happens in your life. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be angry with God.

A little reminder that we found on a recent hike.

How many times have you felt these very things about a friend? That is all a part of real friendship.

What a perfect sentiment of true friendship.

Having faith means that you have faith that everything will work out according to God’s plan. Faith is walking with God through the difficult times and knowing that there is something better waiting for you. Having faith means working on that relationship with God, no matter what, cultivating that relationship and continuing to grow it. Our relationship with God should be a friendship, much like Martha had with Jesus.

Maybe we should try to be a little more like Martha and be honest with God about all that is troubling us. Even when we don’t understand a situation, we need to be honest, have faith, address our own concerns with God and know that God is working for our benefit. While you may not understand the situation, remember that God loves you and wants the best for you. He is the friend who is always with you on this journey, so be honest with Him in everything. And, as always, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.