#prayers – Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

New Year’s Resolutions (Promises)

Have you ever made a promise? Have you made promises to your family, to your friends, and even to yourself? Have you been able to keep those promises?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, as a noun, a promise means a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified or a legally binding declaration that gives the person to whom it is made a right to expect or to claim the performance or forbearance of a specified act. As a verb, it is to pledge to do, bring about, or provide; to assure someone that one will definitely do, give, or arrange something; undertake or declare that something will happen or give good grounds for expecting (a particular occurrence or situation). We tend to make a lot of promises or make resolutions, particularly as we enter a new year.

A promise is a pretty big deal, but do we treat it as such? We likely make promises of some sort every day to our family and friends; like promising to call, promising to text, promising to get together. How often do we make such promises and then simply forget? I don’t have enough fingers to count the times I have done this; promising my Mom I would call her when I got home but then simply forgetting to do so. Or promising a friend I would text them about getting together but never got around to it.

What about work promises? Have you ever promised to review a document, send an email, make a phone call, or do some research, but then it just never seems to get done? I did this just a few weeks ago, twice to the same person. I promised I would look up some information when I got home and email it to the person. Then I forgot. When she called the next day about it, I apologized because I had forgotten, and I told her I would do it that night when I got home. Guess what, I forgot again. I didn’t intend to break the promise, but I did. Fortunately, my friend is very understanding and did not take my forgetfulness personally.

But what about other promises, promises we make to ourselves, those New Year Resolutions? Have you ever promised yourself you would wake up early to do something constructive (read, work out, run, write, etc.), but when your alarm goes off, you hit snooze, roll over and go right back to sleep? Or what about eating healthier? Ever make that promise to yourself, vowing to pack your lunch for work rather than eat out? Then the next day your coworkers are all going out to lunch and that packed lunch stays in the refrigerator at work.

And what about promises that other people make to you? Your friends promise they will call you and let you know what the plans are for the weekend, but then they go out without you. What about when a family member makes a promise to keep a secret, then tells other family members that very secret that they had sworn to keep? It hurts when someone breaks a promise. It hurts, even more, when it is someone that you love.

A promise is a serious commitment, and it is one commitment that I find people (myself included) oftentimes have a difficult time keeping. But you know who always keeps His promise? God. God always keeps his promises to us. Always.

There are an estimated 8,810 promises in the bible that God makes to us. To each and every one of us. God promises success, confidence, health, prosperity, strength, wisdom, and so much more. God also promises salvation, forgiveness, the assurance of answered prayers, and that He will never abandon us. So, although people fail to keep their promises (me included), God never will. Never.

“Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me and I will be delivered…” Psalm 119:116-117

“I will listen to what God the Lord says; He promises peace to his people, his faithful servants-.” Psalms 85:8

So, today, if you make a promise (or a resolution), make every effort to hold true to that promise. If someone makes a promise to you but does not uphold that commitment, try to be forgiving and remember that God is always faithful. God will keep His promise, even when we may not see or understand it, God is with us. Always. Even when we might not recognize it. So put your trust in Him who keeps His promises. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

It's Not What You're Losing, It Is What You Gain In The Process

Inevitably when I am meeting with or visiting people, the first thing they ask me is; “How are you feeling?” I truly appreciate their care and concern and completely understand why they are asking. I mean I do have cancer, right? So technically, I’m sick. I probably shouldn’t be feeling all that well. But surprisingly, I feel fantastic. I’m working out, eating well and generally just enjoying life. I don’t feel sick, I don’t feel tired, I’m not in pain; I really do feel great! In fact, when I tell people that I feel great, I add the disclaimer that if they didn’t tell me I had cancer I would have never known. I mean, I don’t feel like I have cancer, if that makes sense.

But the stark reality that I do have cancer hit home this week. I had my pre-op appointments yesterday. And while I have shared that I have breast cancer pretty freely, I haven’t really shared what my treatment plan looks like. It looks like this – I have to have a unilateral mastectomy. When I think about it, it’s a lot to process. So for the most part I just don’t think about it. I focus on the good, I focus on the blessings, I focus on the miracles; I focus on all of things that I have gained during this journey with cancer. I try not to think about or concentrate on what I am losing. Basically, I’m losing one of the girls.

When we first made the decision to move forward with the mastectomy, it was a little overwhelming. I felt nauseous for days. But like everything, as time passes you learn to deal with it; you learn accept it. But as the impending surgery approaches, I am feeling those things all over again. There are dozens of thoughts rushing through my mind. And some concern about what happens afterwards. The pre-op appointments made it real. For so long it was one of those things that was going to happen eventually. Well, eventually is upon me.

But I will press on, trying to push the fear that sometimes creeps up out of my mind, not thinking about the negative aspects of cancer. I will focus on all the blessings that this diagnosis has brought about in my life.

I have gotten spend more time with my brother and his wife who have hosted me on each trip to Columbus for appointments, etc. They have made me feel comfortable and welcome. I was worried about intruding into the lives, but they always make me feel like the want me there.

I have spent a lot more time in Columbus which has been really cool. At one point in my life I did called Columbus, Ohio home. So to be back, although a lot has changed, has been wonderful.

The Columbus Crew who have made my visits to Columbus so fun

I reconnected with my best friend from high school. We picked up where we had left off ten years ago. Not that we intended to lose touch, but life got in the way. But it has been like no time had passed at all and she has been there for me when I needed her most.

I have reconnected with many other old friends with whom I had lost touch over time. They have reached out. We’ve met for coffee, grabbed lunch, exchanged texts or just talked on the phone. They will never know how much their presence and support has meant to me.

I have been shown love, kindness and support from people whom I don’t even know. And the prayers, well let’s just say I know that people are praying for me because I really am at peace with all of this. I can only attribute that peace to God’s grace and the prayers that have been offered on my behalf.

It’s funny how tragedy and adversity can bring people together and draw out the best in one another. That is a blessing – in fact that is multiple blessings all wrapped up in one. I am grateful for all of the good that transpired in the midst of this diagnosis and will focus on that as I approach surgery.

We have all lost something, probably many things, over the course of our lives. Today, focus not on what you could lose, but look at all you have gained. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Plot Twist

I recently read the following quote, “When something goes wrong, yell ‘plot twist’ and move on”. I kind of feel like that is how this year has been for me. I mean it really has been a roller coaster. I have needed to yell plot twist on no fewer than half a dozen occasions. But being diagnosed with breast cancer has been the biggest plot twist yet!

It has taken me a couple of weeks to really process everything, and unfortunately, there are still a few unknowns. For the most part, at least right now, nothing has really changed. I still get up and attend morning mass. I still go to work every day. I still take the dogs on their daily walk (weather permitting) and work out. I still cook dinner each day and I am still planning to host our annual Thanksgiving celebration (my favorite holiday). Essentially, life is still business as usual. The only difference now; it’s business as usual knowing that I have cancer.

It has been a crazy two weeks, and to be honest, the longest two weeks of my life. Tom Petty was right; the waiting really is the hardest part. But in those two weeks, I have learned quite a bit. The one thing I have realized is just how incredibly blessed I am by the people in my life. The outpouring of love and support, from the messages, texts, phone calls, emails, thoughtful gestures, and notes has been overwhelming. I cannot begin to thank everyone for their kindness and concern. You will never know what all of it means to me. It is almost like the end of the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. George Bailey didn’t realize how many people cared about him until Clarence showed him. Because of all of those people who have reached out this past week, I have felt a lot like that. The outpouring of support has been so incredible that I watched that very movie the other evening. And it has made this transition into the cancer club a little easier.

It has also shown me that I am much stronger than I think I am (and if you know me, I think I’m pretty strong). But this has been a real test for me, all of it, especially in the way it has all progressed. Like REO Speedwagon says, you just gotta roll with the changes. So I am trying to roll with all of them, and turn on those curve balls that life keeps throwing me. You know if you can adjust, you can drive a curve ball out of the park. It’s all about adjustment.

I will admit that few things have changed. I have spent more time watching movies in the past few weeks than I have in the past year. My husband is the movie buff, not me. But lately, watching movies with him has really been a release for me. I have been watching movies that I don’t really have to think too much about, movies that I have already seen, and basically movies that make me feel good – like It’s a Wonderful Life. (Although I did binge a bit on the Halloween franchise).

I have tried to be more present to the people around me and spend more quality time with family and friends. From actually talking on the phone (not something I normally do), to meeting friends for coffee, to having lunch with friends or family, to making sure we sit down together for family dinners, those things have become a lot more important in the last few weeks. I realize just how important it is to “Be here now”.

And I have become a bit more selfish. I stop doing something when I get tired. I take more naps and I go to bed early. I sit quietly and read or just lie on the couch and veg-out. And if I am being honest, I walk the dogs more for my benefit that theirs. It is like therapy for me, but they do enjoy a good walk – Eve more so than Ruby. Maybe that’s not really selfish, but I am trying to listen to my body when I know it’s tired, or I when need some time to unwind and refocus, or when I just need a long walk.

And please don’t be afraid to ask me about it, really. I am not going to begin that conversation, but if you are curious or concerned, or just need to talk about it, please ask. I am okay with this. I can talk about it. In fact, if you ask me, I’m going to tell you that I’ve got this…that we’ve got this. Because, to be honest, I wouldn’t be in such a good place (and I am in a good place mentally and emotionally) were it not for my family, my friends, and my faith. So when I say we, I really mean WE – you – my amazing family and friends, me and God.

Thank you for being part of my tribe, my clan, my posse, my family and thank you for your prayers, positive thoughts, concerns, good vibes, and well- wishes. Yes, we got this – together. Cancer picked the wrong person to mess with because of all of the people who’ve got my back. I am thankful for each of you and the role you play in my life especially on this particular journey.

Please send me any prayer intentions that I can offer up for you during this time. And as always, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.