Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

New Year’s Resolutions (Promises)

Have you ever made a promise? Have you made promises to your family, to your friends, and even to yourself? Have you been able to keep those promises?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, as a noun, a promise means a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified or a legally binding declaration that gives the person to whom it is made a right to expect or to claim the performance or forbearance of a specified act. As a verb, it is to pledge to do, bring about, or provide; to assure someone that one will definitely do, give, or arrange something; undertake or declare that something will happen or give good grounds for expecting (a particular occurrence or situation). We tend to make a lot of promises or make resolutions, particularly as we enter a new year.

A promise is a pretty big deal, but do we treat it as such? We likely make promises of some sort every day to our family and friends; like promising to call, promising to text, promising to get together. How often do we make such promises and then simply forget? I don’t have enough fingers to count the times I have done this; promising my Mom I would call her when I got home but then simply forgetting to do so. Or promising a friend I would text them about getting together but never got around to it.

What about work promises? Have you ever promised to review a document, send an email, make a phone call, or do some research, but then it just never seems to get done? I did this just a few weeks ago, twice to the same person. I promised I would look up some information when I got home and email it to the person. Then I forgot. When she called the next day about it, I apologized because I had forgotten, and I told her I would do it that night when I got home. Guess what, I forgot again. I didn’t intend to break the promise, but I did. Fortunately, my friend is very understanding and did not take my forgetfulness personally.

But what about other promises, promises we make to ourselves, those New Year Resolutions? Have you ever promised yourself you would wake up early to do something constructive (read, work out, run, write, etc.), but when your alarm goes off, you hit snooze, roll over and go right back to sleep? Or what about eating healthier? Ever make that promise to yourself, vowing to pack your lunch for work rather than eat out? Then the next day your coworkers are all going out to lunch and that packed lunch stays in the refrigerator at work.

And what about promises that other people make to you? Your friends promise they will call you and let you know what the plans are for the weekend, but then they go out without you. What about when a family member makes a promise to keep a secret, then tells other family members that very secret that they had sworn to keep? It hurts when someone breaks a promise. It hurts, even more, when it is someone that you love.

A promise is a serious commitment, and it is one commitment that I find people (myself included) oftentimes have a difficult time keeping. But you know who always keeps His promise? God. God always keeps his promises to us. Always.

There are an estimated 8,810 promises in the bible that God makes to us. To each and every one of us. God promises success, confidence, health, prosperity, strength, wisdom, and so much more. God also promises salvation, forgiveness, the assurance of answered prayers, and that He will never abandon us. So, although people fail to keep their promises (me included), God never will. Never.

“Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me and I will be delivered…” Psalm 119:116-117

“I will listen to what God the Lord says; He promises peace to his people, his faithful servants-.” Psalms 85:8

So, today, if you make a promise (or a resolution), make every effort to hold true to that promise. If someone makes a promise to you but does not uphold that commitment, try to be forgiving and remember that God is always faithful. God will keep His promise, even when we may not see or understand it, God is with us. Always. Even when we might not recognize it. So put your trust in Him who keeps His promises. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Selfishness vs. Self Care

For the past few days I have been reflecting on the activities of the summer. We are quickly approaching the beginning of a new school year and we are on the cusp of autumn (my favorite season). I have been contemplating quite a bit about how I was going to approach this piece. How I have spent the summer of 2022 has been met with wonder, amazement, respect, curiosity, and maybe some resentment and bitterness. Some might call my summer selfish. I would call my summer self-care.

This summer I spent a lot of time in the woods. It began with a section hike of the Appalachian Trail in early June with my best friend from childhood. This was an adventure a lot of people did not understand. Who would willingly carry 40 pounds of supplies on their back, sleep in a coffin-like tent (I used a solo bivy tent on the AT), eat dehydrated meals, wear the same clothes every day, not be able to shower for days on end, and have to filter stream water just to have something to drink? I would. And as it turns out, I enjoyed it more than I would have ever imagined.

The first vista we encountered on the AT – some where in Maryland.

I have always liked hiking. But my hikes were limited to day hikes. Most of the hikes were between 4-6 miles. Some were longer. But after each hike, I came home and took a shower. I’m the kind of girl who showers daily. And when I say daily, I mean two and three times a day. So the not showering part was my greatest concern approaching the AT adventure. But surprisingly, it was not a challenge at all. Once I realized I didn’t care as much about the daily shower as I thought I would, I jumped in fully to the backpacking thing.

This summer alone I have backpacked part of the AT. When I returned from that trip, my husband and I began our backpacking adventures, most of which include our dogs. We started off with an overnight at Zaleski State Forest about a week after I returned from the AT. That was our first adventure with two of our dogs (the littles). It was challenging because we did not realize that the area had experienced microbursts just days earlier. There were a number of downed trees and debris covered large portions of the trail. At one point, I had to lift Charlie over a tree because it was far too large for him to jump over and there was no clearance for climbing under. And yes, I speak to him like he is human, talking him through the lift and telling him that I would pick him up on three…then I proceeded to count it out…1, 2, 3. Don’t laugh, we have an understanding and my relationship with him is better than most of my relationships with humans.

From there we moved on to a challenging route at Quebec Run Wild Area. We left the dogs home for this 11.5 mile loop because we were not sure just how “challenging” this trail would be. The struggle was real, with some steep inclines, but the area was beautiful, silent, and still. We saw only one other hiker and spent a very quiet evening camped by a creek about 9 miles in. We did hear elk in the distance late at night. It was quite a profound experience. And Quebec Run quickly became one of my favorite places.

After that, we decided to explore the Allegheny National Forest and did the Morrison Trail Loop. This 13-mile loop had a campground about halfway into the hike that was situated on a beautiful lake. The only way to the campground was on foot or by boat. We brought the littles on this hike and arrived at the campground around 4 o’clock in the afternoon. We set up camp right on the water’s edge. There were two other campers (boaters) dispersed throughout the area and lots of signs warning us about black bears. The view from our tents was beautiful and reconfirmed my love of backpacking and deepened my appreciation of nature.

The view from our campsite at the Allegheny National Forest

Two days after that trip, we headed back to the Quebec Run Wild Area with the dogs in tow this time. We hiked a shorter and less challenging loop, which included a stream crossing and a pretty steep incline to get back out. Again, we camped by the creek, the rushing water was soothing and provided ample hydration for all of us. Late in the evening as we sat by the campfire, we heard a pack of coyotes howl and bark. Another perfect night in the woods.

Ten days later, we ventured out again with the dogs and headed to a point-to-point trail at Moraine State Park. This was not our first choice for this expedition, but the weather forecast had caused us to change our plans. This ended up being a 10-mile hike out and back. We camped at a shelter and had an amazing campfire. I even foraged for some mushrooms on this trip. We listened to birds call to one another at dusk and slumbered so soundly that we slept in the following morning and didn’t break down camp until after 8am.

We returned home and departed 3 days later for our intended destination in Bigfoot country, Wayne National Forest. Once again, we departed, sans dogs, because this intended trail was noted as “difficult” and encompassed almost 15 miles. We hiked 9 miles the first day, finally arriving at a camp that was along a nearly dry creek bed. There was no water to be found, the trek was long and challenging with a lot of steep inclines, but the scenery was beautiful, with a natural bridge, caves, and rock outcroppings. We were exhausted as we set up camp and prepared dinner. We enjoyed a wonderful campfire before turning in for the night only to be awakened around 2am by an inhuman cry/wail/moan/howl which reminded us that we were in Bigfoot country.

We came home from this last adventure two days ago and we are planning our next trip. Thus far, we have covered more than 200 miles with all of our day and overnight expeditions.

I share all of this because most people don’t understand what we do. Even more, they don’t understand why we do it. There is something profoundly spiritual about being in the natural world, deeply submerged in nature, that brings you ever closer to God. I have a greater appreciation for this incredible planet that He has given us, this incredible world that we completely take for granted. Being in the wilderness restores my soul, brings me peace, comforts my restlessness, soothes my mind, removes my cares, gives me a reset, and connects me with God in a way that I cannot explain. But if you know, you know.

There have been many people who do not understand my love of disconnecting and unplugging from society, from people, from the world. But that’s okay, not everyone needs to understand. There are some people who think that I may be selfish for packing up and leaving everything behind for a day or two or even a week or more, but there is a big difference between selfishness and self-care. This is my self-care. This is my time with God, appreciating His creation, enjoying the silence that only nature can provide, and listening to the wind, the water, and the animals, listening to nature. Listening to God.

So today, take some time for self-care. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Because when you are taking care of yourself, you are making space for God. You are creating fertile ground so that God can work in your life. And maybe take a walk in the woods, listen to the trees, inhale the forest air, wade through a creek, and listen for God. I know He has something He wants to tell you. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

God has a Plan.

I have been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks on the statement that “God is in control” or “God has a plan”. I am not denying that those are true statements. I truly believe that God is in control even when it appears that He may not be. And I am most certain that God has a plan.

God has a specific plan for each and every one of us. It is up to us to decide if we want to accept God’s plan for our lives or choose another path. That’s the beauty of free will. But the beauty of free will also has an ugly side.

Just look at the world today. There is a whole lot that is ugly and that was not by God’s design but by the choices that we have made – free will. I cringe every time I hear the statement, “If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?” Free will. We have the ability to make choices and choices have consequences. So maybe we aren’t making the best choices.

We have the capacity to make choices for ourselves independent of God. God loves us so much that He gave us free will, the capacity to think, feel, reason, and decide for ourselves. That’s pretty amazing. Could He just make us love Him, live in peace and harmony, end war, famine, disease, and avert tragedy and calamity? Sure. He could. God is omniscient. But that would look a lot like a dictatorship. It would be forced by God and that would eliminate free will. God doesn’t force.

God quote by C.S. Lewis – For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.

It is easy to question God’s goodness when we are sick, when we are tired, when we are stressed, when we have trouble in our familial relationships, when there are natural disasters, when there are terminal illnesses, when a loved one dies, when we lose a job, when we lose a friend, etc. It is difficult to see how God is working when you are “inside” the picture and not viewing it from afar. But zoom out. God is in control. God has a plan.

A lot of times we (I) pray and expect to see immediate results from God. It doesn’t always (in fact it seldom does) work that way. Just because we don’t always see how God is moving in a particular moment, doesn’t mean that God is not moving. And what are we doing to change our situation, to influence that for which we are praying? That is not to say we are trying to influence God. God doesn’t need to be influenced.

Praying is an active event, not a passive activity. Simply because God is in control and because God has a plan, that doesn’t mean that we should sit idle and wait for God to act. I think sometimes, that is exactly what we do.

Yes, God is in control. That doesn’t mean that we completely stop and just wait for God to do something. Our actions, our thoughts, our values, our choices play a role in the outcome to some degree. To pray for good health, but to continue eating fast food and refusing to exercise is counterintuitive. To pray for a better job, but not submitting your resume or researching employment options, pretty much ensures that you will stay stagnant. Wanting an improved working environment, but contributing to gossip and drama in the workplace, again completely obtuse. Yes, God can work a miracle, but he wants you to be an active part of that miracle. What work are you putting in to get the outcome you desire? How are you impacting that for which you are praying?

Yes, God can do anything. And yes, God is the master of all miracles. But God wants you to participate. God wants you to get involved. God wants you to exercise free will to make the situation, the circumstance, the event, the world, a better place. What are we doing? How are we appreciating the free will which God has bestowed on us?

God answers prayers in weird ways. And sometimes it may not seem like the answer we wanted. I read somewhere that “God always answers prayers and sometimes the answer is no”. I also know that “God works for the good of those who love Him” – Romans 8:28. So are we angry when things don’t go as planned or do we adjust to find the good in the situation?

I think it all comes down to a matter of perspective. You see, this past week I was ill. I hate being sick, especially in the summer. Plus, I had a full schedule at work with a number of time-sensitive things that needed to be accomplished. God had other plans. I got sick. And not just a summer cold, but a full-blown knock-you-on-your-ass fever, body aches, sore throat, extreme fatigue kind of malady from which I am still recovering. I was in bed for 4 days straight.

Now I am not saying God got me sick. I got sick because of some of the choices that I made. But God used my sickness to make me well in another sense. You see, I had been exhausted and a bit stressed before this ailment struck. I needed to decompress, relax, and refocus. Being sick allowed me to decompress. Being sick forced me to relax. Being sick gave me time to refocus. Being sick required that I ask for help. Being sick made me prioritize things. Being sick made me realize that the things I was stressed about were quite insignificant. Being sick made me realize just how much I appreciate those in my life who took care of me (my husband) and checked in on me (family and co-workers).

Dinner. Although I could not finish all of it.

I could have been mad, angry, and frustrated that I was ill. In fact, in the very first days, I was. I was worried about all of the things I couldn’t get accomplished and all of the work that fell to my husband and son while I recovered. But the anger abated, and peace came, a peace for which I had been praying for quite some time. Was I expecting to get peace in this manner? Hell no.

I fully expected this peace to come on a backpacking trip (which is my normal happy, peaceful place). I fully expected that our upcoming trip would help me recenter, refocus, and relax. But that trip is not for another week or more. So, God used my illness to bring me peace now. God used my illness to show me how to rest, to teach me to depend on others, and to help bolster my gratitude for others. God healed me through my sickness. Just as He has done so many times before.

Yes, God is in control. Yes, God has a plan. Zoom out (particularly when you are frustrated) and you may get a better perspective. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Suffering

Remembering my Dad on his Birthday and realizing that you are never suffering alone.

Today is my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 91 years old. He passed away on March 2, 2018. At the time of his death, he had suffered a lot. Earlier that year he fell and broke his hip. He was in the hospital for an extended period of time for surgery and rehabilitation. He was making progress in his recovery.

My Dad on his 85th Birthday. He would be 91 today.

Eventually, they transferred him to a skilled care facility for rehab. He wasn’t there very long. While in skilled care, he developed respiratory issues along with the flu. On Valentine’s Day, they rushed him to the hospital because he was having such difficulty breathing. They kept him in the ER for an inordinately long period of time. Once they finally admitted him, he had to be intubated. He really just went downhill from there.

The view from my Dad’s hospital room in January 2019

But my Dad was stubborn. (I’m a lot like him in this regard). He held on for over two weeks. I visited him daily. Most of the time he was unconscious. But in those few months when he would “wake up”, which wasn’t often, he would simply say, “I just want to go home.” That’s all he really wanted in the end was to be in his home, but that never happened for my Dad.

He died in the early morning hours of March 2, 2018. Thinking about him today and his suffering and listening to the podcast released today that my friends have, called KnowHis.love, which talked about entering the passion of Christ, I could not help but think about how people deal with suffering.

Everyone experiences suffering and each person has different ways of dealing with distress. For me, it was extremely difficult to watch my father suffer and not be able to do anything about it. It was difficult too to know that his suffering pained others because they experienced the very same things that I was experiencing, particularly helplessness.

Me and my Dad when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old.

While we had a wonderful support system during my father’s illness, friends, family, coworkers, pastors, and religious sisters, who were all praying for us. It was still a time of trouble and uncertainty. It was difficult to see my father who had always been so big and strong, lying in a bed so weak and vulnerable. He was always my defender, my protector, once going so far as to confront a teacher who accused me of cheating when I had not. I was in seventh or eighth grade at the time. And as a young adult (I was 19), I think he seriously considered tracking down a young man who had broken my heart. I’m glad he didn’t as I am sure there would have been repercussions and all things happen for a reason.

My wedding day. One of the happiest days for both of us.

During his hospitalization which started in early January, he had lost a significant amount of weight. He was frail and, near the end he hallucinated a lot. He would shout out from his unconsciousness for a brief moment and then slip right back into silence. I will admit some things were humorous, like yelling about hotdogs that didn’t have mustard on them (my Dad loved mustard on his hotdogs). And some things helped me realize that he was ready to go home. Not home like he had talked about, but home to God and to his family that had gone before him. He would have one-sided conversations with people who had passed long ago. One of those conversations, I was convinced, was with my grandmother who died before I was born. I knew then that he was not going to recover. I knew then that rather than pray for his recovery I should pray for a peaceful death. That is a hard transition to make as a child, no matter how old you are.

My Dad and my Grandmother. My son looks so much like my Dad in this picture.

But going back to my friends’ podcast, they discussed how to unite your suffering with Christ. And that made me realize that every time I had to endure suffering, Christ walked through that suffering with me. At the time, it was likely unbeknownst to me because I was so consumed with what I was dealing with, how I would process it, and what would come of it. But through all of it, Jesus was right there with me. He sent his angels to minister to me in the form of friends who would sit with me at my father’s bedside, including my son’s friend who came and prayed with us that first night he was admitted to the hospital. He sent angels in the form of priests who came to visit, pray over, and administer last rites. He sent the religious sisters to comfort and pray with me when I needed it most. Jesus was present to me through all of those people, but he was also present to me when I drove, in a daze, to the hospital on those gray winter mornings and when I needed the strength to be strong for others who were just as troubled as I was. Jesus was there with me in my pain, in my suffering, walking with me when I didn’t quite understand.

I am certain there some parts of my life that I would not have been able to get through without Him. He was with me as my father died, he was with me as I fought breast cancer, and he has been with me through numerous other struggles. What I have realized is that Jesus is with us through everything, even when we sometimes can’t feel His presence. He is there.

So as we begin this Holy Week, think about how Jesus has been present to you during your times of struggle. It might be difficult to find at first, but when you begin from a place of gratitude it is easy to see where God has been so very present in your life.

And if you are suffering right now, unite your suffering with Jesus, and let Him walk with you and take some of that burden from you. He will do that if you allow Him, if you invite Him into your suffering. I know this to be true because I have been there, so invite Him in. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Find the Right Cleaner

I have this coffee mug that I use at work. I use it every day, multiple times. It was a gift. Well, actually, I received a flower arrangement in it when I was recovering from having a unilateral mastectomy. It is a big smiley face cup, and I mean it’s quite large. I love it because it holds a large quantity of coffee. I love coffee! In fact, I am not very pleasant to be around until I have had a couple of cups.

Now I have to admit, I am not great at cleaning that cup out on a regular basis. A lot of times I even forget to rinse it out before I leave for the day. When I come back to the office the next morning, coffee crust and a crud ring have developed in my cup. I then proceed to the sink to try and clean it, never getting the coffee ring and crud completely removed. Yes, I suppose that is kind of gross because I then reuse that same mug with some coffee remains from the day before.

My clean mug with new coffee crud already forming

You see, the sink in which I attempt to wash my cup is a bathroom sink that only provides some hand soap. I found that hand soap is ineffective in combatting coffee crud. I have gone so far as to put hand soap and hot water in my mug and let it sit overnight. Unfortunately, there were no earth-shattering results the next day. Much to my dismay, the ring, or rings because by this time more than one had formed, remained.

I decided to try my luck with an “all-purpose” cleaner. Before I left work one evening, I sprayed my mug with some cleaner and, again, let it sit overnight. I was sure this heavy-duty dirt and grime fighting cleaner would do the job. It did not. On top of that, it took quite a while to get the residue from the cleaner out of my cup, while still leaving the coffee residue fully intact.

Well, my mug had gotten to a place of total and utter disgust, to the point that I didn’t want to use it. That’s a problem because let’s face it, I am not easy to be around un-caffeinated. This week, I broke down and finally purchased some dish soap to keep in my office. I washed my cup with it this morning.

The shelf in my work bathroom, complete with dish soap.

Guess what? The coffee ring, gone! The coffee crud, gone! The coffee residue, gone! My mug looked pristine. It was like a brand new mug! It is amazing what the right cleaner can do!

You know, confession is a lot like that. I have never been a big fan of confession, but I have begun to embrace it as a vital part of my faith. Now I don’t want to say that I look forward to going because I don’t. At least now I don’t dread it anymore. It is actually quite a gift and it is liberating to know that you are forgiven and still deeply loved by God despite your shortcomings and transgressions. Confession is the right cleaner for restoring your relationship with God and often times with others. It’s a clean slate, a soul sanitizer, a fresh start, a new beginning… a clean coffee mug. It is amazing what the right cleaner can do.

Today, find the cleaner that is right for you. It may be some quiet time to reflect on your life, your decisions, and your interactions. It may be some time spent in the chapel with the Lord. It may be a “vent” session with a trusted friend, or it may be confession with a priest. Whatever it is, find the right cleaner. I think it just might change your perception a little bit and might even make your coffee taste better. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Whenever You’re Ready

I am constantly amazed that it took me over forty years to really discover God, to embrace my faith, and to realize the power of prayer. Over forty years. That’s essentially half of a lifetime, assuming that I will be fortunate enough to live that long.

I often think about what I was doing for that first half of my life, how I was living, how I treated people, what my thoughts were, what I believed, what I didn’t believe, and I wonder why it took God so long to open my eyes. Then today I read about St. John of God. Today is his memorial.

In his early life St. John of God turned away from the Lord, but in his forties he received God’s mercy. The closing line of a reflection that I read about St. John of God is as follows; “He saw that in his early life he had turned away from the Lord, and, moved to receive his mercy, John began his new commitment to love others in openness to God’s love.” St. John of God is the patron saint of Booksellers, Firefighters, Heart Patients, Hospitals, Nurses, Printers, and the Sick.

https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-of-the-day/saint-john-of-god

Impressive, isn’t it? I mean here is a guy who really had no religious convictions his entire life. St. John of God, or Juan, as he was known, grew up working as a shepherd. (There is a little bit of irony there). He lead a “wild and mispent youth” and became a soldier and a mercenary. And then he had a vision. God spoke to him.

I am amazed at how God speaks to me in ways that He probably has all along but I have been too distracted to hear Him. I have been thinking quite a bit about how long it has taken me to dig more deeply into my faith and wondering why it had taken so long for that journey to begin. I mean, I was in my mid-forties when I really began my journey back to God. And then I read about St. John of God and the fact that he was in his forties when he returned to God. And he is not the only one to make this later in life revelation. There is also St. Augustine (who just happens to be one of my favorite saints), St. Mary of Egypt, St. Angela of Foligno, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, and many others.

“There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future.”

– St. Augustine of Hippo

What I am realizing through all of this is that: 1. it is never too late to begin your journey of faith, 2. it doesn’t matter what your past has been like, God is waiting for you to return to Him, 3. you have to be open to God in order to hear Him, 4. prayer is very powerful and you don’t realize how powerful until you actually start praying, 5. everything happens in God’s time, not ours.

No matter where you are on your journey of faith; maybe you haven’t even begun; just remember, it is never too late. God is waiting for you to reach out to Him, to talk to Him, and to listen to Him…whenever you are ready. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Did the Apostles Even Like Each Other?

Over the past few days, I have been pondering relationships. We have all kinds of relationships and interactions with people. There are our relationships with family members, friendships with classmates from our school days, interactions with co-workers, affiliations with people from our church, clubs, or organizations with which we are involved.

I really began pondering this after a work happy hour this past week. I think it’s because a lot of those interactions are superficial, I mean, how well do you really know your co-workers or how well do you really want to know your co-workers. Just because we spend most of our working time together in the same building doesn’t mean that we have an authentic relationship with somebody. In fact, it doesn’t even mean that we necessarily like or get along with that person.

I spend a lot of my time with my dogs because I don’t always “get” people

We have a pretty diverse group of faculty and staff in the school system where I work. I like that we get together as a staff on occasion and go to happy hour or gather at someone’s home for adult beverages and snacks in an effort to unwind and bond on a different level. But it really has got me thinking about our individual relationships and reflecting on Jesus and his apostles. The question that has been coming to my mind as I ponder our own group dynamic is “Did the apostles even like each other?”

I mean just because we all work together and share a number of the same issues doesn’t necessarily mean that we are all friends or even like each other on a more personal level. In a lot of instances, we are just co-workers, right? Is that how it was with the Apostles? I mean I am sure that there were conflicts and struggles and even personality differences among the apostles that caused riffs. There are those very same issues in any business setting. Were some people closer than others? Were some shunned because of their personalities? Were there close friendships? Was there gossip and bickering? Was there jealousy? Was there envy? I mean the apostles were men who had to deal with emotions and feelings and pride.

In Matthew 20:20-28, the mother of James and John ask Jesus for preferential treatment of her sons. Verse 24 states that “When the ten heard it, they were angry with the two brothers.” And Matthew was a tax collector. He took money from the Jewish people on behalf of the Roman empire. I am sure when Jesus brought him into the group there was grumbling about it. Why would Jesus want this dishonest man to be part of his entourage?

Let’s not forget the apostle Judas Iscariot, he betrayed Jesus. And in John 12, Judas condemned Mary’s (sister of Lazarus) use of perfume to anoint Jesus’ feet indicating that it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. How do you think the other apostles felt about that?

Christ chose Peter to be the foundation of his church, but John was the disciple that “Jesus loved”. And Jesus took Peter, James, and John to witness the transfiguration. Was there jealousy and animosity among the disciples because of this? I am sure there had to be, they were human beings and human beings are fraught with insecurities and fears of inadequacy and not being wanted. I think most people feel like this at times. They wonder why some people might be included because of who they are or better yet, who we think they are.

So, I think the apostles dealt with the very same relational things that we deal with today. However, the apostles were called to love one another, despite their differences, despite their dislike, and to preach the gospel. And guess what, we are called to do the very same thing. To love one another, not just the people that we like or agree with or get along with. We are called to love one another, to pray for one another.

In fact, in Luke 6:27-28 we are told “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who abuse (mistreat) you.” In verses 32-36 it goes on to say; “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

I guess I find some comfort in realizing that the apostles dealt with the same types of things we all deal with relationally. That they were not a perfect group of people who all loved and accepted one another, who didn’t bicker or argue. I bet there was even a little bit of contempt mixed in there at times. Kind of like life for most people. It is also reassuring that Christ chose them in their brokenness, in their sinfulness, in their contempt, in their selfishness, in their egoism, in their conceit. Because Christ chose them, we know that Christ chooses each of us.

We are not always going to “get along” or even “like” one another, but we are called to love one another. We are called to be kind and charitable and merciful. Let us remember that while the apostles were not perfect, God called them. And God calls each one of us. So today, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.” And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Wounds

I had some foot surgery just over two weeks ago. When I scheduled the surgery, I didn’t really think much of it. It was just routine surgery to correct a joint impingement, no big deal. Just a couple of days off my feet, no cast, no boot, just some rest and reduced activity. It was outpatient, scheduled at 8:30am, and I was home by 12:30pm.

My son drove me home and I propped my foot up. I was still a bit groggy from the anesthesia and I dozed on and off on the sofa until the painkiller wore off. Once it wore off, well let’s just say that I finally realized the impact of my surgery. My foot hurt. And it hurt pretty badly. So, I decided to take a look at said foot. It was wrapped in a bloody bandage that I was not allowed to remove for 5 days. And the really great news (this is sarcasm) was that I was not allowed to shower. Not allowed to shower?!?! Really? I shower daily, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. This was going to be rough.

I know you have to clean and dress your wounds in order for them to heal. But that bandage would be staying in place until I went back to the doctor for my post-op follow-up. But as I was pondering cleaning and dressing wounds in order for them to heal, I realized that everybody has wounds beyond the physical, into the mental, emotional, and spiritual.

At some point in life, everyone has experienced some deep injury that has caused heart-wrenching pain. Everybody has been wounded. But a lot of time we choose to deny that these wounds exist, or we ignore them in hopes that they will simply go away. Other times we throw salt on those wounds and exacerbate them to a point where they cause greater agony now than when first inflicted. And sometimes we just slowly pick at them until they become raw and unbearable, never able to properly heal.

The day the bandage came off…gross, I know

Everybody deals with wounds differently. Rarely do we care for those wounds properly. This could be caused by fear, pride, weakness, vanity, anxiety, arrogance, lack of confidence, and the list goes on.

What I learned today is that we need to care for those wounds, even if that means we have to ask for help in doing so. Healing of wounds requires compassion, honesty, trust and vulnerability, a willingness to open yourself up to others and connect. It also requires patience and understanding and the ability to forgive – to forgive others and to forgive yourself.

Today, be kind to yourself, be open to being vulnerable, be patient and practice forgiveness, and may any old wounds with which you may be struggling be healed. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Are You a Good Catholic?

The other day somebody asked me if I thought I was a good Catholic. I kind of laughed and replied, there are some days that I wonder if I am even a good person. I mean, let’s be honest, I am usually a mess of a human being.

I vacillate between selfishness and gratefulness. I am sure everybody does this, but I think I may do it more than most. There are days when I can be thoughtful, can put the needs of others before my own, go out of my way to be kind to others; I want them to feel cared for. Then there are days when I just can’t be bothered. I am completely self-centered, egocentric, and careless about the feelings of others. These are the days when I really don’t give a shit.

I really do want to be that kind, compassionate, caring, empathetic person; that person who embodies the love of Christ. But it is so very challenging. It is so difficult to be that person day in and day out. Maybe that makes me shallow, or fickle, or disingenuous, or unauthentic. I read a passage from Romans last week one day during prayer; “Let love be sincere, hate what is evil, hold on to what is good, love one another with mutual affection, anticipate one another showing mutual honor.” (Romans 12, 9-10).

St. Paul makes it sound so easy. Trying to live that out every day is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting, but at the same time, it is spiritually renewing. So I have been pondering what exactly this means for me. In fact, it has me contemplating what it means for every person. I am sure that everyone struggles with this in some form, even those who embody Christ in all they do.

We, as broken human beings, take so much in our lives for granted that we forget to thank God for the little things. Like the ability to work out, a run in the crisp air right before dawn, a walk on a nature trail, watching the sunrise, spending time with our spouse, our families, and our friends. But we also take our faith for granted. These are the things that we think will always be readily available to us. We need to thank God for those things because they may not always be available. We may not always be able to work out, run or walk. (I have recently learned that as I recover from foot surgery.) Someday, we may lose our eyesight or our hearing. (I lost my sense of taste and smell during a bout with COVID, trust me when I say that was unsettling.) Our spouse, our families, and our friends may not always be around. And our faith is just something that I think we tend to forget about or overlook. I often treat my faith as an afterthought.

I like to work out. It is one of the ways in which I can be selfish.

We fail to attend mass because we’re tired or don’t care for the priest, or don’t want to be bothered. Or maybe we don’t go because we are mad at the Catholic Church (this is when we need to pray the most). We don’t pray because we don’t have time or don’t think God really hears us. When we do this, when we make excuses; we take our faith for granted. We don’t feed it; we don’t give it an opportunity to grow. And that is really when we need prayer the most.

I, for one, do take all of those things for granted. I expect to come home every day and work out. I expect to be able to run on the treadmill whenever I feel so inspired or take the dogs for a walk at a whim. I expect to see the sunrise each morning. I expect that my husband will be there to go on adventures with me. I expect that my family will always be around and that my friends will be available when I most need them. And I expect God to be there always, even when I haven’t talked to him in a very long time. And even though I take my faith for granted, the really beautiful thing is that God will always be there. Especially when we think He isn’t.

Do these things make me a bad Catholic? No, they make me human. And humans are broken, sinful, and in need of God’s grace every single day. But guess what, God is always there just waiting for us to ask Him for help, to invite Him into our lives, even when we take Him for granted. Even when we forget about Him, even when our faith becomes an afterthought.

So today be grateful for everything in your life and don’t take anything for granted. Thank God for all of the gifts and blessings in your lives, for all of those things that you undervalue and overlook. And know that you are going to mess, up, you are going to make mistakes, some days you might not even feel like you’re a good person, but rest assured, God will always be there for you. And today please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Holiness and St. Francis De Sales

I was reading through some of my, I guess I will call them journals, for lack of a better term this morning. I found some notes that I had written on a homily from a mass that I attended on Thursday, January 24, 2019, at the Co-Cathedral in Houston, Texas.

January 24th is the Memorial of St. Francis de Sales. During that mass, the priest gave a great homily about St. Francis de Sales and his exhortations on holiness and how ordinary people are called to extraordinary holiness, indicating that this holiness could be achieved in one’s everyday life.

St. Francis De Sales

Holiness can look different to different people depending on their current situation in life, their occupation, and their vocation. But all Christians are called to holiness, and this holiness can be achieved through daily living according to St. Francis de Sales, through singing and dancing, through work and play. However, the path to holiness is not easy as growing in holiness requires our continual and free cooperation with the grace of God.

January 2019, I was in Texas with the Reverend Mother. She has helped me on my path to holiness.

It is easy to become exasperated as we, as imperfect humans, travel this path to holiness. We are flawed, we are sinners, and we need to begin anew each day. But as St. Francis wrote to one of his followers who was experiencing this very same frustration, “Be patient with the whole world, but, above all with yourself. I want to tell you not to lose your serenity because of your imperfections, and always to have the zest to raise yourself up. It gives me joy to see each day you begin again. There is no better way to finish life well than to return to the starting point always and not ever to think that we have done enough.”

St. Francis de Sales’ whole premise of holiness is beautiful. Each of us, as Christians, is called to holiness. What does holiness look like for your life? It is going to be different and unique for each of us. How are you being called to holiness? It is sometimes difficult for me to “hear” what God is calling me to. What can you do to grow in holiness? This is a great question, and I am not good at answering these types of inquiries. For me, it can be a greater focus on prayer, practicing patience in situations in which I would not normally be patient or being more present to those around me. But even if you fail, or fall short, or don’t feel like you are living up to an ideal of holiness, we can refer back to St. Francis De Sales and “begin again”.

So today, strive toward holiness, in your daily activities. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and know that each day you can begin again. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.