Faith and Honesty

I love the story of Mary and Martha. That was the gospel reading for today, Luke 10:38-42. And while I wish I was more like Mary, able to sit at the feet of Jesus, at peace, listening to his teaching, taking in his words, I am definitely more like Martha. I can identify with Martha because I often feel the way she does, burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

In fact, I am typing this as I sit in the Atlanta airport on a layover to New Orleans. And as I ponder over the gospel, I am also thinking about no fewer than 10-12 other things, including a chapel renovation project, my dogs, a possible endowment, weekend plans, a number of grants that I am working on, my family – how and what they are doing in my absence, The Joker Movie that I saw this past weekend with my husband, and a handful of other things. I am burdened, anxious and worried about many things.

Burdened, Anxious, and Worried

It was then that I remembered that feast of St. Martha was in July, July 29th to be exact. At that time, I was in Siesta Key. Florida on a family vacation. I wrote a reflection that I shared on Facebook back then, and I would like to share that now as well.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Martha. The more I dig deeper into my faith and the more time I spend learning about the saints, the more I realize that they were people just like us. Even 2,000 years ago, they struggled with a lot of the same things that we still struggle with today.

The more I learn about Martha, the more I like her. Maybe because I am realizing that I am a lot like Martha on a number of different levels. I am anxious; I get irritated when people don’t do what I expect them to do, say what I think they should say or react in a way I have anticipated. Sometimes, I get caught up in the details rather than simply enjoying the moment. I get disappointed too, much like Martha does in today’s gospel. (the gospel was from John 11:19-27)

Martha was disappointed that Jesus didn’t arrive sooner. But Martha is honest with Jesus, blunt even. She doesn’t hold anything back in telling Him how she feels, that she is disappointed and that she doesn’t fully understand. I am not always so honest with God or myself. I want to hide what I am really thinking or feeling because I am embarrassed or ashamed or feel guilt for having such thoughts. But it is in those moments that God wants us to be “real” with Him. He already knows our heart, what is hurting us, what concerns us, but He wants us to bring that to Him directly. He wants us to share it, to give our struggles, our concerns, our challenges, even our ugliness to Him so He can carry that burden for us and heal what might be broken. Having faith in Christ does not mean that we can’t ever question God. It doesn’t mean that we that we aren’t going to wonder why some things occur the way they do or even seek to understand God’s purpose when life seems most bleak.

I love the premise of this morning’s reflection. Because Martha was honest with Jesus, she didn’t hesitate to express her confusion, to give Him her struggles or to share her feelings. But that didn’t mean her faith was weak. If anything it was stronger. Although Martha didn’t understand, she still believed that Jesus was the one, “the Christ, the Son of God, the one who was coming into the world.” I love that!

Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t question God. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be disappointed. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t understand the reason, meaning and purpose for everything that happens in your life. Having faith doesn’t mean that you won’t be angry with God. How many time have you felt these very things about a friend? That is all a part of real friendship. Having faith means that you have faith that everything will work out according to God’s plan. Faith is walking with God through the difficult times and knowing that there is something better waiting for you. Having faith means working on that relationship God, no matter what, cultivating that relationship and continuing to grow it. Our relationship with God should be a friendship, much like Martha had with Jesus.

Maybe we should try to be a little more like Martha and be honest with God about all that is troubling us. Even when we don’t understand a situation, we need to be honest, have faith, address our own concerns with God and know that God is working for our benefit. While you may not understand the situation, remember that God loves you and wants the best for you. He is the friend who is always with you on this journey, so be honest with Him in everything. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

The Monday-est Monday Of All

It’s Monday. I know Monday’s are typically a day of dread for most working people. The weekend is over and its back to the grind. Not only is today Monday, but it was also pouring down rain this morning when I got work. Today has been the Monday-est Monday I have experienced in a long time.

You see, I was out of the office at the end of last week for a business trip to Columbus, Ohio. So I only had three days in the office this past week. I am in the office today, but I am preparing for another trip, this time to New Orleans, Louisiana. Because I have been out of the office, I have a lot to do before I depart again tomorrow. So I came in early, in the rain, before 6:30am, with nobody else in the school, hoping to get some things done before the day really kicked into gear. The hallways were near complete darkness; I couldn’t find the light switches and tripped coming up the stairs. So far, I’m off to great start!

I needed to catch up on emails, update some files, and do some research. I also wanted to get some materials prepared for my trip and was missing some things that I needed to take with me. I was a little frustrated and little consumed with work issues. So consumed in fact that, unfortunately, I missed morning mass.

I missed mass. I know not everyone will understand this, but that is huge deal for me. Especially on a Monday. I go every day. I find it is a great way to start the day, and the best way to begin the week. With Mass, it just feels like I am beginning on the right foot. But today I missed mass.

When I realized what time it was, I raced down the hall to the chapel, but the priest was already proclaiming the gospel and my cell phone was vibrating. I said a quick prayer and apologized, then I went back to my office to respond to the text message I had just received and make another phone call. But as I dashed down the hallway I was angry or maybe it was disappointment. I missed mass and I felt like it was affecting how my week was beginning. So much for starting this week off on the right foot.

Now, it’s not like I have never missed mass. I have. I did last week. I didn’t make it to mass on Friday because I was out of town and had appointments that didn’t permit me to attend daily mass. I guess the difference was that I knew I was going to miss mass last week. I was prepared for it. But today, I hadn’t planned on missing mass, it just happened. And it was wholly and completely my fault. I let myself get caught up in something that I could have had better control over. I let my frustration get the best of me, and what did I gain from it? Nothing. No satisfaction, no peace of mind, and no accomplishment. Just disappointment.

So I walked back to my office and sat down at my desk. I said another prayer, read a couple of reflections, and took a moment to just breathe. In that brief moment, I realized that I while I had apologized for missing morning mass, I did not need to. God wasn’t angry with me, God wasn’t disappointed, God wasn’t frustrated. God didn’t expect an apology. If anything, God wanted peace for me, not this anger, frustration and disappointment that had been consuming me all morning.

Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, and I suspect this often happened on Mondays. Mondays can be difficult; the weekend is over, we have a whole work week ahead of us filled with demands and expectations, things that we have to accomplish. And the next weekend seems so far away. How are we going to make it through?

Instead of looking at Monday with dread, focusing on all that we think we have to accomplish, and being hard on ourselves when we think we will never get all of it done, maybe we should look at Monday (and every day for that that matter) as an opportunity to start all over again. As another day to be our best, to do our best, to help others, to listen, to care, to be kind, to show love and compassion – not only to others but also to ourselves.

So today, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself (and others) with love and compassion. Look at Monday as an opportunity to begin again, to start fresh. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Unconditional Love

I had to be in Columbus this afternoon, so I didn’t go into the school this morning. I got up and went to mass, came home, made breakfast, did some paperwork and gathered some materials that I needed to take with me. I then took the dogs for a later morning walk, returned home and packed for my trip.

The dogs must have known that I was leaving, but exactly how they knew I will never know. They would not let me out of their sight. In fact, Eve tried to strong arm her way to a longer walk than normal. There is always a little bit of a power struggle between Ruby and Eve when we walk. Eve loves her daily walks. She is even more excited when we go for our second walk of the day after dinner. Ruby also enjoys the walk, but she would prefer if it was shorter and limited to just one walk a day. But she does insist on going on walk #2 because she is afraid she will miss something.

Eve is affectionately called “Go Dog”, because she will go non-stop until she absolutely drops. Ruby, on the other hand, is a bit lazier. We like to call her “Me Too”, because she doesn’t like to be left out of anything. Which means, she will doing anything Eve does, simply because Eve is doing it.

I was lamenting earlier today via Facebook about these two “shadows” that followed me all around the house. Even before our walk, they were stuck to me like glue. They laid by me while I made breakfast. I even tripped over Ruby twice as she insists on sitting in front of the stove while I cook. They were under foot while I got paperwork ready. Eve actually laid on my feet while I did computer work, while Ruby (and Tux – Ruby’s cat) laid on the rug next to the table. After our walk, they followed me back and forth from the bathroom to the bedroom as I finished getting my clothes and toiletries ready for my trip. Then they followed me downstairs to get my luggage. Eve sat and stared at me as I put my clothing into the bag with this questioning look on her face that said, “You’re not leaving us, are you?” Even though I know she already knew the answer. And when I went to get a shower it was as if it was a call to assemble. I could barely get into the shower because they had secured its perimeter. Maybe they were thinking, “if she can’t shower, she can’t leave.”

Always, no matter what.

As I loaded the car, Eve was sure that she just might be going on this trip with me. We don’t call her “Go Dog” for nothing. She nearly knocked me down on no fewer than four occasions in an effort to get into the vehicle. I finally had to raise my voice and firmly tell her “NO!”. Ruby just looked at me as if to say, “I didn’t do it. I’m taking a nap. All that following you around has worn me out.” And Eve. Poor Eve, she looked so dejected with that “NO!”. And her eyes pleaded with me.

As I stood in the garage looking at both of them and their sad little dog faces as I was preparing to leave, I realized that this was the look of unconditional love and boundless joy. Those two dogs were beyond happy to just be with me this morning. Sure they enjoyed the walk, but that really wasn’t what mattered. They were home with one of their people. It didn’t matter if I was cooking, doing work, packing, or showering. I was with the pack today.

Who else shows that kind of boundless joy, that kind of unconditional love to you – always? My dogs are always happy to see me, even when I yell at them with a stern “NO!”. They always want to be with me. Always, no matter what.

And to whom do we show that boundless joy and unconditional love? I am sure we would all love to say to our spouse and to our children, but I know that boundless joy is not always a part of it. I can definitely say I am not always the most lovable person. And I am sure there are times when my family does not want to be around me. Doesn’t mean they don’t love me, just means that sometimes I am hard to love.

We are human and we fall victim to human emotions, desires, and expectations. As much as we want to love unconditionally, that is not always the easiest thing to do. While we still love our spouse, children, family, we deal with all kinds of other emotions, and we may not always find joy in that love. Because sometimes people (especially me) are hard to love.

But there is someone who loves unconditionally, who rejoices in us, even when we are difficult to love. Even when we think we are unlovable. That’s God. He loves us even when we are hard to love, He rejoices in us even when we can’t rejoice in ourselves.

God is love, the epitome of joy. Sometimes I forget that because I get so caught up in everything else going on in my life. In being angry, or disappointed, or frustrated. I forget to love others because I forget that God loves me, in my brokenness, in my anger, in my disappointments, in my frustration. Always, no matter what. I forget that God is always with me, even when I am angry, disappointed, or frustrated. Even when I don’t feel His presence or think that He is around. God always wants to be with me. Always, no matter what.

So today, let’s try to share boundless joy and love unconditionally. If you are not sure what that looks like, visit an animal shelter, spend some time with a dog, then stop by a church and thank God for rejoicing in you and loving you – unconditionally. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Dry Seasons

Unfortunately, I have been experiencing a period of spiritual dryness (I guess for lack of a better term). It has been difficult for me to get up in the mornings to walk the dogs, pray my morning rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet. I have been distracted during morning prayer, preoccupied when reading the reflections, unmotivated to attend daily mass (although I have not missed it), and unable to focus on the readings or the homilies. I find myself angry after the Sunday mass, and irritated by everything that transpires during the celebration. Needless to say, I am getting very little out of the Sunday service and don’t feel any closer to God when I attend. I guess I am just generally distracted and really don’t feel God’s presence in my life right now.

This morning, I awoke before my alarm and realized that was a sure sign that I should get out of bed, take the girls for a morning walk and pray. So I did that, as groggy and confused as I was at 4:45am. Because I woke so early, I was ready for mass/work earlier than normal, but didn’t even realize it until I pulled into the parking lot Holy Rosary Church. I was the only car in the lot. It was amazing, walking into the church, being the only one there. It was completely silent. I was completely alone with God. As I walked to my normal pew (yes, I am a creature of habit) and genuflected toward the tabernacle, it seemed like the chancel lamp (I never knew what is was called until I read a reflection that talked about it last week) flamed larger and brighter for a moment. I was like God was letting me know that He was there with me in that very moment.

I sat and prayed morning prayer, then read the reflections for the day in The Word Among Us and on Laudate app. I didn’t realize that today was the feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux. So I read about her in the Saint of Day and was struck by the first quote that was shared that is attributed to her. “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” Embracing both trial and joy. All I can say, is that was a “WOW” moment for me, particularly in the midst of my “spiritual dryness” and not having felt God’s presence lately. So I sat a reflected on that for a few moments, then decided to read the first excerpt in The Word Among Us, titled “I Thirst – Discovering a Deeper Connection in Prayer”.

Trust me when I say, the intersection of “spiritual dryness” and “I Thirst” is not lost to me. That title spoke to me immediately, because I haven’t really been feeling connected to God through prayer…not at all lately. I have been distracted and unfocused. And as I continued reading, it indicated that prayer is not always easy, that sometimes we will feel “dry or distracted or anxious.” Ok, God, you’ve got my attention. This is exactly how I have been feeling. It was like God was acknowledging my feelings and letting me know that He knows precisely what I have been experiencing!

So I kept on reading and just a few sentences farther, it refers to that “surge of the heart” from St. Therese. Okay, I’m a little more than overwhelmed by this. I sat and quietly reflected on all of this until mass began.

Now I know it’s the Feast of St. Therese, so I expected Fr. Ryan to talk about St. Therese in his homily. It would be remiss if he didn’t. What I didn’t expect was for him to use that exact same quote once again, “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” Embracing both trial and joy. So this is the third time in less than an hour that this quote has come up.

And when I got into school this morning, there were roses (roses are representative of St. Therese), dozens of them, sitting in vase in the vestibule of the building. Everyone was asked to take one to their office, classroom, etc. I did. God, You are coming in loud and clear.

So I guess that is the end of my spiritual dryness – maybe. Or maybe it is just a reminder that I need to embrace both trial and joy. Or maybe it’s just the reassurance that yes, I am struggling right now and God knows and understands and that’s okay. Maybe He is just letting me know He is here even in my dry seasons, even in my distraction and frustration, even when I can’t really feel His presence. Even right now, in this very moment.

God is with us in both trial and joy, in spiritual dryness and spiritual richness. Today, be aware of how God is showing His presence to you. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Change Your Perspective

Today is a dress down day at the high school. In order to get the students fired up for this weekend’s football game, it is blue and gold day! So I took full advantage of the day, wore jeans and a CCHS shirt and rode my bike to work this morning. I am basically taking any opportunity to ride, as fall is fast approaching and riding days will soon be few and far between.

The morning air was crisp and cool and felt icy on my face, as it should for a perfect autumn morning. It was in the upper 40’s or low 50’s, when I left the house before 6:30am. It was sufficiently dark, but the morning moon was glorious. It was a shimmering lavender sliver set against the deepest, darkest of navy skies. It was quite magnificent to behold. And I am sure I would not have noticed it quite as much had I been driving my car.

This photograph does not do the morning sky justice.

As I drove along Sunset Boulevard on my way to mass, I watched the sky change from deep dark blue, to dark purple, to cobalt, to dark lilac, to mauve, to pink. The horizon line was a bold, deep crimson, and just above it orange and gold. It was brilliant. I thought about how blessed I was to witness dawn’s awaking like this.

Things just look different from behind motorcycle handlebars. Things just feel different perched atop two wheels. I feel more in touch with my surroundings, more connected to nature, and if I am being honest, closer to God – particularly on rides like this – rides where I can take in everything around me. Rides where I can clear my head, rides where I can talk to God, rides where I can just be. There are no deadlines, no conflicts, to concerns, no egos, no betrayal, no misrepresentation, no anger, no fear. There is just you, your bike, and God all around you.

I had considered skipping mass this morning because I was tired. I had not been feeling great for the past week and thought that a late leisurely morning might be what I needed. But a sense of obligation, and my own personal need to spend time with Christ, drove me out of the comfort of bed and set me on my morning routine. Not only was I blessed with an incredible moon and remarkable display at dawn, but as I walked into mass I saw one of our former football coaches and teacher, who taught me when I was student in high school. He was one of those teachers who always challenged you, who held you accountable, and pushed you to be the best version of yourself. I had not seen him in years, probably close to a decade.

I don’t normally disturb people before morning mass, I don’t want interrupt their prayer time. But I felt called to go over (even though coach was praying the rosary), tell him good morning, tell him how wonderful it was to see him and give him a hug. So that is exactly what I did. I don’t know if I needed that, if he needed that or if we both needed that. But there was something about that moment, about the whole morning that gave me clarity and perspective.

Riding a motorcycle gives you a different perspective and a new appreciation for things. It is difficult to explain unless you have experienced it. I certainly didn’t understand it until I began riding, but it has certainly changed the way I view things. My perception of life, of love, of relationships, of people has changed a lot. Riding gives me the opportunity to reflect on those changes, talk to God about them, to seek answers, and to be more introspective. Riding has also fostered a greater attitude of gratefulness. There is so much for which I am thankful, today for the magnificent morning sky, for seeing a favorite coach and teacher, for the opportunity to pray and celebrate daily mass with my larger family, for the ability to ride and connect with everything around me, for my husband and son who encouraged and fostered that joy of riding, for the chance each day to live my best life, often times in small unseen ways – like riding to mass and work perched atop two wheels thanking God for changing my perspective.

So today maybe take a walk, ride your bike (motorcycle or mountain), take a drive down a back road, call that friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, say hello to the stranger in the grocery store, ask the cashier at the drive thru how their day is going. Today change your perspective, you might be surprised by what you see. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Who Is In Your Family?

I am always amazed by how many people fill the pews for the weekday morning masses at Holy Rosary. It is usually the same group of people each morning, but still I am surprised by the number.

There are a couple of teachers from the high school and some parents and students. They are scattered throughout the church. It is so wonderful to see our teachers and these young people celebrating mass together with their parents. There is the same group that prays morning prayer together and the woman who prays the rosary first thing in the morning. She and I always great each other with nod and wink each morning. There’s the football coach who attends each morning, and the legion of retired coaches who also attend each day. They typically sit together near the back of the church. There are two deacons’ and their wives; one of them is usually assisting in the mass, and the others (wives included) typical serve as the Eucharistic ministers. Then there are the elderly couples, the widows and widowers who attend faithfully each morning sitting in the same spot each time.

Because we all attend mass together, we know one another by sight. But the sharing of the Eucharist brings us together as a family. I was actually reflecting on that very thought this morning. While we are not intimate friends, we share in a type of relationship or bond through the celebration of mass. Even though I do not know these people well, in fact, for many of them I don’t even know their names; but I know that we share a common belief, a united faith and love of God. That makes us a family.

So today’s gospel could not have been more timely. The gospel from Luke 8: 19-21, albeit brief, it is packed with meaning. “Then his mother and his brothers came to him but were unable to join him because of the crowd. He was told, ‘Your mother and your brothers are standing outside and they wish to see you.’ He said to them in reply, ‘My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and act on it.’”

The first time I heard this gospel, I thought, “Wow, Jesus is totally disregarding his mother. Would Jesus really do that?” But over time, as I read and re-read this passage, pondered and reflected on it, I realized that Mary and Jesus’ family, had already heard the word of God and were acting on it. They got it, they were serving God. Jesus uses this as teachable moment (of course he does). This was invitation to everybody else to become part of Christ’s larger family – the Church family. Jesus wasn’t disregarding his family; he was inviting us to become a part of his family that goes beyond blood relatives. He is inviting us to put the word of God into action, to serve, to be an example, to share the love of God with others.

The people, with whom I attend mass, whether it is at Holy Rosary, at the high school, at Holy Family, at Blessed Sacrament or at the Monastery, those people are part of a larger family, the family of Christ. I am grateful for them, for their prayers, and for their faith; for their love of God, for their devotion to celebrating week day mass, and for their nods, winks and knowing smiles that we are all part of a larger family; that we are brothers and sisters in Christ.

As I walked out of mass, this morning, I smiled and nodded at the people whom I really didn’t know and said hello to those that I do. And today, my nod and wink friend and I talked after mass. I actually knew her, but it has been years since she had seen me and didn’t recognize me. I had gone to grade school and high school with sons and daughter, however, they were a few years older than me. We talked for a few moments, mostly about how quickly time flies and how old we both felt at that moment. However, at that moment, we did feel like family.

Today, remember all of those people who have touched your life in some small way, think about your family – both the blood relations and those who are part of your larger family – and maybe offer a prayer for those people. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

What Did You Forget?

I left for mass earlier than normal this morning, around 6:20am. I thought I would allow myself some extra time to pray and sit quietly in the church. That is one thing that I love about morning mass at Holy Rosary, the silence. There are no side conversations, no laughing, no gossiping and no socializing in the sanctuary. Even the group that prays morning prayer together does it so quietly that you can scarcely hear them at all. Call me old fashioned, but I believe there should be a respectful, prayerful silence in church. I am all for the community that church brings, but I prefer to keep that outside of the sacred space, say in the church hall or even outside the building before or after the service.

I pulled into the parking lot at 6:30am. Mass begins at 7am. When I went to grab my phone, I realized that I had left it at home. Because it is necessary for my job, I was forced to turn around and drive back home. (I go to work immediately following mass). There would not be any extra time for prayer this morning.

Normally, I would allow something like this to disrupt my entire day. It would turn my world upside down. However today I was actually peaceful about it. To be honest, I surprised myself by my own reaction or lack thereof. I uttered no profanities, I didn’t worry about how it would impact the rest of day, I simply drove back home to get my phone. Fortunately, I live close enough to the church that I knew I would still make it back in time for mass.

Today’s reflections could not have been more fitting. I guess today I was able to say “Oh, well.”

It was still dark when I pulled out of the lot and headed out Sunset Blvd. I would have my phone in hand in approximately 10 minutes. I hit no red lights on my way home. And there was no traffic at 6:30am. My return even surprised my husband. But I grabbed my phone, gave him a quick kiss and headed back to mass.

As I was driving back, I realized that there was a definite purpose to forgetting my phone. The dawn was just beginning to break and the sky was brilliantly colored, with hues of gold, orange, red, pink, purple and blue. It was magnificent! I love the morning and evening sky. Sunrises and sunsets are two of my most favorite things. So forgetting my phone today ended up being a gift. God gave me a beautiful sunrise to welcome me back to mass, as well as the peace to endure that little morning hiccup that enabled me to enjoy His brilliant masterpiece.

I still got into church with 10 minutes to spare. I was able to read the morning reflections and offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the beautiful sunrise. It was then that I realized that maybe I do need to slow down just a little bit and enjoy the moments and the people around me.

The past few weeks, I have been operating at a break-neck pace trying keep all these balls I have been juggling in the air. I have forgotten to take time to be with my family; I have forgot to stop and enjoy the beauty of the morning sky; I have forgotten that if something doesn’t get done today, it will still there tomorrow; I have forgotten to really be present to others because I am so preoccupied with my own juggling act; I forgotten to thank God for all of the blessings in my life – including the opportunity each day to start all over again; I have forgotten that things that are really important are not things and events, but people and time. And I realized all of this because I had forgotten my phone.

It’s funny how God uses everyday life to reach out to us. I am always amazed by these little moments of clarity. They tend to occur when I least expect them, but when I need them most. So today, slow-down, and enjoy each moment and each person that is a part of your life. Maybe even forget your phone. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

What’s Your Story?

I truly love cemeteries. There is something peaceful yet hauntingly beautiful about them. I enjoy walking through them, perusing the headstones, reflecting on the time periods in which the deceased lived, wondering what kind of lives they might have led and what their families might have been like.

Recently my husband and I went to Granville and did two separate walking tours of the Old Colony Burying Ground. Granville was settle in 1805. The first burial in the cemetery was that of the infant son of Ethan Bancroft in 1806. And while I do not know the story of his death, the thought of burying an infant makes my heart hurt.

The tour was fascinating and fun for me. I was taken by the history of Pariander Taylor, who, as indicated by the information from the tour, was famed as the “swearer”. I think if I would have known him in real life, we might have been friends. According to the information, he mended his ways and became a church member before his death in 1844. I was also impressed by the grave of James Milne, the last burial at the cemetery in 1935. He was a Canadian veteran of World War I. Then there is Ezekial Griffiths who has the only Welsh inscription in the grave yard. And the box tombs of the Mower Brothers, Horatio and Sherlock that were gilded at one time. Or Marshall Marsh who was killed at the age of 21 in a canal boat accident in 1837. Or Electra Pond whose inscription read Memento Mori, which means “remember that you will die.” My husband and I had a great discussion about that one. And remember Ethan Bancroft, whose infant son was the first burial. He joined his son in 1814 after he was killed by an unbroken colt.

While I knew none of these people, I was fascinated by their stories. And for those whose stories were not shared, my husband and I speculated. Many questions came to mind like; How did they live through the settling of a new colony? What was his war experience like? How did they deal with losing so many children? How did she survive as a single mother in the 1800’s, and so on.

My point of sharing all this is that everybody has a story, often one that we know little or nothing about. While I am fascinated by the stories of those buried in cemeteries, I realize that I should be more interested in the stories of those people with whom I interact every day. Everybody has a story. Everybody is going through something that we know absolutely nothing about. Everybody has pain, and sorrow, and hurt that they cover up or hide because nobody asks or they think that know body understands or nobody cares.

I spent quite a bit of time in the Old Colony Burying Ground learning about people who were long gone. And with each stop on the tour, I said a little prayer for those souls who had passed, for the struggles that they experienced in life, for their pain and their loss. And I said a little prayer they are enjoying the glory of heaven and eternal life, that they are now reunited with the loved ones.

When we completed the tour, I thought about all of my friends and family and all of the things that they are going through and all of the things which I know nothing about. And while I don’t want to pry, I do want to be available to them if they want to talk and to be there if they just need someone to listen. Because everybody has a story, even if they don’t want to share it. Sometimes, we just need to be sensitive to the other person, even when we don’t know their story…especially when we don’t know their story.

So next time you feel inclined to judge, berate, belittle or condemn somebody, remember that you don’t know the whole story. You don’t know what they have been through or what they are enduring. Maybe instead of being judgmental, we can offer a prayer for that person, lift them up, and ask God to bless them. Today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Live Your Best Life

Just over two years ago, my friend Michelle’s daughter was gearing up for her senior year of high school. It was the first day of school and she was on her way to class when she was in a horrific car accident. It was devastating and she was in a coma for months. It was a difficult time to say the least. Her daughter and my son were close in age and this accident really hit close to home.

Michelle and I went to college together. We bonded over beer and the Indigo Girls. We went out, talked about boys, talked about the future, hung out with our friends, helped mend broken hearts, celebrated relationship victories, stressed about exams, got drunk, shared late night pizzas, borrowed each other’s clothing, everything college-age friends do together. We lived our best college life. After graduation, before the dawn of social media, we all went our separate ways. Many of us lost touch. But we fondly remembered our college days.

Years later, with the emergence of Facebook and Instagram, we all eventually reconnected. It was like no time had passed. Those years that separated us didn’t change our relationships at all. So when Michelle moved to Pittsburgh, we would occasionally get together for lunch, share texts back and forth and an occasional phone call. Yes, we were busy. We were mothers and wives and employees and volunteers and daughters and sisters. But we reconnected and would sometimes get together to share a Bloody Mary in the Strip District. We had picked up exactly where we had left off.

So when this accident occurred, it was shattering mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through and was really at a loss for what to do or say. So I tried to be there in any way that I could. Her daughter was in a coma for months. I would visit, hold Michelle’s hand, hug her, and just be there. We cried together and sat in silence together. There were no words that could fix the hurt, the pain, the fear, and the sadness. So I would pray that Rita would wake up. I would ask others to pray. I tried to visit at least once a month, but looking back I could have done more. I could have visited more. I could have been there more.

After what seemed like forever, her daughter began making progress. She began to improve; Rita finally woke up! I was an amazing day. There were finally tears of joy, there was the miracle for which we had been praying. I continued to visit, to see how she was progressing with therapy, etc. She had to learn how to walk again, how to feed herself again, how to do everything all over again. But she was making incredible strides and was making a miraculous recovery.

By June of the following year (10 months after the accident) her daughter was doing amazingly well, had actually graduated high school, and the family was moving to Colorado. Her husband had a great job opportunity and it was closer to both of their families. I was sad when they moved, because I had not gotten to visit them as much as I would have liked. There was always something more important, more pressing, but I was so happy for all of them. They had a walking, talking, living, breathing miracle in their lives, and they were making the most of every minute.

The family moved to Colorado, and things were going well. Then in the fall of 2018, Michelle was diagnosed with a brain tumor, glioblastoma. And it was inoperable. When I found out I was angry, I mean really angry. How could she have an inoperable brain tumor? How was it possible that it was glioblastoma, the most common and most aggressive form of brain cancer? How could this be happening to her and her family after all they had already endured over the last 14 months? Why would God give this suffering to their family? How much could one family endure? And the only thing I could continually ask was why? I didn’t understand then; I still don’t understand now.

I have been thinking a lot about all of this over the past several weeks, because of the time of year that it is. I think about Michelle, I think about her husband and her daughter and her son (who is Marine). That suffering didn’t make sense then, and I will be honest it still doesn’t now.

Michelle died on January 2, 2019. I will never understand why, and I can’t wait to ask God someday. I know there was a reason, a purpose, and some greater good that will or has come out of all of that. So I will be grateful for the time I got share with my friend, thankful that we were able to reconnect nearly 2 decades after college, appreciative that I got to know and be a part of her family for a little while – even though it was during some of the most painful moments of her life. I am thankful because what I learned from her is summed up in the line of one of our favorite Indigo Girls songs – “the best thing you’ve ever done for me, is to help me take my life less seriously.”

It doesn’t diminish hurt or make me miss her less. There are days when I want to call or text her, but I can’t. So I just pray and remember to live my best life. Michelle lived her best life, of that I am sure. She was a free spirit, a light that radiated joy and love, an honest and outspoken friend who had your back, who lived life on her terms, and seized every moment. So today I will remember Michelle, I will live my best life, I will not take anything for granted and I will make the most of this time that God has given me. Michelle, until we meet again, I will remember you with love and joy.

Live your best life, don’t take anything for granted, and make time for others because you don’t know when they will be taken from you. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Worthy

“Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” These are the words of Peter from the Thursday morning gospel and they likely ring true for each one of us. How many times have you not felt worthy of a relationship with God, not worthy of the love that He has for you? It is easy to feel that way, we are human. We struggle, we fail, we sin, we repent. And then, if you are anything like me, you do it all over again (and again, and again). How could God possibly love me, why would He want a relationship with me, a repeat sinner. How many times have I said, “Depart from me, Lord, for I am sinful.”? How many times have I pushed God away because of my transgressions?

But who were Jesus’ closest friends– outcasts, thieves, lawbreakers, delinquents, wrongdoers, in a word – sinners. These people were far from perfect, but that is exactly who God uses to build His kingdom, to spread the gospel and to share His love. I mean, Jesus chose Peter to be the founder of the modern church. Peter who was a married fisherman, who at times lacked faith, and who even denied knowing Christ – not once, not twice, but three times – in the moments prior to Jesus’ crucifixion. Yes, Peter was a sinner and Peter was the first Pope of the Catholic Church. Peter certainly didn’t feel worthy, but that didn’t matter. Christ chose Peter. God had greater plans for Peter than he could have ever imagined.

The reading from Thursday’s mass was from one of Paul’s letters to the Colossians. So let’s look at Paul, another sinner who was called by God for greater service. Prior to hearing God’s call, Paul persecuted the early followers of Christ. Paul sought out Christians. He encouraged the punishment of those who followed Jesus Christ and believed he was the Messiah. It is believed that he even supported the death penalty for Christians. Then he had his conversion on the road to Damascus. Talk about a sinful man, talk about not feeling worthy. This man decried Christ, denounced Christianity and persecuted those who followed Jesus. And God called him, God chose him. God had a greater plan for Paul.

I find it amazing, in the Bible alone, how God calls to sinners and makes them saints. How God uses people where they are to share His word, to spread His message, to build His kingdom. But I also find it amazing how God uses people today – everyday – to do the very same thing. Think about the people with whom you interact every day. Then think about the interactions that you have with them. Think about the little ways in which they are spreading the word of God. I bet it is in ways in which they don’t even realize. But if you take time to look at those interactions, I bet you will see God’s love for you and for others.

For example, I work in the Catholic Schools. When I tell you that our teachers and staff are selfless, I truly mean it. These are people to walking examples of Christ’s love. They don’t only teach the gospel, they live it. From taking time to help a student who is struggling with a particular subject, to checking up on co-workers, to spending time coaching, tutoring, and volunteering, to participating in mass, leading bible studies, or just sharing their faith with others. They are spreading the word of God with the Love of Christ.

And it is not limited to those who work in faith-based environments. It’s the server in the restaurant who makes that extra effort to make you feel special, or your son pouring a glass of juice for you when you wake up groggy in the middle of the night (yes, that is a real life experience, right there), or your spouse doing the dishes because you’re not feeling great (another real life experience), or your friend sending a text just to see how you are doing, or you Mom calling to tell you she loves you, or the neighbor bringing over fresh vegetables from their garden. It is all those random acts of kindness, those little moments where you can see Christ through the action of others, when others are being Christ to you.

While none of us may feel worthy of a relationship with God, or to be called by Christ, we are. God chose each of us. He sent his son to die for us. It is through Christ’s suffering and death that we are made worthy. God calls each of us to love (a direct quote from Fr. Tom’s homily), despite our sinfulness, or maybe because of our sinfulness. He has a greater plan for each of us. God wants us to share in the building of His kingdom, in spreading the gospel, in sharing His love. How are we going share and show that love to others? How are we going to be Christ for another person? Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.