Tag: #silence

What Did You Forget?

I left for mass earlier than normal this morning, around 6:20am. I thought I would allow myself some extra time to pray and sit quietly in the church. That is one thing that I love about morning mass at Holy Rosary, the silence. There are no side conversations, no laughing, no gossiping and no socializing in the sanctuary. Even the group that prays morning prayer together does it so quietly that you can scarcely hear them at all. Call me old fashioned, but I believe there should be a respectful, prayerful silence in church. I am all for the community that church brings, but I prefer to keep that outside of the sacred space, say in the church hall or even outside the building before or after the service.

I pulled into the parking lot at 6:30am. Mass begins at 7am. When I went to grab my phone, I realized that I had left it at home. Because it is necessary for my job, I was forced to turn around and drive back home. (I go to work immediately following mass). There would not be any extra time for prayer this morning.

Normally, I would allow something like this to disrupt my entire day. It would turn my world upside down. However today I was actually peaceful about it. To be honest, I surprised myself by my own reaction or lack thereof. I uttered no profanities, I didn’t worry about how it would impact the rest of day, I simply drove back home to get my phone. Fortunately, I live close enough to the church that I knew I would still make it back in time for mass.

Today’s reflections could not have been more fitting. I guess today I was able to say “Oh, well.”

It was still dark when I pulled out of the lot and headed out Sunset Blvd. I would have my phone in hand in approximately 10 minutes. I hit no red lights on my way home. And there was no traffic at 6:30am. My return even surprised my husband. But I grabbed my phone, gave him a quick kiss and headed back to mass.

As I was driving back, I realized that there was a definite purpose to forgetting my phone. The dawn was just beginning to break and the sky was brilliantly colored, with hues of gold, orange, red, pink, purple and blue. It was magnificent! I love the morning and evening sky. Sunrises and sunsets are two of my most favorite things. So forgetting my phone today ended up being a gift. God gave me a beautiful sunrise to welcome me back to mass, as well as the peace to endure that little morning hiccup that enabled me to enjoy His brilliant masterpiece.

I still got into church with 10 minutes to spare. I was able to read the morning reflections and offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the beautiful sunrise. It was then that I realized that maybe I do need to slow down just a little bit and enjoy the moments and the people around me.

The past few weeks, I have been operating at a break-neck pace trying keep all these balls I have been juggling in the air. I have forgotten to take time to be with my family; I have forgot to stop and enjoy the beauty of the morning sky; I have forgotten that if something doesn’t get done today, it will still there tomorrow; I have forgotten to really be present to others because I am so preoccupied with my own juggling act; I forgotten to thank God for all of the blessings in my life – including the opportunity each day to start all over again; I have forgotten that things that are really important are not things and events, but people and time. And I realized all of this because I had forgotten my phone.

It’s funny how God uses everyday life to reach out to us. I am always amazed by these little moments of clarity. They tend to occur when I least expect them, but when I need them most. So today, slow-down, and enjoy each moment and each person that is a part of your life. Maybe even forget your phone. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Extroverted Introvert

The sky was beautiful Monday morning August 26th at 6:30am as I drove to mass.  It was a lovely crimson color with shades of violet, cerulean, sienna, and mauve.   The morning air was crisp and cool, the windows were down and the birds were chirping.  We are on the cusp of autumn and you could smell it in air.  It was quiet and peaceful and I thoroughly enjoyed the solitude of the morning drive. 

As social as I might I seem, I love spending time alone.  While I am fairly outgoing and have a pretty high energy level, I need silence and space.  Over the past few years, I have learned that I am an introvert.  I truly did not realize that I was, but what I have discovered is what I really am is an extroverted introvert.  Yes, it’s a real thing.  I can be extremely outgoing, but I also need time alone to recharge and refocus. 

Actually, somebody had to tell me I was an introvert, I didn’t really know it.  You see, I work in advancement, so I spend much of my time interacting with people – building relationships and learning what they are passionate about. In fact, I often travel to meet with individuals, so to maximize my time, I typically schedule as many meetings as possible when I am on the road.  That translates into 2-3 meetings each day.  And these aren’t just one hour meetings, they can be several hours, spanning meals, and/or other activities and be with large groups.  During these meetings, I have to be “on”, attentive, engaged, involved and real.  I want to be real, I want to be present, I want to learn about and understand the people I am with, I want to form meaningful relationships.  I have spent hours talking about food and cooking techniques, or beer and wine, or prayer and spirituality with people. Or sharing about mission and vision, current initiatives and future endeavors, needs and assessments.  I have even shared family stories and personal experiences. That is the extroverted side of me. 

Most of trips over the past three years have been with religious sisters, so the logistics of those trips had to take into account their life of prayer. Each day would begin with morning mass, typically we might meet somebody for morning mass.  That would be followed up with breakfast.  We might have a short break before we had a second meeting around lunchtime, and that would be followed up with a third meeting or a dinner or an event.  By the end of the day, I would be silent, in need of a quiet walk and some time alone.  I just thought I was tired after all of the events of the day, but the truth is, I am an introvert.  And I didn’t figure that out on my own, somebody had to tell me.  That somebody was my frequent traveling partner, the Reverend Mother.

Well, I didn’t believe it at first.  I’m not an introvert.  Introverts are quiet and shy.  My husband will be the first one to tell you that I am loud, I don’t have a library voice.  Part of that is also because I am Italian.  And I am definitely not shy.  Please don’t dare me to do anything, because I will likely accept your challenge and announce to the world that I am taking it on.  But as I dug deeper into the real traits of an introvert, I discovered that I have more of those characteristics than those of an extrovert.  Well, it looks like the Reverend Mother was right. 

As our travels evolved, I set up the itineraries to allow more time for quiet and opportunities for retreat.  To provide space to recharge after spending time engaged with wonderful people.  It was during those “down” times, that I began to pray more often, to spend more time in silence with God, and to reflect on all that was occurring in my life, including the blessings of meeting new people, spending time with them and forming new friendships.  It was during those trips, that after cultivating relationships for advancement purposes, I began cultivating my relationship with God.

Over the past three years, I learned quite a bit about myself, things that I never really knew.  And I like to think of myself as a self-aware person.  But I was self-aware based on very narrow scope of who I thought I was supposed to be.  I have learned, obviously, that I am an extroverted introvert.  I have learned that spending time with strangers is a wonderful experience, especially when those strangers become friends. I have learned that silence and solitude are restorative. I have learned that if you are quiet enough and open enough, you will actually hear God speak to you.  I have learned that it is never too late to embark on your journey with Christ.  

I am thankful for Reverend Mother and for all of the sisters who encouraged me to open myself up to Christ, who encouraged me to attend mass, who invited me to pray with them, because I certainly would not be where I am today were it not for them.  I truly believe I am in a better place because of their influence, and if I can share just a little bit of that with others, then I have, hopefully, done God’s will. 

I hope you never stop learning about yourself, even if means re-learning something you already thought you knew.  I know I still have a lot to learn.  Today I invite you to open yourself up to Christ.  Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.