Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith

Slay the Dragon

Today is the memorial of St. George. Born in 280 A.D., he is the patron saint of England. However, St. George is best known for the Golden Legend, which is the slaying of a dragon and saving the maiden from harm.

A version of the legend goes that in a city in North Africa, there was a body of water inhabited by a dragon. In order to appease the dragon, the townspeople offered said dragon two sheep per day. Some versions indicate that the town ran out of sheep, while other legends state the ritual changed to include a sheep and a child. In either case, eventually, this became the fate of the king’s daughter. She was to sacrifice herself for the protection of the town. While she prepared to offer herself, George passed by and killed the dragon with a single strike from his lance. That gesture is symbolic of faith triumphing over evil.

While the legend is romantic and chivalrous, St. George’s death is horrific and tragic. He was martyred by Diocletian when he professed his faith in God and renounced Roman deities. Before his torture and beheading, George gave all his possessions to the poor.

Because of Georges’ valiant behavior (fighting evil, protecting, women, generosity to the poor, deep faith, etc.), he became quite popular in Europe in the 10^th Century. During the Crusades, St. George was transformed into a holy warrior. King Richard I of England (“the Lionheart”) invoked him as the protector of soldiers and in 1348, King Edward III established the Order of the Knights of St. George.

Still, St. George is most associated with dragons and dragons are the stuff of fairy tales. C.K. Chesterton presents a different view by stating, “Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.” St. George provides a shining example that dragons can be defeated.

“Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.”

– C.K. Chesterton

Fr. Michael gave a great homily about this at mass this morning, thus inspiring me to reflect. Do dragons exist? Yes, dragons do exist. But what are dragons? Dragons can be anything with which you struggle, like fear, depression, anxiety, grief, anger, frustration, or sadness. Your dragons might look like illness, pain, and suffering. Perhaps your dragons are breathing the fire of hatred and mistrust, or deception and pride. Our dragons can embody the seven deadly sins of pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth.

We all have dragons, multiple dragons. Some of us might even have a Hydra that torments us. When we cut off one head and think we have triumphed, that head grows back, and it is worse than before. St. George should inspire us to fight our dragons, to not lose hope, to trust, and have faith in God. St. George does teach that the dragons can be destroyed. But we cannot destroy those dragons alone. We must ask God for help.

Temptation can be a dragon. We found this $1 bill stuffed in a tree in the form of a bird. One might be tempted to take it rather than leave its beauty for others to see.

Today, trust God, ask Him for help, and slay the dragon. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Darkness

A few weeks ago, I had to drive to Columbus for my regular follow-up appointment and mammogram. The mammogram was among the first ones scheduled that morning and I needed to arrive by 7:30am. It is roughly a 2.5 to 3-hour drive, depending on the traffic.

I left the house well before sunrise, to allow myself plenty of time to get there without undue stress. I am always concerned about encountering deer and wildlife on my drives to Columbus because I prefer to travel the more rural routes and avoid the highways.

While I have had my share of encounters with deer, coyotes, wild turkeys, squirrels, chipmunks, various birds, and turkey vultures, I would choose to deal with them any day over the absentminded, incompetent drivers who travel State Route 70. Although I have never hit a deer, I did have one run into the side of my vehicle, and I have had a turkey vulture fly directly into my grill. (That was fun!) I have seen coyotes up close, in some near misses, and constantly swerve to miss squirrels who have made poor judgment calls on their ability to cross the road.

Even with all of these near misses, it is still the other drivers that concern me the most. It seems like everyone has lost common sense and their ability to drive, or even the ability to practice common courtesy when on Route 70. I am certain that 70 is a corridor on the highway to hell.

That morning, it was dark. There is a saying, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Whoever coined that phrase was not kidding. It was pitch black that morning just before the break of dawn. I could see very little in front of me even with the high beams on. When I had to turn them off because of approaching vehicles, I could see even less. The darkness obscured everything.

Everybody experiences dark periods throughout their lives. It is inevitable. We are human and we deal with human emotions, struggles of the world, sadness, despair, and darkness. We can be plagued by illness, death, loss, and sadness. As I drove, I thought about these very things.

In these times of obscurity, when the light is dim, it may seem like God is distant, far from us, removed from our lives. However, the moments of our lives that seem bleakest are actually when God is closest to us. But sometimes we are so lost in the blackness that we can’t see Him. We become so enveloped in the despair that we can’t feel Him. We are so deafened by the noisy chaos that we can’t hear Him. The darkness indeed obscures everything.

When I begin to feel overpowered by despair, I remember Job. He was tested. He lost his possessions, his property, and his family. He was afflicted with pain and suffering in his body. His wife and friends rebuked and chastised him. Although Job grows bitter and desperate, “My days have passed, my plans are shattered.” – Job 17:11a, he still seeks God. “Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.” – Job 17:11b-12. We can learn a lot from Job, from pondering the darkness and the light. The whole book demonstrates the struggle between light and dark, despair and hope, fear and trust.

“My days have passed, my plans are shattered. Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.”
Job 17:11-12

As I continued to make that morning drive, dawn began to break and things that were once hidden came to view. I drove through the darkness into the light. This was not the first time I have done that, literally or figuratively. But it was beautiful, nonetheless. It is amazing what the light can do.

If you are going through a dark time, remember, no matter how dark it might seem, “A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:5. I will continue to pray for you. And today, please say an extra prayer for me.

Beauty in the Brokenness

I love the way the autumn sunlight pours through the windows in the morning, the unadulterated rectangles of light drawing out across the floor. My dogs and cat love it, too. I will frequently find them sprawled out in the warmth of the rays, bellies exposed, eyes closed, drifting into a morning or afternoon nap. It is quite perfect. That ray of sunlight is quite perfect, unbroken, and whole, spreading its radiance and warmth in one place. The unblemished windowpane is pristine; the light is unfiltered and whole.

Have you ever seen a broken windowpane where the glass is cracked in a spiderweb of fissures? One where the window looks like a puzzle of shards, and we are unsure of how it is still held together. We hurry to replace the broken glass because it obstructs our view and interferes with the light. It’s not so pretty, or is it?

Photo by Thilina Alagiyawanna on Pexels.com

That broken glass lets the sunlight in but in a different manner. It refracts the light in another way that makes it bounce all over the place, allowing brightness to pierce areas of darkness that the daylight would have never reached if not for the cracks in the glass. The glass’s imperfections and brokenness are used to share illumination, dancing prisms moving in a dazzling performance to other areas that otherwise would not have enjoyed light from the perfect window. The fractures in the glass spread light in a beautiful and supernatural way, permeating dark areas with its radiant light and warm glow.

It’s funny, we often don’t see the beauty of broken things, of things that are to be discarded, thrown away, and trashed. The irony is that each and every one of us is broken in some way, and we are always looking for ways to repair, replace, or hide our brokenness. But those broken areas are where some of the most incredible beauty lies. But in trying to fix it or keep it concealed from the rest of the world, we don’t share that beauty with others. Our own brokenness just might be a light for someone else, but we become so embarrassed, so concerned about appearances and what others might think, we hide it. We lose our light.

While we all want to heal our own brokenness (and we should), our brokenness may actually help heal someone else. Our imperfections may help somebody else realize they’re not as broken as they thought, that there are others out there like them, and that it is okay. Use your imperfections and brokenness to help others shine, and you might just find out that you’re helping yourself heal. Sharing often leads to support, which often leads directly to healing. God doesn’t waste anything.

In A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway wrote, “The world breaks everyone and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.” I, for one, believe this to be true. But I also believe that power and healing comes from sharing your brokenness for the benefit of others; therein lies your strength.

So today, find the beauty in the brokenness, embrace your imperfections, and share your struggles with someone else. You have no idea how that might benefit both of you. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

The Summer of Jen

My husband went back to work on Monday, August 21st. He is a teacher. His return to work effectively ended the Summer of Jen. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, you know what that means, as it parallels The Summer of George. The episode, The Summer of George, was the 156^th episode and last episode of season 8. George lost his job with the Yankees and effectively took three months off, never changing out of his pajamas and never leaving his apartment.

August 23^rd marked three months since I separated from my previous job. And while I did not spend those three months in my pajamas, I got outside at every opportunity, I enjoyed the Summer of Jen. I spent three glorious months learning what retirement might be like. My husband and I spent as much time in nature as we possibly could. We filled our days with fishing, hiking, and backpacking. We took time to seek out obscure landmarks and hidden local gems. We spent evenings by the campfire, beneath the stars. We planted a huge garden and cooked together, smoking all kinds of meats, mastering the art of curing bacon and trying our hand at canning. We foraged berries and mushrooms, spent more time reading, and took the dogs on countless walks. While we had to dial back some things because I was, in fact, unemployed, it was one of the best summers ever. The Summer of Jen was a summer of freedom. We had no constraints. My husband was off for the summer, and I have been off indefinitely as I continue to search for my next great adventure.

We woke early most days, began our mornings with prayer, reading, walking or rucking, then brunch. On the mornings we went fishing; we headed out a bit earlier and enjoyed sandwiches on the boat. The days we hiked were similar to the days we fished; the days we went on other adventures almost always involved a late breakfast, usually omelets, but sometimes something more elaborate. It was a summer of no schedules, no rules. It was a summer of bliss. We even determined that we would be able to survive retirement together.

I am extremely grateful for the Summer of Jen. I needed that time to reset, to relax, and to learn to appreciate everything that life throws at you, even the things that you may not have wanted but desperately needed.

If I am being honest, I was lying to myself about how wonderful my last job was. It wasn’t wonderful, it was life-sucking, and I was miserable, but I didn’t actually know it. My husband has commented on how happy I have been these past few months. I am beyond happy, I am joyful. And surprisingly, not fearful or worried about the future. I know I eventually have to return to the workforce, but I have been taking this time to figure out who I really am and who I want to be. It is almost like a period of invention or rediscovery.

I helped my son with some home improvement projects during my time off.

I have spent most of my career in the fundraising world, and while I have thoroughly enjoyed that work, maybe it’s time for a change or maybe it isn’t. That’s what I have been trying to discern these past few weeks. I have been trying to hear God’s voice and understand his direction for my life. I have been getting a strong sense that I am supposed to “come home,” but I am not sure where “home” is.

Then this morning, I woke up groggy. I packed my husband’s lunch for work and sat down to read. (I am currently reading Miracle in Darien). About 30 minutes into reading, I had this strong sense that I should get ready and go to the 8am mass at Blessed Sacrament. As I sat waiting for the service to begin, I again got a strong sense of needing to “come home.” I was reflecting on this “feeling” as mass began, unsure of what it meant.

Mass started. Deacon Bob gave a great homily tying the first and second readings together on this Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. Little did I know that this mass was being offered for my Dad. When the petitions were read, that is when I discovered the intention of the mass. It was a bit overwhelming because of how I actually ended up at mass in the first place.

And while I still don’t know what I am supposed to do next and am not really sure what “come home” means, I do know that I was supposed to be at mass this morning and that God is doing something in my life. Until it is clear to me what that next step is, I will continue to trust in God’s providence for my life. I will continue to enjoy this break. Although the Summer of Jen has officially come to an end, the sabbatical, the rediscovery, the reinvention is still in process. I will continue to find joy in the change and uncertainty.

I hope if you are dealing with uncertainty, with change, or even with challenges, you are able to find the joy and find your path. Until then, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Suffering and Blessings

Today marks the celebration of my one-month sabbatical. I have been separated from employment for four weeks. We will leave it at that. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Your employment relationship is just like any other relationship. And some relationships just don’t work out. I am fortunate to find out early in this relationship that it wasn’t meant to be.

Surprisingly, this separation has been quite peaceful. I have spent the days hiking, backpacking, fishing, kayaking, cooking, baking, tending my garden, walking my dogs, praying, attending morning mass a few times a week, and having great adventures with my husband. Surprisingly, my blood pressure is down, and my sleep has drastically improved. I could have looked at this change as a curse, a cause of suffering because, let’s be honest, I am unemployed. Unemployment is not something that people celebrate. It is not something that you proudly announce.

However, in morning mass last Monday morning, Fr. Dan, a visiting priest, gave a great homily about suffering and blessings. I could not help but reflect on my current situation. I could look at this unemployment from a negative perspective and call it suffering. But if I am being honest, I had been praying for some kind of change in my circumstance before this happened.

Catholic Daily Reading – Monday June 12, 2023

Readings from Monday’s mass

While I thought I was happy and fulfilled at work, I really wasn’t. I mean, I really appreciated my staff, and we had a great working relationship, but beyond that, things were challenging. I was working 40 hours in the office, as well as averaging an additional 5-8 hours per week working from home answering phone calls and responding to emails, text messages, and group chats. And that did not include the extra stuff, events, late meetings, conference calls, etc. The work/life balance was not there. And this is what I was praying about; I had been praying for a change. I just did not know what that change would be.

Sometimes suffering and blessing can be the same thing. — Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

God certainly does answer prayers in his own way. His way of answering my prayer was by changing my circumstance. When you put things into God’s hands, you are often times surprised by how He responds. I went from a 50+ hour work week to complete free time, or complete freedom as I like to look at it. I did not know that’s how my prayer would be answered.

Yes, I have some concerns about where I am going next, but I am not in any rush to get there. I really have decided to turn everything over to God and let Him truly direct my path. Fortunately, I am able to do this because my husband is entirely supportive of taking this journey in this manner and walking this road with me. Funny how God provides exactly what you need when you need it.

This employment separation is truly a blessing, not suffering. It has truly been an answer to my prayers. The most ironic thing, (as I alluded to earlier) is that I have been happier, healthier, and sleeping so much better since we went our separate ways.

So today, share your concerns with God. Turn everything over to Him. I can guarantee you will be surprised by how He responds. And if you trust Him, He will lead you somewhere beautiful. So today, please pray for me, particularly to have patience and trust God’s plan for my life, and I will continue to pray for you.

I Don’t Pray

I don’t pray. Let me rephrase that. I do actually pray, but I don’t pray aloud. I am not one for spontaneous prayers. I don’t lead prayer. That’s not my thing. In fact, when I have been asked to lead prayer, I decline. Members of my staff open our team meetings with prayer. I defer to the members of the clergy (as we have several) when we pray before our cabinet meetings. In settings with our students, I encourage them to lead prayer. All that changed yesterday.

St. Nicholas Croatian Catholic Church – we visited last week to see their murals. I prayed, in silence.

I am an advancement professional which makes relationships very important. I have always worked for faith-based organizations, so prayer has always been an integral part of what I do. I now work for a seminary, where we are building future leaders for mission, to serve God and his people and spread the gospel.

The murals by Maxo Vanka are a very public prayer in which all can participate

This week I was visiting friends and donors. I had quite a full schedule packed into just over 24 hours. I drove 5 hours and spent 5 hours visiting with a friend of the seminary. We had never met, but had spoken often, our initial relationship beginning with a simple thank you call. We talked over lunch about so many things, it felt like I had known her forever. She then gave me a tour of a local college campus of which she is very fond. Before we parted ways, she insisted that I stay with her the next time I am in town.

From there, I left to check into my hotel. I had a couple of hours before my dinner meeting so I decided to go for a run, something I literally have not done in years. I had told myself, “Don’t be discouraged, just try to run a ½ mile.” I ended up running 1.75 miles with no problem. There is a clarity that comes from running. Still, I am not a runner.

Through the hotel window…gotta love the screen

I usually allow about 1 – 1 ½ hours for dinners with people I am just meeting. We met at a local restaurant where I was immediately greeted with hugs and a kiss. We lingered over dinner for over 2 hours talking about families, their involvement in their church, faith, and the world. When the discussion turned to books, they suggested that we return to their house, as they had a couple of books they wanted to share with me. With that, we headed to their home where we continued to visit for another hour. When I finally returned to my hotel, I was exhausted, but not too tired to begin reading one of the books they had given me.

Books I am reading and books I have been given to read.

I awoke early the next day to meet another friend for coffee. Getting this meeting scheduled was a bit challenging, so I was slightly concerned and a little apprehensive about the visit. I arrived early, but there was a bit of a miscommunication as to where we were meeting. When we finally connected and settled in with coffee, things just took off. We talked about family, faith, and biblical truth. We talked about books, as my new friend is also an author and she shared her book with me. We talked about tolerance and acceptance, and God.

During our conversation, I stated that Jesus sat at the table with sinners, but he didn’t sin with them. That has become my basis for acceptance and tolerance. Jesus accepted sinner’s but he did not tolerate the sin. Then we both referred to the story of the adulterous woman.

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery and having set her in the center of the court, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again, He stooped down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”
-John 8:3-11

“Go. From now on sin no more.” Jesus accepted the woman, but not the sin. That’s powerful. And prayer is powerful.

As we wrapped up our meeting, my new friend and I commented on our highly engaging and profoundly philosophical discussion and she asked if we could pray before I left. Of course, we could pray; however, I fully expected her to lead the prayer. That’s when she asked me to do it.

My husband and I have been looking for hearts. They are a powerful reminder of God’s presence.

As I mentioned earlier, this is not my strength, nor is it in my wheelhouse. Typically, I decline or give it right back to the person who has made this request. But yesterday, without hesitation, I prayed out loud. And let me tell you something; it felt good to praise God, to thank Him for His many blessings, and to ask Him for His help in some areas that needed His attention and for His healing, not just for health but for relationships and for our world. I prayed. I mean, I do pray, but I prayed in a way that was so out of character for me, so far out of my comfort zone, and it was so meaningful.

So today, pray for or with somebody. Stretch yourself out of your comfort zone, be honest, vulnerable, and open. Give all glory, praise, and thanks to God for all that is good in your life. Ask Him for help and strength in the areas where you struggle. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Peace Be with You

As we approach Easter Sunday, I have been looking at the different readings and gospels that are coming up. The second Sunday of Easter always features the gospel reading from John 20: 19-31.

A few years ago, we went into lockdown due to the COVID pandemic. It happened during the Lenten Season, around the 15th of March 2020. No one would have predicted that we would still feel the aftershock three years later. While we experienced various stages of lockdown, quarantine, remote learning, and telework options, during that time, I also gained a new perspective in looking at the Gospel of John 20:19-31.

The opening passage states, “On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” The apostles are in what seems to be a fearful and impossible situation. In that very instance, what did Jesus do for them? He gave them His presence. “He came and stood among them.” And He gave them His peace. Not once, but two times He said, “Peace be with you.”

Jesus wanted to be sure that the disciples knew that it was, in fact, He who was with them. He showed them the unmistakable evidence of not only His crucifixion but also His resurrection. “He showed them His hands and His side.”

During this appearance, Jesus renewed His disciples, giving them courage and a strong sense of purpose. He brought them peace, stating once again, “Peace be with you.” And he gave them their calling; “As the Father has sent me, even so, I am sending you.” Then He breathed on them, saying, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” Jesus then gave them power and authority, stating, “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, they are withheld.”

As Christians, we must be strong in our witness for Christ, in sharing His teachings and preaching His Gospel. We must be able to advocate for authentic biblical, Christian faith in the midst of all that is occurring in our broken world; we need the same gifts that Jesus gave to his disciples. We need Christ’s presence and His peace. We need the unmistakable evidence of His death and resurrection for our very salvation. We need a renewed sense of purpose, calling, the Holy Spirit, and His authority.

When the disciples see Jesus Christ risen from the dead, their hope is restored, and they have the courage and strength to face all of the challenges that lie ahead, defending their belief and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and spreading his message of peace, hope, and love to others.

Not only in the season of Easter but every single day, Jesus offers all those very same gifts to us. All we have to do is accept what He wants to give us freely. Will you accept all of the gifts and blessings that God has for you?

So today, remember that Jesus is with you always. Be open to accepting the peace He wants to give you. Allow Him to strengthen you, especially if you are going through a time of struggle or uncertainty. Turn to Him; He will renew you. He will give you courage and sense of purpose. Remember that you are a child of God and are loved beyond measure; there is a purpose for your life, for your pain, for your suffering. God uses everything…everything. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

40 Years – St. John of God

I am constantly amazed that it took me over forty years to really discover God, to embrace my faith, and to realize the power of prayer. Over forty years. (Makes me think of Moses.) That’s essentially half of my lifetime.

I often think about what I was doing for that first half of my life, how I was living, how I treated people, what my thoughts were, what I believed, and what I didn’t believe, and I wonder why it took God so long to open my eyes. Then today, I read about St. John of God. Today is his memorial.

As a child, John was kidnapped (or ran away from home, depending on which text you read). He was at one time homeless, became a shepherd, then served in the army. In his early life, St. John of God turned away from the Lord, but he returned to God and received God’s mercy in his forties. The closing line of a reflection that I read about St. John of God is as follows; “He saw that in his early life, he had turned away from the Lord, and, moved to receive his mercy, John began his new commitment to love others in openness to God’s love.” St. John of God is the patron saint of Booksellers, Firefighters, Heart Patients, Hospitals, Nurses, Printers, and the Sick.

“He saw that in his early life, he had turned away from the Lord, and, moved to receive his mercy, John began his new commitment to love others in openness to God’s love.”
Reflection about St. John of God

Again, I am amazed at how God speaks to me in ways that He probably has all along, but I have been too distracted to hear Him. I have been thinking quite a bit about how long it has taken me to dig more deeply into my faith and wondering why it has taken so long for that journey to begin. And then I read about St. John of God and the fact that he was 40 when he returned to God.

Live in faith and hope, though it be in darkness, for in this darkness God protects the soul. Cast your care upon God for you are His and He will not forget you. Do not think that He is leaving you alone, for that would be to wrong Him.
John of the Cross

What I am realizing through all of this is that: 1. it is never too late to begin your journey of faith, 2. it doesn’t matter what your past has been like; God is waiting for you to return to Him, 3. you have to be open to God in order to hear Him, 4. prayer is very powerful, and you don’t realize how powerful until you actually start praying, 5. everything happens in God’s time, not ours.

In sorrow and suffering, go straight to God with confidence, and you will be strengthened, enlightened and instructed.
John of the Cross

No matter where you are on your journey of faith, maybe you haven’t even begun; just remember, it is never too late. God is waiting for you to reach out to Him, to talk to Him, and to listen to Him…whenever you are ready.

So today, reach out and be open to having God in your life. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

Apathetic Christian

It has taken me a long time to get to a place in life where my faith is active, not passive. To a place where my faith is not just a part of daily activities but an integral part of who I am. There was a time when that wasn’t the case. There was a time when my faith wasn’t just passive; my faith was non-existent. Let’s face it, while I claimed to be Catholic; I was nothing more than an apathetic Christian. I was Catholic; I was Christian in name only. I had no prayer life. My actions certainly did glorify God. I went through the motions of being Catholic by attending mass. But I didn’t get it. I didn’t trust God; heck, I wasn’t even sure if there was a God. I was questioning, and because of that, I didn’t have a relationship with God. I didn’t even know what that meant to have a relationship with God. I wanted to trust, to have a real relationship with God, but I didn’t know how. I was, at best, an apathetic Christian and, at worst, a fallen-away Catholic.

Sometimes your relationship (or lack thereof) with God seems isolated and lonely.

Don’t get me wrong, I believed in God. There was a time when I thought myself an agnostic, but those days had passed. I was at a place where I did believe in God; I just didn’t understand God and certainly didn’t think he had time for me in my infinitesimal smallness of our vast world. Who was I that God should care for me?

I had read most of the bible; I grew up attending Catholic Schools, but I was disconnected. I didn’t get it. And I went through the motions hoping that something would click during mass. It never did. I waited for my Ah-Ha! Moment, but it didn’t come. But I worked for faith-based organizations, so I continued the charade, attending mass with co-workers, and going on retreats, thinking that eventually, there would be some grand revelation. This was my passive faith phase. I was in this phase for decades of my life. During that time, there was no insight or discovery. There was no “Yeah, that’s it!” or “Now I get it.” Moment. There was just me, struggling to figure it out and wondering how those who had figured it out did that.

It wasn’t until I started spending time with the Franciscan Sisters, TOR. You see, they hired me. By the time they had hired me, I had gotten back into a rhythm in my faith, but it was still a superficial, passive, apathetic kind of faith. But that is really what I thought it was supposed to be. I had no idea that a relationship with God could be more, so much more. I didn’t understand that God desperately wanted to be a part of my life. But in order for that to happen, I had to invite Him. I had to be open to His love and friendship. I had to make time for Him. I could not be apathetic or passive. If I wanted God in my life, I had to work at that relationship just like any other relationship that I have.

Yes, it is work. Yes, it requires effort. Yes, you have to make time for it. And when you do, when you move from apathy to interest, from passivity to activity, from disconnection to connection, everything shifts. Your world changes. You change. When you make room for God, when you nurture that relationship and make it a priority, everything changes for the better. I only wish it didn’t take me so long to realize that.

Don’t say you’re too busy and you don’t have time. Trust me; I have tried that. You do. If you can scroll through social media, binge-watch a series, or go out for drinks with your friends, you can make time for God. That’s the apathy that I am talking about.

So today, replace apathy with action. Open yourself up to experience the love that God has for you. Take some time to be silent and listen to what God has been trying to share with you. Make time for God. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.

The Parable of the Sower

I have been reading the gospels that discuss the parable of the sower in Matthew, Mark and Luke. There is a lot packed into this parable. It says a lot about each of us as we can choose our own type of ground. Will we be rocky or shallow ground, will we be choked by weeds, or will we be rich and fertile soil? We decide how open we are going to be to God, and we choose if we are going to follow Jesus. This parable addresses everyone regardless of where they are in their faith journey and their relationship with God.

But rather than thinking about this parable from the perspective of the ground and the seed, I have begun to look at it from the perspective of the sower. The sower is not selective. He freely sowed his seeds, planting them in all places; on rocky paths, in shallow soil, amongst, the weeds, and on fertile ground. He didn’t pick and choose where he would place the seed. He was indiscriminate and he was generous. Think about that for a minute. Indiscriminate and generous, kind of like Jesus.

How indiscriminate are we in sharing kindness? How generous are we in showing love to one another? Or do we only show kindness to those who are kind to us? Are we compassionate to the strangers that we meet, particularly those who are in need? Or do we silently judge them and sneer at their current situation? Are we patient in situations that call for patience (traffic, the checkout line, dealing with family)? Or do we rush through everything in life, filled with self-importance and never having enough time? Do we love with the love of Christ, loving others regardless of who they are? Or do we only love those who are easy to love? We are called to be like Jesus, but are we?

My herb garden – one of my favorite things about summer

There are numerous opportunities throughout the day to share the love of God with others. These are opportunities for us, as common everyday people, to evangelize, to be Christ to others. But we all too often miss those opportunities. We are so busy looking inward that we miss what is around us. We miss the opportunity to show kindness to be compassion, to be examples of Christ’s love in a broken world.

We are both the soil and the sower. Maybe today, we can be better sowers and spread the seeds of love and kindness everywhere, indiscriminate about where and with whom we share these gifts. And today, please pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.