Tag: #mammogram

Praise You in this Storm

I attended the Casting Crowns show in Wheeling, WV on Saturday March 7, 2020 with my husband.  It was my first Christian concert.  

We kind of decided last minute to attend.  I had marked the event as “interested” on Facebook a couple of months earlier but never committed to purchase tickets. Then on Friday February 28th, we made the decision to go.  We also made the decision to purchase the VIP tickets, having no real idea of what the VIP tickets included.  

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when we arrived and were ushered into a Q&A session and were able to sit right in the front row.  I enjoyed how the band shared their stories, interacted with audience, and encouraged people to share how the band’s music or a particular song has influenced them.  

A lot of people shared, and it was wonderful to hear their stories. I am not one for publicly sharing those types of things, so I declined to participate. But I am pretty good at sharing things in writing, and I have been reflecting on that show and that entire evening. (Matthew West was the opening act and he was very inspiring as well)

If you have read any of my previous posts, you likely know that I was born and raised Catholic, having attended Catholic grade school, high school and college.  I have spent most of my career working for Catholic organization.  However, I was not really a practicing Catholic.  In fact, I had fallen away from organized religion in the later part of my high school career.  In college, my beliefs and practices really didn’t matter.  Although I attended a small Catholic college, it was quite liberal and there was no real emphasis on faith.  

A few years after graduation, I was hired by a Catholic university.  So, I faked it.  I pretended to be a practicing Catholic; I would periodically attend a Sunday service just so people would see me. I would feign involvement in conferences and events and attend retreats and workshops.  I did it, but I didn’t really enjoy it and I didn’t really believe it.  It was all a facade. I lived like that for the better part of 25 years.

Jump ahead to December 2015, I was offered a job with a community of religious sisters.  It was the first time in my life I really felt that God was calling me to something.  And I truly could not explain it because I did not have any kind of relationship with Him.  But I accepted it.  Accepting that position eventually changed my life, not just my prayer life and faith life, but everything.  It changed my relationship with God.  

Now don’t get me wrong, it didn’t happen all at once.  It wasn’t like flipping a switch.  It was gradual, over the course of a few years.  And it was little things that helped to bring me back, that helped me find my way back to God, back to prayer, back to my faith.  And I honestly loved my job with those sisters.  

So, when I lost my job in May of 2019, I was a little blindsided.  I really didn’t see it coming, and I could not understand why God would do such a thing right at that moment. I was unemployed.  I don’t think I have even been unemployed. That is when I first heard the song Praise You in This Storm.  

I asked Alexa to play praise and worship music and this was the first song that came on. It just struck me immediately. I think I may have cried (please don’t tell anybody).  I had no idea what God was doing in my life, but He knew.  I just needed to trust Him.

The entire year of 2019 was challenging.  My father had passed away in 2018.  At the beginning of 2019, a good friend from college died after a short bout with glioblastoma. It was surprising to say the least. And it left me wondering “why?” Then I began going through a series of tests for heart and breathing issues which the doctors could not understand.  My blood pressure and resting heart were extremely elevated, and I was constantly short of breath.  The tests spanned several months and included EKG’s, cardiac stress tests, cardiac catheterization, CT scans, etc.  You name it, they did it.  Everything was normal, my heart was in excellent condition and blood oxygen was at 100%. Then I got a call that there were some concerns with the CT scan, not with regard to my heart, but to some “spots” that had shown up in my right lung and right breast.  I began seeing a pulmonologist (who said it was nothing to be concerned about) and I was ordered to have another mammogram.  

By this time, it was October.  I had recently had a mammogram in late April which revealed nothing remarkable.  They wanted another one, just to be safe.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 6th.   The song Praise You in This Storm took on a whole new meaning.

I am finding that in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, it as taken on yet another new meaning.  We are dealing with chaos and uncertainty.  There is concern and even worry, but the Bible tells us; “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for al that he has done.” Philippians 4:6.

I am currently reading The Fifth Mountain by Paul Coehlo (as well as a few other books) and this passage struck me:

“Everything will happen as was written by the Lord. There are moments when tribulations occur in our lives, and we cannot avoid them. But they are for some reason.”

“What Reason?”

“That is the question we cannot answer before or even during the trials. Only when we have overcome them do we understand why they were there.”

The Fifth Mountain, Paul Coelho

That is where we are right now. So today, Praise God, even (or maybe especially) during this crazy storm, these unsettling times and this unsure future. He is in control and He has a greater plan. He is waiting for us to turn to Him, to put our trust and our faith in Him; we have shut Him out for far too long. “Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and rich in kindness; and he relents from doing harm.” Joel 2:13.

Please pray for all of those who are working to battle this pandemic, those who are serving the ones who are afflicted with the virus, and those who are battling the virus as well as their families. And please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Birthdays, Doctors and Cancer

I never imagined that at the age of 47, I would have so many doctors. I have primary care physician. That one makes sense, everybody should have a PCP. I have an OBY/GYN. That makes sense too, being a woman and all. But I also have an orthopedic surgeon, who I have seen far too often. I guess that’s because I am active and work out. I have had Achilles tendon surgery and have had to see him for shoulder and rotator cuff issues. Fortunately, I haven’t had to see him in a while. I have a podiatrist. Really at the age of 47 I need a foot doctor? I have one. I have a hand specialist too! I also have a cardiologist and a pulmonologist. Who knew that once I hit 45, I would have a need for all of these doctors.

Yesterday, I got to add another doctor to my ever growing list – well two actually. Yesterday was also my stepson’s 30th birthday, so it was kind of a big day. The 30th birthday, that’s kind of a turning point in everyone’s life. I mean at 30, you really are a full-fledged adult. So November 6th has always been a day that I remember. But yesterday, that date became a day that I will now remember for other reasons. November 6th was the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I got to add Oncologist and General/Breast Surgeon to my ever growing list of doctors.

Let’s just say that I didn’t think that I had breast cancer. I just haven’t really felt right the past several months, (since around March). Just kind of fatigued, short of breath, just not myself. That is how this journey began, with the PA/NP at my PCP, who referred me the cardiologist and things just progressed from there. It had absolutely nothing to do with my breasts!

I mean I had found a lump, just a few weeks ago but to me that was normal because I have fiber-cystic breasts. It really wasn’t a big deal. I have had lumps before. And I just had a mammogram at the end of April. The results were fine. Less than a week after I found the lump, I had a CT scan and there were some concerns when the results came back. And it was the PA/NP from the cardiologist’s office who had the greatest concern and ordered another mammogram and ultrasound. Those tests – the ultrasound in particular indicated an anomaly. They wanted to do a biopsy. Okay, this is just precautionary, better to be safe than sorry. That was done on Monday November 4th. I wasn’t supposed to get my results until tomorrow.

The PA/NP from cardiologist’s office is wonderful. She calls me after hours, texts me, and checks on me. She had asked me to check-in with her after the biopsy. Well, I didn’t check in with her until Tuesday evening. I wanted to let her know that it had been done and that I was sore and uncomfortable – it was worse the day after. We exchanged some texts. She has been very supportive and helpful and seems more like a friend that my health professional. She sent me a text later in the evening and asked me to stop in the office in the morning. Initially, I thought she just wanted to check the incision because I had kind of been complaining about it in our texts.

That wasn’t why she wanted to see me.  She had gotten the pathology report about an hour or so after we exchanged our texts on Tuesday night. She didn’t want me to have to wait until Friday.  She didn’t want me to have to endure the weekend without any answers.  She wanted me to see an oncologist immediately and know exactly what I was facing and what my options were. 

When she walked into the office, I knew immediately. To be honest, I actually sensed it the night before. Actually, I just had feeling about all of it, even before the mammogram, etc. I kind of knew when the CT results came back and they needed to run more tests. I guess I really knew I had cancer before I knew I had cancer. I just didn’t know what kind of cancer; and I certainly didn’t think it was breast cancer.

But I have breast cancer. And I have been talking to God about all of this, even before the diagnosis, trying to figure out what it is He is trying to show me or teach me through all of this. I think one thing is that I need to rely on Him and others more; to ask other people for help and not try to take this on all on my own. As my sister pointed out to me, she said, “I know you’re a private person…but you may need some help.” I am not great at asking for help or sharing anything that is personal or private – especially when it comes to how I feel. I know I have wonderful family who are there for me, not to mention an amazing husband and son who have been an incredible support over the past 24 hours. (my diagnosis is just over 24 hours old).

And while I have breast cancer, I also have my faith and God will give me the strength and the resources to get through this. He has already given me my family and my friends to support me. He has given me amazing health care professionals who have called to check on me and gone above and beyond to get me what I need. (The PA/NP from my PCP called me yesterday afternoon.) He has given me my TOR Sisters and my Crusader family who are praying for me. So, from where I stand, God has got me covered. No matter what lies ahead, I know something amazing will come out of this trial. Like my tattoo says “trust unto God and He will direct your path”. So today, please pray for me in a special way and I will continue to pray for you.