Tag: #2018

Living Within The Chaos

This memory came up today on my Facebook feed. It is crazy to look back and see where I was a year ago and just how things have progressed since then. This post, from exactly a year ago, couldn’t be any more true today. So I will live within the chaos and trust that God is good, all the time.

While flying to Atlanta today I was reading the book Girl, Wash Your Face. I got to the chapter, Other Peoples Kids Are So Much Cleaner. It’s funny how that was the chapter where I had left off several days earlier. The whole chapter is about accepting the craziness of your life, living within the busyness of your life, embracing your own chaos.

This chapter could not have been more appropriate as I settled into my seat on my flight to Atlanta. Life, especially over the past year, has been crazy. 2018 was tumultuous and I had been looking forward to a more peaceful 2019. That peacefulness was shattered the second day into the new year.

2019 has already had a number of ups and downs and we are not even out of the first month. None of which I have had any type of control over. I like control, I like to be in control of my life, my plans, my schedule, my surroundings, everything. Control and I are close friends. I wouldn’t say I’m a control freak, but maybe others would disagree.

Today began much the same way as 2019 had started. My original flight was delayed, then it was changed. I was rerouted from New York to Atlanta. However my luggage was still sent to New York. Exactly what could I do about any of this? The answer is live within the chaos, accept it for what it is and adjust as needed. Getting angry and upset and letting the frustration of these turn of events ruin my day would not be of any help. Yes, it’s inconvenient. But nobody is sick, nobody is dying, nobody is stranded, cold or hungry. In the grand scheme of things, this really is no big deal.

So today (and hopefully everyday after) I will embrace the chaos. I will accept that I am not in control of everything, in fact I am learning that I am in control of very little. And in those stressful, frustrating moments I will stop and thank God for all that is good in my life and trust that He is in control.

And somehow today, my luggage arrived in Houston on a flight from LaGuardia just 10 minutes after I did. God is good. All the time.

It was ironic to read this first thing this morning. In a way, I am in the exact same place I was last year at this time, it just looks a little different now. I am less than two weeks away from surgery and I just need to remember that things are never as bleak as they might seem. And I am not in control.

The reverend mother used to tell me not to worry, that God is in control. She would point to the heavens and say “He’s in charge”; so I will just trust that God has got my back. He will take care of everything. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Joy Begins With Thanks

I am in Louisiana. When I travel, I rarely sleep well. Last night was no exception. I awoke no fewer than half a dozen times, and actually had the same nightmare twice. I don’t really know what that means, but I will admit that it was a bit unnerving. And each time I woke up, I had difficulty falling back to sleep, be it a result of said nightmares or the fact that I had a million thoughts racing through my head.

So when my alarm went off this morning to get me up for mass, I was dazed and seriously considered just skipping it today. I mean I am traveling alone, certainly God has no expectation for me to drive to a church I don’t know in a town of which I am not familiar on a Wednesday morning. But I rolled out of bed, showered, got coffee, and went to mass.

I attended mass at St. Clement of Rome in Metairie, Louisiana today and I am so glad that I went. The readings have been from the Book of Jonah. Now I can’t say that I have really paid much attention to the Book of Jonah in the past, but right now, it’s really catching my attention. I mean, Jonah is really kind of jerk when you examine the readings. This is a guy who is mad because God is being merciful to the Ninevites. “Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry that God did not carry out the evil He threatened against Nineveh.” Wow!

The priest at St. Clement gave a wonderful homily on this reading today. He indicated Jonah was miserable and wanted everyone else to miserable with him. He was not grateful for all that Lord had done for him. He was so angry that God did not punish the Ninevites that had failed to see the mercy and grace that God had bestowed upon him as well. Father closed his homily by stating that “gratitude is the key to joy in this life.”

“Gratitude is the key to joy in this life”

-stated during the homily at St. Clement of Rome morning mass 10/9/19

So I don’t think it was any coincidence that when I left mass, I checked my “memories” of Facebook. Exactly one year ago this is what I wrote while traveling with the Reverend Mother in California.

I am wrapping up the book “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp, which I highly recommend. I am certain I will have finished it before this week ends. While reading this morning, I came across this one excerpt that has impacted me, “While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things because He knows that the feeling of joy begins with the action of thanksgiving.” Think about that for a moment and really let it sink in…joy begins with thanks.

Joy begins with thanks.

I have this quote written on a chalk board in my office that says “Before we ask God for anything, we must first thank Him for everything.” I wrote that down early in 2018, when my father was hospitalized and I discovered that my sister had cancer. The beginning of 2018 was a very trying time and I needed that reminder – to be thankful. It was a very difficult period and it was so easy to get angry and discouraged. I certainly didn’t see God’s plan or understand the purpose for those events. I needed to remind myself that I had so much for which to be grateful.

Watching a parent slowly die and knowing that there is nothing you can do about it makes you feel so helpless. Knowing that your sister is fighting a battle that you cannot comprehend makes you feel so small and insignificant. All I could do was pray. I prayed for healing and peace for my sister and I prayed for strength and recovery for my dad.

I remember the day I moved from praying for a full recovery for my dad to praying for a peaceful death. That was the hardest transition I think I may have ever made. I was trying desperately to find the goodness in his suffering. I was not in a place of thanksgiving. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was discouraged, I was questioning, I was depressed. It was not supposed to happen like this. But I continued to pray and in those moments of prayer, I felt a sense of peace, even if it was fleeting. Memories of wonderful times came rushing back to give me comfort.

One memory for which I am thankful, that very last game of gin that I got to play with my dad before he got so sick. It was a grudge match that went on forever. We played it on a hospital tray table at Trinity East where he was in rehab from his hip surgery. We talked and joked and laughed through the whole game. My mom was there too, which makes it even more special. It is a memory that I cherish and one of the last times that we really got to share quality time together.

While I miss him every day, I am thankful for all of the wonderful memories and all his sometimes humorous words of wisdom (especially when watching Wheel of Fortune – don’t buy a vowel, you dummy). And while my sister still has a long road ahead of her, I am grateful that she is on the road to recovery and has essentially beat cancer. But let’s be honest, cancer didn’t stand a chance because my sister is a bad ass.

Blessed Solanus Casey used to say “Thank God ahead of time.” I keep this in the forefront of everything. Today, take time to cherish those special memories that you hold deep in your heart and remember to thank God first. Gratitude is the path to joy. Thank you, Lord, for all that this day has in store.

Please Pray for me and I will continue to pray for you