Tag: #partnership

Disposable Society

I have been thinking a lot about marriage and abortion, particularly in relation to the Catholic Faith. The Catechism of the Catholic Church devotes an entire section to Matrimony. It is detailed in Part 2 Chapter 3 Article 7 if you would like to read it.
The opening statement says “the matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”

My Dad and me on my wedding day.

There are a lot of key points in that single statement – man and woman, partnership, whole life, and procreation. Unfortunately, many couples have not necessarily planned for a life-long commitment, but rather enter marriage with an attitude of if it works, it works. They lack fundamental communications skills (usually because of technology) and view much of their lives as “disposable”.

The same is true of pregnancy. Oftentimes, in today’s world, pregnancy is not viewed as a gift from God, but rather as something that needs to be dealt with because it is inconvenient. Unfortunately, we have normalized abortion in our country. And there are far too many “Catholics” who are pro-choice.

So let’s look at what the Catechism says about that; “Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. From the first moment of existence, a human being must be recognized as having the rights of a person – among which is the inviolable right of every innocent being to life.”

Again, a lot of key points in that paragraph – but the first sentence really states it all. Ironic that so many people who “preach” about respect are the very same people who advocate murder and try to justify it by denying science. These people claim to want justice and equality all while perpetrating the moral evil of abortion on the most helpless and defenseless.

We live in a disposable society. If you don’t like something or if it offends you, simply get rid of it or force it to change (rather than change yourself). This is acceptable, in fact, it is encouraged. This is true for everything. Think about it, don’t like the way a school is run, force the school to change its policies (or remove its statues, cover up its murals, etc.). Aren’t satisfied with your job, simply leave with no notice and no other opportunities simply because you aren’t happy. Maybe even file a lawsuit because you have conceived some injustice from that employer, and it is their fault that you are now unemployed. It is true with everything. You get a puppy for your child for Christmas but find out it is far too much work. Take him to shelter and leave him.

Two of my four rescue dogs playing in the yard.

What about marriage? I am not saying people should never get divorced, there are definite reasons why a marriage should and does end. I am talking about when marriage is entered into so nonchalantly, when people view it as disposable, with an attitude that “if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get a divorce.” That is not the intention of the sacrament. And what about pregnancy? You already know how I feel about this, but now it’s legal to terminate a “mistake” or an “accident” as long as it is done within the womb, in most cases. We have become so desensitized that in some cases, the child can be murdered after birth. And if the abortion is botched and the child is somehow born alive, some healthcare providers (and I use that term loosely) will refuse to provide medical attention to a suffering infant. This is the most helpless in our society, and rather than nurture and protect life, we kill it. Rather than see it as the gift that it is, we mutilate, torture, and destroy a child because it is inconvenient. And we justify it by saying it is not human. We deny science because the truth is inconvenient. Again, placing more value on feelings rather than facts. We live in a disposable society. You can get rid of anything.

But the biggest misconception within marriage is that God doesn’t need to be a part of the marriage. If I am being honest, when I was in my 20’s and going through the pre-cana classes, I thought the very same thing. “What does God have to do with my marriage”. What I actually thought was “What does God have to do with my life?” The answer is everything.

We have been married for almost 27 years

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that until relatively recently. And we are now seeing the ramifications of God’s absence in our world. But He does need to be a part of our lives, in fact, He should be the center of it (I am still working on that part). We have removed God from almost every aspect of our lives in a country that was founded on Christian principles. Ironic, isn’t it? I truly believe that is the root cause of all that is wrong in the world. We have shut God out and we need to invite Him back in.

So today, make God part of your day even if it’s just a small part, and try to make Him a part of your day every day. Together we (you, me, and God) can begin to change our “disposable” world and shed a little bit of light in this dark place. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Humble, Grateful, Blessed

Exactly one week ago, I had shoulder surgery. In fact, it was scheduled at 10:40am, as I am typing this, it is 10:38am.

Surgery began 168 hours ago. In the past 168 hours, 2.5 of those hours were spent in surgery and recovery and another hour in travel back home. Once I arrived home from surgery, I spent the next 48 hours lying on the sofa in some serious pain. The first night, I got virtually no sleep, the pain was so excruciating. I nearly cried. Tuesday was filled with brief hours of waking, but mostly with dozing, napping, and just generally being useless.

My lovely slinged arm

I did finally rouse myself Wednesday morning to get on a conference call and answer some emails. To say it was difficult would be an understatement. I have limited use of my right arm, as I am in a perpetual sling. I happen to be right-handed. Trying to function with only my left hand has been met with minimal success. Wednesday was also the day that I was finally able to shower.

Jazz and Tux made sure I rested when I was left unattended

If you know me, you know I love cleanliness and thoroughly appreciate my daily shower (usually two). So not being able to shower for a couple of days was truly challenging. The bright side was, I felt so awful that I really didn’t want to shower. Honestly, I didn’t even want to move.

Once Wednesday arrived, I could not wait to jump in the shower. Here, in lies the problem. I cannot shower, I cannot get ready to shower, without some assistance. Actually, without a lot of assistance. The sling that I must wear, at all times, except for bathing and exercises, requires someone to help me put it on and take it off. And that is just the first challenge. Then there is the struggle of getting my shirt on and off. I have a very limited range of motion with my right arm. I feel truly helpless. I need someone to help dress and undress me. My husband, who has been my sole source of assistance, seems to like the latter task. I am truly grateful that he has been here to assist me as I recover from surgery.

My one adventure out of the house. I moved my sofa to my son’s sofa

This recovery is taking longer than I had hoped. I knew it was going to be painful. I knew the recovery was lengthy. I knew I would need help with a lot of different things. I completely underestimated that walking would cause pain in my shoulder and arm. I overlooked that sleeping well would be a challenge, particularly while wearing a cumbersome sling. I neglected to realize that eating would be more difficult, that making a cup of coffee would be a huge task and that wearing anything other than sweatpants would require an additional half an hour every time I ventured to the bathroom. I did not think about not being able to shave my legs. Brushing my teeth even takes more time. I failed to understand that I would not be able to carry much of anything and that typing would be a painful task. And I cannot drive. What I failed to really truly understand was that I would need help. Lots of it. I have never felt more useless in my life.

I have been reading a lot.

I’m not really good at asking for help. I am an independent and self-reliant woman. And now I am at the mercy of my family, dependent on my husband for just about everything. Yeah, it is difficult. Yeah, it is humbling. And yeah, God is using it to help me grow. To teach me trust. To make me rely more on others. To show me how to ask for help. But it is also growing my relationship with Him, teaching me to trust Him more and lean into Him when I need support and rest. It is also helping me recognize all of the gifts and blessings in my life and is reinforcing my sense of gratitude for all of those who have helped me during this recovery, particularly my husband.

We have been together for almost 30 years and have been married for nearly 27 of those years. When people are together that long, they tend to take each other for granted. But through this little setback, I am reminded of what a blessing he is to me (and so many others) and I am grateful for our marriage and partnership. He has done all of the heavy lifting and handled all of the responsibilities this past week. I am fortunate that he willingly takes such good care of me. From sleepless nights and complaints about pain and discomfort to helping me shower and dress, I am humbled and grateful that God has put him in my life and that together, we pursue a deeper relationship and a deeper reliance on God.

My husband and my dog…two of the three men in my life.

So today, be humble enough to ask for help when you need it and be grateful for the people that God has placed in your life and the blessings that He showers upon you. And today, please pray for me and I will pray for you.