Tag: #OSU

Heart of a Miracle

I’m not sure how many people celebrate their birthdays by scheduling outpatient surgeries. I’m also not sure how many people who have scheduled outpatient surgeries on their birthday have had complications, thus making a 2-hour outpatient surgery an over 5-hour inpatient admission to the hospital. Said hospital also happened to be located 2.5 hours away from my residence, thus complicating matters a bit more for my family.

This was how we celebrated the evening before surgery

It definitely was not how I was expecting to spend my 49th birthday. I had fully expected that my husband and I would be home bound from the surgery in Columbus, Ohio by midafternoon on the same day of the surgery. I was the first surgery of the day; it was a routine surgery. So yes, I had some expectations about the outcome. I was so certain of this (maybe so optimistic would be a better statement), that I made plans for the rest of the week. I had actually scheduled a hair appointment for the following day along with a business call.

Needless to say, I was greatly surprised when I woke up in the recovery room, asked what time it was and was told 4:35pm. My surgery had commenced promptly at 7:30am. I remember saying that they needed to release me because we had a long drive home. That’s when they told me I was being admitted. Wait, what? Admitted? Why? Those were the thoughts I had before I fell back to sleep.

I finally got a room

When I awoke about 30 minutes later, I asked those very questions. The very kind nurse in recovery explained in detail what had transpired and the surgery that was necessary. The pain that I was now experiencing told me that I didn’t need to go home. In fact, by then I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to see my husband (whom I could not see in recovery because of COVID) and be admitted to a hospital room. What I really wanted was pain killers and sleep.

I was still quite groggy when they finally had a room prepared for me. It was after 5:30pm and I was the last patient wheeled out of recovery. I remember making a comment about shutting the place down. That was fun when I was in college, shutting down a bar for the night. It has a totally different, not so fun context, when closing down the recovery room in a hospital.

They finally got me to my room (990-A) where my husband was waiting for me. I get a little teary eyed even typing that. We have been through so much over the past year and a half, and I keep coming up with new challenges for us. (I have had four different surgeries in just over one year). But he is always right there standing by me and taking care of me when I can’t take care of myself. I was inpatient for three days and he made the over 5 hour round trip commute to spend time with me, to sit on the edge of my bed, to help me get around, to hold my hand, and to watch the limited offerings on the hospital television. (We watched a lot of Golden Girls reruns, and Forged in Fire when it was available)

My assortment of beverages for my liquid diet.

I have been home from the hospital for just over a week. While the first few days were rough, really rough, (I broke down last Saturday morning because it just hurt so bad) things are improving each day. Now that he has gone back to work, I have a lot of time to myself and will continue to do so as my full recovery is 6-8 weeks. But I fill my days with some work from home (usually first thing in the morning when I am the sharpest), reading (I just finished Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life), and watching television (I have taken to watching the entire series of Party of Five – from the mid/late 90’s – great show by the way). By late afternoon, I am exhausted and not worth much. Reading and watching television really wears you out.

A note from the best husband ever

The doctors had warned me that I would be fatigued, very fatigued. Well, me and fatigue don’t get along all that well. I’m active, I’m busy, I’m social, I’m energetic, I’m always on the go, but these days walking from the kitchen to the office with a cup of coffee takes its toll on me. And because I cannot do much it gives me plenty of time to think. Thinking is not always a good thing.

Therefore, I have been very pensive lately, reflecting on a number of different things. The list is endless, so I won’t bore you with it. And pensive sometimes makes me sad, and sadness sometimes makes me resentful. So the last couple of days have been a bit distressing for me and my escape is Party of Five. But, in the midst of Season Four, Charlie is diagnosed with cancer. So it has unleashed a whole other host of issues to think about.

I’m already up to Season Four

Well today while I was taking my shower, I decided to listen to the Party of Five soundtrack. To answer your question, yes, I was a big fan of the show when it was on TV. In fact, the nights that it aired I would not even answer the telephone during the show…I didn’t want to miss any of the plot.

But the soundtrack. There is a song by the BoDeans called Heart of a Miracle. Listening to that song made me realize all of the miracles that I have experienced since I first began feeling not so great about a month and a half ago. It was a miracle that I was referred to the best OBGYN at OSU. It was a miracle that he scheduled an appointment with me just one day after the referral. It was a miracle that he spent over 2 hours with me on my initial visit. It was a miracle that he scheduled surgery less than one week after my consultation. It was a miracle that my problem was discovered and treated at one of the top rated hospitals in the country by two of the top rated surgeons. It was a miracle that I was discharged after 3 days. It was a miracle that I was cleared for a normal diet just days after surgery. It is a miracle that I am recovering as well as I am.

But those aren’t the only miracles, there are hundreds of others from my mom and sister visiting me the day after I got home (my mom even brought me wedding soup and egg salad – she makes the best egg salad), to the phone calls, messages, texts and flowers I have received, to my boys taking care of me and making sure that I don’t do too much, to one of the principals stopping to visit with her son who happens to be a priest and who brought me communion, to reading books on the porch when its nice out, to cuddling with the dogs who have been my constant companions, to our chaplain who also brought me communion and stayed to visit, to everyone who continues to check up on me. Those, and a million other little instances like those, are the heart of a miracle and I am truly grateful.

The dogs and I spend a lot of time together, so I thought we should also watch Bolt while I recover.

So today, I just want to thank everyone who has been at the heart of a miracle in my life. I am grateful for your love, care, prayers, support, kindness, and friendship. And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

Cancer as a Blessing

The past few weeks have been a whirl wind of phone calls, doctor’s appointments, tests, meetings with medical professionals, paperwork, questionnaires, insurance inquiries, etc.  It has been quite overwhelming but it has also been extremely blessed. 

It is funny how a cancer diagnosis changes things.  I realize that is a gross understatement, and I am sure most people immediately think that it changes things in a negative way.  And while the initial diagnosis threw me for a loop and caused me to immediately focus on all of the things I had not yet done, all of the things still I wanted to do and on my family and how this was going to impact them, as the reality set in, so did the blessings. 

You see this year has been an intense series of ups and downs in my life.  A number of things have occurred which I had not been expecting and they have been peppered in throughout the entire year.  The year began with some really bad colds, which progressed into some other health concerns.  That was just the beginning.  Then I lost my job, wasn’t able to collect unemployment, and wasn’t really sure if I wanted to continue on my current career path. 

Cue the most supportive husband in the world.  He stepped up, taking on more consulting work, so that I could figure my stuff out.  He even encouraged me to consider some other options, asking “what would you do if you could anything you wanted?”  I could not answer that question. 

I have done fundraising and advancement work for over 20 years.  While it definitely has it challenges and can be draining, it is incredibly rewarding.  I love meeting people and hearing their stories, learning what they are passionate about, and building meaningful relationships.  I have gained so many friends through my work, I cannot imagine doing anything else.  And these are friendships that have continued even after the jobs have ended.  So when the opportunity came for me to return to my alma mater to lead their advancement efforts, I accepted the challenge. 

When I lost my job in May, I was sad, depressed and a little bitter.  I had truly loved that position and could not understand why God would take that joy from me.  I really didn’t get it and was really angry about the whole situation.  I had intended to retire from that position – that is how much I loved what I was doing and for whom I was working.  But God had other plans, other plans that I really didn’t understand until just a couple of weeks ago. 

I was offered my current position in June and began in July.  One of my first orders of business was to reconnect, re-engage and partner with our high school alumni.  So I made a phone call to a gentleman with whom my brother had graduated in an effort to plan a regional event and reach out to others.  That phone call resulted in connecting with others who would help plan the event. Eventually we had a dinner meeting to discuss options.  The reason I share all of this is that it is because of those interactions that I have formed new friendships (with my brother’s friends) that would not have otherwise occurred had it not been for losing my job and accepting my current position.

One of those friendships happens to be with a Nurse Practitioner with whom I shared my diagnosis.  After the initial diagnosis, I wasn’t able to get in to the Cleveland Clinic to get a second opinion, so I accepted that as a sign that I should just move forward with the initial plan of action for treatment.  When I shared my diagnosis with my friend, she encouraged me to get a second opinion.  And not just a second opinion but a second opinion from one of the leading cancer hospitals in the country, The James at OSU. I’ll admit that initially I was bit apprehensive.  I just wanted to trudge on through and take care of this “stuff” now.  But after much discussion with her and my husband, we decided that a second opinion was a good idea.  And had it not been for this new friendship, I would have never considered going to the The James nor would I have been able to schedule the appointments.  She did so much for me, and she probably doesn’t even realize it. 

This is why I say, God knew what He was doing back in April.  When I thought my life was completely unraveling, God was behind the scenes planning it all out.  I could go into great detail about how all of this unfolded to demonstrate just how God has worked through all of the things that I thought (at the time) were going to cause me to come undone.  About how the cancer was discovered, really through a fluke, about how friendships have grown out of this illness, about how people come into your life for a reason (and sometimes you might never know what that reason is), about how kindness spills out when you least expect it but need it the most, about each of the blessings that came from what I thought initially were curses.  There is so much I could share, but I won’t.  (That could actually become a book.) 

What I will tell you is that this cancer diagnosis, even with all of the still unknowns, has been a blessing.  A real blessing.  Who knew that it could be, I certainly didn’t think that before, but it really has been.  It has revealed to me all of the wonderful people in my life, it has shown me an incredible amount of love and kindness, it has formed new friendships and strengthen old relationships, it has taught me that I have everything I need, it has made me realize how much I actually take for granted and it has made me rely more on my faith and place my trust in God. 

In the first few days after my diagnosis, I was angry and depressed.  I couldn’t understand why God would now give me this.  I sat in the Father of Mercy Chapel at the Franciscan Sisters Monastery and asked God what He wanted from me.  I remember getting this impression that He wanted everything.  I didn’t understand what that meant which made me more angry, because I felt like I had been giving Him everything I had.  But now I think I realize that He just wants me to trust Him, completely.  So I am working on that – complete trust in God. 

A lot of times I think that looks like not getting our way, not getting what we want, but there is always a greater plan.  God has a greater plan for each of us, are we open to His plan?  Today, be open to God’s plan for your life, even when it is dressed as a struggle and looks painful.  Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.