The past few weeks have been a whirl wind of phone calls, doctor’s appointments, tests, meetings with medical professionals, paperwork, questionnaires, insurance inquiries, etc. It has been quite overwhelming but it has also been extremely blessed.
It is funny how a cancer diagnosis changes things. I realize that is a gross understatement, and I am sure most people immediately think that it changes things in a negative way. And while the initial diagnosis threw me for a loop and caused me to immediately focus on all of the things I had not yet done, all of the things still I wanted to do and on my family and how this was going to impact them, as the reality set in, so did the blessings.
You see this year has been an intense series of ups and downs in my life. A number of things have occurred which I had not been expecting and they have been peppered in throughout the entire year. The year began with some really bad colds, which progressed into some other health concerns. That was just the beginning. Then I lost my job, wasn’t able to collect unemployment, and wasn’t really sure if I wanted to continue on my current career path.
Cue the most supportive husband in the world. He stepped up, taking on more consulting work, so that I could figure my stuff out. He even encouraged me to consider some other options, asking “what would you do if you could anything you wanted?” I could not answer that question.
I have done fundraising and advancement work for over 20 years. While it definitely has it challenges and can be draining, it is incredibly rewarding. I love meeting people and hearing their stories, learning what they are passionate about, and building meaningful relationships. I have gained so many friends through my work, I cannot imagine doing anything else. And these are friendships that have continued even after the jobs have ended. So when the opportunity came for me to return to my alma mater to lead their advancement efforts, I accepted the challenge.
When I lost my job in May, I was sad, depressed and a little bitter. I had truly loved that position and could not understand why God would take that joy from me. I really didn’t get it and was really angry about the whole situation. I had intended to retire from that position – that is how much I loved what I was doing and for whom I was working. But God had other plans, other plans that I really didn’t understand until just a couple of weeks ago.
I was offered my current position in June and began in July. One of my first orders of business was to reconnect, re-engage and partner with our high school alumni. So I made a phone call to a gentleman with whom my brother had graduated in an effort to plan a regional event and reach out to others. That phone call resulted in connecting with others who would help plan the event. Eventually we had a dinner meeting to discuss options. The reason I share all of this is that it is because of those interactions that I have formed new friendships (with my brother’s friends) that would not have otherwise occurred had it not been for losing my job and accepting my current position.
One of those friendships happens to be with a Nurse Practitioner with whom I shared my diagnosis. After the initial diagnosis, I wasn’t able to get in to the Cleveland Clinic to get a second opinion, so I accepted that as a sign that I should just move forward with the initial plan of action for treatment. When I shared my diagnosis with my friend, she encouraged me to get a second opinion. And not just a second opinion but a second opinion from one of the leading cancer hospitals in the country, The James at OSU. I’ll admit that initially I was bit apprehensive. I just wanted to trudge on through and take care of this “stuff” now. But after much discussion with her and my husband, we decided that a second opinion was a good idea. And had it not been for this new friendship, I would have never considered going to the The James nor would I have been able to schedule the appointments. She did so much for me, and she probably doesn’t even realize it.
This is why I say, God knew what He was doing back in April. When I thought my life was completely unraveling, God was behind the scenes planning it all out. I could go into great detail about how all of this unfolded to demonstrate just how God has worked through all of the things that I thought (at the time) were going to cause me to come undone. About how the cancer was discovered, really through a fluke, about how friendships have grown out of this illness, about how people come into your life for a reason (and sometimes you might never know what that reason is), about how kindness spills out when you least expect it but need it the most, about each of the blessings that came from what I thought initially were curses. There is so much I could share, but I won’t. (That could actually become a book.)
What I will tell you is that this cancer diagnosis, even with all of the still unknowns, has been a blessing. A real blessing. Who knew that it could be, I certainly didn’t think that before, but it really has been. It has revealed to me all of the wonderful people in my life, it has shown me an incredible amount of love and kindness, it has formed new friendships and strengthen old relationships, it has taught me that I have everything I need, it has made me realize how much I actually take for granted and it has made me rely more on my faith and place my trust in God.
In the first few days after my diagnosis, I was angry and depressed. I couldn’t understand why God would now give me this. I sat in the Father of Mercy Chapel at the Franciscan Sisters Monastery and asked God what He wanted from me. I remember getting this impression that He wanted everything. I didn’t understand what that meant which made me more angry, because I felt like I had been giving Him everything I had. But now I think I realize that He just wants me to trust Him, completely. So I am working on that – complete trust in God.
A lot of times I think that looks like not getting our way, not getting what we want, but there is always a greater plan. God has a greater plan for each of us, are we open to His plan? Today, be open to God’s plan for your life, even when it is dressed as a struggle and looks painful. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith 