People will fail you. Throughout your lifetime, every person with whom you are close will fall short in your eyes in some way. This includes your mother and father, sisters and brothers, husbands and wives, sons and daughters, friends and coworkers, priests, pastors, and religious, even acquaintances. Bob Marley is quoted as saying, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” Everyone. I believe that is 100% accurate.
I do not say this to be negative, crass, or judgmental. I say it simply because it is true. The sooner this fact is understood and accepted, the better our lives will be. You also need to realize that you play a big role in this equation. You are part of the reason people will fail you. In most cases, you are the very reason that people disappoint you.
We are human, all of us. And we are all different. Some of us are empathetic (I generally am not), some of us are compassionate (I probably fall short there too), some of us are sympathetic, some of us are generous, some of us are kind, some of us are sentimental, some of us are carefree, some of us are thoughtful; some of us are understanding, and the list goes on. Everyone has a unique personality; we all react to and handle situations differently.
There are hundreds of different tests you can take to help identify your personality type, behavioral profile, or how you respond to stimulus. There are personality tests (like Myers-Briggs), predictive index assessments that determine your work style and how you interact with others, and tests that can tell you how you give and receive love (The 5 Love Languages). All of these tests are geared at giving us a better understanding of who we are and how we operate.
These are wonderful tools for learning about ourselves. But no matter how much we learn about our personal qualities, our characteristics, and our behaviors, we all inevitably create expectations for ourselves and others. So, what about expectations?
We often have great expectations about people, more specifically people who are close to us. This can include how they should react to a circumstance, what they should say in response to a conversation, or how they should behave in a specific situation. These expectations leave us wondering why someone did not say something that we needed to hear or do something that we would have done if we were in their shoes. Expecting something to happen will not make it happen. When reality does not meet our expectations, we are left wondering why. Therefore, expectations can lead to disappointment.
Listen to the 1993 hit song Hey Jealousy, by the Gin Blossoms. There is a great line in that song, “if you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” We can learn so much from that one line.
There is also a saying that goes, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” We tend to harbor resentment when someone does not live up to our expectations. Expectations are the root cause of why people fail you. Expectations lead to disappointment. Expectations can kill relationships. Expectations.
While I try not to have expectations of people, I fail daily. I have to remind myself that expectations rarely have positive outcomes. They lead to hurt feelings, anger, frustration, disillusionment, and bitterness. Eventually you are going to be let down. Eventually you are going to let someone else down, all because of expectations.
You know who does not have expectations? God. Nothing you do will ever surprise God. You can never let Him down. He will never be angry at you or wish that you did something differently. God will just love you. Incidentally, dogs are the very same way (Is it a coincidence that God spelled backwards is dog? I think not.)
So today, let go of expectations. Turn your attention to God when those anticipated outcomes begin to fill your head and ask Him for grace, patience, and understanding. Maybe adopt a shelter dog too, you will not be disappointed (unless maybe you have some preconceived notions, i.e.. expectations). And today, please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
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