Blood Drives, Tattoos and Appreciating Your Own Journey

The American Red Cross was at the High School today for a blood drive, so I decided I would go and donate blood. I used to donate frequently, because my former employer often held blood drives at work. But it has been several years since I last donated. It was time to start again.

I arrived early, the second person in line to begin the process. I had to re-register because it had been so long. They checked my pulse, blood pressure and iron content and every looked great. Then it was time for the questionnaire. It was pretty simple and straightforward. Then there was the question asking if you had gotten a tattoo in the last 12 months.

Well, I have had a tattoo. It was done in January of this year. So I said yes, I have gotten a tattoo in the last 12 months. After I completed the questionnaire, the Red Cross worker came back and asked if I had any questions. I did. I had a question about the question about the tattoo. I told her I had gotten one and wondered what the ramifications were. She asked in what state I had gotten it, and I said Pennsylvania. Well that was it, now I could not donate blood. Had it been in done in Ohio or West Virginia, I could have. It has something to do with how the states regulate tattoo parlors. So I didn’t donate blood today.

And the woman was very nice about it, she told me I could come back in January and donate. But I informed her that I was getting another tattoo is December, in Pittsburgh – because that is where my tattoo artist is located, so that was out – again. I guess I am not meant to donate blood.

I was 45 years old when I got my first tattoo. I had toyed with the idea of getting a tattoo in my 20’s. My husband had tattoos, I thought they were cool, but I didn’t think they were fore me. Then some things in my life changed.

“A tattoo is a true poetic creation, and is always more than meets the eye. As a tattoo is grounded on living skin, so its essence emotes a poignancy unique to the mortal human condition.”

V. Vale, Modern Primitives: An Investigation of Contemporary Adornment and Ritual

My first tattoo was done on September 30, 2016. It is located on my left should blade/back. It is a compass with the words “Trust unto God and He shall direct your path.” I got it because for the first time in my life, I really put my trust in God. I believe I followed Him where He was trying to lead me. That tattoo commemorates beginning a new relationship with Christ and renewing my faith and trust in God.

Just over 1 year later, I got my second tattoo on October 1, 2017. It covers my right shoulder cap. I tend to live to in the past or focus on planning for the future. I am inclined to look at where I have been and what I have done to help plan where I want to go and what I need to do to get there. I have always done that. So sometimes, I really miss the present.

I asked the artist to design a clock face with the time 6:13pm on it surrounded by irises and the words “Be Here Now”. My son was born at 6:13pm. He was 16 when I got the tattoo and I was wondering where time had gone and what I had really missed by being so focused on everything but the present moment. My grandparents always had irises growing in their side yard. Irises have a special place in my heart. They also symbolize courage, wisdom, faith, and hope. The words “be here now”, inspired by my husband, remind me to live in the present. It is one of the most beautiful tattoos I have ever seen.

Five months after I got that tattoo, my father passed away. I wanted a tattoo to honor and remember him. There were specific words from his funeral mass that stuck with me. “For those who love you, Lord, death is not the end nor does it sever the bonds you forge in our lives.” Those words touched me deeply.

I have always loved the logo for the Franciscan Sisters TOR. It is an image of a woman at the foot of the crucified Christ. I have grown to love that image even more because of the influence and impact these sisters have had on my life. However, I was unsure how the community would feel about me getting their image tattooed on my skin. So I asked the Reverend Mother (who is not a big fan of tattoos). She was flattered by the request because she knows all of my tattoos mean something. I incorporate my Dad’s dates of birth and death and his signature. I combed through old cards and letters until I found his signature on a letter he sent me college, “Love Dad”. On May 22, 2018, I had the tattoo done on my right shoulder blade/back.

Everyone told me that tattoos were addictive. I did not believe them. I got my 4th tattoo in July 2018. I had decided in May that I wanted a new artist to do the next one. My husband had found the Gaelic phrase “Tada gan Iarracht” which means nothing without effort. I loved that phrase because it sums up so much about my life. Everything that is good in my life has come through concentrated effort.

I wanted to incorporate a shamrock and a Celtic knot into the tattoo. The shamrock represents the Trinity – The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. It represents my faith and ongoing conversion. I also wanted a Celtic Knot. Celtic knots are endless, symbolizing continuity and the infinite and eternal. I went with a version of the Celtic quaternary knot which has four sides. The four sides are said to be symbolic of directions (north, south, east, west), elements (earth, wind, fire, and water), seasons (spring, summer, fall, and winter) or the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John).

Immediately after that one, I knew I wanted an hourglass with a tree inside it, a swallow tail butterfly on the hourglass and the words Carpe Diem. The butterfly signifies transformation, resurrection and strength in vulnerability. The hourglass symbolizes the past and the future, life and death. For me it means that “old things have passed away; behold all things become new.” The tree represents strength. The roots are a connection to the past; the leaves represent growth and rebirth. Carpe Diem, reminds me to seize the day, make your life extraordinary. It complements “be here now” that is on my right shoulder cap. I had it done just a few months later.

And then came my sixth tattoo. I love Edgar Allen Poe. The poem “The Raven”, is one of my favorites. Ravens also fed Elijah in 1 Kings 17. I had my go-to artist in Pittsburgh design the entire thing. I wanted ravens, books and a candle. The ravens symbolize wisdom, the books symbolize knowledge, and the candle symbolizes spirituality and represents light over dark/good over evil. It was this tattoo that prevented me from donating blood today.

I never thought I would have a tattoo, let alone 6 within the span of a few years. And I am planning my 7th. Spoiler alert: it will be St. Michael the Archangel. But every tattoo means something and represents a part of my life. I am grateful to my husband for introducing me to the world of tattoo art and I have been fortunate to have had fantastic and talented artists who have done the work.

And I am always surprised when people find out that I have tattoos (none are visible from a professional standpoint), there is almost an attitude of “Oh, I didn’t know I was better than you” or “I didn’t realize you were __ (fill in the blank – trashy, rebellious, wild, crazy etc.)”. I am proud of my tattoos, my journey and what they represent for me.

One of the artists who did some of my work was once asked, what’s the weirdest tattoo you have ever done? The artist said that they could not answer that because tattoos mean something different to each person. A tattoo that one person might find undesirable may have a meaningful, sentimental significance to the owner. I like that answer. It made sense and made me greater appreciate everybody’s tattoos, everybody’s story, and everybody’s individual journey.

So today, don’t be so quick to judge people based on what you think you know about them, and remember that everybody has their own story and is on their own individual journey. Appreciate your own journey no matter how rocky, bumpy, crazy or scary it might seem; it will eventually lead you somewhere amazing. You might even want to get a tattoo to commemorate it. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

What Are You Afraid Of?

What are you afraid of? This question has been in my head for the past few days, well probably since Friday. I am not sure what prompted this question or why it came to mind. But it has been there.

Maybe because, as we are approaching Halloween, I tend to watch more shows about ghosts and haunted places than normal. Those shows tend to frighten me, temporarily, in so much that I don’t want to let the dogs out or go to the basement by myself at night. And I will never watch those shows when I am home alone. But I don’t really think that’s fear, I think that is simply over analyzing everything and an over active imagination based on what I have just seen.

So I really started to think about what I am afraid of and while I would love to say nothing, there are some things that do cause fear. I am not a big fan of heights. But I wouldn’t call it a fear, more of an uneasiness. I can be on the top floors of tall buildings, walk across bridges and look over, I did the Sky Walk at the Grand Canyon, and I actually want to try sky diving. I don’t care for crowds or confined spaces, but again that is not fear just preference. So maybe I don’t necessarily have fear maybe its more like worry. Because there are a number of things that concern me.

Yesterday was a beautiful fall day, so my husband and I decided to go for ride on our motorcycles. When we ride we have a communication device that allows us to talk to each other on our bikes. We were riding back roads taking in the gorgeous autumn scenery. My husband typically leads when we ride together so he was about 2 bike lengths ahead of me. We were talking about the beautiful day, the trees, the falling leaves, the general beauty of the landscape, and how much we were enjoying the day. As we were coming up route 213 just past Bell Chapel, a full-sized red pick-up truck was straddling the center line and the driver was on his cell phone. I saw him, and fortunately my husband saw him and was able to swerve out of the path of oncoming truck. It was an “oh, shit” moment. In fact, I am certain that I said that very statement more than few times in those few seconds. Then I immediately asked if he was okay. Thank God he saw the truck and had the presence of mind to swerve out his way, thus averting a fatality. Because that is exactly what it would have been, a fatality. Thank God.

As we rode on, I continued to think about that incident and what could have happened. What could have happened if I would have been leading? What could have happened if my husband didn’t see the truck? What could have happened if the driver had a different reaction and came farther over into our lane? What could have happened if this had occurred 100 yards sooner on the blind curve that we just rode through? What could have happened if…fill in the blank. And then I thanked God again, that none of those “what, if’s” happened.

That’s when the question, “What are you afraid of?” came back to mind. And I realized what I am not afraid of. I’m not afraid of dying myself, but losing my spouse, my son, my family members and those that I care about concerns me. I lost my father less than two years ago, and let me tell you that loss does not get easier with time. You just learn how to better deal with that empty space, but that pain never really leaves you – ever.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 25 years, so I really can’t imagine my life without him. We do everything together. And the fact that we came so close to something THAT catastrophic was eye-opening to say the least. But that led to other thoughts which stem from the “what, if” scenarios. I worry about how my family would handle my death (if something should happen to me) and how they would handle life after my death. I wouldn’t call it fear, but I would call it concern.

And as I thought about what I was afraid of, I thanked God – again, that I wouldn’t have to address those fears, those concerns, at least not today. Somebody was watching over us on that ride (Thank God). Was it our guardian angels? Was it our deceased family and friends? Was it St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers (we have St. Christopher medals sewn into our motorcycle jackets)? Was it God? Was it all of the above?

Then I realized that with faith, I don’t need to be afraid of anything. And it was almost as if God had been asking me what I was afraid of, because I didn’t – I don’t need to be afraid. I just need to be patient, have faith and trust in God.

Do not be afraid.

It is said that the phrase or some version of the phrase; “do not be afraid”, “fear not, or “have no fear”, appears 365 times in the Bible. I am not a Bible scholar, so I don’t know if that is true. But I do know that it is Bible numerous times. Here are few of my favorites:

Joshua 1:9 “I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go.”

Mark 5:36 “Do not be afraid; just have faith.”

Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

So today, rather than think about what you are afraid of, be not afraid. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.