What are you afraid of? This question has been in my head for the past few days, well probably since Friday. I am not sure what prompted this question or why it came to mind. But it has been there.
Maybe because, as we are approaching Halloween, I tend to watch more shows about ghosts and haunted places than normal. Those shows tend to frighten me, temporarily, in so much that I don’t want to let the dogs out or go to the basement by myself at night. And I will never watch those shows when I am home alone. But I don’t really think that’s fear, I think that is simply over analyzing everything and an over active imagination based on what I have just seen.
So I really started to think about what I am afraid of and while I would love to say nothing, there are some things that do cause fear. I am not a big fan of heights. But I wouldn’t call it a fear, more of an uneasiness. I can be on the top floors of tall buildings, walk across bridges and look over, I did the Sky Walk at the Grand Canyon, and I actually want to try sky diving. I don’t care for crowds or confined spaces, but again that is not fear just preference. So maybe I don’t necessarily have fear maybe its more like worry. Because there are a number of things that concern me.
Yesterday was a beautiful fall day, so my husband and I decided to go for ride on our motorcycles. When we ride we have a communication device that allows us to talk to each other on our bikes. We were riding back roads taking in the gorgeous autumn scenery. My husband typically leads when we ride together so he was about 2 bike lengths ahead of me. We were talking about the beautiful day, the trees, the falling leaves, the general beauty of the landscape, and how much we were enjoying the day. As we were coming up route 213 just past Bell Chapel, a full-sized red pick-up truck was straddling the center line and the driver was on his cell phone. I saw him, and fortunately my husband saw him and was able to swerve out of the path of oncoming truck. It was an “oh, shit” moment. In fact, I am certain that I said that very statement more than few times in those few seconds. Then I immediately asked if he was okay. Thank God he saw the truck and had the presence of mind to swerve out his way, thus averting a fatality. Because that is exactly what it would have been, a fatality. Thank God.
As we rode on, I continued to think about that incident and what could have happened. What could have happened if I would have been leading? What could have happened if my husband didn’t see the truck? What could have happened if the driver had a different reaction and came farther over into our lane? What could have happened if this had occurred 100 yards sooner on the blind curve that we just rode through? What could have happened if…fill in the blank. And then I thanked God again, that none of those “what, if’s” happened.
That’s when the question, “What are you afraid of?” came back to mind. And I realized what I am not afraid of. I’m not afraid of dying myself, but losing my spouse, my son, my family members and those that I care about concerns me. I lost my father less than two years ago, and let me tell you that loss does not get easier with time. You just learn how to better deal with that empty space, but that pain never really leaves you – ever.
My husband and I have been married for nearly 25 years, so I really can’t imagine my life without him. We do everything together. And the fact that we came so close to something THAT catastrophic was eye-opening to say the least. But that led to other thoughts which stem from the “what, if” scenarios. I worry about how my family would handle my death (if something should happen to me) and how they would handle life after my death. I wouldn’t call it fear, but I would call it concern.
And as I thought about what I was afraid of, I thanked God – again, that I wouldn’t have to address those fears, those concerns, at least not today. Somebody was watching over us on that ride (Thank God). Was it our guardian angels? Was it our deceased family and friends? Was it St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers (we have St. Christopher medals sewn into our motorcycle jackets)? Was it God? Was it all of the above?
Then I realized that with faith, I don’t need to be afraid of anything. And it was almost as if God had been asking me what I was afraid of, because I didn’t – I don’t need to be afraid. I just need to be patient, have faith and trust in God.
Do not be afraid.
It is said that the phrase or some version of the phrase; “do not be afraid”, “fear not, or “have no fear”, appears 365 times in the Bible. I am not a Bible scholar, so I don’t know if that is true. But I do know that it is Bible numerous times. Here are few of my favorites:
Joshua 1:9 “I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go.”
Mark 5:36 “Do not be afraid; just have faith.”
Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”
So today, rather than think about what you are afraid of, be not afraid. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.
Tattoos, Motorcycles, Beer, Bourbon and Faith 